Ok, the title is clickbait. Motivation will never be anyone’s bitch because she is too slippery for anyone to hold onto too long enough to claim her. But that does not mean we cannot use her fleeting magic in our favor.
Before we get to making motivation work for you, we need to first fully understand what motivation is not.
Motivation is not dependable.
Motivation is not reliable.
Motivation is not consistent.
But. Motivation can be predictable IF we cajole it.
Motivation is tricky. People think that you need to wait around for it to arrive before you embark upon a new goal.
I call bullshit on that.
Waiting for motivation to get started is like waiting for someone to hand you your dream life. It is not going to happen. If you want something – you must get off your ass and work for it. Desired outcomes are followed by action – not waiting.
We know this logically. Have you ever heard anyone you admire tell you that one-day motivation came and their entire life changed? Fuck no. It doesn’t happen like that.
Motivation does not walk in your door, unannounced and uninvited, dragging you off the couch and into motion. Motivation needs to be invited - wined and dined - you must work to find it, let alone keep it.
Successful people do not wait for motivation, they know better. At some point in their lives they became so sick of their situation that they decide they cannot stand one more minute stuck in the pain caused by their bullshit, and they embraced the pain that will come with making their desired (often needed) changes.
No one credits motivation for changing their life. They credit action. Effort. Labor. Consistency. Determination. Resilience.
Motivation = a fairy tale
Action = result
Don’t get it twisted though, I am not saying motivation is useless. It’s not. Fairy tales are good for two things: impetus and inspiration.
Think back to the last time you felt motivated. What were you doing? Chances are, it was something completely unrelated to the motivation you felt.
I used to be overwhelmed with motivation to try to lose weight while I drank wine and ate snacks watching late-night reality TV on Bravo. Sometimes that familiar pang of inspiration still happens when I am scrolling through Instagram and see someone’s chiseled six-pack and think ya that would be nice to have. But I keep on eating my Cheez-Its…
Do you know how many times I have been pulled to the side of a party, asked questions about the gym, and been told I would see them on Monday? 2393.
Do you know how many times I actually did see them on Monday? Once.
I know what it is like to be completely motivated to start and do absolutely nothing with it. It sucks. Change will be challenging 100% of the time.
The problem is we are acutely aware of all the discomfort that will come from stepping into the changes that need to happen to bring us to our desired outcome, and we forget to consider the pain that will come from staying the same.
We know it will suck giving up our White Claws, white wine, red wine, and late-night bedtimes.
We know not hitting snooze and putting our feet on the ground when the alarm goes off will take Herculean resolve.
We know saying no to ourselves, and our desire to numb our hardships with alcohol and food will require us to sit with emotions and feelings we haven’t felt since middle school.
We know working out will mean getting sweaty on purpose, feeling sore, making weird sounds and faces, doing things we have never done in the presence of strangers…
I could keep going. I don’t need to though. Change will be hard 100% of the time.
But what about not changing? What does that look like?
We can keep the White Claws, white wine, red wine, late-night scrolling, tv watching, numbing… none of it adding real value to our lives.
We can keep hitting snooze. Rushing through our mornings. Starting the day off feeling stressed and overwhelmed before 8 o’clock. A fantastic way to start the day.
We can keep numbing. Ignoring and pushing back every uncomfortable emotion we feel. Returning to old vices over and over again because fuck it – you cannot teach an old dog new tricks.
We can keep feeling uncomfortable in our bodies, ignoring them as best we can while simultaneously thinking about them almost all the time. Pretend that we don’t have the time to do what we are made to do: to move.
When motivation comes, which isn’t motivation at all – it is inspiration – but allow our ego talk us out of it before we get started. We listen to the voice in our head that justifies our bullshit.
No time, no money, no idea where to start…
And we agree. We agree because we consider the pain of change and forget the pain of staying stuck.
The next time motivation (inspiration) strikes – act on it immediately if you want it to work for you. Do something – anything – to move the needle in the direction of your desired outcome.
Text a friend who goes to the gym and make them promise to pick you up and take them with you tomorrow. (I have honked the horn in driveways at 445 am in the past – I will gladly do it again)
Hide the rest of your wine. Move it to the garage. Get it out of your space.
Make a sample meal plan for the week. Start small, figure out when you will eat for breakfast, and take action right then to make sure it happens. Do a little bit of prep or push the eggs to the front of the fridge.
Go. To. Bed. (sleep doesn't solve all our problems, but I am convinced it takes care of at least 90% of them)
Move your charger and phone across the room so when your alarm goes off tomorrow morning, you have no choice but to stand up to turn it off.
Do something. Anything. Build self-efficacy and self-trust by showing up for yourself. Let yourself know that YOU are someone you can depend on.
Inspiration --> Action --> Self-Trust --> Motivation
When you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Act before your ego, and your lower self has the option to talk you out of it. That is how you become genuinely motivated.
You get ahead of your bullshit by acting, even in the smallest way, when inspiration happens.
When your ego starts popping off, telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t make that change, do that thing – tell it to fuck off.
Take a deep breath and consider what would happen if you didn’t make a change. If you continued exactly as you are, doing the same things, making the same choices… Would that make you proud? Would it bring you to a place you feel good about? Would it help you live a life that you feel actively involved in?
If the answer is no, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and remind yourself that you can do whatever you want. You simply have to decide to do it.
The magic of motivation happens when you get past your bullshit. When you start showing up for yourself, making choices that feel hard in the moment, but you know your future self will thank you for. One foot in front of the other, taking tiny steps forward, and before you know it, you will be running.
The choices that a few weeks ago felt incredibley hard will start happening effortlessly. Habits you feel good about will start falling into place. Changes ALWAYS mean changes, and those changes will start to pay off.
Make motivation your bitch by not needing it. Act. Let yourself know you have your best interest in mind. Let yourself know that you will do whatever it takes to make yourself proud.
Because motivation is funny like that – when you no longer need it, that is when it will show up at your door ready to dance.