You read that right. Grace is the magical missing piece. Showing yourself grace will change your life.
Bullshit calling has become kinda my thing. Call your bullshit, shine a light on what keeps you stuck, gain awareness of what is not working and change that shit.
Sounds simple right? If only.
Don’t get me wrong. Calling yours – mine – ours – bullshit is essential. But equally important is showing yourself grace. So much grace, you may feel like you are going backward for a bit – but I assure you – you aren't IF you are allowing yourself to get curious.
Let me set the scene:
You are committed to eating healthier. For real this time. You are not going to fuck it up. You have sworn yourself to only drink one night a week, absolutely no processed carbs until Friday, back to #cleaneating again Saturday morning. Hitting the gym at least four times a week and making dinner yourself like the healthy eating bad bitch you are.
Things start out excellent… then Thursday comes, you decide to have just one drink or one sliver of a brownie.
Next thing you know, you are elbow deep in a bag of pretzels and opening your fourth White Claw.
What the fuck happened? You fucked up? Failed again? Once again going to bed feeling bloated and full of remorse.
NOW – cause this scene isn't over – we move on to the next part of the ""I fucked up"" process: Shame, shit-talking, guilt, and then so-help-me-god-i-am-never-doing-this-again-for-real-this-time-starting-fresh-tomorrow (unless tomorrow is a weekend then fuck it BUT for real starting again Monday!)
We have all been caught in that cycle (very much raising my hand here. I was the QUEEN of starting again Monday).
If you are still reading, I am guessing you know it well too. I don't need to break down what the shame feels like.
It is awful. Raw, like you are looking at an open wound containing everything you hate about yourself, while feeling powerless, unable to change those things.
In those moments, shit-talking isn't what you need.
Neither is empty promises. Ones you have made to yourself over and over. Swearing this is the last time, you won't do it again, you will be better… next time. Always next time.
There is a way out of this cycle though. It is not through another diet, another cleanse, another Whole30, another commitment to eating clean, calorie counting, or whatever bullshit you are considering trying.
It is through grace.
Showing yourself so much grace, kindness, and compassion.
Grace is the way out because grace gives you something none of the above things ever will: ANSWERS.
Grace allows you to become curious. It creates space for questions allowing you to be an observer. Eventually, it will allow you to look at your bullshit from a place of unbiased examination, and from there, shit gets really cool.
This theme shows up a lot in client sessions – different women, bodies, goals, starting points, and desired ending points and still one common theme: feeling powerless over change.
If I had a dollar from every time I heard: "I need you to call my ""bullshit," I would be rich. Filthy fucking rich. But here is the thing – I never need to call anyone's bullshit. Not once in ten years working with women around their goals has it happened. What HAS happened is this: We find their sticking points, and from there, we examine why they happen with so much grace and curiosity, and they are finally able to start making meaningful lasting changes.
You don't need anyone to call your bullshit – you can do that yourself. But you probably could use some help walking through that bullshit, seeing it with clear, kind, unbiased eyes and support doing something that will feel utterly terrifying at first: Feeling your feelings.
You need to learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings, not run from them.
When you find yourself feeling defeated, deflated, and stuck, allow yourself to breathe and do something that will feel terrifying and hella uncomfortable: sit with those feelings. Feel them.
Don't try to numb them. Don't scroll or Netflix them away. Don't reach for more crunchy, salty snacks or another drink. Don't aim to be productive and channel that energy into anything else.
Sit with them.
Sit with yourself like you would sit with someone you love. Show yourself the same grace you would show your sister, daughter, or best friend.
Ask yourself the same questions you would ask them:
What happened?
What were you feeling before?
What emotions and feelings did you experience that day?
What emotions and feelings did you NOT let yourself feel that day? (spoiler alert- there is almost always something to examine here. Our past has a special way of fucking with us if we do not address it).
What can you do right now to feel better?
What can you do differently next time to avoid this happening again?
Because here is where the bullshit calling comes in: Showing yourself grace is the only way to properly address and release your bullshit.
That's my coaching hat-trick. I am not here to tough love you to death. I am here to take your hand and gently guide you through this process.
After dealing with my own shit and helping hundreds of women through theirs, I know one thing to be true: the missing link to change is never found in a diet, cleanse, or protocol. It is found through GRACE. Because grace allows for curiosity, and curiosity allows for change.