nysportandfitness

What if you stay the same?

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 09 Jul 2022 11:29:38 GMT

I think a lot about fear.

Some of it is my work. Walking into the gym is scary. Starting a new fitness routine can feel daunting. Creating new, healthier habits often feels intimidating when we start considering all the things we will need to change, give up, and walk away from.

I hold space for those fears; I know what it is like to walk into the gym for the first time. I am no stranger to the sense of overwhelm felt when starting out creating any life change.

In some ways, hitting rock bottom is a good place to be. Feeling pushed into a corner like we cannot stand our mediocracy and bullshit for one more day is a powerful place to start.

I don’t want to say it is only up from there; that would be a lie, it usually isn’t. Taking a few steps forward only to fall a few steps back is part of the process for everyone.

That is not trying to shit on anyone’s journey, but it is important to be realistic. The beautiful thing with those fallbacks is the opportunity to learn they provide. We are only moving forward if we learn from our past mistakes. Failures do not exist when we are able to use them for what they are – feedback.

Rock bottom is powerful because it allows us to put our fear into perspective. From a place of being so completely fed up with our shit, we can consider what will happen if we stay the same - if we continue with our detrimental, damaging, harmful habits.

Considering those questions, the ones that being comfortable in our complacency and bullshit trick us into not asking – is fucking terrifying.

Where we go wrong with fear when it comes to making changes that will help us elevate our health, wellness and life is forgetting to consider what would happen if we stayed the same.

What would your life look like if you decided to keep doing exactly what you are doing, making zero changes and continuing on your way?

A year from now, what would your life FEEL like if you kept your current habits, behaviors, and beliefs?

If you were to make zero changes to how you treated and interacted with your physical being, would you be happy with where you were? Would you feel proud of the person you had become?

That dream you have – the goal you have been carrying around inside you are scared to move on because what if: What if the process is challenging (spoiler alert, it will be, but that is where the magic happens). What if you don’t know what to do? What if you fail?

(what if I fall? Oh my darling, but WHAT IF you fly…)

What if you never start. Never try. Never explore what would happen if you allowed yourself to be slightly uncomfortable in the name of your growth?

How would that feel, knowing you let your fear stand in the way of your dreams? Is that a legacy you are comfortable leaving? She had excellent ideas but what too scared to chase any of them….

Consider those questions – they will put your fear of starting in perspective because, yes, change is scary, but sometimes staying the same is what is truly terrifying.

New Beliefs = New Life

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 14:04:47 GMT

I used to smoke.

Marlboro Mental Ultra-Light 100's were my brand of choice. As if the ultra-light somehow negated the nicotine. Not that I cared back then; in some ways, smoking was good for me - not that smoking is good - don't come at me - smoking is trash, will kill you and is completely disgusting. But it was the only time I took to be alone with my thoughts.

This was before social media took over our p hones. When I was smoking, it was me, my ultra-light, and the thoughts swirling inside my head. I have never been good with sitting with myself, even worse at sitting with my bullshit – and back then, I had a lot of bullshit to sit with.

Sitting on my parent's back porch, trying to suck down the smoke before my daughter realized I was gone and would catch my transgression, I would think about my life. The life I was living and the life I desired.

There was a massive gap between those places. Miles and miles of space between where I was and where I wished to be. It is hard at this point of my life to imagine myself feeling helpless, I am so far removed from that version of myself , but back then, that is exactly what I believed myself to be.

Beyond repair. Wasted. Washed-up. Peaked. Stuck. A loser with nothing to share with the world beyond my decent looks at mildly amusing jokes.

Sucking on the cigarette, asking myself over and over: What if?

What if I had stayed in school?

What if I didn't drop out?

What if I stopped drinking so much?

What if I applied for a better job?

What if I started to eat a little better?

What if I tried harder?

What if I got out of my own way?

Chewing on those answers, allowing myself to daydream what they would look like. What life would be – could be – if I started doing something, anything , to move me out of the stagnancy I was in.

The problem was I had no idea where to start. I think that is the thing with " rock bottom " – we need to go up, but how? What ladder do you choose when everywhere you look, there is anoth er area of your life you are failing in on top of you.

It is hard to see the forest through the trees. When you are IN it, taking the first step can feel impossible.

I talk a lot of shit now, telling anyone who will listen to just st art.

START. Start moving, walking, climbing, crawling- anything that provides movement – just do it.

But I know first-hand how paralyzing fear can be.

I didn't know then what I know now – that fear is a liar. Fear tricks us into believing that more pain and failure are the only options. It blocks our vision, obscuring everything that could go right from our view.

Fear will fuck you up if you do not know how to leverage it to your favor, but that is a lesson I wouldn't learn for another ten years…

I know now what my problem was back then. The reason I felt so desperate for change but completely unable to take the first step that would move me into something different – something better. My problem wasn't my bullshit, my laziness, my incredible ability to procrastinate, my complete lack of budgeting skills, my f ondness for drinking one (or seven) too many glasses of wine, my lack of willpower, the complete absence of discipline in my life, or my ability to sabotage absolutely every opportunity I was given to move forward. My problem was my beliefs.

I believed that WHERE I was at that point in my life was WHO I was. I believed myself to be the culmination of everything wrong in my life and did not entertain the idea that I could do better.

But I was desperate, so I started trying.

Trying and failing. Trying and progressing. Trying and taking two steps forward only to feel like I always ended up taking three more back. Trying again because I had to because I was so utterly sick of my shit and desperate to improve. Trying because, at some point along the way, I started to figure out that if I was failing at trying, at least I was trying , and that was so much better than failing by doing absolutely nothing.

It was years before my beliefs caught up with my ability. Years before my confidence grew, and I started to lean into the idea that if I thought myself capable, then I was able .

My goal with my writing, platform, and career is to show anyone listening that better is always available. You are capable of absolutely anything you believe yourself capable of being, doing, or becoming.

It is also to make sure my bullshit is not your bullshit, and if it is, to help you learn from my mistakes so you don't spend years of your life stubbing your proverbial toe on the same proverbial rock before you decide to find another way forward.

So, to sum up: change your beliefs, and you will change your life.

It is that simple.

I am not claiming it to be easy; easy and simple are not synonymous . But it is pretty damn simple.

Start with questioning your thoughts when they are not working in your favor. Ask yourself, is this true? Am I sure this is true? And if it is – what can I do right now to ensure it does not STAY my truth.

Look for ways to IMPROVE your negative beliefs – not to confirm them.

Stay committed to your growth, not your bullshit. Again, not easy (believe me – I know) but simple and so much easier than staying stuck in a life below your unique infinite potential.

I will leav e you with this- something I ask myself whenever the distance between my goals and my reality feels too large: What will hurt worse: the discomfort of trying or the pain that will come from staying exactly the same.

The answers that follows that question always causes some sort of action.

So much love –

The Life Changing Magic of Showing Up.

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 24 Jun 2022 11:44:30 GMT

For the last 11 years, I have held space for excuses (and lived with my bullshit for decades before).

One of the most powerful things the gym taught me is the need to show up consistently. Being at the gym showed me that showing up, even when you do not want to, when it is not convenient, fun, exciting, or comfortable, NEEDS to happen if any progress is going to be made.

At some point, anyone who does anything consistently figures out the secret is just showing up. It is just something you have to do, even when you do not want to because you know that when you are done, you will be better because of it.

Show up. That is the message today – but despite the last 150ish words, I am not talking about showing up at the gym. I want to talk about showing up in your life.

As usual - I am writing this one for me.

A few months ago, I said I would post a weekly blog post. I made it three weeks. And then I stopped showing up.

I had my reasons, and I suppose some were valid - but all those reasons boiled down to one cumulative truth and one shitty excuse: I was busy, and underneath that, I was scared.

We will start with the excuse: busyness. I know I said we are not going to talk about the gym, but we are going back there; it is my world and making a point around it will always feel aligned.

If I had a dollar for every time someone canceled a membership because they were busy, I would be announcing the opening of our third location in Bora Bora. If I had another dollar for every time someone told me they would start once they were not "so busy," I would be typing this from my private plane on the way to the gym built by busyness.

Here is the thing: almost all the time, busy is bullshit.

Busy is a lie we tell ourselves to make us feel better about how we are spending our time and placing our energy. We can justify a lot of weird shit when we convince ourselves of our busyness.

Busy is a badge of honor we wear proudly and loudly, announcing everything we have to do and always being sure to one-up the person we are speaking with. That is the weird thing with “busy” – we are all so occupied yet somehow busier than the person we are speaking with… I am getting off-topic – clearly, "busy" is something I abhor because I feel into its trap for years.

I believed in my busyness, and fought hard to keep it. We can justify absolutely anything if we try hard enough. Eventually, I became sick of that excuse. I hated feeling "busy" every day and carrying the weight that came along with it. More than that, I knew I needed to start doing things I was not doing because I believed so deeply in my lack of time, in my busyness...

Almost all the time, busy is a convenient excuse .

Too busy for the gym.

Too busy for meal prep.

Too busy to fold the laundry.

Too busy to meditate.

Too busy to take a walk.

Too busy to allow myself fun, true pleasure and lean into things that nourish my creative, feminine divine.

Too busy to make time for myself (aside from Netflix and scrolling, of course…)

Too busy to do the things that will feed my soul, and more value to my life, deepen my connection with myself and improve my mental and physical health.

Why is it that all of the above things are the first things to go when we believe in our busyness? When in reality those are the things we need the most during times of stress and added responsibilities?

Too busy to do the things you know you want to be doing – bigger than that – realize you NEED to be doing… but as long as you can keep the excuse of busy, you do not have to acknowledge the other reason you are not moving forward: fear .

It is funny. Typing this, I am already scared to post this later today. Remember when I said I was talking to myself? I mean it, I am always talking to myself.

Re-reading what I just wrote, I see the harshness in it; my fear is someone will take those words at face value and think I am such a judge-y bitch. I assure you; I am not; I am a bitch with so much bullshit who is saying what SHE needs to hear at any moment.

You need to know if you are going to read anything here or listen to my podcast, anything I am saying to you, I am also speaking to me. I am never judging. I am holding space.

My gift is seeing potential in everyone I have the honor of working with. Some people see auras, some see spirit guides, and some see our past and future. I don't see any of that – I see what will be if you allowed yourself to step into your highest self and live in your highest timeline.

Women walk away from meeting with me feeling inspired not because of some magic secret I share, but because I can show them that what they want is already there. That everything they are hoping to be – they already are – they only have to step into that version of themselves. I fucking love it, but it can be frustrating when whoever I am working with is staying committed to seeing their past self and fighting for their bullshit – but even there, I get it – because I did that for years too.

It can be incredibly hard to believe in your ability to succeed when you feel like all you have done in the past is spin your wheels. The magic is realizing what happened in the past is not who you are. It is only what you did. You have the ability to do differently, to do better, and as soon as you start - you are. That is a scary shift to walk into, but I promise, you will surprise and amaze yourself every time you consciously decide to upgrade.

(Tangent #2 and we are just at 1000 words…. Another thing you should know if you are going to be here – we will go off subject every time but stick with me. I promise I will always bring it back…)

Fear. I am scared to publish this because I don't want anyone – ever – to think I am judging them. I am not. My house is made of glass, I will never throw stones because I refuse to carry the weight of their karma.

I am cheerleading for you loudly. Begging you to understand that whatever you want to do: you have the time for and, more than that, you are capable of doing.

But chances are, like me, you are letting fear fuck you up.

I stopped writing here because I was busy ( bullshit ), a little lazy (because hard work can suck, and we all want to be comfortable ), but mostly because I was ( I am ) scared.

Scared of being judged, misunderstood, made fun off… mostly of being seen. But I need to get over that. I have a book coming out in a week – my words will live in a form that I cannot unpublish, take back, remove or change. Fear be damned – I have to do this.

(Tangent #3 ��)

Why are you not showing up? There may be a lot of reasons, but the largest is fear. It is always fear.

Fear of failing. Fear of not knowing what to do. Fear of looking silly. Fear of being judged. Fear of _____________ (insert your bullshit here).

The reason we never start or start and stop the minute life gets a little bit hard (a little busy) is that it allows us to move away from our fear and back into the comfort of our bullshit.

Whatever you want is on the other side of your fear. This is true for everything.

If you want a new job, new partner, no partner, new routine, a new habit, new side-Hussle, new Podcast/Blog/Instagram handle… if you want to go to the gym, start cleaning up your diet and STOP drinking and self-medicating your way through life…. Literally all changes, upgrades, shifts, goals, and elevations live on the other side of your fear.

This is why you have to show up when you do not want to because if you are going to make any meaningful change in your life, you have to be willing to show up consistently.

I will commit to it with you – showing up. I have a few goals (that I will not share publicly at this time – you have to protect your energy. I know speaking of your dreams is recommended by many gurus for accountability – but I disagree fully. Speaking of things before they are done allows you to feel accomplishment over something you have yet to do, making you less likely to finish. It will enable other people's energy to come into your dreams. Don't allow that because not everyone wants to see you win. The people closest to you can put negative energy into your dreams simply because your upgrading will shine a light on their stagnation if they are not in the same energetic place. Keep your goals safe and only tell the people you know will send more light and good energy to them). (Tangent #4 - I wasn't kidding...)

Keep your goals safe and keep them actionable by committing to showing up.

Show up when you do not want to because if you do that long enough, it will simply become what you want to do.

That is what I am calling in here: I will show up. I will show up weekly because it is on my heart. I know if a goal is there, it is there for a reason, and it is my responsivity to myself and God, who I believe placed it there for me to see through. There is a reason for it, I do not need to know what it is, but I need to honor it until I do.

The same is true for you. If you are still reading – you have something on your heart too. Honor it. No matter how silly, small, or unimportant you think it is.

If it is there, it is there for a reason. God placed it there for you.

Maybe the push to go to the gym is because your vessel (body) needs attention and love. Once your physical being is feeling better and healthier, you will be able to step into your magic.

Maybe the push you feel to clean up your diet is your higher-self asking you to listen to your body which will allow you to deepen your relationship with your intuition and inner knowing.

Maybe the push to start the blog, podcast, business, side hustle is there because you have a way of doing or saying something that is unique to you - and the world needs to hear how you say it.

It is there – there is a purpose. Honor that calling – and show up. I am in it with you; we can hold each other accountable and elevate together.

There is no magic secret to success, achieving goals or upgrading your life. It is just showing up consistently - and you are capable of that and more.

XOXO - HM

Motivation Hack

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 14 May 2022 10:30:50 GMT

The biggest motivation hack is giving yourself permission to quit.

Don’t wait to start believing that motivation will one day show up.

Start , and watch your motivation grow.

If after a set amount of time you still aren’t feeling it, quit . You have full permission to stop at any time.

This hack works for everything.

The closest you have been meaning to clean but never feel motivated to do so: turn on your favorite song and start cleaning. When the song is over you want to quit, go for it.

Your workout: show up for ten minutes.

Your meditation: one minute.

I’ll fill you in on a secret; almost all the time you will keep going. Once you get started the motivation will follow.

And if you want to quit, quit . It’s still more than you would have accomplished if you didn’t start.

I’m not big on trying to motivate. I’ve been in a gym long enough to know you have to do it for you . You can have the best coach in the world, the perfect workout program, everything you need to succeed and none of it will matter if you can’t get yourself to START and keep showing up.

If you are at New York Sport & Fitness you know my belief: It doesn't matter how many calories you burn in an hour. Your six-week program results are fun, but not that impressive. The real flex is consistency. It doesn't matter what you can do in three weeks. Show me what you can stick with for a years .

Finding motivation to call your bullshit is powerful. Doing so with permission to quit forces you to check in. Together they form the perfect combination of discipline and grace.

Asking how you feel, scanning your body seeing what you have left in your tank. If you need rest, your body will push you into resting. You will know it is time to stop and try again tomorrow. If you are “not motivated”, your mind will call your bullshit and keep you working.

Use this with your to-do list, the project you have been putting off, the closet you have been meaning to clean for the last six months... anything and everything.

Demand yourself to start AND give yourself full permission to quit after a set amount of time.

Almost all the time you will keep going. And when you don't thats fine too. You started. 100% of the time that is the hard part, with that out of the way it will make coming back again easier.

Beliefs Determine Perception

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 01 May 2022 09:45:03 GMT

Our beliefs shape our reality.

We know this to be true but may not fully acknowledge it. Because owning that means admitting some of the shit we see around us is nothing more than our perception clouding up our vision.

If we believe people to be primarily good, benevolent, kind, that is what we will see. If we believe humanity to be a cursed bunch of selfish pricks, we will see that too.

Because of that, perception can be a gift for some and a burden for others.

You have seen the memes: someone looking out the bus window at the beautiful view looking hopeful and happy while the person on the other side is staring at the muddy hill looking defeated and broken.

My take: that guy looking at the mud is doing it on purpose.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our bullshit that we fight extremely hard to keep it without realizing it.

A few years ago, I had a realization in Target. To be honest, I thought I had lost my mind for a moment.

I was in line with a cart full of bullshit. Clothing, socks, throw pillows, laundry detergent, fancy cleaning spray promising to kill every germ while not containing any harsh chemicals ( sounds legit). I had nothing but time that day. I was pregnant with my third child, another at school until pick up at three, the other at home with a babysitter hired to watch him while I work – jokes on her – I was working really hard that day …

Life was good. It was better than good. It was magnificent. It was everything I prayed for and so much more.

Yet there I was – standing with my cart full of bullshit and belly full of life, completely pissed off that there was a line in front of me, and the women had the audacity to pull out a checkbook. An actual fucking checkbook . I was going to be stuck standing there – with my cart and my happily kicking 7-month fetus scrolling my Facebook feed to kill time because god forbid I get off my fucking phone and take in the life around me for at least 3 to 5 minutes.

And that is when it hit me.

Hundreds of realizations came rushing into my awareness like a tidal wave of gratitude. Reality – actually reality – not the bullshit sob story I was telling myself about why I should be annoyed and bothered in the Target line slapped me in the face.

My belief about having a hard life, about nothing being fair, about being a broke teen mom, a daughter of an addict, a dropout, a loser who would always be behind the ball because her life went differently than the lie about happiness Disney tried to sell me had followed me into my current life. The one where everything is going right. And I am not broken, single, alone, unhappy. Everyone is healed. Healthy. Thriving. Happy.

But my story was still there. My belief was present, and that belief was clouding and fucking up my perception.

Because what we believe about life is what we will see.

What we believe about ourselves is what we will see.

What we believe about our situation is what we will fight to confirm over and over and over again.

We all have our shit. We all have our past and our traumas. Every person alive has experienced things they did not deserve. No person makes it into adulthood without experiencing pain. In a lot of ways – we are all fucked up.

But if we STAY fucked up – that's on us.

We are all grown from our bullshit. Fertilized in the manure of life's impacts and injuries. It is what we do with that fertilizer ( bullshit ) that matters.

Some of us allow it to help us grow. To bloom into something extraordinary, full of life, of experience, knowledge of who we are and who we never want to be… We take that shit, and we make something beautiful from it.

Or. We grow nothing. We smear that shit all over our bodies, faces, and everything around us, letting it stink up everything we touch. Spreading our past all over our future.

That is what I was doing. I realized it at that moment: I was the one fucking my life up. It wasn't my past; it wasn't all reasons I had tucked away in my back pocket, ready to pull out and place the blame on. It was me. I was the one bringing that shit along with me every day.

Perception creates reality. If you see nothing but problems, there is a 100% chance YOU are the problem.

It is often said that people's reactions to you are more about them than they are of you – and to a point, I agree. We are viewing things from our specific, life-defined lens. But there is more to it than that. That statement implies we have no responsibility for our actions, and just as vital, our energy.

We are all empathetic. Yes, it is a new-age buzzword, but it is scientifically proven. We have mirror neurons that want to match our energy with the energy around us.

If we walk around chronically worried, angry, trying to impress because of the story we are telling ourselves about not being seen or apricated, judging the people around us because we spend our days judging ourselves…. That rubs off. That gets felt.

Their reaction is absolutely based on your actions and energy. Believing anything different is assuming you are entirely powerless over every person and situation in your life.

We need to drop the idea that we are not responsible for how people perceive us. We are. Not entirely, some will hate us, and some will love us, and to a point, it will have nothing to do with us. But it also has a lot to do with us. Embrace the idea that multiple things can be true at one time.

Because perception creates reality, and if you walk around like your actions and energy affects only you, you are an asshole.

Instead – let y our perception be that y our energy is loud, and how y ou act will create waves of reactions.

We are responsible for the tides we generate.

I ask myself often: what am I seeing right now? What story am I telling myself about this situation? What worry about the future am I allowing to destroy my present? W hat interpretation and retelling of my past am I permitting to fuck up my NOW?

Our perception creates reality. Our responsibility is to make sure that perception is working in our favor.

You've lost weight

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 26 Apr 2022 10:51:34 GMT

The conversation started out innocent. The comment was not malicious. It is something we say . An observation we acknowledge out-loud despite knowing we shouldn’t. We know this observation is better left unsaid because, like stating the opposite, it holds a subtext that invites questions.

Had I lost weight? I don’t know. Aside from one time, I haven’t been on the scale in over four years. Four blissful years being happily unaware of what my relationship with gravity was.

Before that, my life was driven by that number. At some points I watched my weight climb feeling disgust and shame. Others, I watched it lower, filled with pride despite that absolutely horrible means I was using the drive that change.

That number held more weight than it should. I knew that intuitively, yet I let it hold me captive. Steer me . Manage me. Dictate my choices. My self talk. My life.

I got myself out of the spiral the knowledge of that number kept me in, and because of that I was able to see the truth: I had lost weight. I had lost the weight of my weight.

But there I was, four years later back in the tornado of thoughts those numbers can cause.

Had I lost weight? Did I need to lose weight? Did I gain weight and then lose it without knowing? What did I look like before this? Did I look ok? What is my body saying about me?

Those three words brought me to questions I hadn’t asked myself in years.

I have been working on my bullshit for a decade. Ten years of listening to my self-talk, monitoring my self-sabotaging nature, observing the messes I could create when I allowed myself to be unattended with my vices is finally starting to pay off: I know when I am going somewhere I do not want to go . I can pull myself back before I get lost there again.

Because of that I realized the truth in those words – the blessing of them. I have lost weight. I have lost so much weight.

I lost the weight of wondering. Wondering what everyone thinks of me. Do they think I am smart enough? Am I doing enough to prove my worth? Do they think I know what I am talking about? Are they talking about me when I leave? Did I fuck up? Say something stupid? Say too much? Do they like me? Do they think I am I too much?

Now I wonder if I like myself. I stop there. Do I like me? Am I doing enough to make myself proud? Am I saying what I need to say to stay in my integrity? Am I being authentic? Honest? Kind?

How many years did I waste judging myself in comparison to the accomplishments of others? Too many. She did this – said this – IS this. Constantly looking outside of myself to gauge my progress in my life.

I’ve lost the weight of comparison and jealousy . I figured out that the time I spent thinking about them, contrasting their accomplishments to mine, was time I could have been using to create my own dream.

I’ve lost the weight of judgment. Now I know every time I judged something or someone, I was really judging myself .

I didn’t see their shortcomings – I saw mine. It was not their flaws I was pointing out. I was shining a spotlight on my bullshit. My baggage. My mess.

Everything I detested in someone else was something I despised about myself.

I lost the weight of diet culture . Thinking I couldn’t eat something because it was a weekend food – not to be enjoyed during the week. That would have meant I had failed, I wasn’t “good,” I didn’t have enough willpower…. I lost the fear of certain foods. I lost the desire to hold myself to impossible standards in the hopes that those standards would earn me a six-pack stomach, and then… maybe then if I tortured and deprived myself enough, I would see something in the mirror I could be proud of.

When my main goal was weight loss, I lost myself every time.

I will never try to shrink myself again – now, my only goal is to be good to me . To treat my body with nothing but respect and kindness because she has put up with enough of my bullshit over the years.

I lost the weight of SHOULDS. What I should be doing. Having. Saying yes to. Saying no to. What I should be wearing. Saying. Being .

It is wild how freeing it is when you stop looking to society to teach you how to live and start looking into yourself for those answers. Honoring what truly makes you happy, proud, and free.

I lost the weight of my past . Who I was 10 years ago, 20 years ago. Who I was 1 year ago . They are all gone. Those girls are not here anymore. They made way for me – and while some of them were a bit of a mess ( ok, a lot of mess ) and some did things this version of my tries hard not to do – I am so proud of them . They all did their best. And even when they didn’t, they allowed me a chance to learn from their mistakes and bullshit.

You can not know who you want to be without having a clear idea of who you aren’t.

I will never again be the hungry, sad, mad, chronically salty version of m yself again. I lost her too.

So yes, I have lost weight. More weight than I could have dreamed of losing years ago

Show yourself more Grace

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 16 Apr 2022 11:20:44 GMT

You don't need another diet, program or cleanse. You do not need to clean up your nutrition or to go harder at the gym. You need more grace.

You read that right. Grace is the magical missing piece. Showing yourself grace will change your life.

Bullshit calling has become kinda my thing. Call your bullshit, shine a light on what keeps you stuck, gain awareness of what is not working and change that shit.

Sounds simple right? If only.

Don’t get me wrong. Calling yours – mine – ours – bullshit is essential. But equally important is showing yourself grace. So much grace, you may feel like you are going backward for a bit – but I assure you – you aren't IF you are allowing yourself to get curious.

Let me set the scene:

You are committed to eating healthier. For real this time. You are not going to fuck it up. You have sworn yourself to only drink one night a week, absolutely no processed carbs until Friday, back to #cleaneating again Saturday morning. Hitting the gym at least four times a week and making dinner yourself like the healthy eating bad bitch you are.

Things start out excellent… then Thursday comes, you decide to have just one drink or one sliver of a brownie.

Next thing you know, you are elbow deep in a bag of pretzels and opening your fourth White Claw.

What the fuck happened? You fucked up? Failed again? Once again going to bed feeling bloated and full of remorse.

NOW – cause this scene isn't over – we move on to the next part of the ""I fucked up"" process: Shame, shit-talking, guilt, and then so-help-me-god-i-am-never-doing-this-again-for-real-this-time-starting-fresh-tomorrow (unless tomorrow is a weekend then fuck it BUT for real starting again Monday!)

We have all been caught in that cycle (very much raising my hand here. I was the QUEEN of starting again Monday).

If you are still reading, I am guessing you know it well too. I don't need to break down what the shame feels like.

It is awful. Raw, like you are looking at an open wound containing everything you hate about yourself, while feeling powerless, unable to change those things.

In those moments, shit-talking isn't what you need.

Neither is empty promises. Ones you have made to yourself over and over. Swearing this is the last time, you won't do it again, you will be better… next time. Always next time.

There is a way out of this cycle though. It is not through another diet, another cleanse, another Whole30, another commitment to eating clean, calorie counting, or whatever bullshit you are considering trying.

It is through grace.

Showing yourself so much grace, kindness, and compassion.

Grace is the way out because grace gives you something none of the above things ever will: ANSWERS .

Grace allows you to become curious. It creates space for questions allowing you to be an observer. Eventually, it will allow you to look at your bullshit from a place of unbiased examination, and from there, shit gets really cool.

This theme shows up a lot in client sessions – different women, bodies, goals, starting points, and desired ending points and still one common theme: feeling powerless over change.

If I had a dollar from every time I heard: "I need you to call my ""bullshit," I would be rich. Filthy fucking rich . But here is the thing – I never need to call anyone's bullshit. Not once in ten years working with women around their goals has it happened. What HAS happened is this: We find their sticking points, and from there, we examine why they happen with so much grace and curiosity, and they are finally able to start making meaningful lasting changes.

You don't need anyone to call your bullshit – you can do that yourself. But you probably could use some help walking through that bullshit, seeing it with clear, kind, unbiased eyes and support doing something that will feel utterly terrifying at first: Feeling your feelings.

You need to learn to sit with uncomfortable feelings, not run from them.

When you find yourself feeling defeated, deflated, and stuck, allow yourself to breathe and do something that will feel terrifying and hella uncomfortable: sit with those feelings. Feel them.

Don't try to numb them. Don't scroll or Netflix them away. Don't reach for more crunchy, salty snacks or another drink. Don't aim to be productive and channel that energy into anything else.

Sit with them.

Sit with yourself like you would sit with someone you love. Show yourself the same grace you would show your sister, daughter, or best friend.

Ask yourself the same questions you would ask them:

What happened?

What were you feeling before?

What emotions and feelings did you experience that day?

What emotions and feelings did you NOT let yourself feel that day? (spoiler alert- there is almost always something to examine here. Our past has a special way of fucking with us if we do not address it).

What can you do right now to feel better?

What can you do differently next time to avoid this happening again?

Because here is where the bullshit calling comes in: Showing yourself grace is the only way to properly address and release your bullshit.

That's my coaching hat-trick. I am not here to tough love you to death. I am here to take your hand and gently guide you through this process.

After dealing with my own shit and helping hundreds of women through theirs, I know one thing to be true: the missing link to change is never found in a diet, cleanse, or protocol. It is found through GRACE . Because grace allows for curiosity, and curiosity allows for change.

Make Motivation Your Bitch

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 15 Jan 2022 13:23:46 GMT

Ok, the title is clickbait. Motivation will never be anyone’s bitch because she is too slippery for anyone to hold onto too long enough to claim her. But that does not mean we cannot use her fleeting magic in our favor.

Before we get to making motivation work for you, we need to first fully understand what motivation is not .

Motivation is not dependable.

Motivation is not reliable.

Motivation is not consistent.

But. Motivation can be predictable IF we cajole it.

Motivation is tricky. People think that you need to wait around for it to arrive before you embark upon a new goal.

I call bullshit on that.

Waiting for motivation to get started is like waiting for someone to hand you your dream life. It is not going to happen. If you want something – you must get off your ass and work for it. Desired outcomes are followed by action – not waiting.

We know this logically. Have you ever heard anyone you admire tell you that one-day motivation came and their entire life changed? Fuck no. It doesn’t happen like that.

Motivation does not walk in your door, unannounced and uninvited, dragging you off the couch and into motion. Motivation needs to be invited - wined and dined - you must work to find it, let alone keep it.

Successful people do not wait for motivation, they know better. At some point in their lives they became so sick of their situation that they decide they cannot stand one more minute stuck in the pain caused by their bullshit, and they embraced the pain that will come with making their desired ( often needed ) changes.

No one credits motivation for changing their life. They credit action . Effort. Labor. Consistency. Determination. Resilience.

Motivation = a fairy tale

Action = result

Don’t get it twisted though, I am not saying motivation is useless. It’s not. Fairy tales are good for two things: impetus and inspiration.

Think back to the last time you felt motivated. What were you doing? Chances are, it was something completely unrelated to the motivation you felt.

I used to be overwhelmed with motivation to try to lose weight while I drank wine and ate snacks watching late-night reality TV on Bravo. Sometimes that familiar pang of inspiration still happens when I am scrolling through Instagram and see someone’s chiseled six-pack and think ya that would be nice to have. But I keep on eating my Cheez-Its…

Do you know how many times I have been pulled to the side of a party, asked questions about the gym, and been told I would see them on Monday? 2393.

Do you know how many times I actually did see them on Monday? Once.

I know what it is like to be completely motivated to start and do absolutely nothing with it. It sucks. Change will be challenging 100% of the time.

The problem is we are acutely aware of all the discomfort that will come from stepping into the changes that need to happen to bring us to our desired outcome, and we forget to consider the pain that will come from staying the same.

We know it will suck giving up our White Claws, white wine, red wine, and late-night bedtimes.

We know not hitting snooze and putting our feet on the ground when the alarm goes off will take Herculean resolve.

We know saying no to ourselves, and our desire to numb our hardships with alcohol and food will require us to sit with emotions and feelings we haven’t felt since middle school.

We know working out will mean getting sweaty on purpose, feeling sore, making weird sounds and faces, doing things we have never done in the presence of strangers…

I could keep going. I don’t need to though. Change will be hard 100% of the time.

But what about not changing? What does that look like?

We can keep the White Claws, white wine, red wine, late-night scrolling, tv watching, numbing… none of it adding real value to our lives.

We can keep hitting snooze. Rushing through our mornings. Starting the day off feeling stressed and overwhelmed before 8 o’clock. A fantastic way to start the day.

We can keep numbing. Ignoring and pushing back every uncomfortable emotion we feel. Returning to old vices over and over again because fuck it – you cannot teach an old dog new tricks.

We can keep feeling uncomfortable in our bodies, ignoring them as best we can while simultaneously thinking about them almost all the time. Pretend that we don’t have the time to do what we are made to do: to move.

When motivation comes, which isn’t motivation at all – it is inspiration – but allow our ego talk us out of it before we get started. We listen to the voice in our head that justifies our bullshit.

No time, no money, no idea where to start…

And we agree. We agree because we consider the pain of change and forget the pain of staying stuck.

The next time motivation (inspiration) strikes – act on it immediately if you want it to work for you. Do something – anything – to move the needle in the direction of your desired outcome.

Text a friend who goes to the gym and make them promise to pick you up and take them with you tomorrow. (I have honked the horn in driveways at 445 am in the past – I will gladly do it again)

Hide the rest of your wine. Move it to the garage. Get it out of your space.

Make a sample meal plan for the week. Start small, figure out when you will eat for breakfast, and take action right then to make sure it happens. Do a little bit of prep or push the eggs to the front of the fridge.

Go. To. Bed . (sleep doesn't solve all our problems, but I am convinced it takes care of at least 90% of them)

Move your charger and phone across the room so when your alarm goes off tomorrow morning, you have no choice but to stand up to turn it off.

Do something. Anything. Build self-efficacy and self-trust by showing up for yourself. Let yourself know that YOU are someone you can depend on.

Inspiration --> Action --> Self-Trust --> Motivation

When you say you are going to do something, DO IT. Act before your ego, and your lower self has the option to talk you out of it. That is how you become genuinely motivated.

You get ahead of your bullshit by acting, even in the smallest way, when inspiration happens.

When your ego starts popping off, telling you all the reasons why you shouldn’t make that change, do that thing – tell it to fuck off.

Take a deep breath and consider what would happen if you didn’t make a change. If you continued exactly as you are, doing the same things, making the same choices… Would that make you proud? Would it bring you to a place you feel good about? Would it help you live a life that you feel actively involved in?

If the answer is no, go to the mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and remind yourself that you can do whatever you want. You simply have to decide to do it.

The magic of motivation happens when you get past your bullshit. When you start showing up for yourself, making choices that feel hard in the moment, but you know your future self will thank you for. One foot in front of the other, taking tiny steps forward, and before you know it, you will be running.

The choices that a few weeks ago felt incredibley hard will start happening effortlessly. Habits you feel good about will start falling into place. Changes ALWAYS mean changes, and those changes will start to pay off.

Make motivation your bitch by not needing it. Act. Let yourself know you have your best interest in mind. Let yourself know that you will do whatever it takes to make yourself proud.

Because motivation is funny like that – when you no longer need it, that is when it will show up at your door ready to dance.

Bullshit Caller - the solution is simple...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 07 Jan 2022 13:12:08 GMT

The thing keeping most people stuck is the thing people refuse to acknowledge.

Feeling stressed? I will up my CBD. Maybe I need anxiety meds. Maybe I need more anxiety meds.

But I will not stop drinking. I don't want to examine the role alcohol plays in my suffering. I can't acknowledge the thing I turn to that allows me to momentarily numb out is part of my problem.

I am not willing to work on my boundaries or face challenging situations. It is easier to medicate than it is to face…

Feeling off in our bodies? Blame hormones. Stress. (see above).

Forget lack of sleep, movement, dietary choices not in alignment with how you wish to treat yourself…. Forget drinking here too.

I will do anything to feel good in my body. But not that…

Lack of time? Too busy? No need to examine habits that regularly waste minutes, sometimes hours.

Occam's Razor is a principle born in philosophy that the simplest explanation is almost always the right one.

When it comes to our health and wellness, we forget this.

We blame the complex. We forget the likely cause of the problem is our bullshit.

We forget that almost all the time – we are the ones keeping ourselves stuck. We are the ones fucking up our lives.

We search for solutions in the complicated and convoluted. Believing the answer is always outside of us. In some secret we have yet to figure out, so we keep buying supposed solutions instead of examining the root .

Planting new seeds and completely ignoring the weeds taking over the garden.

Forgetting the fix is often right in front of our faces in the form of what we are refusing to acknowledge.

Refusing to stop doing. We remain comfortable in our bullshit, forgetting the trade off is the discomfort it creates for our future selves.

For years I tried to ADD to my life. Different diets, different protocols, exercises, programs, self-help books, more self-helps books.

Always adding. Never taking away. Never acknowledging what I needed to focus on: removing the behaviors and habits I had accumulated that at a time served a purpose - they allowed me to numb. But I didn't need them anymore, all they were doing now was keeping me stuck.

We can't become what we aim to be by keeping our bullshit.

We can't fulfill our potential by keeping our bullshit.

We can't step into our greatness when we refuse to step away from our bullshit.

Forget the idea that becoming means adding.

Almost all the time, the first step is removing.

clearing roadblocks

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 28 Dec 2021 20:13:18 GMT

Like most, I am thinking about my new year’s goals. What am I committing to? How will that look in my life? What am I willing to do to make these things happen?

That last question is where things get sticky. It is the missing piece so many of us forget about. What am I willing to do to make it happen?

I could write an entire series of posts on that question as it relates to our health and wellness (and I will -stay tuned) . But this isn’t that post.

This one is for me. But I know I am not the only person who needs it – so here we go.

Becoming who you are capable of being means shedding parts of who you are.

Things must change for something to change.

We know this to be true. But it doesn’t make those changes any less scary.

This year I am setting many goals for myself. I have a clear vision of what I want to do – it only took me 38 years to figure it out – and in the grand scheme of things I consider myself lucky to be having these realizations at this point of my life.

The only thing worse than not starting yesterday is not starting today…

My purpose in life is to help women feel amazing in their bodies. Because when we are comfortable in our homes, we can move mountains.

When we have complete trust in ourselves, we can take on anything. When we know that we are someone we can rely on, depend upon, and trust fully we end up with confidence we couldn’t have imagined in the past.

Our relationship with ourselves sets the tone for every single relationship we have.

Healing ourselves, acknowledging our bullshit, and shining a light on everything keeping us stuck below our potential is work. But holy fuck is that work worth it.

The past decade has brought me to this point, and I know with every fiber of my being that 2022 is the year all the dots I’ve made start to connect.

But I’m terrified, because stepping into this means putting myself out there in ways I have yet to do.

It isn’t imposter syndrome anymore, though. I know who I am. I know my strengths, and I know my abilities. I am a fucking amazing coach. My ability to see potential in others is a gift. My ability to sniff out bullshit is too, all though it doesn’t always feel like it…

There is no doubting of myself in the coaching space anymore. The fear I am feeling isn’t around my ability.

It is around being seen.

Which is ironic, because there is nothing more that I want than to be seen for exactly who I am.

The disconnect is in the story I am telling myself right now. The knowing that so many people in this space know a version of me that no longer exists.

As Joan Didion so beautifully said: I have already lost touch with a couple of the people I used to be.

Here’s the rub – I know logically no one gives a shit. We are all thinking mainly of ourselves.

I also know we are all damned if we do and damned if we don’t.

Because if we fail – people will talk. And, if we succeed – people will talk too.

Some say mediocrity attacks excellence, but I don’t buy that. I think people attack what they do not understand.

At some point, we have to realize that living our lives considering what other people are thinking of us is not living. And again, most people, at least the ones that matter, are not looking at you hoping to see you fail. They want to see you win – or in the least, they don’t care.

We are stuck in our internal dialogue, wondering what everyone else is thinking about us, forgetting that everyone else is doing the same.

At some point we have to make a choice. Do we continue to live for the proverbial THEY and their approval? Or do we live for ourselves? For the I AM.

Because both cannot be true. We cannot live with the goal of keeping everyone appeased and comfortable while simultaneously doing everything we can to live in alignment with our highest potential.

Living in that energy will draw attention, and attention will cause questions. That is ok though; curiosity is a fantastic thing. Living in your truth gives everyone permission to do the same.

Does that mean there won’t be any shit-talking at your expense? No one saying, “who does she think she is” … No. It doesn’t. People will people. The difference is finally understanding those questions are not yours to answer. Someone’s opinion of you is none of your business.

In the same way, we cannot ask people who have not been where we wish to go for directions; we cannot worry about the opinions of people we would not take advice from.

All that to say – let 2022 be your year to BE .

Be exactly who you are meant to be. Or – want to be. Because that is valid too. We have an opportunity to create ourselves every single day. We only have to decide what we wish to create.

I keep hearing that putting yourself out there becomes easier – I don’t know if that will ever be my truth, but I am beginning to feel ok with it.

Because fear feels a lot like excitement, and excitement is something I know how to work with. Excitement begets enthusiasm. Enthusiasm creates aligned actions, and that is a circle I am willing to dance in.

Sometimes, (ok all the time), what keeps us stuck is nothing more than the story we are telling ourselves. I am reminding myself often that I am the one writing the story. I can write it in a way that serves me.

I don’t need to be the person standing in my way, reminding myself of everything that could go wrong. I don’t need to waste time wondering “what will they think…”

I can choose to be my cheerleader. I can choose to remind myself that everything could go even better than I had planned.

Which is often the case when we dare to get out of our own way.

Cheers to removing self-imposed roadblocks in 22.

Go Inside For Your Answer

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 01 Nov 2021 13:28:04 GMT

We have been led to believe that outside sources know more about our bodies than we do.

We have been conditioned to look to diets and experts to tell us what to do , how to eat , what to eat and when to eat it.

We are willing to do almost anything... aside from listen to our bodies.

It’s pretty wild when you think about it.

I know now I am the expert on my body, but it took me years to get here. I wasn’t always, at time we were barely on speaking terms.

I wish I could tell you the solution. I wish I could boil down what worked for me and hand it off to you, give you a guide book that would allow you to experience self-trust and self-respect in your skin.

And in some ways I can. The tools are universal and all lead to one starting and ending point: Listen to YOUR body.

But don’t ask me what I eat. What I eat isn’t applicable for you. The amount of carbs I eat work for my X pound body, that moves X minutes and day, sleeps X hours a night and has X stressors... What goes into my body is indivucal to me.

What I do doesn’t matter.

My best advice comes from what I stopped doing.

I stopped judging my food. I stopped measuring my food. I stopped weighing my body. I stopped earning and burning food through exercise. I stopped restricting. I stopped trying to make up for what I ate by limiting the next day. I stopped doing extra cardio, running extra miles, logging extra minutes. I stopped “being good” after I was “bad”.

I stopped “cleansing” every Monday. I stopped thinking Pizza was something I could only have on the weekends because that implies it is bad. W e don’t place limits on things we deem as good or neutral.

I stopped saying things like “in moderation”, because again, that implies it’s bad. People say they drink “in moderation” because they know drinking in excess isn’t ideal. No one says “I sleep but only IN MODERATION”.

I stopped using harmful language around food. I don't say "I need to clean up my diet". If I feel like shit from a weekend of eating sour patch kids, carbs and cheese I acknowledge it , drink some water and move on.

I ask my body what it needs, give it the space to answer, honor that answer (the most important part) and continue about my day without feeling the need to undo/cleanse/clean-up/insert your diet bullshit here.

When I feel like shit, like I over did it, ate to much of things that do not serve me, I pause . I take stock of how my body feels without judgment and then make the next best choice.

Ask myself: what do I need RIGHT NOW to feel better. Our bodies will tell us exactly what we need if we are willing to give them the space to answer.

I stopped rushing back to all those old behaviors that kept me stuck. I was never "cleaning up" anything. I was fucking myself up and keeping myself stuck in a never ended diet cycle.

I sit with whatever I am feeling now. I stopped judging myself. I stopped telling myself I messed up...

What I STOPPED doing is more powerful than anything I’ve added.

I am not an expert, but I learned that I can’t find a cure without being willing to treat the cause. Dropping the harmful behaviors made the need for someone else’s guidance less and less and empowered me to trust myself more and more. It’s pretty great.

I know calling our bullshit around our behaviors and relationship with food is hard. I stumbled for years before I figured out how to actually listen and learn from my body. That is why I made the Magic Mindset program - linked below : to help you learn how to listen and learn from yours. To help you figure out what YOU need to feel amazing without ever feeling restricted. If you are over dieting and diet-based bullshit this program is for you.

Meet your Shadow

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 12:34:40 GMT

Before we dig in, a quick lesson on the Shadow. The term "shadow" was coined by psychologist Carl Jung who described it as the unconscious and disowned parts of ourselves that our ego fails to acknowledge. It is any aspect of ourselves that we try to hide from, keep hidden away and unseen by ourselves and everyone around us.

When I talk about shadow work, I often use the metaphor of cleaning out our closets or basements because the energy can feel very similar. It never is something you want to do, but we know it needs to be done… and the mess gets bigger after we start. We must continue to keep cleaning; understanding it is not going to be a neat and tidy process.

We have a choice; we open the closet door on our terms and get to work. Or we wait until it is filled with mold, stinking up the whole house, and bursts open unexpectedly.

One way of the other – our shadows will come for us. We will have to deal with its shit at some point; the unfortunate thing is that we deal with the slow shadow leek every day. Every time we self-sabotage, say yes when we really want to say no, say no (often to ourselves) when we want nothing more than to try… your shadow is the voice that keeps you thinking about all the ways that could fail, and keeps you stuck in a cage, never trying.

I am going to do my best, to sum up, Shadow works in a 1200 (ish) word blog post, but this will be glossing over a topic that ideally should be explored in-depth; because of that, this will also be an upcoming Podcast – look for it later this week (Thursday, Oct. 7).

Everyone has a shadow self. Thinking you do not have one is stating your denial. We are not born with a shadow; instead, life hands one to us. It is given every time we were told to "suck it up" as a child rather than be allowed to sit with our feelings. Every time we didn't understand a concept in school and felt stupid --- when we heard comments about bodies that looked like ours being ugly, fat, unworthy…

Our shadow self is learned, which means it can be questioned, explored, and in some ways, discarded.

The Shadow rears its head when we are placed in situations that cause unpleasant emotions. When we are asked to try something new or wish to try something new, and we hear that small voice inside that tells us to stop – tells us we will not understand it, it will be too much of a challenge, too difficult…

When we look in the mirror and pick ourselves apart, telling ourselves how ugly, unworthy, unlovable we are because of how our bodies look.

When we feel something unpleasant – fear, worry, sadness, angry – anything we do not want to feel, we immediately try to numb it out because we were never taught to sit with those uncomfortable emotions. Every time we go to social media to scroll instead of allowing our mind some time to process – that is the Shadow at work. When we turn to alcohol to comfort a bad day – that is the Shadow. And of course, when to turn to food whenever we find ourselves feeling any uncomfortable emotions– sometimes even without realizing it – that is the Shadow.

The shadow self is our bullied self-talk, the voice that tells us no, the voice that tells us we can't, and the voice that also tells us never to try.

And the fucked-up thing with the Shadow is we feed it often because every time we try to repress it – it grows.

Have you ever caught yourself in a situation and wondered how the fuck it happened? That is the Shadow. It drives unconscious behaviors, which is why it needs to be pulled out of the closet and brought to light.

The Shadow not only drives negative, self-sabotaging, and harmful behaviors, it represses positive ones.

Many of us have been told to quiet down, stop being so loud, do not be "too much". We have had the confidence kicked out of us because life taught us that loving yourself fully and freely is something is only available to you if you fit into whatever standard of beauty society deems worthy at any given moment. I can bullshit on that. Self-love is a birthright, and not exploring your shadow self means you are missing out on it.

The Shadow tricky in that even though we may hide it, deny it, or run from it; we know it is there. Just like our closets packed with our junk, our home may look clean and tidy on the surface. We can trick everyone, sometimes even the ones closest to us, but WE know the truth – at any moment, if those doors were to be open, our mess would be exposed.

That doesn't feel good; no one wants to feel disingenuous. Especially with themselves.

Exploring your shadows allows you to fully know you , and knowing yourself entirely provides for self-trust, growth, and self-respect. No one likes a liar, and unfortunately not exploring your shadows is lying to yourself every single day.

(again – in the interest of your eyeballs staring at a screen, I am glossing over a lot of this- if you know you have a shadow (cough, you do) and you know it is carrying some bullshit (cough- it is) check out the Podcast to go deeper).

Onto exploring the Shadow, it's bullshit, and it's good shit – because both live there.

Think of your Shadow as an unmeant part of you, one that has always been there but that you have yet to discover. Understanding your relationship with your Shadow is really deepening your relationship with your true self.

Here are some of the ways your Shadow will manifest in your life, taking time to PAUSE , breath, and examine what is really happening. Simply taking a beat, giving yourself time before you react or numb will allow you an incredible opportunity to meet yourself in your shadows and grow. (anyone in my Magic Mindset program knows the LIFE-CHANGING -yes, I am yelling – because it is truly life-changing – the power of the pause, it allows us to regain our awareness and intention in any moment).

Triggers:

Do you ever find yourself consistently annoyed at the same things? Does the same person always piss you off? Do you find certain situations simply unbearable?

Those are triggers – and when you identify them, you also identify an opportunity to find a part of your Shadow. Anytime you find yourself instantly RE-ACTING and feeling unable to remain calm, you are being triggered by something in your past.

I am not suggesting you try to do deep work when you find them – instead, simply become AWARE of them because awareness is your power. You cannot heal what you will not acknowledge. Bringing awareness to anything that consistently brings out the worst in you allows you an opportunity to show up differently, to show up better. To show up as the person you wish to be. Find your triggers – and you will also find the power to do better in them.

Patterns:

Along with triggers are patterns. Look for your habitual responses. Do you have a bad day and immediately grab a White Claw? Do you fight with your husband and instantly head to the kitchen? Do you yell, and your children then retreat to the confines of social media, doing your best to drown them out? Do you tell yourself you will start doing something like going to the gym or heading out of a walk after dinner only to never do it?

Those are patterns. Habitual responses that are keeping you stuck. Find them – and ask – what can I do differently. Often the answer is painfully simple – you need to pause.

Pause and ask what would best serve you in that situation that allows you to choose differently – and choose better.

Judgment and Jealousy:

Both are huge shadows – and both have so much to teach us. What we judge is often a projection. If you find someone unbearable, they may be mirroring back a part of you that you hate about yourself.

I know that is a hard pill to swallow – we want to write that off and say no, they just suck as a person, and truthfully they might – but regardless, they are present in our life with something to teach us. Not taking an opportunity to learn what that something might be will be to our detriment 100% of the time.

What you judge is often what you DO. The only time that is not true is when it is something you do not understand, which still requires your attention and commitment to learning why you find that behavior so upsetting.

100% of the time, judgment is mirroring YOUR shit back to you.

And of course, there is jealousy, something we do not like to own up to, which is a shame because jealously is an easy thing to learn from. What are they doing that you wish to do? Go do it. What are they that you want to be? Go be it.

Jealousy is there is give you permission. Do not allow yourself to stay in its low vibration; instead, use it to help create awareness around who you wish to be – and start living your life as that person.

I am well over 1200 words – which means it is time to wrap this up but do not get it twisted; there is so much left to explore! Look for the Podcast later this week (if you are reading this later, it is the Podcast entitled "Get to know your Shadow" – episode 12).

Through my own work – which has been a lot, I am one messy little mess, and the honor of working with around one hundred women over the last few years, I have identified one overarching truth: our shadows often hide in our relationship with food.

Our shadows fuck with us through how we feel about what we see in the mirror and the food we put on our plates.

Exploring our relationship with food is really exploring our relationship with our shadows, which is why we can never seem to escape our bullshit. We think our problem is the food – but – if that was the case, a diet would have solved it… but did it? Nope, and it made it worse.

That is why I made the Magic Mindset program, to finally un-fuck that relationship and help you fully heal your WHOLE being – mind, body, and soul. Because you are still reading, I have a code for you if you are ready to dive into those shadows and meet yourself fully.

Use the code "shadow" to save 13% on Magic Mindset – not an unlucky number at all – it is the number of the feminine divine and which is exactly what you are – and now is the time for you to see it.

XXO-

Heather

Confidence is Key

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 26 Sep 2021 11:16:19 GMT

What is confidence? Probably not what you think. When we think of confidence, our mind goes to a woman walking boldly into a room. Someone who owns their presence fully, feels good in their skin, stands tall, and generally likes themselves.

But is that all? Hardly.

At its core – confidence is trust. Knowing that you can rely on yourself.

Where we get it wrong with confidence isn’t our lack of self-love or self-appreciation. That is absolutely part of it, but bigger than that – it is a lack of self-trust.

You are never going to feel confident in any situation if you do not trust yourself.

I have always been a fan of the quote; self-esteem comes from esteemable acts . I take it one step further, though. Self-esteem comes from esteemable actions and not treating yourself like shit, lying to yourself, letting yourself down, or disregarding your body’s intuitive knowledge and wisdom.

Self-esteem and confidence come from discipline, fortitude, following through, and building un-breakable self-trust.

If you want to feel more confident, don’t stand in the mirror and repeat “I am confident” until you pass out. Instead – tell yourself you are going to do something and then actually do it.

You must be able to trust yourself, and you have to know when you say something, you will do it. The problem is most of us are putting our needs, wants, desires, and goals on the backburner… which is bullshit and cannot happen anymore.

I would love to give you rah-rah soft advice. I would love to tell you to put on a pair of big-ass hoops and instantly feel that confident. Because in some parts, that works. If you want to feel confident, you have to feel put together . The simple act of putting on clothing you feel good in, shoes you can stand tall in, and whatever makeup and accessories you don that will help you feel like a badass bitch will help. But it is not enough.

All the heels, hoops, and red lipstick in the world cannot fix an internal problem. If you want confidence, you need to be willing to be a bit uncomfortable doing some inner work.

Start by getting things done.

Simple on the surface, but believe me, this goes so much deeper. This includes every area of your life. If you think a load of laundry you have been putting off that has slowly but surely morphed into an entire mountain of laundry is not affecting your confidence, you are all the way wrong. The same with the big work project you may be putting off, the closet you tell yourself every Sunday you will clean but never get around to it.

If you want confidence, you need to know you are capable of getting shit done. Not just some things, all the things.

Anything you deem essential to your health, success, wellness, and well-being. Which, of course, includes the other stuff we are notorious for putting off, like working you. If you have been telling yourself for a month you are going to start working out on Monday but have yet to meet the Monday, you actually start… this is your kick in the pants to get it together.

Let your subconscious and your higher self know that you are not fucking around anymore, and if something is important to you, you will do it.

Put yourself on your to-do list. Tell yourself that you are important. Make time for everything in your life that would help foster your growth and improvement.

Exercise is a huge confidence builder. It obviously helps with better health, and no one is feeling confident with a constant runny nose and case of constipation… It also helps with depression and anxiety- massive confidence killers, things that make us feel helpless and powerless over our own thoughts. Exercise will improve every area of your life, teach you how to show up for yourself, try, and, more importantly, try again… because if you are scared of failure, you are also scared of confidence.

Confidence and acceptance of failure are one and the same.

You have to be willing to try – you have to be willing to bet on yourself, knowing sometimes you may lose that bet! But it is ok! That is far better than being the person who is telling yourself no.

Failing is not and never will be the enemy. Failure is the greatest teacher we have. It is instant and precise feedback that lets us know where we went wrong but, more importantly, where we went right. That information can be used again; it will make us stronger and better 100% of the time if we allow it to do so.

Here is the thing- every successful, confident, efficacious, self-assured person you meet or admire has failed. They have probably gotten their ass handed to them a few times, and they have eaten a shit sandwich more than once – often publicly. And they still keep going.

If you are scared of failing, you are scared of winning.

If you are scared of failing, you are scared of succeeding.

If you are scared of failing, you are scared of success, of trying, becoming better, and becoming more…

Being scared to fail is being scared to really live.

And no one – ever – is feeling confident while they sit on their recliner thinking about starting but telling themselves all the ways it could go wrong.

Which it could, they could fail, we all could.

But it is just as likely everything will go right. We can tip the scales of luck even further in our favor by having the courage to believe everything will go right. And here’s the cool thing – the more you believe that, the more likely it is to happen.

Fight for your wins, get gritty fighting for your successes. Stop giving all your power to your excuses.

If you want to be confident, be willing to fail, knowing that failure is always part of the process. It is a non-negotiable stop on every train ride to any goal. Embrace it, knowing you will learn something that being scared and playing small could never teach you.

Being confident means no longer comparing yourself to others.

We are all on different roads, and each of us has a different path. Looking at someone else and measuring yourself against them is a trash way to live. If you are looking for anything other than inspiration, stop.

Use someone’s successes as a permission slip. Their win shows you the same win is available to you. But using someone’s successes as a reason not to try – because they already did that, or you will never be as good as them, as popular, as talented, as whatever is complete bullshit.

Do not compete with anyone; you are putting yourself in a race you will never win by doing so. And you will kill your confidence every time.

Reframe your self-talk. Never use the words: I can’t.

You don’t know that. Stop predicting the future. Maybe something is new you never tried before; it may be a challenge, but that does not mean you cannot do it, and it means you haven’t done it YET.

I fucking love the word yet.

I am not a bestselling author yet. I am not ________ fill in your dream here yet.

Yet, it is a possibility. It is a promise, and it is a commitment to showing up. Can’t is a dead end.

Stop limiting yourself. Start allowing yourself.

There is a lot more to this conversation. Head over to the Magic Mindset Podcast to finish it. Things get a little spicier there, digging into judgment, jealousy and comparison. Look for it on September 30th.

Bullshit or Growth?

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 20 Sep 2021 16:26:59 GMT

Almost all the time, the answer is: Get out of your own way...

What is worse? Being aware of our bullshit or being unaware? Knowing we are fucking our life up or believing the majority of our problems to be outside of ourselves and our control?

I have my answer. I am curious about yours.

Truthfully, I've found both to be exhausting. If you are aware, you know when you are fucking up and sliding into detrimental habits. You know when you are off your game and letting destructive practices guide your life and choices.

And when you are not aware- well, that sucks too- because you are doing all of the above but under the delusion that either A: everything is fine, and you are just living your life or B: everything is fucked you have no control over your life.

If you haven't guessed it, I am a fan of being aware of our bullshit. I will gladly take the knowledge that I am the one fucking up my life over the bullshit and incorrect belief that life is largely out of my control.

Awareness of your bullshit is a blessing – because with that awareness comes an awareness of your potential and all the shit holding you back from achieving it.

Whenever I talk here, on my podcast, or in any post, I am always speaking to some version of myself. Maybe it is Heather the fuckup, the one who felt powerless and incapable of change – the one who spent her nights watching Real Housewives, her weekends drinking, and her days chasing her own tail. Sometimes it is the Heather of the future – I cannot wait to meet her, and I am doing everything I can right now to make her proud.

Because of that, I am almost always talking to this Heather, the one in the present. The one in the middle – who feels largely above her past bullshit but also somehow still tethered to it. Tethered to the IDEA of who she used to be, because she knows to some people – my past is all they know. And I am not that person anymore.

Stepping out of who you were to become someone new is the bravest thing you can do – because it often means walking away from everything that keeps you comfortable. Coincidentally those things are normally everything that is also keeping you stuck. The behaviors we turn to that allow us to numb rather than feel. The stories we buy into that keep us believing we are somehow not strong enough, determined enough, or whatever bullshit we tell ourselves when we look into the mirror.

I am writing this with frustration. I have difficulty seeing people stuck in bullshit now, mainly because I stayed cemented in mine for the better part of my adult life.

There was always a reason not to try. A reason to say no. A reason to stay small. I allowed fear of the unknown – mainly fear of failure – to run my life.

I was the person who was always telling myself no.

What a fucked up way to live. Constantly telling yourself that you were incapable. Constantly fighting for your unworthiness.

I can't be around that now. I don't claim to be a psychic – but my ability to sniff out bullshit is unmatched. I can spot an excuse from a mile away. Tied to that – I see potential clearly and brightly. I see everything buried deep inside that is begging to come out… if only we could get out of our own way.

I can't. I don't have time. I don't have money. I will feel stupid. I have never done that before. I will look dumb. Everyone will be looking at me. Everyone will be judging me. I will fail. I will falter...

All the lies we tell ourselves to keep ourselves small. Stuck in our bullshit. I've heard them all, and, at points of my life, I have said them all. I catch myself saying them still - the words falling out of my mouth out of a habit that has been in place since I was 16. A habit of not trying .

At what point do we stop it. At what point do we look in the mirror and say, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! (???)

As Elizabeth Gilbert said, no great life transformation happens without one first becoming sick of their own bullshit .

Aiming to keep ourselves comfortable is like letting a child carry around a pacifier until they are seven. What kept us comforted is often what is keeping us stuck.

The fear of missing out is keeping so many of us trapped. We are so conditioned to say yes to old experiences while cutting ourselves off from new ones.

How many times have you experienced the same hangover? Saying every time you were done… no more of this shit. You are too old, you know better… Only to do it again next week.

And I am not only talking about drinking. The guilt hangover that comes from gossiping. From skipping the gym. From turning to food to numb our emotions instead of being brave enough to feel them.

The hangover that comes from every time you sell yourself short – knowing deep down you are capable of more – but terrified to find out what that more looks like.

Because you know – meeting that version of yourself requires shedding so much of who you are right now.

I am a tangle of emotions today – almost none of them are mine. I am harboring them for others; I am a keeper of excuses, goals come and find me – they tell me their big dreams. I allow myself to become overcome with joy over all the good they promise. I see their potential, and it inspires me more than I could begin to explain here. But then life happens, things become hard, situations arise, inevitably roadblocks are found… and I get left with an unbroken promise of those goals again.

I know the discomfort that comes with examing your bullshit. I know what it is like to pull apart the proverbial closets that contain our baggage, the mess it creates, the stories we must untangle and piece apart to discover what is ours and what was simply picked up along the way.

It sucks.

It is messy.

It is arduous.

And it's fucking glorious.

Looking yourself in the mirror, fully taking ownership of where you are right now, removing the blame from everyone else, and owning your role in your story is the most freeing thing you will ever do.

Every full moon, I take an opportunity to examine my bullshit. To make a list of all the things I am doing that are keeping me stuck. After years of this practice, you would think the list would be dwindling… but alas, here I am – still writing.

I don't think this work will ever be done. The difference between now and when I started is that I am ok with it. I know I am not a project to be finished. No one is.

I would like to say we are all doing our best, but I do not believe that to be the case. Some of us aren't. We are allowing our bullshit to run our lives. We are ok with being the victim of our circumstances rather than the creator of them.

I don't want to be filled with excuses anymore. I want to be filled with dreams. Dreams so big I tell no one for fear they would think I was crazy (and because I can't have anyone's limited scarcity minded energy coming into my field of manifestation… not today Debbie downer, not today).

All that to say- look at your bullshit. Look at your excuses. And then – the scariest of them all – look at your potential. Imagine all the amazing things you could do if you got out of your own way.

Then ask yourself: What am I fighting for? My bullshit? Or my growth?

Ditch Diet Bullshit

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 17 Sep 2021 10:02:55 GMT

It is time to clear out the leftover diet-based bullshit that is hanging around.

Most of us are clear on the fact that we are over dieting. We know both intuitively and logically that dieting has done us zero favors.

Whatever weight we lost came back, often with a vengeance, and the health affirming behaviors we may have picked up from the diets did us no favors either – because we attach them to something we do solely to lose weight . Which is trash – and why those behaviors often trigger a relapse back into diet-based thoughts and actions.

How is it that we can be 100% opposed to dieting yet still feel stuck in its bullshit whenever we aim to eat in a way that nourishes our body and helps improve our health? Because we may be holding on to some diet-based behaviors – and friends, it's time to kick them to the curb.

First, we have to cover what a diet really is. Currently, the anti-diet movement is huge, which is wonderful – but also confusing because we now have "lifestyles," cleanses, and protocols that are cleeeearly diets claiming they are not. And some of us believe that bullshit.

If something asks you to monitor your food intake, such as counting calories, macros, or watching carbs, that is a diet. Which, by default, make the so-called lifestyle programs such as Weight Watchers and Noom very much diets.

Of course, there is nuance here – and I would be remiss to not point it out. While I firmly believe WW and Noom are trash, they are underfeeding and depriving women all over the globe. There can be a place for tracking your calories , and the problem is when that tracking becomes a lifelong crutch.

Unfortunately, some people have no idea what a portion size looks like. Our supersized culture does not help that. Understanding what 5 ounces of protein look like can be hugely beneficial, and knowing what an ounce or two of cheese looks like is to your benefit. Knowing how many calories are in that handful of nuts or serving of granola can be beneficial knowledge. There is a place for tracking in some form for some people. Not all, and in all cases, not all the time. Tracking is a temporary tool to help get you from point A to point B. If you need it to STAY at point B, you are doing it wrong.

Taking macro or calorie advice from some online Insta coach is NOT the play – ever. The only person who can give you a meal plan containing caloric breakdowns is a Registered Dietitian, and they will do so in a way that helps you NOT need to monitor and track forever.

Then you have cleanses, protocols, and other "lifestyle" programs such as Paleo or Keto… If it has a name, it is a diet. Period.

If you feel the need to name how you eat, you are dieting.

I am not even going to touch Keto because if you genuinely believe removing most vegetables from your plate, drastically limiting fruits, avoiding carbs at all costs, and eating butter, cheese, cream cheese, peanut-butter fat bombs is a GOOD thing, you can't be helped. You (unfortunately) need to learn the hard way that what you are doing to your body by following that restrictive bullshit is fucking you up.

Paleo is a bit more nuanced but equally problematic when it becomes dogmatic and restrictive. I am all for "eating clean," but I fucking hate that term. What even is eating clean? Doing shots of Windex post-meal? If we demand we eat "only clean," we can easily find ourselves down and a dark and restrictive hole.

Being mindful of ingredients is a good thing, and aiming to get in a ton of veggies and enough protein is a good thing. But eating in a way that limits food choices because you will not allow a little soy or food coloring will basically ensure you are depriving yourself unless, of course, you have a legitimate food allergy.

Which brings me to my next not-diet diet …

Protocols that aim to help you find food intolerances…

Y'all. They are diets. They may not have been designed to become a diet, but 99% of people are using them; they are very much a diet. If you legitimately think you have a dairy intolerance, remove dairy. Do not remove all other gluten, sugar, and joy from your plate. If you feel you have problems with gluten, stop eating gluten and see what happens. You do not need to remove all "potentially inflammatory" foods from your diet to see how you feel. All food can be potentially inflammatory. Going on a 21 day or 30-day cleanse, which is what these protocols are, is another way to say, "I am going on a diet."

All that to say, diets are everywhere, even where they claim they are not. If you are removing things from your diet, watch yourself because you are going to find yourself on a diet almost all the time.

So-- what do you do when you want to feel better but don't want to end up repeating the same cycle for the 10384 times?

You ALLOW, and you ADD.

You allow all foods at all times, and you give yourself full permission to eat anything at any time. And believe me, I know how scary that sentence looks. That is why I built an entire program around unfucking your relationship with food. If you are terrified to eat certain things, struggle with binging, and feel shame around what is going on your plate and in your belly, I implore you to check Magic Mindset out and allow it to help you heal.

Because the truth is, as long as the food is off-limits to you, it has power over you. The more you tell yourself that you can not have something, the more you will desire it. When you fully allow ALL things – even the things you constantly find yourself binging on – you will change your relationship with them, and almost all the time, you will stop craving them.

In addition to allowing – you ADD.

You allow for big, beautiful lunch and breakfast, something very few of us do. We eat like birds all day, then wonder why we come home and binge and end up eating everything in sight…

You add lots of veggies because they are magic and help you feel amazing!

You eat meat. Animal protein and this is coming from a former vegetarian. Eating meat is to your benefit, and it will allow you to feel amazing.

You also allow and eat (don't spit out your water…) CARBS.

Not dieting means eating food that you enjoy – what a novel concept, right!

If you want to stop dieting, you have to start eating. Common sense, but we tend to lose that when it comes to our waistlines.

And I know how scary this is! Again, that is why I built the Magic Mindset Program to help you through this process. Because we have so much to learn when it comes to releasing diets and their bullshit.

I get asked a lot – how do I stop binging, and in short, the answer is straightforward: you start eating. You eat the foods you have told yourself that you cannot be trusted around. You eat the foods you binge on. Understanding the reason you binge is that you have given that food power it does not deserve.

You also get rid of the scale. Kick that fucker to the curb, and tell his busted ass bye-bye. You will never (ever ever ever) be free of your diet-based bullshit if you are basing your worth and weight on a number.

You have to find your higher why. Why do you want to change your relationship with your food beyond your body? What are you hoping to have happened when you change the way you interact with your physical being? If you have not checked out the podcast all around Highest Self, go do that ASAP because we cover this concept in detail, and again, this is THE reason I created the Magic Mindset program. Getting to know how you truly want to treat yourself changes EVERYTHING, and spoiler alert: you will never want to restrict your deprive yourself.

The confusing thing is sometimes being good to yourself still requires forcing – but not in the sense we are used to. Forcing to help you grow, behaviors like taking time to check in with yourself and ask how you are feeling. Making sure you are meeting your protein and fiber needs. Drinking enough water. Things that ADD health to our lives and have nothing to do with becoming less – instead, they allow you to become MORE.

Forcing yourself to PAUSE – a concept that is drilled repeatedly in the Magic Mindset program is by far the biggest game-changer. It is another thing that, in theory, sounds very simple: checking in with yourself, asking what you need at that moment, and honoring that need – but in reality, it is challenging at first because we have so much diet-bullshit to wade through.

Pausing is a continuation of allowing. It is creating space for higher-self to guide you what you need, or in some cases, do NOT need in whatever moment you find yourself in.

Giving yourself permission to eat everything at any time and doing so in a way that serves you – which you will know you are doing if you are taking time to PAUSE, check-in, and ask what you need. Allowing your body the space to ask for its needs is a game-changer. Your body does not want to feel like shit, and your mind does not want to be chronically deprived.

And lastly, don't fix. We keep going back to diets because we feel the need to "undo," and that undoing is exactly what keeps us stuck. Every time you tell yourself you need to earn or burn your food, you keep yourself in your bullshit. There is nothing to fix; keep it moving. In aiming to be "good," you are keeping yourself in a perpetual state of diet-bullshit.

This is a much abbreviated version of my podcast – if the topic is interesting to you, and you would like further clarification around it, check out episode 10, "Ditching Diet-Bullshit." And if you are struggling to leave the diet cycle, if you feel like you are always returning to the same behaviors and never seeing results, check out the Magic Mindset Program. There is a better way! You can live the diet-free life of your dreams if you are willing to do a little workaround reframing your mindset and getting out of your own way.

Highest Self (I am back Bitchesssss)

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 12 Sep 2021 13:55:05 GMT

I have been away from the "blogging" space for a while. Writing a book has been on my heart for years, but I told myself countless stories around why I was either incapable of doing it or should not be doing it.

Turns out practicing what you preach is more complicated than it looks in some cases….

So I called my bullshit and got to work, which meant putting the blog on hold to throw all my creative power into that still unnamed book that lives under the file name of "Best Selling Book!!" because claiming it is something I practice well.

Also, in that time, I (finally) called my bullshit and created a Podcast, another thing I wanted to do forever but told myself I shouldn't/couldn't/insert the rest of my bullshit here…

Between those two pretty significant projects, the blog fell off. I intend to bring it back, to recap what we talk about on the podcast and as a space to expand upon my Instagram captions… y'all know how I have a hard time keeping things brief. But mainly, as a space to expand. I feel called to share more lately but not with the entire internet. I want to share with YOU, the person who takes the time to come here and read this. I am excited to have and create a space where topics can be explored deeper, because of that I would love if you take advantage of the comment tool here so we can discuss further!

You should know – I will not be spending much time editing this. You will see spelling errors and theirs where there should be a there. If this upsets you – do not read. To be blunt, I want to connect with you here, but I don't want to waste time editing myself. My intention is to simply hit publish – and let my unfiltered, unedited (maybe even sometimes unhinged) words live in this space.

No, that the air is clear. Let's move on to the actual post! My favorite concept – my north star – my goal post, and – my bullshit caller:

The idea of HIGHEST SELF

Before I explain, I want to give you a backstory about how this concept was introduced. This brings us back to Corning Community College circa 2005(ish).

I had zero idea what I was doing or what my end goal was there. My parents threatened to cut me off if I didn't go back to school or work more hours. School seemed like an easier route.

Because I had no aim in life at that time – and honestly could not envision a future beyond the weekend, I signed up for any course that I thought would require minimal effort. I was enrolled in philosophy – no shade, philosophy is pretty fucking fantastic, it is my jam now, but 16 years ago, I was not that deep, a human sexuality course because I have always been a low key pervert, an English course, and a one-credit course in meditating…

Let me be clear – 16 years ago, I had ZERO interest in learning to meditate; I was 100% there because it was an easy A.

Turns out that course changed my life.

We are ALWAYS where we are supposed to be. Not to say bad things don't happen, I am not a person who prescribes to the idea that "everything happens for a reason."

That is a bullshit belief, in my opinion. I believe things with no real or meaningful reason happen all the time, some of the awful and tragic, but fighting with reality means we will lose 100% of the time (Byron Katie).

In MY life- it has been my experience that every trial, tribulation, and fuck up I have gone through (which have been plenty) has played a role in where I am right now.

And I wouldn't change where I am NOW, this amazing, beautiful, expansive period in my life for anything.

We all have a choice when it comes to our past, and it's shit. Use that manure as fertilizer and grow something beautiful. Or we take our shit and spread it all over our faces and everything around us – stinking up everything we touch.

I lived covered in my bullshit for years; I have no desire to return there ever again.

I don't remember much from the class- towards the end of the semester, preparing for meditation like every other Monday, Wednesday and Friday the weeks before she said a Sanskrit phrase, OM NAMAH SHIVAYA – which translates loosely to – I bow with respect to my highest self.

I bow with respect to my highest self.

I cannot say or type those words without having head-to-toe chills. I cannot hear those words without becoming instantly inspired and – if I'm honest- feeling a bit called out. Because if I am not honoring my highest self, I feel it in my gut instantly.

Something in me lit up when she said that phrase and told me to hold onto those words. So I did, and they changed me.

Until that moment, the idea that something holy was in me had never crossed my mind. That I was also something to be respected, worshiped, honored… which, of course, means you are too. Every single human we encounter is.

That idea blew my mind.

And it also made complete sense. I am not religious, but I have always believed in God, in something greater than myself. I have always been aware of a presence bigger than me, but never before considered that something was also in ME.

But, of course, it is. Just like our parent's DNA is inside of us, so are the remints of whatever creator you believe in.

Side note – for me, God and the universe are one and the same and also different. I believe there are guides, spirits, and magic all around us, and if you think that is crazy, that is your right – and I also feel sorry for you. I can't imagine looking around this beautiful earth and not seeing signs of magic…but I digress.

The highest self is US – it is in ME, in YOU, and in EVERYONE.

Highest self It is our potential. Our magic. Our light. It is everything GOOD and KIND inside of us.

When we live as our highest selves, we live in alignment with our highest potential and our soul's calling. We are treating ourselves with kindness, with love, and with care.

We are living in alignment with our goals BUT not goals in the car we drive or our weight (believe me. I have A LOT to say on weight and how highest self applies there -we will get there soon) Goals as in things we are doing that not only elevate ourselves but elevate the people around us as well.

For example – weighing 140 pounds does NOTHING to help the people you love or the people in your circle. It may even harm them because they must witness and possibly LEARN from your fucked up behaviors. They may see you treating your body like trash, depriving and restricting yourself, and think what you are doing is what they should be doing.

BUT – if you treat your body with KINDNESS with love, respect and nourish yourself in a way that allows you to THRIVE, they will see that too. And those behaviors will rub off on and inspire EVERYONE around you.

The energy between those things is entirely different. The end goal may be similar: to have a different experience in your body. But the process and the outcomes will vary greatly. The person chasing weight loss will sacrifice their health and turn out completely from their body's wisdom. The person aiming to honor their physical being, be good to themselves, and nourish their body, allowing it to thrive will deepen their connection with self and develop a love and gratitude for their physical being that will completely change their life.

When you are living as your highest self, you are making decisions that help you thrive. You are living in a way that allows you to expand. You are leaning into habits, processes, and behaviors that align with how you want to show up in the world .

But how do you figure out how that looks?

Easy…

Well, OK- not easy, but simple. You self-question.

This is your homework, but only if you are serious about expansion and growth. If you are cool coasting – definitely do not do this because it will wake up some shit in you…

Buy yourself a fancy-ass journal (not totally needed but also kinda completely needed. Growth is work; it is a disciplined process you will need to come back to over and over and over, and just when you think you are really growing, you will realize how much you need to come back to it again. Self-questioning is the most wonderfully exhausting thing you will ever do, so buy the fancy-ass journal; it will make you excited to get your thoughts, plans, and dreams out).

Or, of course – you can always grab a piece of paper and pen.

Then you give yourself space; make sure you have some time to sit with these questions. Twenty to thirty minutes should be plenty. Give your dog a bone. The kids can have their Ipads and snacks. Make sure you have some space to be alone with your thoughts.

Shut the door – create a quiet environment – and start questioning.

You get curious about your goals, dreams, desires, and most importantly, who you wish to be and how you wish to show in the world.

Ask yourself: WHO am I when I am thriving?? Who am I when life is going well?

Understand this may feel real (like really) weird at first. That is OK! It does not mean you are doing it wrong; it only means it is NEW, and anything new will take practice to feel natural. Commit to making self-questioning a practice. I promise you, it will change your life.

Imagine your life as it is now because daydreaming about getting a million dollars, a nanny, and a butler may be fun, but it isn't helpful. Instead, keep your focus firmly on your reality BUT imagine what your existence would be like if you are showing up in it at your best.

How would your reality look if you were treating yourself amazing?

How would your reality look if you prioritize your health and wellness?

Ask and answer those questions in the PRESENT tense, which will give you a solid list of affirmations to use and grow from.

An example looks like this:

I am treating myself with kindness. I am exercising three days a week. I am getting 8 hours of sleep. I am eating ample amounts of vegetables and fruits. I am a healthy person with healthy habits. I show up for myself and honor my body's needs and wants.

Ask: W ho am I when I am thriving?

Example: I am confident. I am secure. I am disciplined. I follow through and act on my goals. I stay on top of all household tasks. I am present. I am kind. I am a giver of light.

Ask: Who are you when your thoughts and actions align with who you wish to be and how you wish to show up in the world?

What are your behaviors?

How do you treat yourself?

How do you speak to yourself?

How to eat? How do you move? How to play?

Get specific. Who are you when you are living your best life?

Again answering ALL in the present tense using the words: I AM, I TREAT MYSELF, and so on.

Look at those answers when you are done.

THAT is your highest self.

Honoring those will get you everything you ever wanted.

And look at what is NOT on that paper.

No one wrote --- I want to gossip. I want to talk shit about people.

No one wrote ---- I want to struggle – I want to make life hard for myself.

Highest self is acknowledging not only what elevates you but also being fully aware of what is complete BULLSHIT in your life.

Knowing who you are as your highest self is calling your bullshit. When you know who you are when you are thriving, you can easily see all the actions, behaviors, and habits that are not aligned with that.

Using highest- self questioning helped me learn to eat to HONOR my body.

I will frequently ask: Is this meal serving my highest self – yes or no.

I don't want to spend a lot of time here, this is a whole other topic we will get to soon but in short – the answer your highest self gives you will surprise you at first because sometimes the brownie, pizza, chips, whatever IS the best option!!

At the core, our highest self wants JOY! And no one is joyful eating fish and broccoli for a month straight.

That shit doesn't work! That isn't self-love, and that isn't honoring self-, but obviously, neither is a week or even a DAY straight of processed sugary carbs.

Your highest self is eating to SERVE YOU.

I'm going to say that again: EATING TO SERVE YOU.

Of course, that means veggies, fruits, proteins, staying hydrated, healthy fats, and carbs- but it also means living a full unrestricted life.

Your Highest self is exercising – but not out of punishment of self-hate. An hour of cardio cause you ate chips and queso, ain't it. Ever. But movement you love that is ADDING to your life is honoring your highest self.

Your highest self isn't spending time tearing people down or talking shit.

It isn't wasting energy complaining!! Your highest self knows you have two options in EVERY situation. You either change it – and if you cannot because it is out of your control OR (this is big) you recognize you're not willing to do the work to change it – so you accept it!! You don't batch.

The concept of highest self is a GAME CHANGER. It works in every situation.

It is how I set intentions…. I ask, W hat would my highest self do here?….

If something goes wrong, if I am angry with a person or thing happening, I (try my best – work in progress here) to pause, take a beat, and ask how my highest self would show up right now. Spoiler alert- I never hear back "flip out, talk shit, be angry…."

Highest self is finding YOUR ideal self. What are YOUR goals and then digging deeper – Why are they your goals, who are they helping or elevating?

Highest self is YOU thriving. Happy. Joyful. Living fully and presently in the PRESENT – not crying and bitching about the past OR worrying about the future.

It is living fully in this moment we are in right now.

Next time you are feeling off- sad- angry – annoyed – anything – ask yourself – What would my highest self-do???

When you are feeling gross – bloated – and like you are not taking care of your physical being – ask – How would my highest self treat my body??

And listen.

Get comfortable listening.

The more you ask, the quicker and louder the answers will come.

If this resonated with you I encourage you to check out the link below - the Magic Mindset program was designed to help you reach your goals in a way that entires your entire being: mental and physical. If you are ready to ditch diets, and want to learn how to best care for and honor yourself, this program is your you.

Acceptance and Change

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 30 Mar 2021 12:45:13 GMT

Can you accept yourself fully and still desire to change?

Short answer: You bet your ass you can.

Long answer: keep reading…

Accepting where you are is the only way you are ever going to change. You cannot change what you are not aware of. And you sure as hell can't change what you are in denial about.

Acceptance is acknowledging your role in your life, understanding that almost all the time, whatever situation you have found yourself in is essentially your doing.

When I say I accept my body, that doesn’t mean I love everything about it. When I say I love myself, which encompasses loving my body, mind, and spirit, that does not mean I consider myself without flaws. I am RIDDLED with them, full of failures, shortcomings, and things I wish I could snap my fingers and change. And still, I accept it all... I know now there is no other choice.

Acceptance is saying I SEE myself fully. I know I am not my lowest points and worst traits, and I am not my wins. Walt Whitman said it best: I am wide, I contain multitudes. Bluntly put, there is a lot I like about me and a whole lot of bullshit I am actively trying to change. Both can happen at the same time.

Sometimes acceptance means acknowledging am not willing to remain in denial about where I am at this moment in time. Admitting that if something is going to change, I need to get off my ass and get to work...

Other times it means I happily own where I am and feel the pride associated with getting myself there.

Acceptance means I am not fighting with reality.

Warning: what I am about to say may offend you. We need to stop fighting to keep your bullshit.

Over the last nine years, I have worked with over three hundred women, some of which have legitimate roadblocks standing in their way, keeping them from easily* achieving their goals. (*notice I said easily, they can STILL achieve their goals, it is just going to take a little more work). But, and it’s a big one, they make up a SMALL minority.

The rest simply are holding on tighter to their excuses than they are their desire to change.

You cannot be committed to your bullshit and your growth at the same time . Change doesn’t work that way.

You must pick a team, and by listing excuses, even one, you are choosing your bullshit.

People get it wrong; they think acceptance means laying back and rolling over. That by accepting yourself fully, as you are in this moment in time you are somehow waving a white flag and giving up all hope of future change. That couldn't be further from the case. Acceptance is the bravest, boldest, most courageous thing you can do.

It is taking full ownership of your life, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Recognizing your role in all of it, understanding entirely that your decisions brought you to wherever you are, and seeing the power in that.

Because if you put yourself there, you alone have the power to get yourself out.

Acceptance is being aware that while you may not have chosen everything that happened to you, you get to choose your reactions and what you will do with them.

Acceptance is the first step in taking ownership of your life, becoming more than the bullshit you think is holding you back.

Acceptance is looking in the mirror and knowing you are the hero you have been waiting for.

Do you have to love where you are right now? No. Do you have to love WHO you are right now? Nope.

But you have a choice. You can keep fighting it, keep listening to your excuses and your reasons for staying. Tell yourself you don’t have the time, the money, the energy, hold onto your current situation with all you have; listing all the reasons you are staying IN it.

Or you accept it.

Stop fighting reality and make whatever changes you need to make. Bring awareness to any bullshit and get to work. You are bigger than all your excuses.

Want more no bullshit advice around how to listen to, honor and respect your body? I would love to help. Check out the link below for more information on my upcoming program. Registration is open for two more weeks.

You do not need more discipline…

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 22 Mar 2021 21:50:51 GMT

You need to use more common sense.

A few weeks back, I put a question box in my Instagram stories asking how I could best serve everyone in my online community. What information can I share with you to make your life easier?

I received a ton of great feedback and gained inspiration for future blog posts and podcast topics. (soon!)

But within those suggestions and questions there was an upsetting theme, twenty or thirty responses asking for help around controlling their diet.

"Sweets are my weakness. How do you curb your sweet tooth?"

"I am always hungry! I can't stop thinking about food."

"all i want is JUNK food, feeling out of control, and binging, why does this keep happening?"

"never feel satisfied after my meals. Always want more and end up overeating most nights."

"help not eating sweets at night."

"Sugar!!! suggestions to not want sweets at night"

"overeating every weekend."

Women after women asking for advice on how NOT eat something or looking for guidance on stopping cravings and basically shutting off their desire to actually enjoy the foods they are consuming.

Let me fill you in on a secret…

The more you try to avoid eating a food or a food group, the more off-limits you make it, the more you tell yourself you cannot have it, the more you will want it . You are giving food power it does not deserve.

You crave sweets every night because you spend all day telling yourself you cannot have them.

You are binging and out of control around food because the diet you are aiming to keep is restrictive.

Ladies, we have it all fucked up. We don't need more discipline with our diets. We need to use some common sense.

Stop being your own worst enemy, and start being your own best friend.

Imagine your sister, mother, dear friend or daughter came to you and asked for help. She said she felt out of control with her diet like she was failing and was unable to eat in a manner that served both her mental and physical health.

What would you tell her?

Would you suggest she go on a restrictive diet? Rid her kitchen of all sweets, carbs, cheese, and joy? Eat clean, 100% paleo watching every calorie until she got her act together? Allow her one "cheat meal" a week, only after she has "been good," exercised, and "earned" those calories?

Not a shot unless you are a shitty person.

You understand that approach would be disastrous. If she were to eat that way she would only cause herself more shame and guilt because eating to those standards is almost impossible.

In the slight chance she could stick to that regime, she would come out the other side royally fucked up. Believing some foods were bad, and she needed to earn her sweets and treats with exercise or wait to enjoy them until the weekend because having a brownie on a Tuesday will surely put anyone into diet shame jail.

On the other extreme, would you tell her to throw in the towel and stop trying? Give in to every urge, throw any health-based behavior to the wind, and just go HAM eating whatever she wanted?

Hell No. You know what that could look like and what total trash she would feel like.

You wouldn't suggest extremes to a person you love. You would tell the person you care about the truth. Restriction isn't workout, and suggest they pay better attention to what they eat in ALL ways.

Help them see that aiming to eat super clean, sticking to an unrealistic caloric goal, or aiming to nail their macros isn't a sustainable option. You would also point out that no one feels great after eating an entire sleeve of cookies. You would advise them to use moderation. Find a happy middle, one where they take care of themselves without deprivation.

It is time to follow your own advice…

Why are we telling ourselves eating for pleasure is bad? How skinny and hungry do you need to be before you earn a cookie?

Why do we trust ourselves to run businesses, classrooms, households, drive cars which could kill us at any second with a wrong move, yet we do not trust ourselves in a kitchen past 8pm?

Who told you chocolate on a Tuesday was terrible and something to be avoided at all cost?

Why is "needing something sweet after a meal" something you feel shame over?

When did eating for pleasure become off-limits?

Asking these questions seriously seeking answers. I have been a slave to these rules in the past. I know the cage they can keep you in and the pain of breaking free from them.

I am ok never knowing why we believe this bullshit. I can live the rest of my life never understand why successful, powerful, motivated women become powerless and fearful around carbohydrates.

But I am not ok LIVING trapped in that diet-based bullshit.

Back to the questions…

How do you stop binging, feel more in control around food, and curb your sweet tooth? You eat more.

You eat more of what you love. You eat more of what you enjoy. You eat like you give a shit about your FULL BODY health, mental and physical.

What do you think is going to happen if you have a cookie during the workweek? Really, ask yourself that.

What bullshit stories are you telling yourself? What are you so fearful of?

Rhetorical question because I know the answer. I've heard hundreds of women, myself very much included in that list, answer.

We believe if we eat the cookie or have the "something sweet" after dinner, we will end up out of control, not being able to stop at just one, and will "ruin our entire day."

We hold onto that belief with every fiber of our being because we know it to be accurate. It has happened hundreds of times in the past. Every time we eat the proverbial cookie, we binge, or in the least feel guilt over "failing" ourselves, as if eating 150 calories of white flour and sugar is the same as purposely running over a kitten.

We confirm our bullshit by constantly predicting the future. Telling ourselves repeatedly what we can and cannot eat and what calamity will happen after we fall off our "plan." PRO TIP: if you are going to be a fortune teller at least predict an outcome you will enjoy! Stop manifesting more bullshit in your life!

My thoughts, now, on the other side of the diet-trap:

You aren't binging or overeating sweets because you lack control or discipline. You are overeating and binging because you constantly tell yourself you can't have these things because they make you overeat and binge. (yelling that right at ya). It is a circular statement for a reason. You are fearful of food because you know you will binge, and you binge because you are afraid of food.

I am over the diet-based bullshit beliefs. They are serving no one. They keep us stuck, and worst of all, fearful and cut off from ourselves.

Side note, Y'all know I am a hippy, so hear me out with this: you want to trust your intuition? Want to be in tune with that sacred inner knowing we all carry, know when to go with your gut, and lean in. Be able to hear your body say, "Oh hell no," and gtfo when needed. Then start listening to your body!! Trust me, life is better when your channels are open. I know when I am getting a hit from the source and when to listen now because I got comfortable listening to my body and HONORING what I heard.

You will never be able to listen to your gut, aka intuition, when you do not trust it!

Does that mean you should immediately jump and eat every craving you have? No . Not at all.

It means you sit with the voices you hear, all of them, good and bad. The ones asking for cookies and the ones that scream, "no bitch you need some kale". Get comfortable exploring your thoughts and fears around food. Instead of trying to repress every craving, question it. What is happening at that moment, what do you need to give yourself, did you eat enough that day, can you wait five minutes to have it and see if you still want it….

Don't write off everything your body tells you because you are fearful of carbs/sugar/calories.

Totally unrelated to food, but someone completely related. If you want to level up your connection to intuition, and the collective knowledge outside of ourselves start with leveling up your relationship to yourself .

Treat yourself like you like yourself. FEED yourself foods you enjoy AND the foods you need to maintain feeling your best. Both can exist together.

You can still reach your goals, zip into the jeans you want, feel good in your skin, AND eat sweets at night.

Learn to listen to yourself as opposed to thinking every craving is wrong. Your body knows what it is doing and will lead you to exactly where you need to be IF you let it.

Sure, you need to cover your nutritional bases, eat like you give a shit about your health, and eat like you love yourself. Stop thinking eating well is black and white, we live very much in the gray. Constant deprivation isn't normal. Food is pleasure you never have to earn. You CAN reach ALL your goals and not deprive yourself through diet hell to get there.

Ask yourself what you need. Listen, honor and explore.

If overeating, not trusting yourself around food, binging, dieting, not being happy in your body, wanting to learn how to listen to your body's needs all while reaching and maintain your goals is something you need help with, I got your back.

I have a six-week program that will help you unpack, un-learn, and reset yourself into a place where food is your friend, not your enemy. Help you learn how to stop fighting your body and start working with it to meet and KEEP your goals.

You can have your cake and eat it too. If you’re over the bullshit, sick of feeling like shit, sick of fighting yourself and ready to start honoring yourself I would love to help.

Check out the link below and let’s make some magic together.

Nine Things I learned since March 17th, 2020…

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 17 Mar 2021 16:11:52 GMT

Complaints are like…

I started this post with my sob story. All the wrongs committed against my business, our sole source of income that supports my family, and the families of whom we employ that I care deeply about. Bitching about how gyms were, and still are, unfairly targeted as problematic. How people are using fear as a reason to put their health on hold, under the guise that staying home in isolation is somehow better than breaking a sweat and safely experiencing human connection…

Under the pretext of telling my story, I was complaining.

2020 taught me complaining does nothing aside from pissing the complainer off more. It solves 0% of your problems and makes you sound like a whiner.

Why are we still bitching on Facebook? Has it done anything productive?? We are speaking to our respective echo chambers, who are reverberating back our fears and frustrations.

Don't get me wrong, I have been guilty of this. I've posted at least 7 complaint-based rants and deleted about 208 more because I know logically, I am not changing anyone's mind. I am venting. And while venting can be cathartic, it can be equally damaging… we run the risk of making ourselves even more fired up, fall further into the delusion that there is nothing we can do, and we are probably pissing off some people as well.

Maya Angelo said it best, if you don't like something, change it, and if you can't change it, accept it.

Complaining does nothing. Make phone calls, sign petitions, write your senators and call news stations. Do something. Action speaks louder than complaints. I fear 2020 is becoming the year of learned helplessness, where we all become tricked into thinking bitching is doing something productive, that by publicly taking a stance, we have done our job.

We haven't. Talk is cheap. Complaining is even cheaper….

Everything passes.

We've lived through 100% of our worst days.

Time is wild. It can seemly drag on forever, trapping us in its monotony, then suddenly we wake up and months have passed. We wonder where the time went.

(and what do we have to show for it??)

Last year taught me to stop and ground myself in the present moment, because it is all I have. Last year reminded me that everything becomes smaller, more manageable, and eventually a distant memory with enough space.

Nothing is as bad as it seems.

When you are in it, the forest gets lost in the trees.

Every event can seem like a targeted attack on you, your family, and your community. It is easy to forget at any given time, millions of people can be experiencing the exact same thing, and almost all of us will be ok.

Those who are not are the ones who chose to stay living in the past, replaying all the wronged moments. Forgetting you can only be a victim once. Choosing to stay there is on you.

Focusing on the bad only makes the bad get bigger. We attracted the energy we put out, and our thoughts create our reality. Being happy takes effort, but so does staying miserable...

Some people just like to complain…those aren't my people.

See above. Complaining ain't it, and it seems some enjoy bitching too much to stop. We have normalized sharing our opinions as if they are fact. They aren't... 2020 showed me some people don't want to have conversations, they just want to be heard. Learning to not waste my time talking to a wall was a god-send.

Making an effort to stop bitching (because also see above, we receive back from the universe the energy we put out into it) makes you aware of how often people bitch. Cutting people off isn't mean. It is the kindest thing you can do.

Snooze, unfollow, and unfriend. Do not respond to the text. Change the subject of the conversation or leave the room all together. Protect your headspace by controlling what you see in cyberspace. And protect your energy by not allowing it to be influenced by the low vibes around you.

Be kind. Always.

We have no idea what anyone else is going through, ever. Being kind is always the right call.

Even if they are an asshole because dropping to their bullshit will only leave you smelling like shit too.

Happiness is being present.

All we have is now.

If we spend our time crying over the past or distressing over the future, all we accomplish is robbing ourselves of present joy.

Some of last year sucked.

But a lot didn't.

I found magic when I decided to start looking for it. We have a choice every day when we wake up. \

Be present and committed to trying to see life as it is, or don't and run off with the stories in your head.

Last year forced me to stay in the now, take in only what I can see, touch, and hear around me.

Nothing else is real. Realizing that changed everything.

Worrying solves nothing.

Worrying is asking for what you won't don't want. It is a dress rehearsal for disaster.

I believe the universe listens to everything, and if I spend my time focusing on catastrophic outcomes, that is precisely what I will get.

Woe is me never made anyone better, never fixed a problem, and never elevated anyone's vibration.

Action is the only thing that solves anything. If you are worried about something, prepare for it. If you cannot prepare for it, as was the case with almost all of 2020's bullshit, you have nothing to worry about. It is in God's hands, not yours.

Whenever I found myself in a worry spiral, I would ground myself. Touch something solid, or better yet, go outside and feel the earth beneath my feet, close my eyes and breathe. After a few cleansing breathes, I would silently repeat a mantra, asking for my worry to be taken away with my outgoing breath.

Maybe that sounds crazy to you, but I think it is pretty fucking crazy to sit around daydreaming about disasters….

Food can and should be a comfort.

Read that again.

Carbs can heal. Sugar can bring joy. Cheese is like a warm hug.

A few years ago, I thought eating as a form of comfort was a sign of weakness. Now I know that is just old diet bullshit.

While I never want to eat to NUMB, I will consciously choose to indulge whenever needed. (it was needed a lot during 2020).

Sometimes life kicks you in the nuts, and a cookie will give you that little bit of joy. As long as eating to soothe doesn't make your problem worse and turn into a mindless binge, it is all good.

Eating is an easy way to bring some pleasure to an otherwise gray day. Never let someone tell you food can't be comfortable. Stay present, stay mindful, check-in with yourself, and ask yourself what you want and need at that moment.

If your body/heart/mind asks for a cookie, give it a cookie.

Prevention is the best medicine.

All we have is our health, and the best medicine is prevention.

If we can stay home and wear masks in the name of prevention, I hope we can also look around and take inventory of the

countless other things we can do proactively to keep our health.

Move more. We are stagnant, sitting more than ever, literally letting our bodies decay and our muscles atrophy. We are becoming weak and immobile.

Eat like you give a shit.

See above, I will never tell anyone to not eat the cookie, but lord, eat some veggies too. Have enough protein to keep your muscles strong.

Drink lots of water. We are all chronically dehydrated. Sleep more. We already watched everything on Netflix, get to bed early, you will thank yourself in the morning. Lifestyle diseases are killing us at rapid rates. We are lowering our quality of life out of pure laziness. 2020 showed us all. Without our health, we have nothing. I pray we come out of this strange year with deep respect and appreciation for our health and keep the energy of pro-actively taking care of it. Doing something before it is too late.

Movement is medicine, and diets can heal. Sleep and sunlight are something we can all use a little more of. Keeping ourselves healthy should always be seen as a duty. Imagine what that world would look like.

And get back to the gym…

Weak-end

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 11 Mar 2021 15:35:45 GMT

Why can I never hold it together over the weekends?

Easy answer, you are not eating enough during the week, OR you are not eating enough of the right things (and I do not mean enough vegetables and protein).

Yes, we all need to be covering our bases, ensuring we are giving our bodies enough of the food they require to always feel and operate at their best. That is crucial.

But along with that, there needs to be joy on our plates . We should enjoy what we are eating . You should look forward to our meals, not be completely indifferent all the time or only eating them because they will help us lose the last 20 pounds (for the 42nd time…). That shit never works.

You will never find long-term joy by beating your body into submission.

Stop trying.

If you find yourself eating like you haven’t eaten all week every Friday night or elbow deep into a bag of cookies Saturday afternoon after you promised yourself you will “be good” this weekend, it is time to call your bullshit.

There is one painfully simple solution. Eat more during the week.

The end. Eat more of the foods you enjoy eating during the week. You do not need to wait until Friday night to earn your cookie. You can have that same cookie before it becomes a stale piece of cardboard. You can have dessert on Tuesday. Or Wednesday. Even Monday, when we are all trying our best to "be good"....

Throw out the idea that eating food you enjoy is “cheating.” What are y’all cheating on?? Yourself?! That is a horrible thing to tell your subconscious every weekend.

I picture the conversation going something like this:

�� Hey subconscious, you know I can’t be trusted, right? If I were to eat a cookie on Wednesday, my whole week would be fucked up. I would eat all the cookies, and I wouldn’t stop until Monday morning. I am going to suffer through another week of no carbs. I am not even going to fuck with fruit this week, going to be extra good, no sugar at all.

��‍♀️ OK, didn’t that end up going like shit last week, though? And the weekend before that?

��Ya, but this is different. It will be fine.

Then Friday night comes, you tell yourself you earned just one thing because you did it, you were so good all week, so clearly it is different now, you can stop at only one cookie or one sliver of cake…

And we all know how that story goes. You don’t stop. You can’t because your body is deprived of any pleasure. You are trying to stop a train already in motion.

You end up doing just want you told yourself you would do all week, eat all the cookies and everything else you could find.

Why is that?

Because you told yourself that is what you do! You said it and made it come true.

Stop predicting the future.

Our mind hears everything. All the stories we tell ourselves are happening there. We can not hide from our own thoughts, but we can choose what we pay attention to.

If you tell yourself that every time you eat a treat, you will go off the rails and eat all the treats, then exactly that will happen .

Believing that you can only eat certain foods because of that self-imposed phenomenon is telling the future.

Stop being your own worst enemy.

Food should not hold power over us. If you want a cookie on a Tuesday, eat the cookie. It will prevent you from eating ALL the cookies on Saturday. It really is that simple.

The weekend has become your weak end because we have told ourselves that is a time to cheat...

Why are we OK with cheating on ourselves? That is unacceptable behavior and thinking. Cheating implies that we are doing something wrong, which keeps us stuck in the idea that some foods are bad and only allowed to be eaten during certain magical days when no one is working, and other foods are good, we should eat those during our working week. We believe that by doing so and keeping ourselves in that little safe nutritional Monday through Friday box, we are somehow saving ourselves.

Really that is the exact behavior that is messing us all up.

Eat whatever you want at any given time. Nothing terrible will happen IF you tell yourself and fully buy into the idea that nothing wrong will happen.

Will it be weird at first, breaking all the self-imposed rules you have been abiding by for much of your life? Yes. It will be.

Will you feel like you are doing something wrong or sinful? Yes, it will.

For some of you, the ones like me who struggle with binge eating, will it make us feel like we have thrown in the towel, so might as well say fuck it, eat 10 more, and “start fresh” tomorrow? Yes. It will.

Sit with that feeling. Allow yourself to feel it.

Do not try to avoid it or hide from it. Feel it. Allow your body to sit in that momentary discomfort. Feel what it feels like to go through the full cycle.

Most of us have never allowed that. We get that hot uncomfortable feeling in our bellies, our minds run wild with the idea that we have somehow wronged ourselves, and the only way to right it is by further wronging ourselves, aka eating all the fucking cookies, and by doing that, we are making it right.

We must learn to sit with that discomfort. Feel it. Allow it to pass. It is such simple advice, yet we are not doing it.

I have worked with women who want to lose weight and feel better in their bodies for ten years. Because I struggled with binging, I knew I needed to give ways to ride that feeling out.

My advice was lazy, though, stuff like “go fold a load of laundry” or “clean the kitchen; it will pass.” And I was right, it will pass, and that advice works. But it works like duct tape on a leak. It will hold for so long, maybe minutes, maybe an hour, perhaps even until you wake up the next day and try again. But it will never last forever. The solution is never permanent. It is a lazy fix. A fix that keeps us from doing what we really should be doing all those years; allowing myself to feel.

What I should have been doing all those years I was at war with my body. Sitting with it. Sit with the feeling of distress, unease and anxiety that comes right before a binge.

Do not try to run from it or quiet it with activity. Simply sit and observe. Question. Ask what is happening in that moment making you feel this way. Ask what happened that day to bring you to this point.

You will notice three things, three really fucking magical items that will change your life.

First, that it is not that bad. You can allow that space to occur. And second, it will pass. It will pass, and you will be fine. And third; the most amazing of them all; your body is trying to tell you something. You have something you need to process, a feeling you need to FEEL. Allowing yourself to listen will change how you react in every situation, and that goes so much further then the food on our plates.

Avoiding foods as a means to prevent a binge works, but only for so long. We wouldn’t be eating like an asshole every weekend if it worked as a long-term solution.

If avoidance were the real answer, if a 21 day or 30 day fast from sugar was the real answer to never craving it again, we would only have to do those programs one time. But it doesn’t work like that, does it?

We find ourselves running to the same diets and protocols repeatedly, thinking they will fix us, and when they don’t, we believe we are the problem.

We aren’t. We have just been looking in the wrong place for a cure.

We are the cure we have been waiting for. All we need to do is a hard thing a few times, sit with that feeling and feel it.

Our relationship with food is not logical—our relationship with binging even more so.

The weekend is not what is fucking us up. What we do not allow during the week is.

What happens over the weekends, when we feel off the rails and out of control with our diet, is not a problem. The weekend overeating is a SYMPTOM of a problem you are working HARD to stay in. Eating CLEAN and GOOD Monday through

Thursday is not what is saving you. It is what is fucking you up.

Allow yourself any food at any time.

Ask your body what it wants, listen to its response, and honor it. It really can be that simple if you are committed to getting out of your own way and over your bullshit.

Conflicting Conversations

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 09 Mar 2021 22:33:03 GMT

I geek out on nutrition.

I want to learn everything there is to know. What is the ideal diet, what vitamins are we deficient in, how much protein do we really need, is it brown or white rice?...

The more I learn, the more I consume nutritional knowledge like potato chips, because one theory is never enough , the further I deepen one core belief: nutrition is contradictory , there is no right or wrong , everything can be healthy, and everything can mess you up. Long story short; Do you .

I have never been pro-diets. Aside from the handful of Keto Crazy idiots, no one latches onto one eating style and claims it to be THE way (for longer then 2 weeks...)

Diets are trash, but what isn’t a diet at this point? We can argue anytime someone intentionally cuts calories. Even if they are eating an excessive amount well above their needs, they are on a diet. In that case, a “diet” could be a good thing. For someone else, reducing calories from 1500 to 1200 is NOT going to be a beneficial event. Same behavior, same desired outcome, completely different energy.

Diets aren’t bad. The reasoning behind them can make them so.

I remember “dieting” as early as 5th grade. I had no idea what I was doing, but I wanted to lose weight. I have vivid memories of standing in my parents’ room, looking at myself in their full-length mirror, pinching my love handles, and squeezing back my thighs, imagining what I would look like in a smaller body. Fast forward to high-school, I “dieted” before every dance. Eating only yogurt for breakfast, skipping lunch altogether, popping diet pills that the cashier at Rite-aid let me buy without question, and only eating one handful of Cheez-Its after school.

It was harmful bullshit that never worked because I couldn’t last a week eating like that.

Fast forward a few years, I found myself a teen-mom who had just gained a considerable amount of weight during pregnancy. Everyone told me breastfeeding would melt the pounds away…. They lied.

None of my pre-baby clothes fit, but that wasn’t the main issue. I felt uncomfortable in my body. Like I had stepped into someone else’s skin not made for me, it felt like a tight, itchy sweater. Relief wasn’t going to be found in acceptance. I needed to take it off.

So, I dieted, and I lost over 40 pounds. I needed to lose every single one of them, not because I had to hit a goal weight, but because I was stifled in that body.

I felt like me again. I still was not what most would call “skinny,” but my stomach no longer felt like something separate from me. I didn’t feel like a foreigner in my skin. That “diet” was positive. Had I not taken inventory of how I was eating (like a dumpster… chips, cookies, bagels, pasta, candy, no protein, and no water, just diet soda, at least it was diet, right?) I would have lost myself further.

In the space I am in now, I find myself at a crossroads of conflicting views.

For some, intentionally setting out to lose weight is the worst thing they can do. Fixating on food as if they are only worthy if they eat a perfect, clean, and controlled diet. Believing their bodies are not enough as they are, they must shrink and tighten to be worthy of love. A "diet" will never help them find peace. It will fuck them up further and keep them thinking they are not worthy of their own love.

For others, it may save their life. Weight loss means they no longer feeling winded after walking up the stairs, their knees and hips no longer ache after hours on their feet. Being able to play freely with children or grandchildren. Moving through life with greater ease.

I don’t believe health has a size or a number. I have been the picture of “health,” glowing, fit, muscular, and still wholly unwell. Consumed with unhealthy thoughts and behaviors. I have known many “healthy” looking people whose hormones are a mess and have countless digestive issues, which is just the tip of the iceberg. Thinking you can tell someone’s health by their pant size or weight is like thinking you can tell if a book will be good by looking only at the cover . It may be catchy, but the insides can be totally shit . What we see is a small portion of what is really happening.

The inverse, of course, is true. Many who are not the traditional Americanized versions of health are thriving. Their hormones are happy, digestion and gut working correctly, bloodwork is perfect, visceral fat at a comfortable level… Health is not something you find in clothing size or measure on a scale.

I believe with every fiber of my being, intentionally setting out to lose weight can really fuck a lot of people up. Even more so if these people are fighting with the last 5-20 pounds repeatedly. Let that shit go and find acceptance.

I also know that for some, losing weight allows them a life they did not have prior. It helps them GAIN back some of what they have been missing.

These conversations are complex, nuanced, and dependent on the individual. It is my job as a coach to help both sides find peace and happiness in their bodies.

Both statements are my truth; Losing weight gave me back life. It allowed me to feel like me again. And trying to lose weight ruined years of my life.

Put me in a self-induced hell where nothing was good enough, and happiness was never going to be found.

Drove me to do awful things to be my body. Made me hate myself and lose much of the health I had worked so hard to

gain.

I am anti-diet, but sometimes pro intentional weight loss. I understand for some more, life may be better on the other side, and for others, they are trapped in a cycle they need to remove themselves from.

Both would do well without ever using a scale again.

Neither need to count calories and eliminate food groups, ever.

Both need to learn to listen and trust their body. Both need to know to honor themselves as they are right now.

I am pro-people. Pro health, pro empowerment, pro happiness, and pro contentment. However, that looks for you.

I believe no food is bad, and while some foods are total trash…

Much of what is in the center of our grocery stores are foods we could live without, considering most of it didn’t exist 50 years ago.

Food is engineered to make it hard for us to regulate. Nabisco knows precisely how much sugar, fat, and salt into Oreo’s to make them highly palatable and hard to put down. PepsiCo spent years perfecting the Cheeto, making it light enough to eat the entire bag in one sitting. Soda, chips, candy, cakes, cookies… all of it is made in a laboratory and tested to ensure people will crave it.

The same research that once went into make cigarettes so addictive now goes into our foods… but unlike cigarettes, our government throws money at these companies allowing them to continue to prey on low-income families and children. I will never tell anyone what to eat, it is none of my business, but the standard American diet is killing us, making us sicker, more unwell, overweight, and disadvantaged than ever before. When information around nutrition is plentiful, and the harmful effects of the SAD (standard American diet- fitting acronym) are well known, we continue to become more unwell because of the teams and drinks we consume.

No food is bad, but not every food is helping us thrive.

I will eat Sour Patch Kids until I burn the tastebuds off my tongue, whenever I make garlic pizza, there is a large amount of Velveeta cheese (which isn’t cheese at all, it’s a cheese-like product) on it, I can’t so no to Combos and those extra soft sugar cookies sold at gas station EVER have a special place in my heart.

I also will not eat Doritos, I don’t touch Chips-a-hoy, Gummy Worms are never worth it, Soda is a no all the time, and unless they are NERDS, Jelly Beans are a waste of calories.

Both can be true. What is worth it to me to may not be worth it to you.

Food is not logical. I will never tell anyone what to eat, but I will tell everyone to be picky and pause before they mindlessly consume.

I think self-love is a misunderstood concept . We think it means looking in the mirror and loving everything we see. Being 100% happy with ourselves, not desiring to change a thing. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Think of everyone you love, you accept all parts of them, but you don’t LOVE every aspect.

I don’t love that my kids leave their crumbs everywhere, but I love their spirit and personality.

I don’t love my cellulite or saddlebags, but I love my ambition and my blue eyes.

I don’t love that John can’t seem to find the dishwasher even though he is the one who installed it, but I love his muscular chest and the fact I know he will do anything for me (aside from putting a dirty dish away…)

I don’t love every part of me, some parts I barely tolerate , but I love commitment to showing up for myself.

Love isn’t sweeping. It is acceptance of all, and more significant than that, respect. Having enough care and love for ourselves to know when a behavior is helping us or harming us.

Being able to call our bullshit because we deserve better.

And being able to give ourselves grace because we are human.

Understanding we will never get it right 100% of the time, but we must be committed to continuing to try.

Nutrition is confusing. Knowing what is right and what is wrong FOR YOU can feel impossible when there is nothing but conflicting schools of thought, years of information about what we are supposed to and NOT supposed to eat, and add to that absurd equation; foods that are barely foods occupying our stores and our shelves.

Finding happiness and peace in our bodies comes down to one main thing; learning to trust. Committing to taking inventory of ourselves, our behaviors, our beliefs, and actions and questioning if they align with the person we wish to be.

Sometimes a tremendous amount of bullshit calling is needed, and others, copious amounts of grace , only you can decide what you need at any moment.

Commit to asking yourself what you need, then listen. Your body will guide you.

(and if you want to do better, but confused where to start, I got you. Look for a program coming later this month...)

Ending the All or Nothing Trap

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 11:40:04 GMT

Finding your baseline.

The all or nothing effect; going hard, going all out, no room for errors, straight determination, and with a hearty side of restraint UNTIL the wheels fall off and everything goes to shit, which quickly leads to all or nothing effects evil twin: the fuck it effect.

I’ve lived through both of these phenomena many times and being in a gym for 10 years, seen them hundreds. Women, myself very much included , getting to the gym 5-6 days a week for weeks on end, eating with an incredible amount of self-control and strictness, hitting a wall hard. And that wall is made of processed carbs and way too much time on the couch.

We seem to toggle between these two ways of living. Workouts that are over an hour-long followed by dinners consisting of salads and chicken breast, or snoozing our alarms for weeks on end, making excuses to miss another day, eating like shit, telling yourself that you will start again tomorrow. Knowing damn well you are not, in fact, starting tomorrow.

It sucks to live like that, stuck in the extreme ends of the same vicious cycle.

I won’t say it is easy to get out of the all-or-nothing trap, but it is a piece of cake compared to the hell of staying in it.

Find your baseline.

Find the actual least you need to do that will keep you feeling your best.

Based on this concept, I created a program that drills the most implausibly simple idea: You know how to feed you, you just are not listening closely enough to your body YET (magic word) , to feel confident doing so. But once you learn how to listen be prepared for a ridiculous amount of magic to follow.

Diet culture did us dirty. It told us no pain, no gain. That eating well meant eating bland, dull, carb-free, sugar-free, joy-free meals.

That was a lie. You can very much get to your goals and not grind through the process . You can literally have your cake and eat it too.

Your baseline doesn’t contain lofty goals in the sense of destinations. These are not things that you do until you get to a goal weight or pant size. They are behaviors you are committed to doing all the time. Like all the time. Not 70%, not even 95%. These are 99% every day, brush your teeth behaviors. Meaning you miss them one day. It is OK, kinda gross, but OK. If you miss the two days, you are on some real bullshit…

If you have been following me for a while, my suggestion about how you find them will not surprise you. (if you are new, welcome, I say the following sentence all the time). Ask yourself who you want to be . Sit with that question, don’t rush the answer, think about it for a few days. What behaviors do you want to have, AND what actions are realistic for your life right now?

Keeping in mind, these are brush your teeth happen everyday behaviors with one RULE and one exception:

Rule: you only get four. Period. Three works well too. And two is not enough. Five is too many. Three or four things that are it. You build a stool (three legs) or a home (four corners of a foundation).

Exception : ONE, and only one of these things can be a weekly behavior, think exercise. Daily is not an option but 3-5 days a week is. Or time alone! Maybe you can’t take an hour to yourself every day right now, but you can do that a few times a week.

I will tell you mine, but with hesitation. Because these work for me does not mean they will work for you. These are MY baseline, not by any means the “correct” baseline.

Every day:

1. Eat veggies with breakfast and lunch.

2. Eat animal protein with all three meals.

3. Sleep 8 hours.

Weekly: move 5 times a week.

Notice the veggies only says two meals? That is because this is an everyday thing. And I don’t eat veggies with dinner every day… gasp.

Some dinners are pizza. Sometimes it is Pad Thai. And sometimes it is cereal. And guess what… that is OK. It is actually better than OK because I got my veggies in early.

Animal protein at every meal: this is a 95% thing. If I eat 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, that means in one month, I am having 84ish meals a month. Sometimes those meals are cereal or pizza. I am A-OK if 5-10 of those meals do NOT have animal protein. It will even out. (Side note: exactly why cheat meals are so fucking dumb. You are eating 80-90 meals a month. You don’t need to schedule cheating!! If 10 even 20 meals are “treats,” and the rest have veggies, protein, and decent carb, you will be doing JUST FINE!)

Worry about the macro, not the micro!

Sleep; 8 hours. Obviously, sometimes life happens. Kids wake up, or I just watch Ozark too late, but like the animal protein, 99% of my nights, I am getting enough sleep. And movement, I need to shake my bones a few days a week.

You know what else happens?

Pizza weekly, sometimes twice a week. Take out 3 nights a week. Dessert every. damn. day. With no shame… Plantain chips, pretzels, and no more abusive cardio to burn it all out.

Honoring a baseline means letting the rest of your life happen without judgment. The only thing we MAKE happen are those 3-4 things, the rest are either icing on the cake, or literally, we are eating cake. Both are really cool.

If you find yourself trapped in all or nothing or just struggling to feel good, FIND YOUR BASELINE.

Take a few weeks to make sure it happens, which will be work and will take discipline, but you have dieted through worse, and this time you will have something amazing on the other side.

Feeling Enough

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 11:25:13 GMT

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Being a woman is hard. I wouldn't have it any other way, but with it comes pressure. SHOULDS. What we should be doing, saying, being… and how we should look while we are doing all the above. It is easy to fall into a place of disconnect, separating ourselves from our wholeness as we strive to meet what society is asking of us.

In trying to be everything for everybody, we are losing ourselves.

In proving our worth, we are watering down what makes us substantial.

I don't believe we are feeling "not enough" though, that is not the pit in our bellies or the anxiety that sits on our chests. What we are feeling is fear. Fear of embodying everything that makes us whole.

It is not our darkness that scares us. It is our light.

In burning we will turn some people away, the light radiates off with not be for everyone, and that is ok because those beams of light will find their way to others and give them permission to shine as well.

You know the quote; you will not be for everybody… trust me. You don't want to be.

Feelings of unworthiness, lacking, incompleteness like we are some walking talking flaw who is undeserving of the most basic thing: our own respect. This feeling is not truly based in fear around not being enough.

It is rooted in the knowledge that you already are. You are unwilling to see it and scared of what stepping into YOURSELF would mean to the life around you. (read that again)

Around nine years ago, I started to wake up. I knew my life wasn't working. I wasn't actively participating. I felt like a zombie going through the motions, like a doll set into motion with no control over what happened next. To say I didn't feel enough was an understatement. I didn't feel anything…

Talking to my father, who dealt with his share of problems and put himself into holes so deep it is a miracle he crawled back out of them, I asked for advice. What do I do? Where do I go, and how do you even start…

He is a recovered addict, drinking which lead to cocaine, took years of his life. In and out of rehabs, nothing worked. He would be sober for a month, then see an old friend and be right back to where he started. But something changed, he quit, and it stuck. It wasn't the AA meetings, time in prison, weekly drug tests, or rehabs that cost 50k for 4 weeks. He got sober through prayer. He told me he acknowledged that some things are out of his control, and he needed help, so he asked God, and from that moment on, he felt supported in a way he had not before.

I am not religious. I grew up Catholic. I never felt connected in a church. At times I felt downright gross sitting in one. That feeling of disconnect from a being that was all loving and providing, with an institution that felt judging and dull, resulted in me thinking I was not a spiritual person.

Now, that couldn't be farther from the case, I see God everywhere, and we talk often. I ask for help, and more importantly, I say thank you.

But then- when my Dad suggested I simply PRAY to fix myself, I thought he was smoking crack again…

But I did because I had no other options.

And nothing happened.

God never spoke to me, I never got a message, I still felt like a fuck-up with no real future…

I carried on doing my shit, living my life as I was living.

The thing with prayer, (and crystals and manifesting) is it will not work unless you are willing to work right alongside it. Asking for help or abundance to just show up at your door is like saying you want a slice of pizza and expecting a delivery driver to magically show up. You have to make the call. I think a lot of people are being done dirty by the new age spirituality craze, thinking you can burn papers and lay under the moon, and that alone will turn you into a self-loving goddess. It won't.

Queen Brittney said it best, you better work bitch.

My Dad asked how I was doing, and I told him the truth—the same. Nothing is changing. And- he called my bullshit. Nothing is changing because you are not changing.

Damn…

I can tell you that you are enough right now, as you are. I was enough back then. However, that doesn't matter. You will not believe it until you experience that feeling of enoughness for yourself, and like anything, that takes work and means

changes.

Are you honoring your full self? Or are there parts of you that you are unwilling to acknowledge and explore?

Do you KNOW yourself fully?

Often a feeling of "not enough" is not understanding, not knowing what makes you YOU. Self-questioning isn't taught in schools, but it should be. When is the last time you asked yourself what your dreams were? What do you want from life?

WHO you want to be and HOW you want to show up?

Have you ever? It is ok if you haven’t! Almost no one has… but you aren’t no one, you are you, and that makes your incredibly special.

That feeling isn't "not enough." It is not knowing who you really are.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

I believe deeply that women all over are playing small out of a fake sense of safety. Nine years ago, I thought if I just stay in this role, do what my friends do, act like I have always acted, do what people expect of me, then I won't have to experience the distressing pains of discomfort change will bring me.

But I needed change. Desperately. I spent almost the entire summer alone, just my daughter and me. I didn't go out. I flaked on plans even trips, (not cool. I should have spoken my truth, but this was new to me, I was doing the best I could) .

Basically, walled into my house and tried my best to understand what I wanted out of life.

And things started shifting.

Which lead to me finding a new footing, and I truly believe that is when the universe started taking my prayers seriously. It saw I was serious and willing to show up as I wanted to be seen in my life… Manifestation hack: The universe does not respond to bullshit, it responds to ACTION. I got a different job. I meant my husband a few months after, but most importantly, I started understanding myself, and THAT brought me a feeling of worthiness I never experienced.

Feeling not enough doesn't always mean you are not DOING enough. Sometimes it means you are doing too much. Trying to be too much.

Turn in, pare down, reflect, and question. What do YOU need and want? Set aside what you think you should be for your partner, your children, your career, your friends… ask for you.

Feeling enough starts from honoring the wholeness that is already there, not adding more.

Almost all the time feeling enough means REMOVING things from your life, sometimes temporary, others for good.

Things like the scale, calorie counting apps, and a pair of jeans that you keep trying to force yourself into. IDEAS around what you need to look like and weigh. They have nothing to do with your wholeness. If you measure your self-worth by appearance, you will never be happy. You will never be WHOLE. Look in the mirror and see your SOUL. Ask it what it needs.

A six-pack (on your belly or in your fridge) and a goal weight will never make you better. Honoring yourself as you are in this moment will.

Remove all expectations of what you think you need to be in order to be worthy. You are enough at this moment. Shrinking will never make you more worthy. Aiming to do so will only continue to diminish you further.

Ask yourself what you need to do to feel respected and appreciated. Listen, your body will tell you, honor what it asks for.

Remove expectations of what you think you "should" be. What type of mother, friend, sister, wife, partner… all of it. Trying to please everyone will leave you with an empty cup. Get clear on how you want to show up in relationships. Make boundaries. You can't be on call all the time. Spend time alone, get to know YOU before you try to cater to anyone else.

(Moms, call your bullshit here. No one likes a martyr. If you are reading this, you have time for yourself).

S top drinking . I mean that with 100% seriousness. If you feel unhappy and unworthy in your body and life, stop drinking immediately. Drinking even socially is not helping you. It is keeping you stuck.

You can't be attached to your bullshit and your growth at the time . It doesn't work.

Feeling not enough has nothing to do with you not BEING enough. Feeling not enough is you not recognizing your enoughness, not seeing yourself as you are, a perfect, capable, complete being. Doing more will not always MAKE you more. Ask yourself what YOU need, stop worrying so much about what you think others need from you.

Know things that served you in the past may not be a part of your future. Let them go.

Know people will not always understand your growth. That's ok too. Holding your light back in order to keep others comfortable will have everyone losing. They will get it, or they won't. Either way is fine.

And pray. Ask whatever you believe in for help in seeing how amazing you are. Know that honoring yourself is in perfect alignment with honoring the source that created you.

And know, deeply, you are whole. You have flaws, and they are a part of your wholeness. They are where the light comes in . Embrace them with the same vigor you embrace other pieces of you.

Being enough isn't something you do. I t is something you know…. And as soon as you acknowledge that, you are.

But I want to lose weight...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 25 Feb 2021 21:55:07 GMT

I am not an anti-weight loss. I am anti-diet.
There is a huge difference.

People think they cannot release weight without dieting. I thought I could not release weight without dieting.

I was wrong, it is possible, and long term, I believe weight loss that did not occur as a byproduct of a diet is the only thing that works.

Here is the thing with diets, THEY ALL WORK.

All of them.

If your calories are low enough, you will lose weight.

What about the starvation effect? I have worked with women in a gym setting for almost 10 years; to say I have seen and heard a lot is an understatement. One thing that comes up over and over is the idea of the "starvation effect"; when someone is eating such a low number of calories their body holds on to any and all weight, making weight loss stall out and slow down to a snail's pace.

Is this a real phenomenon or more diet bullshit?

It is both. Part real, mostly bullshit.

Tough love alert: Almost all the time, we were not eating the low number of calories we believed. What many thought was 1200 is in reality, much higher. Eating things like yogurt with granola, apples and peanut butter, salads with heavy dressings and croutons (***I could give a shit if interrupting you here makes my writing choppy and disjointed. My big anti-diet mouth can not help it. I am NOT saying you shouldn't have full-fat dressings, peanut butter, or granola AT ALL. I tell people to only eat full-fat dressings because the rest taste like trash and have way too many chemicals and shit in them…) COFFEE" s and Latte's that are 200-400 calories a pop, Alcohol… a nd of course, there are the weekends, when we say fuck it and the calories shoot up, which will even out (and then some) all the "hard work" that happened all week.

People don't like to hear that. They get defensive and say, no, I really am only eating 1200 calories. And maybe you are a few days a week, but 1200 done for weeks at a time, on anybody will bring weight loss. Period.

But, don't get excited and think you found your way into a smaller bikini this summer, along with that weight loss, you will lose muscle, pound for pound with fat , meaning you will burn even fewer calories. Muscle is it is HARD to gain. Fat comes back quick. When the fat comes back, and it will, it is not a matter of if; everyone who loses weight by aggressively dieting and undereating ALWAYS gains all that fat back WITHOUT the muscle back. Do not believe me, google "what happened to the biggest loser."

You will find yourself a few weeks later having gained the weight back and with a lower metabolic rate (and probably a

fucked-up gut too, your digestion always takes a hit from under eating). All and all, it is a horrible place to be.

So, to all of you whom I just offended by calling liars saying you are not, in fact, eating as low as you think you are, and your body isn't holding onto fat because of the mythical starvation effect, take a deep breath. It is a GOOD thing. You are eating enough and that keeps your body going, your organs working and allows life to happen. Yay to eating enough food!

But what if you really want to lose weight? What do you do when you know that dieting ain't it, or you are like the 99% of past dieters, you have tried and failed enough times to know diets only work in the short term, which by default means they don't work at all. If they did, you would only need to do them once. What a fairy tale we were sold.

This is another big topic, way too big for a blog post; someone, call me out and hold me accountable to start a podcast where we can really dig into these conversations! For the purposes of this, I will do my best to keep this short.

WHO should even be trying to lose weight?

Is it even weight loss you are after? Or do you want to FEEL differently in your body? TREAT yourself differently...

The problem is we confuse wanting to TREAT ourselves better and LIKE ourselves more with the idea we need to lose weight.

We have all been sold a lie that in a smaller body, self-love simply happens, and you will be like all the crazy-looking ladies in the weight watcher's commercials cracking up as they eat their (apparently hilarious) salads.

Take it from someone who wore a size zero and walked around at 16% body fat. That shit doesn't happen.

You can hate yourself and treat yourself just as badly in a "small" body as you can a bigger one.

When it comes to wanting to lose weight, get clear.

Sit down, get out a paper and a pen and start asking yourself questions:

What do I think weight loss will give me that I can not give myself right now?

What type of habits do I want to GAIN?

How do I want to treat my body?

What are my main priorities as it relates to my body and how I treat myself?

What would be different and IMPROVED if I lost weight?

Do not skip any of these.

Write. Write without judgment or trying to answer "correctly." There is no right and wrong here, and no one will see this.

This exercise is for you and your clarity. Be honest, let everything come up… it will change your thinking about what you really need to be doing.

Because so much of what you think you will have AFTER you lose weight are things you are choosing not to give yourself right NOW. The habits you wish to have when you are a new, improved, healthier version of yourself--- you can start them right now.

What are you waiting for? If you want to be someone who eats enough veggies and can savor dessert, not eat it in shame, start now . You only make things habitual by DOING.

You want to work out three times a week – what are you waiting for? A trainer to show up at your door? That doesn't happen. Trust me, I know a lot of trainers, they will not come knocking. The only assholes who enter your space trying to sell unsolicited workouts are Beach Body "coaches" (in quotes for a reason) – and those ladies are don't know about movement. They are predatory, trying to make money, block their DM's, and get to a gym.

How would your life improve? This part can be confusing because there will be physical goals here, and that is OK. It is OK to want to change your body . Never let anyone shame you for that. But understand the difference between doing something out of LOVE and respect for you and doing something because you HATE the way you look. If your health is at risk, put yourself on your priority list . You deserve it. Understand that your body changing is a byproduct of healthy habits. Do not chase a smaller belly. Chase healthy habits and treating yourself with kindness.

Chase being good to yourself. Fall in love with it.

A note for the ladies who have been fighting the last 5-20 pounds for years….

LET THAT SHIT GO.

Read it again.

LET IT GO.

Coming from someone who has lost the last 5, 10, fuck even 2 pounds….

Nothing changes. Do not sacrifice your happiness to lose less then 3% of your weight. It is incredibly stupid.

If you are thinking, "if I could only lose 10 more pounds" or "fit in size smaller jeans," tell your ego to fuck right off.

Stop fighting your body. Try a different way: RESPECT IT.

And that goes for all, wanting to lose 100 pounds, or trying to understand how to be happy in a body you are forcing to lose 10 pounds… You have to respect yourself. As you are, right now, not as you want to be, or you think you "should" be. As you are. It is the only way to find happiness in either case.

I will say this again, because it is important, wanting to lose weight is OK. I am very much in the body-positive camp. I believe fully in health at every size. I also understand the harm unneeded weight can cause IF it is accompanied by unhealthy habits like drinking too damn much, eating like you don't give a shit what your health will look like in 5-10 years, and never moving.

We get fucked up because we have been lied to, told making changes with our health is an arduous process we have to labor and grind through. It isn't. It does take effort and diligence. Discipline, at times a lot, but once you get going only a little.

Small changes will result in amazing things IF done consistently and KINDLY . Everyone knows where their bullshit is and what they could cut out to feel a little better. It is just using some self-control and doing it.

And understanding you may be making things hard on yourself because you want an excuse.

Liking yourself, treating yourself with respect is the hardest thing you will ever do. It takes hella courage, ruthless bullshit calling when old voices come up telling you are not enough. Knowing that really, for ALL of us, weight loss is not what we are after. It is SELF ACCEPTANCE. And that can happen at any time, at any size, and in anybody.

We can make it easier by doing some basic things like eating enough veggies, which shows ourselves we can, we are trying. Getting enough protein because it keeps us strong. Sleeping, putting as much effort into getting a good night's sleep as we do worrying about our diets. Moving, not out of punishment, or because your ass is a little too fat (and for the record, if that's the case, I am jealous, we always pick ourselves apart, I assure, to everyone else, you look amazing), moving because you are a miracle, the fact you can move is a gift, and taking that for granted is not acceptable, ever.

And eating some cookies too. Because you like yourself! A full life isn't deprivation. It is enjoyment! You will never (ever ever ever ever ever) get anywhere you want to stay by hating and torturing yourself there.

You get to keep it by being kind to yourself. That is the only way.

Ever.

Amen.

Normal isn't Normal

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 23 Feb 2021 17:53:39 GMT

So much of my life has been shaped by food and body obsession. The idea that if I could fix the way I looked on the outside, my insides would somehow magically follow…

Spoiler alert: I’ve been a size 0, I’ve weighed my “goal weight,” had a body fat percentage most would envy, and nothing magical happens. It gave me another impossible standard to try to uphold.

The wild thing is, as my disordered relationship with food and my body grew stronger, so did the praise I received for how I looked.

“What are you doing! You look amazing!”

Oh, you know, just only eating 1200 calories, an hour or two of cardio a day, no carbs. And then, on the weekend, I give myself a cheat meal, which turns into a shit show. I eat until I am in pain, then I throw it all up and start all over again tomorrow with 90 minutes of cardio.

Not really. I told them I was watching my calories and carbs. Not a lie. Also, far from the truth.

I say this in complete seriousness; be leery of taking health advice from a chic with a six-pack. She may have an incredibly fucked up relationship with food.

(I had an incredibly fucked up relationship with food).

The problem with disordered eating is it doesn’t seem so disordered. Our skinny-toned, tight cellulite-free obsessed culture has normalized many things that are far from normal.

Earning our food in the form of exercise or skipped meals.

Burning our food, making up for what we ate with hours at the gym.

Counting our calories, using apps and food scales to tell us exactly how much to put inside our bodies.

Following programs written by strangers with no qualifications other than a six-pack and a smile, letting them convince us that eating an incredibly low number of calories is a good thing, and if we fail…. well, that’s on us. We didn’t have enough discipline.

Cheat meals, the whole idea. What the fuck is a cheat meal? What are we cheating on?

Eliminating entire food groups in the name of weight loss (looking at you, Keto).

Going on elimination protocols again and again. Cutting out grains, sugar, and joy from your diet whenever you feel off track or have a vacation coming up…

Cleansing, fasting.

Eating only organic, natural, clean, paleo foods. An obsession with eating as clean as possible.

We have normalized the abnormal.

Take it from someone who from the outside may have looked like the epitome of health. Much of what we glamorize right now is not normal. It is not healthy. It is disordered. Wellness culture is profiting off people who are unwell.

This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, and it reminds me of our extraordinarily complicated and complex relationship with food. A relationship that starts out so simple. We eat when we are hungry, and we stop when we are full.

When does it turn?

For me, around eight, when my parents, who meant no harm, decided I was a little too chubby, and they would help me out by limiting the sugar I consumed. I remember my mother buying Snack Wells cookies and fat-free puddings. Special treats just for me. My brothers, however, had no limits. They could have whatever they wanted without question. I learned at a young age having a body that small and socially acceptable gives you a lot of power and privilege.

High school, when I was in size 10 and my friends all wore 4s.

Having a baby at 18, seeing my body completely transform and not understanding why it didn’t bounce back like the people I saw on TV.

Figuring out I could cut out all carbs and lose 50 pounds quick.

And then finding out two months later, the weight will all come back as soon as I start eating them again…

Learning about calorie counting seemed too good to be true. I could have my cake and eat it too, so long as it fits in my calories.

The problem was my calories were obscenely low, but you don’t know what you don’t know. I just thought I lacked discipline.

I didn’t know I was starving myself, fighting with my most basic biological needs. Society told me that eating 1200 calories should be easy.

They didn’t tell me it would send me into binges that were fueled with shame on a weekly basis, and to fix those binges, I would abuse laxatives and purge.

Sticking your fingers down your throat is a disgusting habit, one no one talks about freely, yet I have encountered so many who have done it. An entire club of us who thought that by purging our food, we could eradicate our bullshit along with it…

I am extremely proud to say I am on the other side of my internal war. I treat my body with a type of love and respect I didnt know was possible. But it took me far too long to get here.

Now I see the problem, when I was IN IT I couldn’t… it is hard to see the forest through the trees when focused on a singular goal. In my case, it was to find some form of perfection in my body. At times it was a goal weight. At others, a jean size, having a six-pack… the goals shifted along with the methods.

It never looked like I had an eating disorder because I was doing “normal” things. As long as I wasn't purging I thought I was healed. I wasn't, far from it. The problem is we (society and our fucked-up obsession with being skinny) have made truly harmful behaviors seem standard.

At times I perpetuated these harmful behaviors. I gave women meal plans, I showed people how to log and accurately track their calories.

Told people to ignore their cravings… take a walk. It will go away . Encouraged weekly weigh-ins, which disgusts me the most… the scale has nothing important to tell you. Ever.

But I did not know what I did not know, and I couldn’t see what I was unwilling to see.

That all along, I had the power and ability to feed myself without the help of apps, programs, rules, protocols, and scales.

You have the same.

We all started believing the lie we were incapable of nourishing ourselves, thinking we can be trusted around food because every time we don’t have a plan, or rules, the wheels fall off.

Here is what is really happening, though; the secret diet coaches don’t want you to know.

You are not failing because of a lack of discipline. You are failing because every diet, ever, all of them, is designed for you to fail.

The diet is not going to save you.

It is what is fucking you up.

I still work with women around food. I am happy to say it looks so much different, though.

I will never give anyone rules to follow ever again. There are no rules with eating, not even for a few weeks. I see now how harmful they can be for some populations of people, and the problem is people hide their shit well.

No one would have looked at me 15 years ago and saw a raging eating disorder. They just saw a girl who lost weight—a girl who finally got it together with her body.

We applaud weight loss like it is the most important thing it can do. We never think to ask about the behaviors that weight loss was a result of.

Were they positive? Did they enhance your life? Make you better, give you more energy? Are they things you would want your own children doing?

Or would you rather not people know the full truth? That you go to bed hungry because you think yourself undeserving of feeling fullness until you are in a body that is smaller.

You are scared to eat even a bite of some things because you are convinced doing so would lead you into a binge you cannot control. (pro-tip= if you are going to tell the future, make sure you enjoy the outcomes).

Ask yourself before you make any changes with food, are you adding health into your life? Or are you trading one vise for another? Is what you are doing something you feel good about, in alignment with who you want to be, serving your highest and best self…

Or are you punishing yourself into a body under the delusion that by becoming less, you will somehow become more?

Our relationship with food is not logical. But it should never be harmful.

There is so much more to this conversation. It is too large to fit in one post.

My past can feel too raw and close for my emotions to not take over. For now, I am ending with this, do with it what you will:

I tried everything to "fix" myself.

I cut carbs, and I cut sugar.

I measured, I weighed, I counted, I logged.

I restricted under the guise that it would somehow make the cravings go away. If I just didn’t eat added sugar, or processed

carbs, or whatever for 21 days, 30 days, 6 weeks, I would one day wake up free of a desire to eat “bad” foods.

I pushed myself to the limits multiple times, with every diet there is.

And none helped me.

They all made me worse.

I didn’t heal until I stopped.

No more dieting, no more counting, no more weighed, measuring, calculating. Nothing was off the table. No cleanses, no

rules, no restrictions.

My relationship with food is not logical. Now I know it never will be.

But it is no longer fucked up…

My mission as a coach is to help women heal, feel good in their bodies, cultivate practices and habits they are PROUD of, they make them feel good and whole. And I know- with 100% certainty, there is no place for any rules in that process.

Expert Dieter, Horrible Listener

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 16 Feb 2021 20:27:45 GMT

I couldn’t listen to my body. I had no idea what it needed. Like many women, I spent much of my adult life on some form of diet. In pursuit of being smaller, I tried to become less under the delusion that I would become more by doing so.

And, once and a while, my efforts paid off. Waking up at my goal weight or zipping up my skinny jeans.

The thrill of that moment was never worth the effort, though, because as soon as it happened, I started another battle, figuring out how the hell I was going to keep it.

When it came to dieting, I was a star. White knuckle my way through the lowest of low calories, remove all forms of carbohydrates, juice cleanses, lemonade protocols…. if it was a thing between 2000-2014ish, I did it. Probably twice…

We know how that ends, though—my efforts and “diligence” on a diet directly correlated with the binge that would happen after. One week of “being good” turned into a day-long shit show of calories.

I was an expert in NOT listening to my body.

I used apps and food scales to tell me what portion sizes to eat. Meal plans and advice from strangers to advise me what those meals should and should not look like. Weighing myself daily told me how I was doing. Never once did it occur to me to ask me HOW I FELT . The scale was the only thing that mattered. Denying and quieting my hunger because I couldn’t be trusted to feed myself without help from apps, scales, and strangers…

It was a mess. I was a mess.

All because I had convinced myself that my body could not be trusted.

I was so sure that my overeating and binging was the problem, and the only way to fix it was by beating myself into submission in the form of more rules and restrictions.

One day it hit me. My binging wasn’t the issue. It was a symptom of my chronic dieting.

Being good wasn’t what was going to HEAL me. “Being good” was what was keeping me trapped in my bullshit.

We have all heard the saying, “listen to your body when it whispers, so you don’t have to hear it scream.”

The daily cravings, going to bed hungry, denying myself over and over were the whispers. The weekly binges were the screams.

Learning to listen was a slow process. I fell back into my bullshit more than I want to admit, I know now it was part of my process, but then it felt like another failure.

The urge to fix me was always there. The idea that I would only like myself at X pounds with perfect abs was something I couldn’t shake… and something I could never achieve without really fucking myself up.

Old habits die hard, and dieting had become my normal.

Healing took time. And happened in stages. Would I change things knowing what I know now? I don’t know. Obviously, it led me here, and I genuinely believe those lessons (aka fuck ups) are why I can help women heal now. I learned the lessons, so others don’t have to.

But I wish I learned how to love, appreciate, and LISTEN to my body much sooner.

I deleted the apps. I used Lose-It for years, before that a notebook in my purse…because that is how long I have been calorie counting before there were apps to do it with. Remember Blackberries? I kept a running “calorie journal” in a notebook app there…

Then the food scale. Why did I need a piece of equipment to tell me what should go on my plate? The idea sounds crazy now. We are born with the ability to feed ourselves; we just get fucked up along the way by listening to the “advice” of strangers… You know what you need to put on your plate. Listen to your gut.

I did my first Whole30, which forbids weighing yourself. I cheated on day 22… and was so upset because I had only lost a pound.

The thing was, I didn’t have a pound to lose. That was when I realized I needed to get rid of the scale too, it wasn’t serving me. It was keeping me stuck. In stepping on that, I was allowing a piece of plastic to tell me how I was doing… it never dawned on me before that moment to ask myself how I FELT.

Everything I did concerning my body was attached to two outcomes, how I looked and what I weighed.

I receive messages every day from women like my past self. Ladies trying to lose the last 5 pounds. Raging a full-on battle with their bodies to be 1% smaller… it makes no sense.

Like me, they don’t understand accepting themselves where they are in the real magic bullet they have been looking for.

Or women who want to lose 50-100 pounds feel hopeless when they look in the mirror or step on the scale.

They don’t see their potential; they only see a project on their to-do list. A home that was once loved and cared for has fallen into disrepair.

They forget the magic a little love and attention can do.

Both sides of the spectrum and everywhere in between forgets one thing. I forgot one thing.

We will never hate ourselves into a body we love.

In trying to force ourselves into some ideal versions of ourselves, we end up further hating ourselves.

Or. We do nothing.

We stay precisely where were we are, too intimidated to take on the real work of loving ourselves, we decide it is easier to tune out our inner voice, the one that can gently guide us to where we need to go . Avoid mirrors. Eating in secret, wearing long sleeves in the summer because we decide THAT is somehow easier than just looking in the mirror and accepting ourselves as we are.

As a whole, complete beings worthy of love.

I can give out tips to help anyone lose weight.

I can tell you precisely what to do and how to do it. Lose the last 5 pounds or lose 100….

But none of it will matter, and neither will stick if we don’t start with the most critical step, the one almost no one dares to make.

Committing to honoring and accepting themselves as they are right now.

Not as we want to be, used to be, or wish we could be.

As we are.

Complete and whole beings, worthy of our own love.

We can do all the diets, follow all the protocols, but none of it will stick if we can’t commit to the very basic act of listening to our bodies. The one thing we have spent years actively tuning out.

The wild thing is once we commit to that, promise ourselves we will check in with how we FEEL first, ask what we need, and honor what comes next we start to focus less on the other things like how our jeans fit or how many rolls our stomach has.

We see ourselves not as flawed but as suitable as we are. Not things needed to be changed, rather things that need to be accepted, and then, only then, can we be guided to better, more intentional aligned behaviors that actually serve our bodies.

There is so much more to dive into, and I will very soon, but none of them can happen without first committing to stop all the things that are keeping you stuck.

A reliance on the scale and calorie counting tools. A need to micromanage all the food that goes into your body. Running back to protocols or “cleanses” every time you feel “off”. Dieting every time swimsuit season comes around only to be right back where you started by May.

Doing everything in your power to fix instead of stopping to listen.

The truth is our bodies know what we need, they have always known. We allow diets, fads, scales, cleanses, and internet experts to drown out what they are telling us.

The secret, the thing you that will give you exactly what you want is something you already have, your institution and unique ability to listen and honor YOU.

Learn that, DO THAT, and you can do anything.

How I learned to Love Myself

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 11:28:57 GMT

I could not put these in order of importance. They are equal. All play a part in keeping another going.

If I had to pick a number one, it would be cultivating gratitude as a daily practice, but I don't think I would have been able to do so if I had not done all the rest, which brings me back to all being equal.

Some of these are daily practices. Others, one time choices I made that allowed me immense freedoms. I like myself so much better because of the things on this list.

I got grateful:

I was salty. I bitched too much. I complained, I talked shit, I judged…

I didn't SEE what was around me. I wasn't aware of all the fantastic things in my life. I don't know when this shift happened. I have been reading self-help books since 2001… I didn't start LIVING them until much later.

Now, gratitude is my default. I have infinite reasons to be grateful and thankful at any given time. It is annoying, really, even in last year's bullshit; all I had to do was look around and still see everything I had at that moment to say thank you for.

I know now there is magic all around us. We just don't see it. And that is on us.

The practice of gratitude eventually made its way to how I viewed myself. I can't look at my children, my husband, my loved ones and think, "Wow, how amazing, these divine creatures in my life created by God made from stardust… how lucky I am to experience them…" then look in the mirror and squeeze my love handles.

That doesn't work.

Gratitude is all-encompassing. You don't get to pick and chose where you see it. You either are grateful as a default, or you are not.

Starting and ending my day listing three things I was grateful for changing me. Adding MYSELF to that list; that made things really cool.

I will never claim to be happy all the time. I am not. But I am always grateful.

I stopped drinking:

I am not sober.

Now I drink between 1-5 times a year, total. Much of that is having one glass of wine, and then one of that 1-5 is getting absolutely shit faced, which is fun but reminds me VERY quickly why I don't drink. It makes me feel like shit, and I work too hard on feeling good to let alcohol fuck that up.

There was a time I drank a few times a week, not much, just a glass of wine. I told myself it was fine, it was only glass, and (for better or for worse, mostly worse ) we have made drinking regularly normal.

I don't believe needing a glass of poison to "unwind" or parent my children is normal. It is numbing. I was us ing alcohol, a poison (hit up Google if you don't believe me), to numb out the shit in my life I should have been dealing with head on. But instead, my and my discontent with situations around me poured a glass of wine three nights a week instead.

Drinking clouded me. It separated ME from ME. I know now how much drinking changes my energy and lowers my vibration. I know I can get away with a glass of wine or one margarita, and sometimes I do. Sometimes it is worth it.

But almost always, it is not.

Nothing terrible came from removing alcohol from my life. A lot of good followed…

I learned how to listen to my body. How to have fun without being buzzed! Walking out of a party no longer feels like an energy drain. Staying sober allows me to keep my energy tucked in tight and protected and (most importantly) helps me from picking up everyone else's.

Started Lifting:

For 10+ years my main source of exercise was cardio. An elliptical purchased at Sears that I used so much I broke the foot plate off...

Every day, for at least an hour, sometimes two, I got on that thing and WORKED. I did start running at some point, but always cardio. Always pushing just to sweat and burn calories.

There has to be metaphor there; working your ass off and literally going no where. Being stagnant. Peddle, run, and push as hard as I did; I was stuck. Cardio and its claws kept me stuck.

Enter lifting... which is a whole different blog. Picking up weights, 5 pounds at first, then 8, then 15...then 50... seeing myself DO, learning how strong I was. THAT changed me. Not being stuck to a machine for an hour, being able to move my body in all the different and wonderful ways it allowed me, being able to test my limits and surprise myself gave me courage I didn't know I had.

Most importantly, lifting put me IN my body.

For years cardio was a way out. Close my eyes and just go, ignore my body telling me to stop and push through... lifting is the opposite. I had to BE THERE. Be present and fully connected to myself. Listen and pay close attention to what was happening.

Lifting taught me to TUNE IN, to listen, and to allow my body to do what it can do... which was the gateway to everything below.

Got off the scale for good:

Like so many, I weighed myself every morning. Wake up, pee, step on the scale and see if I was good or bad.

If the number was to my liking, then it was a good day, but not too good because I was terrified to eat most things and have that number go up.

And seeing a number I didn't like… well, that meant I was a fat loser and needed to work harder and eat less.

The scale will fuck you up.

The scale doesn't tell the truth. It never said; look, Heather, I know the number is moving up, but you are gaining muscle, and that is REALLY cool! Don't stop doing that.

And as it was moving down, it never told me that the way I was treating my body was harmful and not sustainable. It said good job… good job treating yourself like shit.

Not ok.

Getting of the scale was HUGE for my body image and allowed me to learn how to listen to my body when it came to how I ate.

Stopped consulting other people and things on what to eat:

For years the scale told me how I was doing, and since I was listening to that number, I also felt I needed to listen to other sources outside of my body to tell me what and how to eat.

I read all the books, tried every diet (except for Keto, thank god! I was over this bullshit before Keto became cool).

You will NEVER love yourself if you think you need a stranger to tell you how to eat.

You will never love yourself if you think you need an app or a food scale to tell you how much to eat.

Just eat and listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs.

How can you be a powerful badass bitch if you need to log your food into My Fitness Pal before taking a bite?? You think that tells your subconscious something good!?!

No! it says, look – we have no idea how to do the most essential thing; feed ourselves, so clearly we shouldn't be trusted to do other things…

Just eat. Eat like you like yourself. Eat like you care about yourself. Eat like you are not only worthy if you lose 20 pounds, but that also isn't true. Enjoying your food is essential.

You CAN eat chocolate every day and not gain 200 pounds. You can eat chocolate every day and lose weight if that is a goal too.

Allow yourself to EAT And self-regulate. That is the only way to self-love.

Stopped attaching morality to the food I eat:

No food is good or bad. Eating one thing over the other does not make me GOOD or BAD. Understanding and truly believing that changed everything.

Eating my daily breakfast salads does not make me somehow better, just like eating my daily chocolate doesn't make me worse. The food I eat has nothing to do with WHO I am.

As long as I FEEL good, what I eat doesn't matter. Getting off the scale, stopping counting calories and learning to listen to my body changed me as a person in the best possible way.

Journaling daily:

Getting to know ME better changed everything. I could forgive myself, see why things happened and why I reacted the way I did.

Journaling helps me move through emotions. I no longer pack shit away only to have it haunt me later. Feelings get FELT.

Journaling also allowed me to really dream. It helped me get clear on my goals and who I want to be.

That daily practice helped me determine how I want to show up in the world.

I no longer feel like I am going through life, reacting to everything around me. I feel like I am going through life, CREATING everything around me.

It is amazing.

Does this mean I always look in the mirror and love myself? Fuck no. I still pick myself apart, but now when I

catch myself in that bullshit, I remind myself I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

Do I get pissed and react without thinking? Yep.

Sure do. And I eventually catch myself, apologize and move on.

I don't think anyone ever loves themselves fully…how can we. We are flawed. That is what makes us humans.

But acceptance, that should happen all the time.

Self-respect should be our baseline, and all of the above allowed me to do more of that. To truly SEE me, learn to like what I saw, and either truly change what I didn't and accept the rest.

This Valentines Day, like every day, I will choose to be good to myself. Because I deserve it. I am magic and stardust and light. And so are you. XXXOO

Start

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 11 Feb 2021 10:45:35 GMT

I have no idea what I am doing.

And I feel like that can be a super-power.

We have all heard the saying, start scared. I agree. Starting anything new comes with an entire set of emotions ranging from excitement to what the fuck am I doing here.

The beautiful thing is that range is usually happening simultaneously, but we tend to pay more attention to the scary end of it. Our default is to focus on what could go wrong, think of every possible reason we should not do the thing, and wait until a different time, a BETTER time.

In rehearsing every possible worst-case scenario, we forget to give a little attention to all the things that could go right.

Learning to face your fears is scary and needed if you want to do anything different with your life.

If you are cool, happy entirely in your situation, then go on with your bad self. This post isn’t for you. It is for folks like me.

Anyone who feels like they have something more in them.

Something they need to share with the world, something they have yet to accomplish.

Anything from getting a different job, moving to another place, starting the business or podcast, getting after your fitness goals, learning to love yourself, or in the least; respect yourself. This is for anyone who knows they need to dive into something NEW and different but are unsure when or how.

Start. Start now. Start small. Start scared. Just start.

Waiting for the perfect time is like waiting for a cruise ship at the airport. That shit isn’t coming.

You can sit all day, all week, all month, and all year and all you will have accomplished is nothing. More waiting. The awful thing is in waiting for the “perfect time” to arrive, we don’t only waste time, we lose our mojo!

Our resolve to DO becomes smaller and smaller as each day passes.

What once was burning desire, the spark of motivation, fades more and more each day, turning from something we can use to drive our new behaviors or goals into another weight chained to us. An anchor that further submits our stuckness.

Waiting is an aspirations killer. Each day you wait to start is not only a wasted day but also a step further away from who you want to become and what you want to do.

The perfect time does not exist. You make it.

You will never wake up one day completely free of nerves and excuses and run to the gym. It doesn’t work like that. Instead, you wake up one day, look in the mirror and realize you and your bullshit excuses are the only things holding you back. You look yourself in the eye and understand deeply you cannot wait another day because each day you hold off on taking care of yourself is another day spent telling yourself you do not matter. Your happiness and health are not worth the effort.

Is that ok?? No.

Does that mean it will not be hard, take some effort, and some schedule juggling? Also no. It means you finally understand that effort, schedule juggling, and FEAR are NEVER going away. You are simply ready to finally face them because your dreams and happiness matter.

Goals attached to our bodies and how we treat ourselves are the ones that die the easiest. They are also the ones that are the heaviest to carry, and they affect every other aspect of our life. This is why almost always you must start there UNLESS you already have that area sowed up, and you feel great in your skin.

Turning your back on yourself tells your subconscious shit you do not want to be telling it.

Every day you desire to change but do not make it; you tell yourself you are not worth it. You are not worth the effort, and worse than that, you are not capable of the discipline required to do it.

This is bullshit for hundreds of reasons.

Mainly because it is not valid. I see this every day at the gym. Women who have done amazing things! Birthed babies have great careers, put themselves through school, yet they can’t make peace with their bodies. Because that one small aspect of their life is not as they wish, they believe that is who they are, someone who cannot accomplish. It is bullshit and rarely accurate, yet we believe it.

We make this worse by attaching bullshit markers to measure our “progress” with ourselves. Progress in quotations because that word in the context of our bodies is silly. We do not need to worry about progress. Are we treating ourselves kindly and in a manner that makes us feel good? That is all we need to be focused on. Using anything else is noise that will only muddy up the water. Also, why we fail, we are judging ourselves all wrong, thinking if the scale doesn’t move or our jeans do not fit within three weeks, we have failed.

Wrong. And bullshit.

If you showed up for three weeks for yourself, you didn’t fail. You won. You succeeded hugely. See that and celebrate it.

Because mistake number two is quitting. Every time you quit on yourself, you make starting the next time that much harder.

Once you start, you must keep going, no matter what. It can be slow, you can take a break, but you cannot stop. Know the difference between pausing and quitting is enormous.

Because as soon as you start, you are.

As soon as you start, you are.

You don’t have to fall into the lie that you are TRYING to make a change. You have started, which means you have changed.

Run with that. Let that be your identity.

Start. Start scared. Start small and start now. Know that as soon as you start, you are half way there. All you need to do is

keep moving forward. Breaks are fine. Quitting is not. (and quitting on yourself, not acceptable in any circumstances).

Waiting is wasting time.

Waiting is your bullshit at work… trust me, I was the queen of “I will start tomorrow…” Nothing good comes of putting yourself on the backburner. Tell yourself you are worthy and mean it.

Then go out and do it.

The Misalignment Trap: Part 2

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 11:50:33 GMT

Did you know within three years of winning the lottery or any large windfall of money, 70% of "winners" are filing for bankruptcy? Give it five years, and that statistic rises even higher.

Why is that? Because they are out of alignment.

Most of these folks spent their entire lives believing themselves to be destitute. Powerless over their circumstances and unable to hold onto or make more money.

Lottery winners are much like chronic dieters in that rich people don't play the lotto, and healthy people don't diet. T hose things do not go together.

Happy people don't complain all day.

Present people don't scroll Facebook for hours.

Basically, we are who we are. Our energy is in line with our beliefs about ourselves. If those beliefs are reasonable, we believe ourselves to be decent, whole, healthy people, then we are doing wonderfully. If, on the other hand, we believe ourselves to be worthless hot messes…. well, we have a problem.

Internal locus of control; if you believe yourself to be responsible for your life, you are mostly doing OK. However, if you believe yourself to be reactive in your life, playing the hand you were dealt, so to speak, that is when alignment becomes an issue.

You cannot become something you believe yourself incapable of being. You can not do something you are unwilling to do.

Just like the lottery winner who thinks he finally caught a break and solved all his problems…. Then finds himself three years later worse off than when he won. He didn't believe himself to be a rich man. He saw himself as a poor man who won a lot of money. His identity didn't change with that windfall, which is why he will not keep it. He has no idea how to be someone finically stable when his whole life was spent confirming the belief that he was poor.

We know this to be true with dieters. It is easy to white-knuckle our way through even the hardest of diets. Yes, it takes some willpower, but any idiot who knows how to add calories and avoid carbs can suffer through 20 pounds of weight loss.

But then what?

How do you keep it? You sure as hell don't want to be eating like a gluten-free bird for the rest of your life. You want to live, experience, and feel your best while being in a body you love!

You must find alignment before you start. Be what you wish to become.

This isn't a challenging process; it is just one that is rarely done. Taking this step makes all the difference. Start with asking yourself what and who you want to be and let that be your map to get you there.

This works with everything, not only finding your ideal diet, but I can't say this enough if treating your body well and liking the body you are in are on your "to-do" list, then 100% do this exercise in the context of what you want to be in relation to how you treat yourself.

Ask yourself what your values are. What type of person do you want to be?

Daydream!

We lose the art of daydreaming as we age. We stop picturing ourselves as flexible beings. Instead, we see ourselves as stuck in our bullshit. We forget that we can choose again, choose differently at any point in our lives, choose better.

We get so caught up in bitching and complaining we forget we can practice acceptance. It is so much easier that way. We don't have to love everything happening but arguing with reality will have us losing 100% of the time.

Ask yourself, who are you? What are your habits? What is your baseline?

Then, most importantly, is it in alignment with who you want to be?

I love the concept of the highest self. It is not some fantasy version, it is who you are when you are doing your best. Ask yourself what this version of you does.

When you are your kindest, inwardly, and outwardly. How you eat when you are eating in a way that serves your whole being. This isn't eating 100% clean, it is enjoyment too, eating for pleasure because you can always like what you eat, that isn't reserved for people in tiny bodies…

How you move, how you talk to yourself, how you show up in life. The minute details like what you eat for breakfast, to the larger things like your relationship with your loved ones and job.

Put real thought into every aspect. What do you want from life? WHO do you want to be?

When you leave a room, what do you want people to say about you?

Ask yourself all sorts of questions around any area you feel out of alignment and get to writing. Use what comes out as a roadmap to place your energy and efforts.

I believe deeply any goal is achievable if we get clear enough on two things, why we want it and who we want to be when we get there. That is the only way to keep it.

By doing things, we WANT to be doing to achieve it. (I will keep saying this, why does everyone regain the weight?? They lost it doing some fucked up shit to their bodies. No one LIKES not eating carbs and doing an hour of cardio a day. You want to keep something? You have to fall in love with it).

Too often, we think only about the end, the final product, as if that is the only that that matters.

It isn't.

It is the process.

Who we are when we are doing the work, that is what matters.

If we like ourselves during that time, learn to love and lean into the process, stay in alignment, we will keep it.

If we don't, we may win the lotto, but it won't matter…

The Misalignment Trap

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 02 Feb 2021 12:38:40 GMT

Part 1....

You cannot become what you are unwilling to be.

A whole sermon in one sentence.

We are energy. We are expanding, burning, and taking in energy all day long. Put us under a microscope, break us down into our smallest parts, and still, we are in motion.

Our cells are literally vibrating; they are so full of life. Like every living thing around us, we are continually shedding and sharing our vibrations with everything we encounter. Good, bad or indifferent, our vibrations effect everything.

Albert Einstein said, everything in life is vibration… and well, who will argue with him?

Vibration, to me, is the energy we are putting out into the world. Our vibration is our actions and how we respond to the world around us. It is our energy at work.

A circular statement, I know, but stick with me. I promise I am going somewhere.

For years I believed myself to be powerless. That I was a victim of my circumstances, rather their creator , and of course, my vibration matched that. My energy was that of a powerless reactor—someone just along for the ride during my time on earth.

While I had big dreams of the things I wanted to do, the person I wanted to be, I could never get ahead.

I was stuck in the lowest of low vibrations. Even when I got ahead, I couldn’t stay ahead. Self-sabotaging was my default: two steps forward, three back. Rinse and repeat for years.

My energy and intentions were not in line with my vibrations.

I wanted to be better, but I was unwilling to DO better. I cannot become what I was unwilling to be.

Even during the forward movement, my actions were not in line with the person I said I wanted to be.

Weight loss is an easy low-hanging fruit, something so many struggles with too, which means it is the perfect example to put this in context.

For years I wanted to lose weight, but I never asked more in-depth questions. Why was weight loss so important, why the constant fixation on my body and its size? I stayed on the surface, which is our default when we are stuck in lower energy.

Looking further isn’t even something that crosses our minds. I know now what I really wanted.

I wanted control. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to feel at home in my skin, and I thought weight loss was the tool to get me to all of those things. Us women have a tendency to believe all of our problems will be magically solved the second we slip into our skinny jeans or see our goal weight on the scale.

From someone who has experienced both many times, I assure you, it is not the case . We are focusing our energy on the easy work of restricting ourselves, rather then getting clean on the real challenge, finding out exactly what we need and asking why we are holding ourselves back.

While it is true, I wanted to lose weight, I wanted too much more.

I wanted to treat my body with respect and kindness. Get out of the abusive cycle I was stuck in.

I was eating like shit, no care to what was going into my system. I don’t want to put my typical diet here because, truthfully,

it was much like the standard American diet. Some may see it and think, “wait, that is how I eat…”. The last thing I want is for anyone to feel shame around what foods they are putting in their body.

But on the other side of that, what we Americans have deemed a “normal” way to eat is not fucking normal. It is killing us. I felt like shit because of my “normal” diet and knew it needed to change.

But my changes were not aligned with what I truly wanted to be, someone at home in their skin.

Someone who took care of their body and treated it well.

I was way off…

Doing what most do, I drastically lowered my calories and cut out any carbs—the actual furthest thing from treating myself kindly.

I don’t need to tell you how this story goes. I lost weight, I gained weight. I ate super “good” and was the model of discipline, and then when no one was looking, I would drive to the dollar store, by ten buck’s worth of total shit, eat it and throw it up.

So basically, things went great.

I was not willing to be what I wanted to become.

I wanted peace in my body, but I was unwilling to listen to it, to honor it . Instead, I was hell-bent on tuning it out, doing whatever I needed to do to keep myself small and hungry.

I wanted to feel amazing in my skin, but the only movement I did was cardio hours, sweat is fat crying, you know (if you couldn’t tell, I am highly sarcastic).

It took me years to figure out how out of line I was with my actions, and how low I was allowing my energy to be stuck so low by holding onto that bullshit.

My vibration was calling in more shit I didn’t want. My constant complaining was asking for more things to complain about.

I wanted to make more money, but I was horrible with the cash I already had.

I wanted a loving, deep relationship, but I kept myself gaurded and cut off.

I happiness but I was talking shit, gossiping, and otherwise wallowing….

I was not willing to be what I wanted to become.

For years. What I waste of time.

It took years for me to figure out what was happening. It doesn’t have to be that way for anyone else, though.

One fantastic truth I wish I found out about 18 years earlier is; as soon as you start, you are.

As soon as you make that shift, set your intention to be and do ONE act that follows that intention, you are. That is it. Being what you wish to become is incredibly simple if you allow yourself to get out of your own way.

As soon as you start you are….

Be what you wish to become.

(I am not leaving you hanging…. Look for part two later this week, a “how-to” clean up your vibes.

Gym Truths...(that are life truths...)

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 17:43:11 GMT

The thing you should be working on the most is the thing you spend your time actively avoiding.

Everyone hates push-ups.

Even people who like push-ups don't like push-ups. They look easy enough. Lay on the floor and push yourself up without looking like a total asshole. It should be simple, right?

Wrong.

(simple is rarely easy, we will get there)

Aside from steady-state cardio, cause really, I cannot stress this enough, you do not need it. If you enjoy it, then go on with your bad self… (but watch the volume, too much and you are probably burning muscle, but that's a different topic) , but if you hate it, here is your permission slip to NEVER do it again. No one needs it. If you hate and avoid steady state cardio, that is A-OK.

Everything else , squats, sprints, deadlifts, sprints, rows… all of it. If you are avoiding it, then you need it. Avoiding it means you have yet to master it, or the movement is a weakness for you.

Therefore, work on it. Make it stronger.

Whatever you are avoiding in the gym is what you need to make you a better, stronger athlete.

Real-life- t he conversations you keep putting off are the conversations you NEED to have. The task you put on your to-do list but never do is what you should be prioritizing. Make the call. Do the hard thing. You will be better for it 100% of the time.

Sometimes things just seem dull or not necessary because you are not doing them as often as you should be.

This is often the case with carries. So simple. Seemingly boring, and that is the problem, to most these movements are. Not because they are not an incredibly challenging exercise, but because no one is actually challenging themselves with them.

For those of you who do not know, a carry is precisely as it sounds. You pick up a heavyweight, normally a dumbbell or kettlebell, and carry it 15-30 (or more) yards. The goal is to be able to hold your body weight split between your two hands.

That is hard. And takes strength. But most people don't do that. They pick up around 1/5th of their body weight.

Because gym truth number two…

If you are not challenged, you are probably wasting your time.

Look, before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, I am not suggesting you work at 100% all of the time. That would be disastrous. In the gym, we should spend most of our time working between 60-90% off our strength… but here is the thing. 70% effort is still going to be hard work.

If you can goblet squat 100 pounds for a few reps, that is your max. Squatting 90 pounds isn't going to be easy by any stretch. Neither is squatting 70 or 80. Even 50 pounds, HALF of your maximum, if done correctly, is not easy with solid form and concentration. It is work. It is a challenge.

Ben Bruno has a great tagline, something like you don't have to train today; the world needs mediocre people.

He's right. You don't, and we do. But did you pay for a membership do to the least? To pick up the same weights every day, never attempting more, never trying to improve?

Fuck no. Here is a hard truth: Some people will never do hard things on purpose. (but make no mistake, they will do them, it will just be hard things not of their choosing like dealing with the results of not caring for their health) Some people will never leave the couch. They will never seek to improve themselves, to become stronger, to be better…. Those folks don't go to a gym. If you are reading this, we can both know with 100% certainty you are NOT those folks.

You're on a path of improvement.

Don't be fooled thinking because something seems easy it should be easy. Anything done with intention and purpose takes work, and much like a carry, you can get better. You can pick up your full body weight. But why stop there?! I'll take more than my body weight; please, I want to know what I am made of. Don't you?

You should never be aiming for 100% all the time, in life or in the gym. That is a recipe for disaster (and it is entirely impossible) but aim to be uncomfortable as often as you can.

Do something every day that scares you. Test your limits. If something feels easy, see if you can add on something else to improve it.

In the gym, this is moving up a weight. In life, this is taking on another habit.

Already have going to bed by 9pm down? Cool! Now see if you can get off your phone at 8pm and see what cool changes happen…

Know when to rest and know when to push. But don't be fooled.

Gym truth number 3: "Boring" is ALWAYS the most effective. And boring ain't boring. It is ALWAYS where you find the Magic.

Boring is everything I already said. Carries, squats, deadlifts, push-ups, rows…..

The basics. The things that will never go out of style. Movements that if you go to a good gym and have an educated person writing your program, you will be doing over and over and over.

There will be variations. You will do single-leg deadlifts, trap bar deadlifts, deadlifts with a kettlebell, deadlifts with a functional trainer. Single leg squats, squats to a box, squats from a box… you get the point.

If you think to yourself, we just did these, GOOD. You are in the right place.

The dumb shit you see online, the Instagram "save this workout for a bigger butt," and in Beachbody workouts are a waste of your time. Yes, I said it. Beach Body has so many trash movements it is hard to watch. 90% of their "training" is pointless fluff to keep you entertained… you may not be bored, but you sure as hell are not getting an effective workout.

Turn off the TV, do a set of push-ups, some goblet squats, and rows. Far better use of your time than jumping around doing those weird Donkey kicks they like so much. But I digress.

Boring isn't boring. Boring is GOLD! And if it feels boring, see above. That is almost always on you. Use a heavier weight, challenge yourself to NAIL the form and I promise, it will no longer feel easy.

Think about what you are doing. Really drive home the mind-body connection. Think about where your feet are, what your knees are doing, where you are pushing from, and how you are pulling the floor apart with your heels while keeping your chest high, neck neutral, and core braced… squats aren't so boring when you are paying attention.

Boring in life is going to bed on time. Eating your veggies and getting in enough protein instead of chasing some bullshit diet and protocol. Getting up early, so you have at least ten minutes to yourself to breathe before life starts…

Boring can set you free. Lean into it. Focus on the big, beautiful boring foundational things in life and in the gym. That is where you find all the Magic.

We all know this work is not a sprint, but it also is not a marathon, it sure as hell isn't a journey … it is a commitment.

What does a sprint, marathon, or journey have in common? They all end. They all imply we will arrive somewhere, and that is it. We are done.

Wrong. It is a lifelong, never-ending commitment. It is marriage to your best self, a vow to your highest self that states you will aim to take care of you until forever.

I hate goal weights for this reason. WTF happens there? You weigh 140 pounds, and then what? Are you done? Don't even get me started on fat loss contests and the trash people who run them? What are you winning?! I'll fill you in secret. Those folks NEVER stay at that weight. Ever.

There is no finish line at the gym. You have nothing but time and nowhere to be. Let that set you free!! You have your whole life to work on you! To get better! Who cares about PR's and mile times, none of that matters.

What matters is your commitment to yourself, that you care enough about your future to show up today. Because of that, there is no pressure to do something, to be anything. All you have to do is show up, and then show up again tomorrow.

Because gym truth number four: Perfect is the Enemy of Good. (and perfect never happens).

Aiming for perfection in the gym is akin to going to TJ Max and find precisely what you are looking for.

It is possible, hell, every now in that you luck out and get an entire isle of shit you were looking for. Other days feels like nothing but crap to sort through. And most days, most days are right in the middle. Some stuff is worth picking up and looking at for longer, even taking home and some stuff you can live without seeing ever again.

Perfect does not happen every day. Excellent does not occur every set. Show up. Try. That is all you have to do, ever.

Perfect is not going 5 or 6 days a week for an hour and fifteen minutes and getting in a full workout, including the time to stretch after…. That shit is not doable for almost all of us.

Show up. Show up even when all you have is twenty minutes. That is twenty more minutes than you would have done if you stayed home.

Show up if you can "only" make it three days (side note, for almost everyone, three days is all you need. The rest is icing).

Show up if you can only make it ONE day.

Just show up. Always. Aiming for perfect is aiming to fail.

Take pride in yourself. That isn't boastful or ego running wild. It is telling yourself you matter and you are worth doing hard things for. Your life is always worth improving, and while none of us will ever be perfect, that isn't the goal. The goal is showing up. Working on being our best selves so we can show up in life as we are meant to be; cool, enlightened, kind, caring, present beings who know how to do hard things. Because turning away from self-improvement is not what you do.

Folks think you go to the gym to get a tighter ass, and maybe that is what brought you there, but folks who STAY at the gym know the truth. You go there to be better. To test your limits and try new things. To remind yourself as often as needed how strong you are. The gym can teach you so many things if you are willing to listen...

Other Gems from the Gym:

Try.

Fear of failure is a bullshit reason to not try.

Failure is feedback. Listen to it. It is your greatest teacher.

Do not fear failing. Be scared as hell of never trying.

Show up.

Challenge yourself.

Lean into discomfort that is ALWAYS growth.

Know when to push, and on those days, PUSH LIKE HELL. Go ham. Be a monster. Get after it and feel like a total bad ass. BASK IN YOUR WORK AND ACCOMPLISHMENT.

And know when to rest. Lean into those days hard.

Be present. FEEL. Don’t aim to look a certain way, don’t try to hide yourself as you do them. Aim to FEEL. Let yourself FLOW by letting yourself FEEL.

Boring is only boring if you are being lazy. And r est isn't boring, it's needed.

If something feels easy, that’s on you. Work harder, pick up something heavier OR allow yourself to have that rest… but don’t bitch about it. Own it in either direction.

Being able to workout is a gift. Treat it as such. You don’t have to do this. You GET TO.

It’s a miracle that you can. If you abuse that by bashing yourself then you are doing it all wrong. Celebrate yourself through movement, anything else is unacceptable.

With life, and in the gym, your time there is what you make it. You can be amazing, you can do incredible things, you can become stronger and more capable than you ever imagined. Just show up. and keep showing up…

Eat the Cookie

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 24 Jan 2021 21:16:42 GMT

Eat the cookie. The end.

Three words are all you need, give yourself permission to eat the cookie.

If you think that I will tell you sugar is the devil, and you should never have dessert because #motivation and #disapline, then you have me twisted.

Here is a life-changing piece of knowledge for you, one that will set you free; you can always have whatever you want.

I was a dessert-a-phobe for years. I had a phobia of eating anything that consisted of flour, sugar, and butter. I was convinced that shit would kill me…

OK, maybe not kill me but definitely take up camp on my love handles, and I had worked HARD to make sure those things were gone.

So ya, no dessert for me.

(until I ate all the dessert once a week, or at least once every other week because I had been so “good” and not had anything. That clearly means I earned one treat, and then one treat turned into allthefuckingtreatsicouldfind)

But it was fine.

No dessert for me.

#goals

When I told people to count calories and watch their macros, my advice years ago was simply to work it into your day. Have whatever you want to just make it work.

(also side note, this is why you should be really REALLY cautious of advice from skinny women, even more so if that skinny women lost weight. She probably thinks what she did is special and she has some secret. She doesn’t. And she is probably fighting a huge battle with her body, and giving you the same AWFUL advice she is using…)

My advice now, years later, when I realize what trash advice telling anyone to count calories or macros can be, is still the same, though. Have whatever you want. Work it into your day.

This is a big conversation. One way too wordy and complex to fit in a blog post that takes under seven minutes to read (podcast coming soon though, so I got you! Insert cartwheel emojis there we can really dig into all the things).

But it is also a straightforward one. Eat what you need. Eat your vegetables, eat a decent amount of protein, make sure you get enough fiber... and then have whatever else you want.

Ask yourself, what are you so scared of? What do you think eating dessert will do to you? Is having something “sweet” after a meal really the worst thing you can do? When did treating yourself with a brownie become a character flaw?

If you are fearful you are going to continue eating all the cookies after then you have been depriving yourself, and probably do find yourself eating all the cookies once a week.... so how is that working for you??

Life truth: you will never cure yourself of a sweet tooth. Learn to listen and honor your body . You can have your cake and eat it too.

If you read the blog on excuses, you know I can be blunt. If you did not, here is your warning: I am blunt.

What the fuck is wrong with eating a cookie??

That is some REAL diet bullshit thinking going on.

Real. Diet. Bull. Shit.

I can say that because I lived it for over half my life.

As a society, we are fatphobic. We treat fatness like the world’s worst disease. Act like gaining 5 pounds means our lives would end in a sudden tragic event where none of our jeans fit and we have to hide away forever.

Well, I did gain a few pounds.

And with it, I gained life. Freedom. And full acceptance of my body. I stopped fight internal wars with myself, holding myself to some ideal or thinking I was only worthy of things if I weighed under X pounds.

So much fucking life. Letting go of bullshit rules like “I can only have dessert on the weekends” gave me more happiness than I could have imagined back then.

And I lost so much pain. And the worthless weight of all the energy I was carrying, continually worrying about what would happen if I ate the dessert, thinking about food, and generally obsessing over the way my body looked. Judging myself by what I ate.

For some of you reading this, get over the idea that gaining a few pounds is the worst thing that could happen. Some of you need to gain weight. I needed to. I am not going to put my past weight here, I know it can be triggering to some, and to others, they will use it as a goal post, but know for all of you, 2-5 pounds on your body is going to do nothing.

2-5 pounds for your MIND will give you back your life.

However, most of you wont gain a pound. You will probably find yourself losing a few pounds when you finally realize how to listen to your body not drown out its needs until it screams at you, which will leave you eating way to many slices of pizza in no time.

An article that is around 8 years old, I believe it is called “The Cost of Getting Lean,” by Precision Nutrition. Feel free to

Google it. It is a great read. In short, it breaks down what happens when folks get too aggressive with their diets, mainly figure competitors who obsessively macro/calorie count. The main takeaway is why are you willing to give up 40-80% of your life to lose an additional 5 pounds?? Is it really worth it??

Really, ask yourself that.

How much of your life do you spend thinking about food? About what you can and can’t have? How many meals do you eat already thinking about what you are going to eat next? And not in fun “I cant wait to have tacos later!” way, in a “how many calories was this, how many carbs do I have left?” way.

That is no way to live.

We have demonized food, telling ourselves that some things are terrible and not to be touched, and others are the holy grail of health and wellness.

And look, this is a BIG conversation, is some foods healthier than others?? YES! Duh.

Is some food more calorically dense and nutritional low? YEP.

But does that mean that something is wrong with us, or we are bad if we eat them?? No.

Nutrition advice: don’t eat like an asshole.

That is it. It is that simple.

And when I say don’t eat like an asshole, I don’t only mean do not let your full diet consist of chips, pizza, chicken fingers, an occasional Caesar salad, and diet cokes. Yes, that is eating like an asshole.

But so is eating a diet so squeaky clean you have no joy with your food whatsoever. All meals are based on keeping your ass tight or helping you lose the last 20 pounds.

That is eating like an asshole, too, and that shit NEVER lasts. You will end up eating stale cookies in the kitchen alone by Friday night, wondering what the fuck happened.

So eat the cookie on a Tuesday and keep it moving.

Really. It is that simple.

But Heather, I need to lose weight!? I cant have sugar!! Go all Byron Katie on your ass and ask, is that true. You know that is the case? You don’t. You may have heard it from some skinny chic on Instagram but that sure as hell doesn’t make it true.

Another life truth: you will NEVER keep the weight off if you lost it hating your body there . You will never keep the weight off if you lost it by depriving and starving yourself there. You will ONLY keep the weight off if you do so by doing things you can and want to continue for the rest of your life.

Eat like you like yourself.

This goes for everyone. Eat your veggies, get enough protein, you need fat to live so eat some, you need carbs to live, so eat some. Eat like you give a shit about your future. Feed yourself like you feed the people you love. I will never say it is easy, it is hard work at first, but it is pretty damn simple.

I eat dessert almost every night now. And not a “healthy” dessert-like frozen cherries and bananas. Real dessert, like microwave myself up two smores or have a big old handful of sour patch kids.

And guess what?

Nothing happened since I started doing that. My weight stayed stable (I do not weigh myself, but my jeans still fit).

You will not believe what I am about to tell you, but I promise you, it is true.

If you eat dessert, even every night, your jeans can still fit too.

I will tell you how and why.

You will stop binging.

Read that again.

Allowing yourself to eat what you have deemed off-limits will curb the urge to binge. It will enable you to listen to your body!

Cravings are the direct bi-product of an unmeant need. That need can be psychological or biological.

A lot of time, it is biology.

You are not eating enough during the day or eating enough of certain things (mainly carbs). Read that again. It is important.

If you always find yourself craving sweets at night, that is your body asking you for something. What did you give it that day? Was it enough?

I have worked with over 500 women at this point. Do you know how many will not touch a piece of fruit during the day because, gasp, so much sugar! But will eat a sleeve of Oreos that night and wonder wtf happened? 499 of them.

You have two choices if you are one of the 499. Eat carbs during the day! It is OK!! Fruit is not bad, potatoes will not make you gain weight. Have rice with your lunch. Allow some bread, whatever you need to keep yourself feeling good and satisfied.

Don’t eat like an asshole. Make balanced plates for each meal. Make sure you get enough veggies and protein. That is important because you love yourself and want to feel your best, but don’t stop there. You need fat, and you need carbs. You do not have to EARN either. Ever.

Truth: if you are always craving carbs at night, you are not eating enough carbs during the day. That is YOUR fault. If you want to stop craving carbs at night, EAT THEM DURING THE DAY!!

Listen to your body! Cravings for sweets is a distress signal, it is telling you something! It is saying – hey, stop treating me like shit. I would like a banana with lunch once and a while.

But, heather, you just said you eat dessert almost every night. If I eat carbs during the day AND dessert, I will be fucked.

No, Susan, you won’t. You will be fine. I don’t like to think of food in terms of its caloric or macro content, but tracking and measuring my food for at least 10 years of my life means I can look at any meal and give you a pretty accurate idea of the calories on that plate.

Because of that, I know having an apple with my breakfast (100 calories tops), some white potatoes with lunch (150), couscous with my dinner (200), and 2 graham crackers at night (my current favorite and around 120 calories) is only 700ish calories.

Most of us need to eat at least 1900 to support our metabolic needs, and even that is low. Most meatheads will tell you to follow a 30/30/40 macro split, and that split is generally accepted by all as an excellent way to cover all your bases. Eating a serving of carbs at every meal and having a “treat” with dessert still puts you under 40%.

So ask yourself, really, what are you scared of?

Call your bullshit, it is really dessert you fear, or are you deflecting because you know you are not eating enough vegetables and protein? Don’t make dessert the bad guy. It isn’t. It only becomes it when we have not covered our bases. Like your mom always said, no dessert unless you finish your dinner. The same is true for us.

Are you getting in 5 servings of veggies a day? Are you eating at least a palm-size serving of animal protein with every meal?

If yes, then eat the dessert! It is fine!!

Another truth: we tend to shift our focus from what we should be worried about, in this case getting in ample amounts of veggies and enough protein, to the low hanging easy fruit, the band-aid solutions…. I will not eat dessert, and that will be fine…

But it isn’t fine. It isn’t addressing your fear of food, your fear of losing control, and your fear of your body not looking a certain way OR thinking your body does not deserve love until it looks a certain way. (more on all of that soon).

Focus on the big rocks, which you should eat to always keep yourself feeling your best.

Focus on filling your plate with foods you feel good about eating 90% of the time. And guess what, you do that you can do whatever you want with the other 10%!! It is fine!!

Honestly, I dare you to start your day with a double serving of roasted broccoli, an apple, and 3 eggs.

Then for lunch, have a HUGE spring mix salad with more veggies on top, some nuts, and oil for fat, a turkey burger or two, and some roasted potatoes, then at dinner, have a piece of fish, more roasted broccoli, and some rice. Eat all that, then see what you need for your “sweet tooth.” It will not be a whole container of cookies or a family size bag of M and Ms. It will be a normal portion of something you really want.

And life will be fine.

You can have your cake and eat it too.

Stop making food the bad guy. Eat like you’re like yourself. Give yourself what you need and also what you want.

Trust me, it is so much better on the other side.

A note for all of you who are scared as hell of cookies and candy but will throwback white claws and glasses of wine a few nights a week.

Wtf.

You are OK drinking poison at 7 calories per gram but scared to eat a cookie?? Call your bullshit. Calorie for calorie you are better off going with the sugar (4 calories per gram). The bonus you are not going to risk a hangover, and your sleep will not suffer, because yes, even one drink will fuck with your rest. And lack of quality sleep means you will crave more carbs. So really, you have yourself to thank for keeping you stuck in that cycle.

IF you want to drink, that is fine, but understand that it is coming at a cost. For our bodies to metabolize alcohol, they stop using all other fuel in our bodies.

Meaning everything you ate sits there, turning to fat, while your body works like hell to clear the alcohol from your system.

If you are OK drinking a few nights week but not OK having a cookie a few nights a week, there is a disconnect to be looked at there. Again, it is misplacement. It is deflecting energy to something that isn’t a problem and making it an issue.

Having a cookie every night is OK.

Needing a drink to make it through the week….. not so much. Obviously, I have thoughts, and if you are interested, I can throw a lot of research into the harmful effects drinking can have, but for now, ask yourself, why are you scared of carbs but not alcohol?

And again. Eat the cookie.

Excuses...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 22 Jan 2021 11:35:15 GMT

Excuses are like elbows… we all have them.

I try to keep things uplifting here. It is no secret that I think bullshit calling is a superpower and must be done as often as needed. But equally important is giving yourself grace. We are all doing the best we can… aren't we?

I call bullshit on that one. We aren't.

We are allowing excuses to rob us of our power. To strip away who we really are, our highest and best self, the person we were made to be. Excuses keep us trapped deep in our bullshit , and because of that, we THINK we are giving ourselves grace when really, we are self-sabotage-ing our way into deeper holes.

Full disclosure. Excuses trigger me—hardcore. I have a visceral reaction when someone starts spewing them around me.

Depending on the lengths of their bullshit, they border-line enrage me. I have to take deep, calming breathes, and do some serious inner work reminding myself that is THEIR shit, and I did not come here to pick it up.

This is because I spent years making excuses. I wasted so much of my life allowing excuses to control me.

These wounds that I caused myself are still raw, I think they always will be, and that is a good thing. Carl Jung said, keep your shadows in front of you, they can only attack you from behind.

I know deeply what it is like to live in a life full of excuses. I know what is like to wake up in a body you hate, one that you have mistreated for years and to feel hopeless.

I also know that feeling of hopelessness is bullshit. It is an excuse. Not knowing where to start is an excuse . You do. I did . We all know what we are doing that is holding us back, yet we keep doing it under the guise of stupidity.

I know the feeling of the goal being a million miles away, as I write this I am taking baby steps to one that may be 2-5 years out. Does that mean you say fuck it and never try? Do people only reach their goals if they are in arms distance??? Largely yes… which crazy we allow some distance to hold us back from even trying.

I lived that for YEARS.

I can’t. I have no time. I have no money. I will start when…. I will be back when…

That is why I hold my past bullshit tight and in the light, so it can never take me down again.

I am profoundly empathetic. I pick up energy like a three-year-old picks up goldfish. It doesn't matter if that energy is covered in shit and wasn’t mine to begin with. I have no choice but to experience it. Which means I feel an excuse for what it is, a lie to our highest self.

I know in my gut when that is happening. I am not bullshiting you when I say it is an superpower . My ability to sniff out excuses is a gift. I am not complaining, it makes me a great coach, but it's exhausting to deal with at times. It doesn't matter the format. In emails, I feel them just the same as we are face to face.

But. My psychic abilities to detect bullshit and my coaching isn't the point here.

Excuses are.

And today, 22 days into the New Year, when folks are starting to already give up OR haven't even started yet because they are waiting for "the perfect time" (THE BIGGEST EXCUSE OF THEM ALL!), and I am over it. I have some things to get off my chest.

Mainly, you deserve better. Stop holding yourself back.

In case you don't know, my husband and I own a gym. All membership cancelations go through me. Which means I can't escape excuses if I tried. Important to note, I believe deeply in you get what you put out. I write this with caution because I know I am telling the universe something, and this could be calling in even more cancelations. However, I know this is important. I know someone needs to read this and finally take control of their health and their life. Acknowledge that THEY are the ones holding themselves back from everything they want, and they have two choices.

We ALL have two choices.

Work on keeping our bullshit. Or commit to living in our growth.

Here is an exercise for you, a sure-fire way to know the difference between an EXCUSE and a concrete barrier. Because that is the thing with excuses, they are tricky. Sometimes you do not even know you are making them.

We actually believe we have no time, and don’t see the hypocrisy while we spend hours on Facebook or had the chance to binge the latest Netflix serious. Your kid has practice a few nights a week? Perfect excuse, never mind you have that hour with nothingtofuckingdo during the practice.

No money, we believe this too, we can’t imagine “wasting” money to improve ourselves, but we think nothing of grabbing a 12 pack of White Claw every time we hit up Target for some more candles and throw pillows….

This is why you need to ALWAYS be vigilant and use this language anytime you find yourself saying you don't have the time, the money, the knowledge, fill in your bullshit here…

Instead say: _______________________ is not my priority right now.

Whatever it is.

Eating well is not my priority right now.

Getting to the gym is not my priority right now.

Exercising three days a week is not my priority right now.

Ensuring I have 8 hours of restful, restorative sleep is not my priority right now.

Working on my marriage is not my priority right now.

Whatever you are saying you cannot do, reword it. ____________ is not my priority right now.

You know why this is magic??

Because sometimes it really is not your priority right now!

You have a tremendous work deadline, and sleep needs to go on the backburner for a week or two. OK! Stop feeling bad for breaking your nighttime routine.

You just had a baby! Working out is not your priority right now! It shouldn't be. Let yourself be free of that guilt; you have something way more important to focus on.

Eating well. Maybe you just moved, and your kitchen is in total shambles. You took a huge pay cut (hello 2020) and your regular budget got slashed. That is OK!! Redefine your "well." Do what you need to do and stop beating yourself up over something you cannot control.

Let's try to reverse.

You are scrolling Facebook, reading stranger's comments on news stories you disagree with and judging people you went to high school with and have not seen in years. That is what you are allowing to keep you up at night. Is that your priority??

Being a Facebook know it all/ stalker?? Call your bullshit. Get your ass to bed. You can go to sleep earlier, stop lying to yourself. (I will say it until I am blue in the face, your sleep gets better, your life gets better. Period).

You can't go to the gym because wearing a mask to workout is uncomfortable? Truth, it isn’t, you are allowing yourself a pass. Is that what you want to be?? Someone who can't do hard things. Someone who lets 3 inches of fabric holds them back from their goals. CALL YOUR BULLSHIT.

Gym a little out of your way? You have to drive an extra 10 minutes... sounds like a good reason not to go... Call your bullshit. Do you want to be a person who lets 10 minutes stop you from your goals?!! Demand more of yourself.

Are you scared of failing? What about never trying? That is terrifying. Fitness isn't something you can fail at. As long as you show up you are doing it correctly. Show up for yourself. You deserve it.

What kind of person are you?

Someone who lets 3 inches or a 10 mile drive hold you back? Is a SLIGHT inconvenience all you need to turn your back on your goals??

Hard truth: this applies to so many things, if you think you are too busy to drive somewhere or have no time for yourself to improve yourself , you are almost always lying. The truth, self-improvement is scary. It is thankless work no one will applaud you for. You do it for yourself. If you are only good to yourself when other people are watching are you really good to yourself?

Money is another big one.

I can't afford it right now… but let me get takeout once a week, coffee every day on my way to work, a few bottles of wine, and a case of white claw because #ineedthem BUT, a gym is out of my budget.

Call your bullshit.

Eating better…. This takes minimal effort like the actual least. Leave the shit you know you shouldn't be eating at the store. That's it. Done. And buy what you want to eat. Again, that is it. Done. (pro-tip: veggies do not go bad if you eat them…)

When it comes to nutrition the biggest excuses we make are making it hard. Believing we need to count calories or macros to be doing it right. That if we are not eating perfectly Whole30 then why try. That is your bullshit. Nutrition is simple. Put food you feel good about eating on your plate most of the time. That is it. No magic. No complicated formulas. You making it hard is you giving yourself a reason to quit a week later.

I write this knowing my words may piss you off.

Good.

That means you needed to hear them. If something offended you, look at that. It probably means you are doing it*. You are making an excuse for something that you claim is a priority, but your actions show you it is not. You are allowing your bullshit to get in the way of your goals. To keep you STUCK in a life that you deserve to be in control of, ACTIVELY CREATING … not sitting on your ass waiting for the right time to find you.

Because here is the secret. It won't. It will never happen.

You can sit at the airport for YEARS waiting for your ship to come… spend that whole time hoping a boat will somehow appear on the runway. That is the same as waiting for the perfect time or your motivation to find you. These things don't show up at your door looking for you, YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM HAPPEN.

Waiting for a gym to open right across the street from your house that also costs $4 a month because anything else is just too much and inconvenient.

Waiting for your husband to get all his ducks in a row before you start putting a little effort in to your marriage.

Waiting for your boss to come and just hand you the raise.

Waiting for good food to magically show up in your fridge and your desire to drink White Claws and Oreos miraculously fade away…….

I can say all these things because I have experienced them. I was the QUEEN of excuses.

I lived DEEP in bullshit excuses for years. And now, I have the privilege to hold people accountable for theirs, and I consider it a huge honor. Because each excuse I am given makes me a better coach, and each time some quits on themselves, it makes more room for the person next to them, the one who is BIGGER THAN THEIR BULLSHIT, to keep going…. so, give me your excuses. I can handle them.

My question to you is, are you OK living with the result of keeping them??

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure . It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us . It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

Liberate yourself from your excuses. You deserve to shine.

* a few years ago, I would have posted this as is. I don’t live in the delusion that we all have the same 24 hours. Some of us are at home with nothing but time, some are working 2 jobs barely making it work. You know where you fall in that spectrum. I speak to women like me; white women born with privilege we didn’t earn. Women who can walk into Target and spend 100 bucks without it meaning they won’t eat dinner the next week. Women with credit cards and free time they refuse to acknowledge. This isn’t meant to shame anyone into action. That never works. Rather, this is meant to shine a light on our bullshit (see the last post about shadows!)

If you want to treat your body better, start. Be bigger than your bullshit.

If you know you need to be moving more. Start.

These things can and should happen with numbers and pant sizes related to them. They do not happen to shrink you into a diminished version of yourself. They happen because we are walking miracles, creations of god, and it is our responsibility to honor that.

You aren’t here to make excuses. You are here to be amazing. Let yourself be amazing.

Stop Hiding From Shadows

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 18:25:11 GMT

Coming to peace with your shadows is coming to peace with yourself.

Carl Jung turned "the shadow" mainstream, then new age woo and spirituality teachers ran with it.

Both schools of thought have the same belief about our shadow sides; they should not be hidden and locked away. Instead, opened, examined, and explored.

Jung says to fully see ourselves and know ourselves, we must also know our shadows. I akin it to the quote; the only way out is through. Getting to know your shadow self is taking control of your life. It allows you to remain in the driver's seat in all situations when you know your triggers, biases, and weaknesses. Yet, most of us are scared to look at those corners of ourselves. The dirty, dark moldy ones we can quickly shut the door on most of the time and hide.

Too scared to open the perceived Pandora's Box of all our Bullshit that we forget we are already inside it. Trapped by the very things we refuse to acknowledge.

It is scary to invite the Monster in the closet to the kitchen table for Sunday dinner. But I think it is worse to let them make themselves a comfy home inside there, hiding, ready to fuck with us when we least expect it.

Your shadow is the dark side of your personality. Your impulses, like instantly being annoyed when you see someone whip out a checkbook in the line in front of you.

Our selfish desires, and any parts of ourselves we wish to hide away, anything we deem unacceptable or wrong.

Our shadow is our disowned self. Any part of us we do not wish to claim or refuse to acknowledge.

I will throw myself under the bus here (claiming my shadows has been the most freeing thing I have ever done… but it doesn't make it easier to publish them for the inter-webs to see).

For years I was bulimic. I would overeat, most of the time on purpose, and then throw it up. Every time I did it, I would swear it was the last time. Over 15 years of doing something for the last time… that is a shadow. Something I was aware of but hid with everything I had. Anything you refuse to talk about, do in secret, anything that brings you shame and feelings of guilt, is a part of your shadows.

Other times it is subconscious beliefs we allow to hold ourselves back because we refuse the challenge them.

For the longest time, I thought I was not that smart. I didn't apply myself or even try to learn anything because not being the smartest was part of my identity. It wasn't until I was almost 30. I finally realized I spent all of my teen years and much of my twenties self-sabotaging because of an internalized belief, a shadow I carried around since childhood.

That is the thing with shadows. We can shed them. I know now WHO I am, and while I would never claim to be the smartest in the room (I make a point to surround myself with people who know more than me), when it comes to certain subjects, ones I have an interest in and can help accelerate my career and life, I know my shit. I am incredibly well-read and overly confident. I told myself I was good enough for the longest time because I was good enough, I was fine. But I didn't come here to be fine. My goal isn't to live my life being fine and die.

I came to earth with a higher calling, one I pursue every day. The limiting belief that I was not enough, not worthy, started

with my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Kingsly. She was a trash teacher. She would call out all our errors loudly, offering no help, just basically shit talking.

I was 7, and a lot happened in between then and 30, but I allowed my shadow to seek our way to confirm what I believed.

It is wild the lengths we will go to stay safe in our bullshit. Often without even knowing it.

How many times have you started out on a new goal only to fall on your face over and over, wondering why you keep fucking up? There is a shadow to be examined there. Self-sabotage is always a shadow at work.

This is something I see a lot with weight loss. Folks claim they will do anything to feel better, anything to escape the prison they feel trapped in. They WANT to. Yet, they just can't stick with it. Then they feel like losers. Like they lack motivation or discipline. Neither is true . They simply have placed way too much weight into an identity that is not serving them.

It is a never-ending cycle of shame. What is really happening? They have internalized some fucked up beliefs that result in being unable to get to where they want to be . Somewhere the idea that they were meant to stay in a body that is not comfortable to them became part of their identity. A shadow crept into their subconscious and made them right at home.

Ignoring your shadows is hugely detrimental to your growth. You are only as sick as your secrets, right?

Any part of us we ignore will be allowed to run free with its bullshit.

Back in the Pandora's box, you are not keeping yourself safe by not looking at your past traumas, self-sabotaging behaviors, negative impulses, moody, salty, harmful automatic behaviors.

You are fortifying a cage you are already trapped in.

Here is the thing with shadow behaviors, even though they may seem unintentional and unconscious, they are actually pretty fucking predictable. We simply need to find our triggers to be able to catch them before they happen.

What are you working on, your bullshit or your growth?

Repressing our shadow is the default for most everyone. We are taught to keep that shit locked up and hidden. No one wants to admit that they are their biggest roadblock. In a way that is expert-level trolling, the shadows self makes it really easy for us to find what we need to work on.

Why? Because what you REPRESS in yourself, you will SEE in others.

Read that again. What you repress in yourself, you will see in others.

In psychology, this is projection. Woo world will call it a mirror. What annoys you in someone else is almost always something you are also doing yourself that you are unwilling to see.

"Unless we do conscious work on it, the shadow is almost always projected: that is, it is neatly laid on someone of something else, so we do not have to take responsibility for it" Robert Johnson.

Plainly put, if you find yourself always talking shit about someone or still angry with someone, that is YOU, not them.

What are they doing that you refuse to give yourself; jealously is a mirror—short story. About 5 years ago, a girl used to come to the gym and wear a crop top in a training class. I talked so much shit. Why is she wearing that? I made fun of her. I HATE myself for writing this, but again, owning my bullshit set me free. Now you can almost always catch me in a crop top at the gym. What changed? I realized what was really happening. I was utterly jealous of her and her confidence. I was jealous of her balls, courage, and "I will wear what I want" attitude. I was at war with my body, seeing anyone so clearly at peace with theirs, which she was, it radiated. It was amazing to watch, inspiring even, but I was too deep in my bullshit to see it.

Jealously in ANY form is a shadow you can learn so much from.

Annoyance is another excellent flashlight to a shadow. If you find yourself always annoyed with someone, they bring up something in you that you do not want to see in yourself. The more they grate you, the more you need to ask yourself what they are doing, then sit your ass down with a paper and pen and get to writing. You have a shadow to examine there.

You cannot be an awakened person without knowing your shadows. Taking them by the hand and inviting them out of the dark corners and to your table. Befriending them, so you never again get caught by surprise and find yourself reacting to old mindless patterns that do not serve your highest, most aligned good.

Approach your shadows with compassion. They were tools you used, now you have better ones.

Some are beliefs that are not even yours. You just picked them up along the way and didn't know how to part with them (like my second-grade trash teacher implanting an identity in me). These shadows are shed with picking up NEW beliefs.

Affirmations are your best friend. Who are you?? Affirm it every day. I am smart. I am powerful. I am capable of. I am determined….

Focus on the positive aspects of your personality. Make them your focus . If you find yourself going back to old patterns, getting annoyed quickly, snapping at your children or partner, or being an asshole to yourself, remind yourself immediately you do not do that anymore. Regroup yourself and move on. You are not the same person, don't waste time being a prisoner of your past by allowing past patterns to run your life.

Be loyal to your future. And call your bullshit.

Be aware of yourself. Do not let the shit slip back into the closet.

Self-improvement is not for the faint of heart. It requires ruthless bullshit calling and accountability. You must be up to the challenge.

What are you working on, your bullshit or your growth?

Be courageously honest with yourself . There is no other way.

Invite your shadows to the table. Tell them to pull up a chair, because you have some examining to do, so they can make themselves right at home in the spotlight.

“When we are aware of our weaknesses or negative tendencies, we open the opportunity to work on them.”

― Allan Lokos

Magic Habits

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 15 Jan 2021 20:15:04 GMT

Goals are great, but you will not reach them without cultivating solid habits. Habits are the magic bridges that take you from where you are to where you want to be. Below are some super simple ones, things almost everyone could benefit from (the exception being those of you already doing them! Kudos to you folks, gold star on your board)!

We tend to get too caught up in the minute and forget the easy, low hanging BIG ROCKS we can move by focusing on a few simple things. None of this is new, it isn't sexy, and it is far from complicated, but if you are consistent, it is effective as hell and will have you feeling your best in no time.

Eat more vegetables.

Aim for two meals a day with a substantial amount of Green stuff.

How many times have you heard that? Yet is it still a thing. I have been coaching for a long time, and the abysmal amount of vegetables consumed by most people always gives me pause. We can ALL use some more vegetables. Deep greens, broccoli, brussels sprouts, kale, spinach, spring mix; adding these things into your diet a few times a day will make you feel GOOD.

I won't lie to you and say they will help you drop 10 pounds by Friday, but they will help you take regular poops, and by default, push some junk you most likely don't want to be eating off your plate.

Don't like vegetables? Suck it up.

Really, I have no better advice for you. Keep experimenting with different ones and cooking styles until you like them. I hate boiled Brussels but roasted they are the tits. Spinach makes me gag, that's a hard pass in any situation, but kale and spring mix are A-OK. You don't have to eat ALL of them, just enough to keep your body doing its job.

We are animals. Our bodies expect certain things, fibrous vegetables are one of those things. You must give yourself what your DNA expects you to eat!

Call your bullshit, eat your veggies.

More Water. Start each day with 16-32 ounces.

Another stupid simple thing we all can do, yet most still are not doing. Drink your water. Start each morning before your Coffee or any food with 16-32 ounces of water. It may sound like a lot, but you are coming off 8 hours (hopefully) of sleep.

Your body has not had any liquids, and that's a problem because our bodies need water to do their job.

Everything from our digestion, hunger cues, and cognitive function is dependent on having enough water in our system.

Dehydration does some jacked-up things to our bodies, yet most of us are chronically dehydrated.

Put down the Diet Cokes, step away from the Lattes, set your energy drinks aside. Get in the habit of drinking WATER first.

You will come to find you do not need all the other stuff; you are simply not getting enough water.

Start your mornings with a big ass glass of room temp water, like BIG. 32 ounces is a lot. Room temp so you can drink it fast. You will go from sad starfish on the sand to thriving in no time.

Sleep more…

Sleep is magic. Rest is an anti-aging drug. It is a super healer. It helps us not eat like assholes, reduces chronic stress. It really does some amazing shit. We should be excited to get in bed early whenever possible.

If you are struggling with your weight, look to sleep first. How many hours are you getting? Under 7 is shit, not enough for anyone.

Getting 8 hours will help you in ways eating a reduced-calorie diet wishes it could. You will be able to listen to your body's hunger cues better. Your leptin and ghrelin (hormones that regulate hunger) NEED that time in bed to function correctly. If the only thing that ever sounds good is carbs, chances are you are not getting enough sleep.

Hours BEFORE mid-night matter. Not everyone can control this, but if you are home and can get in bed before 12, do it.

The hours before midnight is when most of us get most of our deep sleep. You may be getting 8 hours, but if those hours are 12-8am, you are still probably coming up short on your sleep cycles. Blame our circadian rhythm. We are wired to get in bed with the sunset. Biology has yet to figure out Chicago Fire doesn't start until 9pm (pro-tip, record that, nothing is going on all weekend anyway). Deep sleep is when muscles repair and our BODIES rest. We need it. The more hours you log before mid-night, the better off you will be.

You all know the tricks to good sleep, stay off your phone before bed, and try to limit food and alcohol intake the hour or two before bedtime. Simple steps, but they have big payoffs.

Non-health related behaviors that are also totally health-related:

Develop a Gratitude Practice.

Gratitude is everything. The end. Period.

Do it. Start each day stating or (even better) writing something you are grateful for.

Life is good, even when it doesn't feel that way. It is our job to see that. We all have infinite numbers of reasons to be grateful for, yet we are a bunch of salty bitches complaining when the line in Target is too long…. Like what… it is wild how miserable some of us can be in a world literally filled with cool shit.

Make being grateful your default by developing a gratitude practice. Start each day stating something you are thankful for and repeat as often as needed to remind yourself that being stuck behind a slow driver, cleaning the kitchen and folding laundry are not the worst things in the world. They are all big blessings. You have a car to drive. A good thing that driver in on the road is keeping your angry ass from going like a dick and hurting someone. And yes, cleaning blows, but you would lay in traffic for the people you are cleaning up after, so calm yourself, think of the alternative. Amazingly, we have these little mess makers in our lives. You can catch me smiling when I fold the laundry. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Set some boundaries.

You can be grateful for someone and not want to be always on for them. Boundaries are kindness. They protect you and the people you love and work with. Know when to use them.

Some boundaries don't even need to be stated. I found checking my email past 5pm is rarely productive. It will stress me out, make me feel like I need to get whatever task is done right then, and generally mess with my time with my family. So I don't check it until 7am now. Simple.

Is there the occasional ass who will email at 8pm then forward the same email at 10pm and say, "you didn't get back to me"? YEP! Bless them, I did not get back to them, and that feels good.

Teachers, I can't imagine what y'all have been dealing with this year. Working from home is weird for us all. Knowing when to stop and when to get something done is hard when we are two feet from your couch and desk at all times, adding little people and their crazy parents on top of it… yikes.

Boundaries are needed for all parties involved. You need your peace! And it is an excellent lesson for them (the kids and parents) to see life is not going to revolve on their schedule.

There were so many texts depressing, "did you see this" I simply didn't answer last year. That is a boundary. Protects my peace and does the other party favor too. They can't go down the negative bitching black hole alone.

Saying yes when it is really a no is rude to everyone. No is a freeing term.

You don't need to explain or quantify. Sometimes that makes it worse. It gives space to crack holes in your No. "Oh, you don't have to work tomorrow. The kids are off of school. You said last time you would; I really need help with this; it will only take a minute…". Leaving anything as just a NO is clean.

It is simple. Protect your peace by setting some boundaries and saying no when it is a no.

Pray. Meditate. Talk to God. Write letters to the Universe…

Whatever calls to you, do it. There is extreme comfort in the belief that there is something bigger than all of us, guiding us at all times. Acknowledging that presence, asking it for help when needed, and (really important) saying thank you for all the really great things we have and are; THAT is a game-changer.

Create time to get quiet.

Let yourself be. Say a prayer. Use a manta. Meditate. Journal. Whatever floats your boat, just create space for you, and whatever you believe made you.

Talk to God. Ask the Universe to help. Just trust me on this one.

Affirmations

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 12 Jan 2021 18:42:17 GMT

Affirmations: Magical words that will change your life.

Little nuggets of WOW that will inspire you and hold you accountable all day long.

There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. William Shakespeare

There are between 45,000 and 51,000 different thoughts that cross our minds in one day. That’s 150 to 300 thoughts per minute. And unfortunately, for most people, 80 percent of these thoughts are negative. It is possible to reverse this negative aura by affirmation.

What is your self-talk? Would you choose to listen to it on the radio?

I listen to Podcasts and Ted-talks anytime I am in the car. I had a funny thought the other day, listening to yet another Rah-Rah un-fuck your mind get out of your own way chat. If we played the thoughts we listened to, the internal dialogue we have with ourselves when we look in the mirror, make our lunches or perform mindless tasks, it would be like a bizarre world Podcast. Something you listen to if you want to put yourself in a shitty ass mood and ruin our whole day.

Of course, some thoughts are positive, and most are neutral. But what do we pay the most attention to? Negative ones.

I am fat. I am tired. I am bored. I am depressed. I need more money. I do not have a ___. I will never be a ______.

We give all our negative thoughts so much power, which isn’t our fault, really.

It is biology. We are programmed to pay more attention to the negative things around us. This kept our ancestors alive years ago. But now, we are not being chased by tigers. Food is readily available. It is time to get out of our own way and state paying more attention to the positive. Making those thoughts, the ones that make us feel good and are in alignment with who we want to be our default.

Affirmations are sentences aimed to affect the conscious and the subconscious mind so that, in turn, they affect our behavior, thinking patterns, habits, and environment. They are a few words that can reprogram how we see ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and how we view the world around us.

In short, affirmations are the shit.

They motivate. Affirmations are basically short versions of your favorite feel-good song, the song that whenever it comes on, you can’t help but shake your ass and smile.

They keep the mind focused on a goal. I LOVE affirmations for this reason. I have a big goal for this year, and every single morning I write an affirmation that supports it. This reminds me every day of who I want to be and keeps moving towards that goal easier because I am constantly reminded of it. The trick here: say them in the present tense. Whatever you want to be, you are. As soon as you START, you are. (read that again).

Think about this with the most famous goal of them all, “I want to lose weight.” That alone is shit. WTF does it mean. I could shit myself for 3 days straight and lose weight? Did I reach my goal? No.

You don’t want to lose some weight. You want to treat your body better, take better care of yourself, and be confident and feel good in your skin.

THOSE are your goal. They are also your daily affirmations. Because, as soon as you start, you are.

I am a healthy person with healthy habits. I treat my body with respect and kindness . I show myself love and grace, giving myself nourishing food and moving with joy . I am a divine being, and I treat myself as such. I am healthy . I am strong. I am vibrant.

I show myself love and respect. I am pure fucking magic. Being good to myself is easy!!

You get the point. I take these VERY seriously because I know how incredibly powerful they are. Every morning, I can’t tell myself that I am living my dream life than lay on the couch scrolling through Facebook all day.

That is not in alignment.

Using affirmations as a means to reach your goal is basically calling your bullshit. You told yourself who you were that morning, and it was a healthy, strong person, not a couch potato. Using affirmations every morning will basically shove your ass into motion to reach your goal.

They influence the subconscious mind and activate their powers. See above… how many times have you told yourself you were fat? How many days have you said to yourself you were so tired? So BUSY. Anxious.

Stressed…. Those are all affirmations too. You are affirming your bullshit. Congrats.

Affirmations are already happening; it is your job to change them to work to your advantage. You know how powerful they are! Look to your past to prove it. Every time you told yourself something, you believed that shit.

If you want the opposite to be accurate, affirm it.

Positive statements make you feel positive, energetic, and active. I am so tired turns into I have infinite amounts of energy. Use affirmations whenever you need to put yourself in a different mindset. If you believe how tired, bored, sad, angry, fat, annoyed you are, why can’t you consider how energetic, inspired, happy, healthy, joyous you are.

You can. It is your bullshit at work if you think you can’t. Call it.

Using affirmations every morning will be a game-changer. Put them all around you. There was a period when I was a single mom, broke, lonely hot mess of a person. I had them written on every mirror, hung on every cabinet, even on my dashboard. I needed them because the bullshit I was telling myself was not doing me any favors.

I still start every day with them, at least three every morning. Sometimes it is 33… because there is no limit on what I am, there is no limit on what you are either.

The truth is we can never control our thoughts. We will have negative bullshit creep in on our best days. That is life. But we can control what we pay attention to, what we believe.

There really are only two choices; affirm our bullshit or affirm our growth….

I am strong.

I am powerful.

I am living my dreams.

I am creating my future.

I am the architect of my life.

I am love.

I am light.

I am kindness.

I treat everyone I encounter with love and respect.

I am happy!

I am joyful.

I am healthy.

I am a healthy person with healthy habits.

I nourish my body, treat it with love and kindness.

I am magic.

I am a divine being.

I am a living creation of God.

I am bright.

I am confident.

I am proud.

I am guided by intuition.

I am filled with drive and ambition.

I share my talents with the world.

I am guided by the divine.

I am moving in the right direction.

I am my true self.

I am my highest self.

I am at peace.

My possibilities are endless.

I have freedom and power.

I am wise.

I am everything I need to be.

I am enough.

(take what you need, use what you take ��)

Validate Yourself

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 21:03:35 GMT

A lesson in self validation.

If you are always seeking validation outside yourself, you are asking to be miserable.

Storytime.

In my first Whole30 group, I worked my ass off. Poured a stupid amount of time into that thing and charged a rate that was way too low for the work I put in. I didn’t believe in myself or my abilities enough going into it to ask for a rate I deep down knew I deserved.

My logic was it was my first group; I would get the experience and go from there. In theory, it made sense, but it was a recipe for burn out.

Instead of aiming to put out educational content I was proud of, I aimed to continually please. I never wanted to tell anyone no, which meant always being on call. (How many of y'all do that all day long??? At work, at home, with freinds.... Every time you say YES when it really is a NO you are choosing to ignore your happiness.)

In seeking validation, my boundaries went to shit.

In keeping everyone else happy, I allowed myself to turn into a personal Google.

People in the group didn’t want to appear needy by asking too many questions, so they text me…. Which meant I am answering the same question 20 times. For 45 days. No thanks.

By the end of the program, I was so energetically spent I couldn’t wait for it to be over, and when it finally was, instead of feeling proud of what I had done, I felt let down. Still seeking validation and praise from everyone in it instead of giving it to myself.

(do not cry for me. This was a blessing. I charge a rate I deserve, and my boundaries have never been more robust because of this. Yay mistakes! They teach us such amazing things!)

We need to stop seeking validation from others. Because EVERYTHING we are doing, we are doing for ourselves. Read that again.

We do this all day long. Cleaning the kitchen and get salty when our husband doesn’t acknowledge it. Spending extra time on that work project then getting upset when your efforts go unnoticed. Writing the perfect Instagram post and getting upset when no one comments on it…

Everything we do, we are doing for us. Seeking outside validation is stupid.

Put it in context; did your kids ask you to fold all their sweatpants and put them neatly in the drawer? No. They don’t give a shit. You wanted that. Don’t get pissy when they mess it up.

Did your kids make you homeschool them? Nope. They want their iPad. YOU decide that their education is worth the effort.

Moms are the WORST with this stuff. We act like martyrs because we cleaned the house, knowing damn well no one else in the house gives a shit if plates sit in the sink overnight. Then we get angry when no one says thank you.

If you want validation, give it to yourself.

More significant than that, you can get validation, but you will not receive it if you do not believe it . It will fall to the ground while you continue along your salty no one appreciates me way.

That is the sad truth. Being a martyr has become some of all identity. Knock that shit off.

Back to my story. I was getting praise. I had at least 20 “after” pictures sent to me. Emails and texts saying how great they felt and how they couldn’t have done it without me.

I wasn’t receiving it because I wasn’t validating myself . Still sitting, my insecurity about all the things I thought I could have done better or wanted to do differently cut me off from all the praise I did receive.

Think of all the times you use external sources to validate yourself.

Every time you step on the scale to tell you how good you are. What you should be doing is acknowledging how you FEEL and keep it moving.

When you ask your husband if that dress makes you a lot of fat. Stop it. Do you like the way you look? Then keep it moving!

Likes on your post. Comments on your post. Create for you, post for you. If your worth is going to be determined by your engagement, you are asking to feel like shit.

Waiting for praise at work. If you feel good about the job you did, then you did a good job . It is that simple.

Doing a good deed and expecting a thank you. That is not how that works. Do a good deed because it is WHO you are, not because you want praise for it. If the only time you are a good person is when you can show it off on Facebook, you are a shitty person.

Make it a habit to tell yourself good job. Smile after you finish a task. It feels good and gives you a sense of accomplishment.

Stop picking yourself apart . That keeps you seeking praise from other people and things. The whole world can tell you that you are beautiful and kind, but none of it will matter if you do not believe that.

Make a practice of saying, or even better, writing something you like about yourself every day. Physical or personality it doesn’t matter. Just do it.

Write a feel-good mantra on your mirror such as I am strong, I am capable, I am worthy, I am love, I am light… remind yourself what you ARE every day instead of focusing on what you think you are not.

Acknowledge that you are more than enough, validate yourself. Remind yourself that EVERYTHING you are doing because you are choosing to do so. Give yourself the praise you are waiting for. It is a game-changer.

Start

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 02 Jan 2021 20:28:02 GMT

Start.

A year ago, in the weird week between Christmas and New Year’s I was standing in my kitchen, cleaning my stove listening to a conversation John and my Mother-in-Law where having and I heard a voice.

It told me, very clearly, go back to school.

I talk to God often; that night was the first time she talked to me…

Thankfully when she decided to give me her divine guidance I was in-tuned enough, or maybe crazy enough depends on who you are asking, to listen.

All the past fuck ups. All the times I turned my back on my potential, sold myself short. Procrastinated. Made excuses. Failed. Failed again without learning. Quit. They were all reasons to stop trying, my past was full of fuck ups. But, I am not a slave to my past, I am creating my future…

I had no idea what I was doing. I still don’t. Only that I needed to do it.

But this isn’t a post about that.

We can talk about the divine timing, how I truly believe everything in my life lead me to where I am right now which is without a doubt exactly where I am supposed to be, and what a complete mess I was from eighteen to twenty-eight a different day.

This post is about Starting.

Starting now.

Starting scared.

Starting small.

Letting go of your past and starting again.

I was thirty-six years old. I had not attended any class in over fifteen years. I entered school, for what I think was the fifth time, I honestly do not know how many times I dropped out and restarted…. so, we will go with fifth with only forty-two credits.

How many times have you tried and failed at the same goal? Are you letting that define what you can and cannot do now?

Letting the past dictate your future?? Who you are now is not who you were then, you are different. You have evolved, you have grown, you have learned. Are you committed to living in your past or working on your future?

The only thing I had under my belt was a list of my fuckups. All the times I tried and failed. YEARS of failure. My transcript was proof on paper of how pathetic parts of my past were.

But I am not past. I am my future. (You are not your past, you are your future).

To say I had (and still have) a long road ahead of me is an understatement.

I had every single excuse to not follow through. To quit again. Throw in the towel before I even started because:

I don’t NEED to do it. Life is fine. Why put me through unneeded discomfort to simply improve myself in some way?

Time is going to pass either way, do I want to spend in living in my bullshit holding onto limiting beliefs that a college degree isn’t for me, or do I want to spend it working on my growth, knowing that I can have anything I want if I am willing to work for it.

Excuses are easy to come by. I had them. And I was terrified. I wanted to use them. I work, running a business means I am always on call for anything, I am a mom, there is no cleaning lady or laundry service at my house…. Time in is a finite resource and like everyone reading this, I am busy.

Am I committed to my bullshit or growth? Looking for excuses to not do it, or ways to make it happen?

I had so far to go. I cannot commit my life to this. Taking on more than two classes a semester while operating a business and being a Mom would be too much. Slow and steady wins the race, I know this, but damn if I don’t want some instant gratification.

Instant gratification is the reason we fail. We have been lied too, and expect to see great changes in 21 days. Throw that idea out, anything amazing takes TIME. Fall in love with the process, or in the least, learn to tolerate it.

What about you? Any of this sound familiar. Drop a degree and fill in your blank…

It was humbling. It still is.

I had to take an Algebra course. Y’all, I am in a room with children the same age as my daughter! Half of which my husband coaches… to say it was weird was an understatement.

But. I did it.

And I am still doing it.

I am fully committed, and I will see it through.

I drank my own Kool-Aid. About 20 years later then I would have liked but again, how many goals have died simply because we think there is some age limit on our dreams?? That because we are in our 30’s, or 40’s, or 60’s that our time is up. We are STUCK in the life we made. Stuck in our bullshit because we are unwilling to start again?

(What are you committed too? Bullshit or growth)

This isn’t a brag. I have zero problem saying I am proud of myself for this. I am, actually more than proud. This is huge for me; it is a really big gift I am giving myself and I appreciate myself for it so much. It is like the Snoop Dog Video, I wanna thank me for my hard work… That is we need to normalize, being proud of ourselves for doing the work!

This is a call to action.

Right now, on January 2nd we are sitting with our goals.

The party is over, and the new year has started.

What are you going to do?

Last year, on January 3rd, when I hit send on my application, I knew I one thing to be true: TIME WILL PASS EITHER WAY.

I knew that every time I tried before this, I couldn’t do it, I stopped short. My only experience to draw on was a huge pile of mistakes. (but by then I knew a secret, mistakes are our best teachers).

I knew that next year I would have either made progress or stayed the same.

What was I willing to live with?

The journey of a lifetime is walked one step at a time… it is time to start walking.

College is one of my big goals. That may seem silly to you, and that’s fine with me. Another thing we need to normalize, doing things for ourselves. Your goal does not have to make sense to anyone but you. If you feel it in your chest then you have to pursue it, that is a divine calling, letting it go is a crime.

Maybe your goal is weight related. You know you are not taking care of your body, and that you are not living a full life because of it. And maybe it feels like my degree, a million miles away with an incredibly long process in front of you, and maybe there are hundreds of attempts and failures under your belt too. That is OK. Failures are information of what not to do again. Start. Start small, start scared, start.

Maybe it is getting out of debt. And it feels almost impossible because of all the decisions and choices you are going to need to make to do so. What are you going to work on? Staying there or changing it?

Maybe it is moving across the country. And it feels like a dream because where do you even start and what will happen when you get there? What will happen if you don’t?? Staying in the same place can be just as scary as leaving, sometimes we forget that.

Maybe it is starting a podcast, writing a book, going back to work, or leaving work and staying at home, changing careers… anything.

Whatever your goal is; START.

Time will pass.

I told people for nine years at New York Sport and Fitness that we reach their goal ONE decision at a time. One pound at a time. That they needed to get comfortable with the idea that getting there is going to take work and be a process. But, it comes down to one thing, the courage to start.

It is really easy to think there is no way you could do it. When we are faced with big challenges it is easier to look for the negative, all the things that could go wrong and all the different ways you could fail.

We forget there are just as many ways you could succeed, and things would go right.

It is easy to tell yourself you do not have the time or money. I hear this all the time at the gym, “oh I can’t afford that”, but they will spend the same cost on one dinner… often it is not matter of CAN’T it is a matter of priorities.

No time? Everyone has time. It is what we chose to do with it. If you look for ways to make it happen, it can happen.

You will have excuses.

You are busy.

You are broke.

You are tired.

You are scared.

It will seem easier to stay the same. Because why? Life is OK right??

I don’t need to go to school. Arguably it is not added much to my life right now but additional work. Your goal will probably feel like that too at times. Why bother… 5 am workouts suck at first, trust me. But on the other side is a feeling that nothing else can give you, accomplishment. Knowing you did something for you.

You value yourself enough to put effort and time into making your time on earth better. That is cool.

Staying where you are may be the easy choice but isn’t always the right one.

What is more painful? The pain of change or the pain of staying the same.

At what age does growth become not worth it?

We need to stop buying into the idea that “it is too late”, or our time has passed. WHERE WE ARE IS NOT WHO WE ARE.

Ever. But where we are will BECOME who we are if we let it.

This is a kick in ass to anyone who was like me this time last year. Anyone with a wild idea, something that makes you feel completely alive and excited , that also scares that shit out of you, because it is a long process and you are not even sure what it will all look like, it is ok. Just start.

I am in it right now; I will be for the next two to three years. But I started. I am twenty-four credits closer to my goal then I was last year. Not there yet, but closer. I am proud of that.

Where will you be next year at this time if you commit to starting, even small, and promise to keep showing up?

Metaphors and Realizations

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 29 Dec 2020 19:58:40 GMT

I’ve been looking for the perfect bowl for my palm stones in for months.

Nothing I could find was right. I wasted at least two hours of my life searching for “big glass bowls”…

Today, doing my typical Full Moon deep clean, trying to keep Roman and Rocco out my way (impossible), I found it.

Well. They found it.

A big Robin’s Egg Blue Box. Tiffany Blue. In it was a bowl. The bowl I have been looking for the entire time . Big enough to hold all my palm stones and special enough to feel worthy of them.

I had all along. I just wasn’t looking.

I’ll make a metaphor out of anything; this is no different.

It never crossed my mind to look at what I already had. My instinct was to immediately start searching to buy something, bring something new into my space.

Why is that? Why is our default to consume more before we take inventory of what we already have?

Each New Year we pile on other people’s tools. Someone else’s knowledge. Seek out wisdom outside ourselves without looking at all the tools and information already in us.

I think we amass knowledge and rarely stop to USE it.

We forget all we already know because it is shoved in unseen and unused corners of ourselves.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me “I know what to do, I am just not doing it” I would be loaded. That is a truth for so many of us; we know exactly what we need to do, we just aren’t doing it…

I will call myself out. I probably read 100 self-education ( self-help but I hate that term so much) books before I used the knowledge from one of them.

I had a garage full of tools I didn’t use, yet I kept pilling them up and adding more, like the 20 proverbial hammers I had already collected were not enough.

Always searching for something else instead of using what was already there.

The problem is the more we collect the more confusing things can be. In my quest to learn and understand everything I was just muddying the water. You can find a case for ANYTHING. Name a diet and I can find you a study that says it is amazing, and another that says it will basically kill you. Knowledge is power, but when it comes to nutrition, too much can be a distraction.

We know what to do. It is really simple stuff. Eat your veggies, get enough protein, drink your water and sleep 8 hours a night. We just don't do it, so we purposely complicate things to create an out. That way if we “fail” it is not our fault, rather ‘the Diet” was too hard, when we know we shouldn't have done the diet in the first place. It is a cycle of bullshit we keep ourselves stuck in.

There is so much to learn we can delude ourselves by thinking the magic is somewhere outside of us, in something new you we haven’t found yet. When really, we already have everything we need. We just aren't using that knowledge.

I wasted YEARS looking for the magic bullet (or the big glass bowl I already had) I forgot to take stock of what I already knew. It took me years to figure that out, and apparently, I still haven’t learned my lesson fully...

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is most of us every January.

We roll in with this go big or go home attitude, grandiose plans of cleaning house and starting fresh, and we crash and burn by February because it is too much. It was too much last year too; we simply haven’t learned.

We accumulate, we do not use. Setting the same goals over and over without examining what went wrong last time.

Chances are, you have all the tools you need to get yourself there, you simply are not getting clear on how to use them.

Forming new habits is not easy, but when you break down the process, it is pretty damn simple. The unfortunate part is most of use simply do not take the time to plan out what we need to do to get from point A to B.

Start with the Goal. Get really clear on what you want to accomplish. Do you want to lose 20 pounds, or do you want to feel better in your skin? There is a HUGE difference. It is easy to say “I want to lose some weight”. It is not so easy to say, “I haven’t been treating my body well, and I don’t feel comfortable in it anymore, I need to change that”.

The second will get your attention and bring you so much clarity. Unfortunately, the first is where most of us stop.

The first thing that comes to mind is rarely what you really want. You want the FEELING that goal will bring you.

I want to run a marathon = I want to start and finish something that took a lot of work to prove to myself I can do hard things.

I want to deadlift my body weight = I want to show myself how strong I really am.

I want a new job = I want to experience more fulfillment.

On and on. There is always a bigger reason. We are missing out on real path to get there by not looking deeper.

Be careful of surface goals. They are the metaphorical equivalent of just the tip (of the iceberg you perv). If you only pay attention to the tip you are going to miss almost all the good stuff underneath.

Get clear and get honest . Whatever you want, ask yourself WHY and WHAT YOU ARE HOPING TO FEEL by achieving it. There is where you will find your real goal.

Then, do a major brain dump.

What are all the things you are ALREADY doing that will bring you closer to that goal.

Look in your own toolbox first! You will be surprised at all you already do that is in alignment with who you want to be.

Getting clear on behaviors that are already occurring mean you can easily amp them up to make them more effective without much effort.

We fail because we do not have a process, and sometimes even when we have a process, we make it way to hard. Start with what you are already doing. List out all the things in alignment with your goal. Almost all the time you will see you have SO MANY tools already at your disposal.

Let yourself see how awesome you are!! It is amazing for your self-efficacy and confidence, both of which are needed to accomplish any goals. No one, ever, hated or punished themselves into something they are proud of. Get proud NOW.

As soon as you START you ARE. Remind yourself of that, embody it, it changes how you do everything.

Then, clear out your bullshit, because like my beautiful bowl, you can have all the tools you need but you will not see them if they are surrounded by crap.

Which is why we also need to list all the things that are holding you back . Clear your metaphorical clutter out.

Write out self-sabotaging behaviors. This is things like late night scrolling. Starving yourself all day only to fall into a vat of ice cream each night. Hitting the snooze ten times instead of getting your ass out of bed.

This isn’t meant to put you in a shame spiral shit storm. It is to help you see where your energy is leaking . It should feel like cleaning out that random closet with all the shit you never use in it. It will hurt to get rid of some of these things, and it will take effort, but you know you will not miss them. They are not adding in any quality into your life.

It is easy to just close the door on these behaviors. Not acknowledging how harmful they are is allowing us to continue to do them . Open the door on that closet and get them out.

Make room for the good by clearing out the garbage.

Then, and ONLY then, after you have taken full inventory of what you already have, can you add in more. And, almost all the time, exactly what you need is already there, you just can’t see it because it is surrounded by useless shit holding you back .

In our quest to be better we forget to recognize how amazing we already are and all we already know.

We let our bullshit cloud and hide our good shit.

Just like a pile of old comforters surrounded a Tiffany’s glass bowl….

We already have everything we need to do anything we want to do. We just have to call our kindly call ourselves out and start using it.

Two things to leave in 2020

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 20 Dec 2020 14:04:06 GMT

I’ve done more diets than I can count.

(if you are reading this, you probably have too). Under the female delusion, if I could change my body, everything else would be somehow magically right itself in the process.

It didn’t work.

Hitting my goal weight hundreds of times. Looking in the mirror and seeing a flat stomach. 19% body fat, 18% body fat…. even 16% still left that sinking feeling. It wasn’t enough. There was always more to do . In using THINGS to measure how I was doing; I was utterly disconnected from myself.

There is always something else wrong. My stomach looked great, but my ass had too much cellulite. Even though the scale says I only have 23 pounds of fat on my entire body, my arms still looked flabby. In aiming to find some sort of physical happiness, I found every possible flaw, reminded by them by always seeing changing numbers on the scale.

Through 10 years at the gym, working with and talking to countless women, I have found some practices always fuck us up.

Mainly, I never do two things that have completely changed my relationship with myself, which, by default, changed my relationship with food. If you work with me, I will demand you stop doing them because they are bullshit practices that add no value to your life.

And if you are working with me, you know one thing to be true: We do not indulge in our bullshit anymore.

Never weigh yourself. Ever.

Weighing yourself does nothing for you but confirm what you already know.

If you feel chubby, bloated, and gross, the scale will show you a number that confirms it.

If you feel svelte, lean, and trim, the scale will show you a number that confirms it.

Or it won’t.

How many times have you stepped on the scale expecting to see one number only to see a number that was 1-5 pounds heavier? Then what happens?

Your whole day is ruined….

Weighing yourself is never productive. Ever.

If you feel “fat,” bloated, and not fabulous in your body, why do you need ANYTHING else to tell you that?

No. Stop using the scale. You have all you need to validate yourself already. Stop telling your body and divine intuition that you can not be trusted by always requiring a source outside of yourself to tell you what you already know.

Feeling skinny mini, slim, and trim like all your efforts are paying off? Great! Keep it!

You do not need anything else to tell you what you FEEL. You are a grown-ass woman; you cannot trust the most basic feelings about your body? Do you really need a twenty-dollar piece of plastic to tell you something you already feel sure of?

Using anything outside of your body to tell you how to feel is trash.

How many times have you been sick, like really sick, throwing up basically shitting your pants and (of course) you step on the scale after, see you lost weight, because duh; you haven’t been able to keep food in your body, you see a smaller

number, and you feel proud.

Like you running to the toilet was something you did. If that isn't a HUGE red flag for us all, I do not know what is.

STOP. USING. THE. SCALE.

It is trash.

If I could drill this into every female brain, I would. You will never make a positive change with your relationship with your body if you think you need the scale to tell you how to feel.

Did you lose a pound? Great excellent we will have a good day!

Gain a pound?? Oh ya fat loser, you only get salads.

Does that make sense?? The scale could be down because you are starving yourself.

That is not good! It could be up because you had an excellent workout, which causes your body to hold a little water, which will repair and rebuild your muscles. The scale will tell you that you are doing something wrong when you do the best thing you can do for yourself.

It rewards you for awful behaviors, telling you good job when you are dehydrated, under-nourished, and losing muscle. It punishes you for the stupidest things that are entirely out of control, like getting your period or merely needing to take a solid shit.

Stop. Using. The. Scale. Throw it out, now. Not tomorrow, not later on, and do not even bother hiding it. Toss it where it belongs.... in the trash.

Delete your calorie counting app.

This is the same as the scale. You are a grown woman; you can do amazing things, BUT you think you cannot self-regulate your calories??

Knock it off.

These apps are hugely problematic for so many reasons, the most prominent being they will give you enough calories to make it through 10am and then have you feeling like a failure when you go over 1200 they gave you.

I tracked for YEARS. Before, there was a My Fitness Pal to use. I had a straight-up notebook and calculator. For the record, I hate math….

I told so many people from the gym to use the Lose It app… and I hate myself for it! By then, I had the sense to know it drastically underfeed people, so I told everyone to put their weight in over 200 pounds with a goal of maintenance *which should have been a huge red flag for me not to use it! Hey, you can use this but do not put your real weight in. It will starve you…. When you know better, you can do better.

But Heather, if I am not tracking, I will fall off the wagon . Y’all. If I had a dollar for every time I heard that!!

If you are falling off the wagon, it is because of the calorie counting!!! (!!!)

What do you think is going to happen when you micromanage and restrict calories for days on end??

You will get hungry and eat!

That is not falling off the wagon! It is biology!

Stop using sources outside of yourself to tell you how and what to eat.

You know how to eat. We are all born with that fundamental knowledge. We just get all fucked up because diet culture feeds us lies that we can not be trusted to properly provide our bodies.

I have a deep metaphysical belief that women cannot hear or trust their intuition because we literally do not trust our guts. We need scales and apps to tell us what to eat. It makes zero sense. If you want to hear what the universe has to say to you, you first need to learn how to listen to yourself.

You will never be able to trust your gut when you refuse to listen to its most basic needs every single day.

Throw your scale out. Delete the App.

Both things will never serve you; they put a band-aid on a gaping wound that you need to let heal properly.

There is so much work we must do, so much we need to UN-LEARN. The first step is telling yourself that you can be trusted. You do this by allowing yourself to eat without measuring and FEEL without needing validation from a scale.

You are a divine being with incredible knowledge of how to nourish yourself. I know this to be true with every single fiber of my being. Start allowing yourself to tap into by tuning out the bullshit noise around you.

Clearly, this is something I am passionate about, and we have only touched the surface here. If you want to dive into un-fucking yourself from past diet bullshit, check out my January program linked below.

Get your Confidence Back

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 15 Dec 2020 11:20:37 GMT

When did life beat the confidence out of us?

We are born loving ourselves. Watch a child look in the mirror. It starts off exploratory. They have a deep interest in finding out who that reflection is. Looking at themselves with wonder and curiosity.

How amazing. If only we kept that energy. Looking at ourselves and asking who we are while simultaneously being in awe of what we are seeing.

Then we get bold. Find a toddler or young child and put them in front of the mirror. It is magic. They stick out their bellies and tongues, exploring themselves with such curiosity it is comical. How amazing to love our bodies so much that we crave to see them fully.

When does that change? When do we stop seeing ourselves as magic, looking at every inch with clear eyes and no judgment, and start seeing ourselves as flawed, things that need to be picked apart and changed to be worthy of our own love.

Life kicks the confidence out of us. It is our job to bring it back.

Confidence is a strange word, even more so if you are a female.

Be confident, but not cocky.

Be self-assured but not boastful.

Have poise but not too much; you don't want to come off as uptight.

Be cool, but not too cool.

Dress your age, but stylish, not like a whore, not like a grandmother, cover your stomach but show some skin.

Smile, but not too big, you will look crazy.

Keep a straight face do not show emotion, but be kind. Always.

Be strong, but not a bitch.

Be assertive but timid enough so you do not make anyone uncomfortable.

Most importantly, be yourself, but only if being yourself is socially acceptable.

No wonder we got so fucked up along the way, questioning every choice from what we should be eating to what we should

be wearing.

Shoulds. The confidence killer.

I should dress more my age. I should stop saying what is on my mind. I should not be so assertive. I should smile more. I should make sure everyone is comfortable around me, even if it means biting my truth.

I am over it. You probably are too.

How do we gain it back, though? Get back to our self-loving default? With work.

Put effort into how you look, not for ANYONE else, but for yourself. I say this as I sit in my wet hair; I have no intention of styling, no make-up (highly botoxed though), face, and sweatpants.

However, if I sat like that all week, I start to feel unattractive. Doing my hair and throwing on some mascara now and then, even though I only intend to go as far as my couch, is a confidence builder. It is showing me I am worthy of taking time to make myself feel good.

I know it's 2020, and we have nowhere to go (fingers crossed 2021 changes that!) but throw on some lipstick for yourself. It matters.

Going along with this, dress up now and then for you. Wear something that makes you feel good. You do not need a special occasion to feel special. YOU are a special occasion. Treat yourself like it.

Negate self-deprecating thoughts. My mantra is, "I don't do that anymore." Feel free to steal it.

Whenever I have negative thoughts tied to my appearance, body, and worth, I remind myself I don't do that anymore. I don't judge myself negatively. I don't try to change my thoughts; I simply do not give them power.

Picture these negative thoughts as an asshole driver on the road. Let them pass you. That's it. Trying to chase after them and fix them isn't worth the effort. "I don't do that anymore" is all I need to set myself right again.

Get to know yourself. Journal. We spend the most time with ourselves, yet we do zero self-exploration.

Why?? What a waste of energy?! When you spend scrolling looking at strangers' lives (that aren't real), what have you gained? Not much. Spend some time every day getting to know yourself. Write down what you are grateful for, ask yourself what your dreams are…

Do that damn thing. No one gained confidence sitting on their ass.

You want confidence, do something! Get to the gym. Start the podcast. Open the business. Start the book club. Do whatever it is you want to but haven't had the balls to start. Knock that shit off. No one will do it for you. Show up for yourself and your goals.

A note on holding back over fear of failing: Failure is a confidence builder!! Failure is your best friend; it means you are trying. That is more than so many can say. If fear of failing is your reason for not doing something, you already failed...

Exercise. You will never feel good in a body you do not take care of . Move. Walk. Dance in your kitchen. Do something that connects you to your body. It makes being grateful for all its magic so much easier.

Set small daily goals and do them. Straightforward things . Today I will drink more water. Today I will eat more vegetables. Today I will not talk shit about people. Today I will not scroll on Facebook for hours. Today I will take a walk . Simple goals you can do every day to remind yourself and your subconscious that you are a person who gets shit done.

Confidence is our baseline. Confidence sets you free and gives you the tools to validate yourself, making everything so much easier. And better. And brighter.

Look in the mirror and smile. You do not have to love everything you see, but you must respect it and be grateful for it.

Work on that as hard as you worked on losing your confidence. Commit to drinking your own Kool-Aid and fall down the rabbit hole of embracing yourself for everything you are….

The way I look at it, there are only two choices.

Commit to picking yourself apart and never being happy and live in that self-created mess.

Or commit to embracing yourself and treating yourself with kindness, and working on that.

The choice is yours.

You can catch me smiling in the mirror at red lights… I highly suggest you do the same.

New Moon Magic

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 12:28:24 GMT

A New Moon Ritual.

I am not an expert here. I don’t believe anyone is. We are all simply tuning into self and doing what best suits our needs. (Learn to lean into your magic, what works for you, cool stuff happens). The following is my process. Take whatever you need, and if something does not suit you, leave it. Adjust as often as needed.

Most of what I learned came from four sources, Magdalena at My Metaphysical Maven, my dear friend Jaclyn (found on Instagram at @mindbodysoulsparks), Kate Northrup’s book Do Less, and most importantly, tuning into myself. I encourage you to do the same. Learn for women who inspire you and use that knowledge to craft your own ritual.

Because that is exactly what every new moon is for me, a Ritual. It is a ceremony; it is sacred, and it is celebratory.

This is still for those of you not into the “woo” or “woo curious”. What harm could come from checking into yourself twice monthly. If you are not into the Moon and its magic that is cool. Come up with two days that you can do some self-evaluation. Nothing bad will ever come of taking time to get to know yourself better, questioning your desires and shedding your bullshit.

The new moon is when I set intentions, plant the seeds of starting fresh. But. You can’t plant seeds on top of weeds, you have to hoe everything out in order to grow…

That is exactly what I use the new moon for. A time to rip out the roots and mess of everything that is not serving me to make room and invite more of what is working and my desires in.

The new moon is the perfect time to start fresh, and as the moon grows so will your upgraded habits.

Because I believe clearing out is crucially important before you bring new in, the first thing I do every morning of a New

Moon is change my sheets.

Hear me out. First, changing your sheets twice a month is something I have to do anyway, I use the moon as my reminder.

On a metaphysic level I am shedding unwanted energy, I don’t want to get back in bed with it after…

Removing my sheets, I leave my bed uncovered for the full day, opening all the curtains, and cracking the windows – even on the cold days heating bills be damned – I want any negative energy gone. I have a huge Selenite (a crystal known for its cleansing properties) I lay across where my chest rests every night. Sometimes, when I feel deep in my bullshit or too effected by others (hello 2020) I make a simple cleansing “rub” placing sea salt and baking soda in a bag and sweeping it over my mattress towards the open window, kindly letting any negative energy to know to GTFO.

I do my best to get some deep cleaning done that day as well. Its practical, it is all shit that needs to be done anyways, why not use the moon to do so. Setting an intention before I start of getting rid of any “junk” and dirt around me.

We can’t start new surrounded by our old bullshit.

These things happen every new moon, sometime very basis, I am changing the sheets and cleaning some toilets. Totally sexy stuff. Other times it is more, this new moon will be one of them. Like most of you, I am over 2020, and ready to rid my home of all its garbage.

After the physical process is done, I go inward…. What of MY junk do I need to clear?

Some will tell you to release during a New Moon, shed everything that is not serving you to make room for more of what is.

That is typically what I do UNLESS I am ovulating during that time.

You read that right.

I use my menstrual cycle to manifest.

Do not knock it till ya try it, it is magic.

Most women who are not on hormonal bitch control will sync up with the moons schedule. There is no normal or correct time to menstruate, please do not feel that if you are off you are doing something wrong if your clock is different. If you do not track your cycle, start. It will give you incredible insight into how you can be more productive, have great workouts, and give yourself grace because we NEED rest during the month.

Back to the moon, most of the time I am menstruating with the New Moon, I am shedding on a physical level, which means it is the perfect time for me to shed on a metaphysical level.

Giving myself some quiet time away from everyone including my family I write down everything I wish to rid myself off. Bad habits that have been plaguing me. Everything from being overly judgmental to being on my phone to much. Eating shit that isn’t serving my highest good to feeling the need to always produce or be on.

The energy of the new moon aids in riding our bodies and minds of toxins. Shed what isn’t working to make space for what is.

Shed bullshit to make room for the good shit.

Now the manifesting. In asking for help releasing everything that isn’t helping me be my highest self I am asking for assistance BRINGING IN things that will.

Bad behavior doesn’t get rewarded, we all know that. I view manifesting exactly the same. I can not ask for more success if I am barely managing the responsibilities currently have. (or complaining about them....) I can’t ask for help treating my body better if I am eating like a dumpster. Setting an intention to drop all the negative shows the universe we are aware of our downfalls and actively working to change them. (and again, woo or not, you can not start something new deep in your old habits! Going inward is never a bad thing).

If the New Moon falls when I am ovulating then my process looks more like manifesting, less shedding.

My belief, and what I have found works best for me in using the new moon to shed, as the night sky is clear, open, the moon is not visible but still very much present. This is like a woman working on herself, we do not see it until she is ready to be seen. Biologically during menstruation is a time to relax and go inward. If the new moon is on or around that time, then that is exactly what I am doing.

Full moon (ovulation) is a time to be seen, to be out there, social, and aggressive. Biologically that is when we are at our peak every month feeling our best, which like a full moon begging to be looked at, is the perfect time to play big and ask for whatever you want. (again, read the post on manifesting).

Writing everything down I do not want to continue is checking in. It is a time to be brutally honest with myself and shine a light on all the shit that isn’t working. It becomes easy to spot patterns, there were only so many months I could write “reduce screen time” before I got so sick of myself and did it. Again, this isn’t just for Woo people. This is for everyone.

No one can be attached to their bullshit and their growth. Check in with yourself every month and make sure you are moving forward.

Ask for help. This is a prayer. This is surrender. Acknowledging that there is so much going on that is so much bigger than ourselves. That everything, even though it may feel like a kick straight to the tits at first has a way of making us better. It is asking for help seeing that and seeing yourself for the magic you are.

Which is what bringing me to my favorite part of the whole process. Burning my bullshit.

Because it is not mine. It is just shit I picked up along the way. So, I let it go freely, turning from a thought, to a word, and to smoke… its baptism every single month.

Maybe she is born with it, maybe it is Maybelline…. I believe it is the same with all this Woo crystal stuff.

Is it the manifesting and Citrine laying around that is making my life better? Or the work I AM DOING that is pushing it along.

It is me. The same is true for you. I can write all the intentions, manifestations and ask for help shedding everything… but if I do nothing to help the process nothing happens. WE are the magic we have been waiting for.

But… I believe deeply the woo helps so long as it is not treated like a quick fix. A crystal bracelet and burning sage won’t help you. You must help you. When you show up, and show the universe you are showing up, THEN the cool shit happens….

Happy New Moon Babies. Get to work.

need help finding your magic? I have three spots left in my January program, I would love to have you!

Cardio Queen

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 10 Dec 2020 20:23:28 GMT

Any tool, if used properly, can make amazing things. The same tool can also smash your thumb to pieces.

A few days ago, a lovely soul DM’ed asking for advice. They have diligently been riding their Peleton for the past five months… yet when they looked in the mirror, they look “worse”. The scale is going down yet, they looked (their words) fatter.

What is going on??

A few things.

They are seeing things that aren’t there.

Look at the instructors. Do you see any that look like most Americans? Have you seen one with a roll of chub when they sit down or arms that move when they waive?

Nope.

You are spending your sacred time; because that is what movement is once you get out of your own way, gazing at perfect chiseled bodies. Bodies that have been crafted by years of work in the GYM- not on the bike. Because you have been lied to. Believing these men and women look the way they look because of a bike is like believing a Rodan and Fields before and after. Those folks are full of filler and Botox… wrinkle cream my ass.

These instructors who appear to be made from muscle and good hair earned those bodies with great genetics, and weightlifting. No spin bike, even ones equipped with 3-pound dumbbells, helped someone achieve those chiseled arms. Weights did that.

This isn’t a post about Peleton though, rather the abuse of Cardio. From a former cardio queen who wasted YEARS of her life sweating in the quest to become smaller.

And, before you come at me, I think the concept AND classes are amazing. I’ve taken some and every time I feel like I am being evangelized in a good way. Those instructors have one liners and motivation for days, it’s empowering and fun!

But as the only means of fitness, Cardio, in ANY form, is a hammer.

A hammer can build a whole ass house, but with only a hammer you aren’t getting shit done. You NEED additional tools.

Folks are riding/running/cardio-ing themselves into a possible whole host of problems. Do not wreak yourself in 2021 by being a slave to cardio.

Excess cortisol (a stress hormone) can be caused by too much cardio. To much cortisol does nasty things to us from weakening our immune systems, raising ours appetites' and cravings, causes mood swings, makes you weaker (no ones goal) and makes it HARDER to lose weight. Yikes.

When you exercise you burn both fat and muscle, ideally the muscle lost is minimum AND if you are doing strength training you are breaking down those muscle fibers which in turn causes them to repair and build back stronger.

However, during cardio this does not happen. You are not “repairing” from steady state cardio (yes- everything you are doing on a Peleton aside from a 15-minute HITT class IS STEADY STATE) you are simply burning muscle.

I don’t say that to scare you. I LOVE steady state cardio, and it is not a bad thing. But steady state 5 days a week is a different story. Too much of a good thing is never a good thing.

Doing an excess of it is asking to burn your muscle away. Muscle is your metabolic powerhouse . It takes EFFORT to build, do not let that effort go to waste doing excessive Cardio.

To be clear; anyone who loses any amount of weight will sacrifice muscle mass along with it. However, to beat the horse, the more cardio you do the more muscle you are losing. This is another thing I have seen firsthand to many times.

Folks come into my office thrilled with their 10-pound weight loss only to hop on the Inbody (a scale the reads muscle mass along with fat mass) and see that while they did lose 3 pounds of fat they also lost 3 pounds of muscle and some water weight. What does this mean?

It means they are burning LESS calories than before and must do more cardio to keep up their weight where they want it.

It also means to maintain that weight loss they need to keep the cardio up and consumed calories limited. Loss of muscles means a slower metabolism as their Basal Metabolic Rate decreases as their muscle mass goes down. Not good! This is why strength training is so important for overall health and longevity! (!!!)

While we are on the subject of weight, it is worth saying you should never (ever ever ever) us a home scale as a means to judge your progress. If you see a big drop in weight it is water, granted that is excess inflammation and bloat so great that it is gone, but it is not fat.

If you continue to see a large drop in weight you need to calm your tots, eat a carb and chill with the cardio- because that is fat AND muscle. L owering your metabolic rate, making it hard on your future self to maintain your weight and probably messing up your hormones too. Good times.

It is never ending cycle you put yourself in.

Another side effect of too much cardio: a shitty night’s sleep. If you find you are having a hard time falling asleep OR waking up every night around 3am that is a solid sign to much cardio is happening. Take a few days off. Sleep is EVERYTHING. Do not let your sleep quality decline in the name of burning some calories, that will bite you in the ass.

Please, take it from a former cardio queen. Too much cardio is going to harm you.

A new year is coming in HOT, and with it a ton of people with fitness related goals.

Get the bike! But get some weights too. Make sure in your quest to reach your goals you are not making it harder on yourself by burning your muscle away.

Lift weights. It will change you.

Make sure those weights challenge you. Heavy is relative. When I started lifted 8 pounds was heavy and a challenge. BUT, it changed, and eventually I needed more weight to challenge me.

Get your ass back to the gym so those heavier weights are available to you!

A shark only grows as big as the tank you put it in. Put yourself in a big tank. Not your basement and the dusty 10 pounders that have been sitting in the corner. Challenge yourself on what your heavy is, really really cool things happen when you lean into that.

I fell deep in the hole that was cardio for years. Going and going aiming to shrink myself away. Sweat is fat crying and all that other bullshit disconnected trainers will tell you….

Now cardio is religious, a moving meditation I truly cherish, but it took years to get here. And it didn’t happen from 5 days a week on a bike/elliptical/ treadmill.

It happened with aiming to grow and aiming to challenge. To become more, not sweat away to less and less.

We shrunk enough in 2020. Cutting the fat of our lives to and focusing on what matters to us. Let 2021 be the year we aim to grow.

Cardio will always have my heart, but cardio alone is a recipe for metabolic disaster. Support yourself in 2021 by making sure you have a FEW tools in your tool belt.

Voting for Your Future Self

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 16:13:48 GMT

Are your actions voting for who you want to be?

Everything we do brings us closer to or further away from the person we want to be.

What way are you moving?

It sounds like an exhausting concept, always having to be aware of what we are doing and how it will affect our future, but on the other side of that, think about the future.

Do you want to be cleaning up the mess from your past actions??

No thanks.

Support yourself now to avoid waking up one day and asking, “what the hell happened”.

If you already find yourself there, feeling behind the ball or wondering when things go so off track it is time to put your big girl pants on and prioritize yourself.

Make this easy, set our environment up to keep yourself on track so you aren’t constantly fighting temptations.

This is everything from not buying a 24 pack of White Claws so you can’t easily reach for one when you get thirsty on Thursday nights, to putting the apples in front of the cookies in your refrigerator.

Paying the extra 50-100 bucks for a training membership so when you walk in the gym you don’t spend the full hour figuring out what the hell you should be doing (and bonus, spending the extra money means you are MUCH more likely to actually get to the gym and workout in the first place).

If you are stuck working out at home that means planning your full workout in advance, setting an exact time to start it, and setting everything up the night before.

Meal prep. This is a no brainer. An hour of work will equal days of easier decisions when it comes to your nutrition.

Don’t take your phone in the bedroom at night. No one got a good night’s sleep scrolling until they shut their eyes. Sleep is everything. Prioritize that and EVERYTHING gets easier.

Leave your phone in the kitchen so you are not distracted by every sound when you are working from home.

Do your laundry before the pile touches the ceiling and it feels overwhelming.

Don’t leave this to chance, if something is important to you TREAT IT like it is important.

There are hundreds of little things we can do every single day that make being good to our future-self easier.

When we think about ourselves in the future, we focus to much on what we want to look like, or what “stuff” we want to have accumulated.

We forget to think about how we want to FEEL and what actions it will take to give us these things .

That is the disconnect between what we want to be and what we are, forgetting the magic is found in the small daily tasks.

The most mundane things are the biggest things moving us forward.

Hundreds of seemingly un-important things that add up into something unpleasant or something amazing.

Most people forget that, focusing only on the big goals and forgetting to break them down into the minutia it takes to get us there.

Think about it in the opposite direction. No one gained 30 pounds in one meal. It was hundreds of choices that added up to a result.

What future are you voting for?

This is something I asked myself a lot this past year: “is this voting for who I want to be” and honoring the yes or no that came after. It was annoying at first, the constant questioning, but like anything it became automatic.

Bigger than that, it’s given me more freedom and peace then any past forced change. What is a NO today can be a YES tomorrow, this method allows for fluidity, not the rigidity of arbitrary rules most of us have attempted to suffer through in the past.

Coolest thing of all, this “change” takes the least amount of effort or willpower compared to any other method I have tried (and I have tried them all) (at least twice).

A question. That is it. Is this voting for my future self?

No good or bad. Right or wrong.

Nothing is off limits.

Sometimes my future self needs to lay her ass on the couch and chill.

Sometimes my future self needs to get her ass off the couch and fold the laundry.

Sometimes my future self really needs garlic pizza and a brownie from Pudgies (if your local you know).

Sometimes my future self needs to eat a kale salad.

Self-questioning has gotten me, and the women I have been lucky enough to work with in the past, further ahead than anything else. In addition, it has helped us learn about ourselves and who we want to be in the process.

Are you moving towards or further away from the ideal version of yourself??

Are you voting for your highest and best self?

Simple question, amazing returns.

What would next year look like if you didn’t set any other goal but to honor your future self?? I think it would be pretty amazing….

Need help with all this self questioning?? I got you - follow the link below.

Manifesting more bullshit

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 06 Dec 2020 15:05:56 GMT

Manifesting sounds like a weird out there “woo” term. Something that chic’s with crystals tell you to do (raises hand) .

Manifesting takes work , diligent mental effort, speaking things into existence, and actions to bring something to fruition.

All those things together make actual magic.

Or.

Can dig you into an awful hole.

Stick with me.

How many times this year have you said something like “at least it can’t get worse” then gone on to complain about all the bad things happening around you or to you?

That is manifesting. Manifesting for shit to get a lot worse.

Every time we complain, bitch, and moan we are giving our negative, unproductive thoughts power.

Every time we throw ourselves a pity party about how awful things are, how bad we have it, all the horrible things happening to us we are lowering our energy and telling the universe exactly what we expect to continue to happen.

We are what we speak. We are what we believe. We are our actions. If we believe life is just kicking us when we are down that is exactly what we are calling in more off. Yikes.

Have you ever noticed how some people always complain? Always have something wrong, or a negative aside to add to any conversation. The people who will tell you everything that can go wrong before even thinking about what can go right….

Those are bullshit manifestors.

You do not want to be a bullshit manifestor.

Think carefully about what information you consume. What are you seeking out? Are you truly trying to educate yourself or are you looking for justification of your fears and anger?

What about your words? I am not throwing stones from my glass house here. Trying not to bitch in 2020 is like trying not to blink…. It is impossible. But HOW MUCH you bitch AND who you are bitching to matters.

Venting is part of the process for almost everyone. Venting is something that can be cathartic but is risky territory.

Because venting often turns into dialogue (in an echo chamber) and that leads us to speculation.

You know what speculation is: crap. It is crap. It is someone's opinion often based in fear.

I will not listen to speculation on the gym being closed until XXX. No thanks. I don’t want any ones OPINION on when things will return to “normal” unless it is completely optimistic.

Put on your rose-colored glass or stay the f way from me with any negative vibes.

Do not vent to someone who will affirm everything you are saying .

You may THINK you want someone to justify your anger, but you don’t. You want someone to say, “I HEAR YOU and I AM SORRY YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS”. (write that down and next time someone comes to you bitching- do this).

You don’t want someone to agree with you, and worse, tell you all the other horrible things that are or could be happening because of whatever you are bitching about. It is only going to fuel your anger and anxiety about the current situation .

I Will not manifest bullshit rule # 1: Before you complain, breathe . Pause. Step back before you react.

Most of the time all we need is some distance from the problem. Have a small circle you vent to and keep it short. Do not let them suck you in deeper into your bullshit.

Maya Angelou said “if you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain ”.

Byron Katie said, “when you argue with reality you lose 100% of the time” .

I say complaining is calling in more of what you don’t want.

It is CHOOSING to focus on the negative around you. You ever notice that when you are running late you seem to hit all the red lights? That when you are “feeling fat” nothing fits? Pay attention to what you focus on, it grows.

Being negative is easy. I will be bold enough to say it is lazy. It is hard to keep a positive attitude now, it takes work, but I’d rather work on that then live in the gray cloud of something else going to go wrong alternative.

There are negative headlines all around us. Scroll on Facebook for 5 seconds and you will find 10 reasons to be

scared/angry/annoyed. Finding things to be happy about takes some work right now.

Ask yourself honestly, what are you working on? Your bullshit or your happiness? Those are the only choices.

“It can’t get worse” is a challenge and the universe has jokes , stop saying it. Replace it with “on the other side of this is something amazing”, “we will get through this and be better, stronger, happier for it”.

(and if you don't believe that, fine, but please see above; stay away from me with your shit vibes. As Wayne Dyer said: I am realistic. I expect miracles).

No one is suggesting laying back and taking life as it happens, I am suggesting we accept life, and if something happens that we do not enjoy we must:

Stay objective : Is it as bad as we think? Really think about it. Go ahead and list all the bad things happening to you, then list every reason you STILL have to be grateful for. We do not have to look that hard to see 100’s of reasons to stop bitching. I hate to think in terms of "they have it worse", but right now a lot of people have it A LOT worse then we think we have.

Be honest : Can we do something to change it? Sometimes we are our biggest problem.

Are you making your situation worse? Yes, we are stuck at home, letting your kitchen go to shit and your healthy habits take a back seat is basically saying to the universe “keep it coming, I am going to just wallow in it…."

Stay open: Maybe it is a lesson, instead of bitching pay attention (so it doesn’t happen again).

I know 2020 has been kick in the balls after kick in the balls, but even with incredibly sore (theoretical) nuts we all have so much to be grateful for.

Remembering that and (more importantly) saying THANK YOU for that calls more of what you WANT.

Always focusing on, bitching about, and stressing about everything going wrong calls in more of the negative.

What you focus on grows. Choose your focus wisely, you are asking for more of it.

Clearly mindset matters, and if you can change the way you look at things the things you look at change. If mindset is something you struggle with check out my January program

Judged or Ignored

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 18:09:38 GMT

How many things have you not done out of fear of judgment?

How many outfits have you changed?

How many times have you put on the red lipstick only to quickly wipe it off?

Not ordered the desert.

Not said what you wanted to say…

How many times has fear of judgement stopped you in your tracks?

Seth Godwin says those are the only two choices; risk being judged or be ignored. I agree.

Both suck, but one sucks worse.

Judgment I can deal with. Ignoring my dreams, my wants, or even my desire for dessert, I cannot.

In saving ourselves from the potential of judgment from others we are ignoring our wants . When is that trade off ever ok?

Being judged is uncomfortable, but most of it is in our heads. No one cares about us as much as we think they do.

Sometimes we are being judged; that is also uncomfortable, but judgment is really an amazing tool. It is a mirror. It reflects exactly what we desire for ourselves, what we are afraid of, or what we do not understand… (more on that soon)

In allowing yourself to be (potentially) judged, you are giving permission to someone else to set themselves free. Every time you wear the lipstick you let another woman know it is OK to do so as well. That is cool.

Or of course, we can all play it safe.

Never buy a crop top or a pair of big hoops. Make sure your makeup is muted, god forbid you attract any attention to yourself.

You can never go to the gym, that is far too risky, so much danger there; think of all the judgements you could encounter!

You can play small of the rest of your life, never be judged. How amazing would a life like that be?? (if you can't tell, I am being extremely sarcastic)

Or you can do that thing you have always wanted to do but are scared to do because what will they think? What will they say??

Like Marianne Williamson says, who are you to be this brave, this beautiful, the bold?? Who are you NOT to be? In shining you give permission to let everything around you do the same.

Every time you say no to yourself over fear of judgment you are ignoring your wants and needs.

Ignoring who you really are and what you are capable of. Who could you be if got out of your own way and stopped playing small?

Judgement shouldn’t be feared. It is coming from far away, rows and rows back in the cheap seats. Do not take criticism from people you wouldn’t take advice from . Judgement is cheap, flimsy, and fleeting. Wait five seconds and it will be gone, they will find something or someone else to place their judgements on.

At the end of the day we all want to be seen and seen for who we really are. If fear of judgment is holding you back ask yourself if ignoring your wants is really playing safe, or is it playing small?

Distracted...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 29 Nov 2020 18:45:49 GMT

Distractions can be the best thing ever.
And the worst...

Distractions are something that prevents us from giving our full attention to something else. Most of us have spent much of 2020 distracted. Going between actively looking for something else to hold our attention, take our minds off our "stuff", or desperately trying to stay present when our thoughts are going 100 different directions.

Distracted. Giving our attention to something else…

I’ve always been a voracious reader, fiction since I was a little girl, and education/self-exploration for the last ten years.

March came in like a bear and turned my world upside down. Trying to wrap my head around our business being closed, the kids being home from school and the stress that came with both left me DISTRACTED. I couldn’t read without feeling lost by the end of the page.

Trying to do little tasks became HARD.

Answering emails. Cleaning the kitchen. Making dinner. Everything felt huge.

I needed something to distract me from life, but at the same time I could keep my attention on nothing.

Actively seeking a way out while desperately trying to bring myself back in and stay present . It was a mind fuck.

I have solid distractions techniques, honed in from years of self-sabotage...

Food was always there. Mindlessly eating. Sitting in front of the TV in an almost catatonic state. Feeling completely disconnected from my body... That was super helpful and made me feel great�� …. Distraction.

Scrolling Facebook, because my own anger, frustration, confusion, and fear wasn’t enough to focus on, I could also see what everyone I went to high school thought about it too. Again, super NOT helpful.�� Distraction.

Wine too. I rarely drink now, for a lot of reasons but mainly because I value sleep over any self-care practice, it’s my foundation and drinking jacks it all up. I don’t like what a hangover does to my nutrition, mainly the cravings, I like to make eating as well as I can as easy as I can- hangovers mean I am face deep in endless grilled cheeses. And it makes me moody and sad… so no thanks.

But, back in the day wine was my go to. Most of the time it was one glass a night (I say one glass, but I know because of my obsessive calorie counting and measuring the wine on a food scale that it was really about two glasses in one big old goblet). This made sense. At the time I worked at a Wine Store. Selling and ordering wine was my job, which meant knowing wine was my job. It made drinking 3-5 days a week seem normal.

And I was never getting drunk so it was fine, right?

Looking back, I see what I was doing, at the time I had no idea. S ometimes, when you are knee deep in it, it is almost impossible to see the forest through the trees.

Looking back, I was distracting myself from reality (almost) every night. I was a single mom, making barely enough money with no plan on how to change that. I was fighting like hell with my body, under the female delusion that if I just got skinny enough, fit enough, I would be fixed, and my life would magically change. I was a functional mess looking for a nightly escape, just enough to be able to go to sleep without thinking about all the things I should have done that day or needed to do tomorrow.

That is why I hate Mommy wine culture. We are normalizing escapism. Do I think every woman who drinks is looking to escape something? Not at all. But the bullshit marketing implying that you can’t be a parent without getting buzzed is just gross. And really, if your kids are such assholes you can't deal with them without a White Claw- its time to deal with your kids... but I digress.

There is a difference between really enjoying something and THINKING you enjoy it.

This is the curse of distractions. We think we like them. We convince ourselves we enjoy them even. When really, all they are doing is pulling us away from reality.

But. This is confusing. Because distractions CAN be helpful. Context matters.

Can you fix the situation? Can action help shift things in your favor? If your dealing with people, your kids (see above), your partner, your boss, your friends; almost always YES. You can and should DO something . Eating, drinking, watching Netflix for hours is all fine and dandy IF it is tagged teamed with ACTION. If your just instead of dealing you are only making your problems bigger.

Loss of a job, have your pity party then action. Look at whatever is happening and be honest. If you can do something to move the situation to a better place by doing something- you must do it. Don't let a distraction become another (self imposed!) obstacle!

Be brutally honest with yourself whenever you are "checking out". Is it serving you or is it self-destruction? Allowing yourself an hour, a day, even a week to process or just BE is fine. Allowing yourself to further dig yourself in a hole is not.

Back to books, reading these past eight months, even though half the time I have no idea if I am even enjoying the book, has been a god send. It is DISTACTING me without HARMING me.

Because not every situation can be fixed with actions... hello 2020. BUT distractions shouldn't make us feel worse. Drinking or eating to much, scrolling Facebook for hours; that ain't it. Take your mind of off things by being productive. Clean a closet. Clean your fridge. Do something, even the smallest five minute task will help you feel better.

Eating mindlessly, consuming simply to occupy my busy brain- not helpful. It is going to cause me to feel worse, physically, and mentally. Bloated and upset. Disconnected from myself and my emotions. Because even the most stressful situations I still need to feel. We all still need to feel. Feelings are our thermometer, our check engine light. Turning them off in the bad means turning them off in the good. To cope with stress/fear/frustration we are robbing ourselves of future joy.

Alcohol; I am not going back into a dissertation so stick with me. Alcohol is a myopic agent. (*Myopic means narrow minded, single focused) That means whatever you are feeling when you drink will become bigger, it will become your focus. We drink because it will help us escape, if you are drinking when you are stressed/angry/scared you are going to become more stressed/angry/scared. For the sake of time I will spare you the research on depression and drinking.

Facebook scrolling, looking at everyone else’s opinions, many of whom you would NEVER take advice from makes things confusing. In reality you give no shits what that weird guy from your tenth grade bio classes thinks about the world, you could care less what your friend of a friend has to say about how things about being handled. But when you see them over and over on Facebook, read them in your home, they become personal . They start to feel like they are attacks on you.

Distractions can HARM. They become mindless consumption, of things and information, that is not helping you in your current situation.

Distractions can be comfort IF they are used correctly. This is not making your current situation more fucked up (see above. Treating your body like shit with food or drink NEVER made a problem better*) . But, turning off the news, stepping away from the chips and Facebook and cleaning a closet, taking a walk, reading a book, turning on music and dancing in your kitchen, taking a nap or going to bed! Those can all be wonderful distractions that put you back into your body, or in the least do not take you to far out.

Lastly, know when to use them.

2020 is the year to be distracted, but some situations we need to stay present for. These are anything you can or should be aiming to fix or elevate. Like homeschooling, I can’t spend my day on Facebook. I need to be there.

Even closure of the gym, it is totally out of my control BUT staying distracted ain’t helping.

Give yourself a limit on you pity party. Tonight, I can cry, I can eat some ice cream (not the whole kitchen) I can watch trash TV and then I will go to bed and wake up and my pity party is over…

Being upset is fine, living upset is not.

Know when you are distracting yourself. Acknowledge it. That is enough to call your bullshit. If you are willing to admit your distraction to yourself chances are it is not that harmful, and you are present enough to know when to stop. If you are unwilling to question your behavior, or don’t want to look at it; that is harmful distraction. Step away from the kitchen, put down the White Claw and delete Facebook from your phone.

We have enough going on, don’t allow your distractions to make it worse...

Don't Wreck Yourself... Navigating Nutrition this Holiday Season

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 23 Nov 2020 16:07:53 GMT

Tis the Season for us to let our nutrition slip and slide until the New Year.

(Haven’t we all been doing that since March?)

I haven’t conducted any formal surveys, but my guess is at least 70% of us feel OFF in our bodies. Things haven’t been normal for some time, the stress of various situations such as homeschooling, working from home, or worse, loss of a job or closure of your business…. We feel OFF.

Now the Holidays come in with their stuffing, gravy, fudge, sugar cookies and booze…. What are we supposed to do?

Food can be the best comfort we give ourselves. It can also totally fuck us up…

How can we enjoy the Holidays without feeling like a bag of overstuffed hot garbage??

We need to pay attention.

We need to be IN our bodies. Which is hard, because so many of us have spent so many years actively trying not to listen to our bodies. We have restricted. Dieted. Overate. Restricted again… it’s a cycle, and once your in in, you are IN IT.

Pay Attention is GOOD advice, but it is also lazy advice. How TF can you pay attention to something you have spent over half of your life trying to change, ignore, and trick….

You start by getting curious. Asking yourself often what you really want and how you are feeling.

Being so completely annoying with yourself, bugging yourself before every meal, during every craving, after every bite. Ask yourself almost obsessively; is this what I want, how is this making me feel and is this serving me?

This is what I like to call the pause . A painfully simple concept that can feel incredibly weird to do (at first).

Before every meal, before you even make your plate, ask yourself what you want.

Ideally you have a fridge full of meal prepped food you feel good about eating. Maybe you even have a menu and a plan….

That is great.

Bu t do you really want it?? Or are you eating it because you feel like you need to eat it? Because it is the “good”, healthy, or

right thing to do. Be careful being too strict, this can easily slide into restrictive and diet like behaviors which is the start of the whole jacked up circle.

Ask yourself what you want before every single meal.

Then listen.

Then HONOR .

If your body tells you it wants carbs, give it some carbs.

If your body tells you it needs a huge salad with full fat dressing, give it the salad and don’t do a two millisecond pour of dressing. Eat.

If your body reminds you that you haven’t had protein all day, eat it.

And if your body says I would really enjoy a bagel with cream cheese; eat that too.

Then listen again. Closely.

How do you feel? What feedback are you getting?

Are you still hungry 20 minutes later? That is important, it means you haven’t eaten enough which will lead to big cravings or overeating later (or both…good times��).

Are you overly full? That can happen too. We are programed to finish our plates OR we are eating with one hand while the other scrolls through social media, so we have no actual idea when we are full. We eat until the food is gone, assuming what is on our own plates is what we need.

SLOW DOWN. This isn’t groundbreaking stuff, and I am far from the first one to say it. Eat slowly. Put your forks down between bites. Be present.

2020 has been jacked up, but it has taught us we really have no where pressing to be. We have nothing but time, even when it doesn’t feel like it…

Pay attention to how your body is feeling after each meal or snack.

Most folks know pushing a diet isn’t smart, so the diet/wellness industry pushes other things now: Fear of gluten. Dairy will kill you and give you zits on your chin. Soy makes you fart….

There is some truth there, but the other truth is MOST of us can get away with eating MOST things . Will 8 pounds of gluten destroy your gut? Yes! So will 8 pounds of broccoli.

It is rarely the FOOD that is the issue. It is the quantities. (read that again)

Eating a disproportionate amount of carbs, of fat, of protein, of ANYTHING is not good. Use common sense, balance your plate MOST of the time and you will be OK.

Tune out what someone told you was bad for YOUR body. And tune into YOUR body.

What is it telling you? How do you feel? We want to be able to blame cheese for our love handles and shitty mood. We want a bad guy. AND when we read about how some foods can be bad FOR SOME PEOPLE it is easy to believe the same foods can be bad for us.

Confirmation bias in action. The BEST thing you can do to TUNE IN to your body is TUNE EVERYTHING ELSE OUT. Maybe there is something happening, but someone else's experience will not help you navigate what is going on in YOUR gut. Throw out what you heard, pay attention to YOU.

Go back to self-questioning: is this really making me feel bad OR is my thinking about it making me feel bad.

For years I thought if I ate certain foods, I would get bloated, break out and my mood would go to shit. And that is exactly what happened. Then I tried a wild idea. I tried my best to not give those foods power, to treat them the same as I treated (and thought about) “good” foods… I focused energy on the idea that they would have no ill effect on me. And largely, that is what happened.

Think about this in a different context; imagine walking into a party thinking it is going to be awful. You will be bored; the people suck and your going to have a shitty time. What is going to happen?? Exactly what you thought. You will have a horrible time and it is largely your doing… great job! ��

To a large extent, our thoughts create our reality.

Tune in to yourself by clearing out what you think you know. Tell yourself you will feel fine and watch what happens. (obviously if you have a diagnosed food allergy this doesn’t apply. If you are self-diagnosing because you read something on Instagram, this applies )

Pause. Question. And Honor.

Sometimes we are indulging because of habit, not because of true want. Having wine every Thursday because it is what we have always done instead of asking if it is really serving us or making us feel good.

Same with big holiday meals…. have whatever you want, just make sure you want it. No one LOVES dinner rolls or handfuls of pre-holiday meal chips…. we eat them because we they are there. Actions like that are why we end up feeling guilty post meal, consuming food we do not even find joy in. Try to fill your plate (and bellies) with food you really love and that are special to the holiday, not Ritz crackers and precut cheese….

After you have it, let it go. You were not bad, it will not ruin your progress or make you a bloated mess, just let it go.

Pause. Question. Honor. Release all judgment.

The only thing you do not need on your plate this year is guilt. That tastes like shit and does more damage than all the glutencornsoysugar in the world.

Sometimes the simplest thing is not simple at all. It is work. It is tuning in and constant questioning of ourselves, which

most of us have never done. I believe deeply it is the only way we will ever get ahead and stop fighting with our bodies.

Pausing.

How cool would it be to get in tune with our bodies NOW, before the New Year. Slow down this season friends…. we have nowhere to go….

Pausing, questioning, paying attention, letting go of guilt and judgement…. It is work, and it can be challenging to navigate alone. My January group will help you travel through the bullshit of past dieting while setting you up with lifelong habits and practices that will keep you feeling good in your body. You can read all about it here and sign up with pre-Thanksgiving discount (valid until 11/28). If you are over fighting with your body this program is for you.

Thoughts on Botox

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 19 Nov 2020 17:48:39 GMT

I haven’t moved my forehead in seven years.

Raised an eyebrow or scowled at an annoying presence. My face has been frozen since I turned 30. I rather enjoy it that way.

I got Botox for the first time a few months after turning 30. Friends had just gotten married and looking at the pictures from the reception I noticed these lines creeping around my eyes. I made an appointment, and the rest is wrinkle free history.

It did raise some eyebrows (not mine…. heyoooo). Was I too young for it? Was it necessary? Did I really need it??

I have no idea, as the saying goes, it wasn’t my lamp. I wasn’t doing it for them. For my husband. For anyone. I did it for me.

A few days later I felt and looked younger. Say less Botox; you have won me over.

But is it contradictory that I, someone who works with women helping them accept and love themselves, blows her face up with poison? I don’t think so.

No one, ever, is going to love everything about their body. Wanting to change something is NORMAL.

I think that is the real magic, accepting we can change things, want to change things, hate our cellulite and still love our BEING at the same time.

We can fully embrace aging, gaining weight and going gray. We can also embrace filler, a mindful diet and hair dye.

Both are OK. One school of thought does not need to throw shade to the other.

We can embrace all the things at the same time.

I love getting older. Each year is like another permission slip to stop giving so many fucks are start doing exactly what I want to do. And with that comes the knowledge that what any women wants to do to feel good in her body is VALID and none of my business.

The problem is when we start doing things because it is what we think we NEED to do.

We need to fight wrinkles with everything we have OR we need to embrace the laugh lines and crow’s feet that came from so many years of laughter.

We must stop looking for heals, short skirts and leggings and start looking for respectable sweaters and chinos OR we need to hold on to our youth, “Mom shorts” are in fashion now….

We start forcing things on ourselves to fit-in or fit some made-up mold. That is a problem. It is the same as eating 1000 calories in the name of weight loss. It sucks. While it may get you results you are going to hate every single minute of it; its going to feel (and be) incredibly disingenuous, and your going to end up disliking yourself more in the process.

Whatever you are doing, make sure you are doing it for you. Because you WANT to do it. It makes you feel good.

It is easy to judge the opposite of our choices here… watch that closely. Remember that your judgements speak more of you and cause you harm.

Pay attention to what you feel the need to condemn or question when it comes to another body; that is your fear and bias in action. Judging someone else means your judging yourself, and that sucks. The more you can accept ALL bodies, the more you will accept yourself.

But Heather- how can you possibly say that accepting yourself could also mean changing yourself?

Because I can Sharron, that’s why. Because we are complex, multifaceted individuals and liking yourself means 1083 different things at the same time.

I like my face frozen and I don’t like wearing makeup. I wish I was the kind of women who wore cute fall outfits with high boots and scarfs but I am not, I am the kind of women who wears leggings and sweatshirts and changes into her “nice” leggings and sweatshirts before she goes out. I see beautiful big smiles complete with laugh lines and think how amazing her life must be to have earned those marks, all the laughter that made them. And I see my own and accept I am not ready to embrace them for myself yet. Maybe I never will be. Who knows and really, who cares?

My point here? I don’t know, some random thoughts I felt the need to express. I am not a fan of smoke a mirrors, women have enough to deal with when it comes to our body image. The least we can do for ourselves is give ourselves permission to do what makes us happy, however that looks, and give the same permission to every woman around us.

There is so much more to life then the way we look, but if a little lipstick, a pair of earnings or some Botox is going to make you feel a little better- do it. Or don't. Because none of it matters anyway. How we look is the actual least important thing about any of us. I will say this until I am blue in the face, feeling good about yourself FEELS GOOD!

Do what you need to do, and let everyone else do the same.

Smile big when you look in the mirror too… even when you don't want to. Liking what you see is never going happen all the time, but you still have to be thankful for it.

Fitness Upgrade: Expect nothing

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 17 Nov 2020 18:14:07 GMT

and be grateful for everything...

It is easy to get tied up in the idea that your fitness routine needs to produce something.

A lower weight on the scale, a heavier deadlift.

A faster mile and s maller pants.

The problem is in expecting something we lose sight of all the good that is happening.

In worrying about the “shoulds” we forget all the things we GET to do . The miracle that being able to move your body is.

Upgrade your thinking around your fitness routine; stop worrying about what you think should be happening and start appreciating that it is able to happen in the first place.

When fitness is tied only to outcomes it become another chore.

Loses its magic and becomes something that tethers you to the idea that for movement to be “worth it” it must give you something tangible. Something that can be measured. But a feeling can’t be calculated, its felt…. In trying to measure every fitness related outcome you shut yourself off from the real magic; being able to listen and honor your body.

A few years ago, I developed a practice; before every workout I pause and say a silent Thank You to my body.

Sometimes it is just that; thank you. Thank you for showing up for me . Thank you for allowing me to do this.

Sometimes it is more, it is acceptance, asking for help achieving a new goal while accepting that whatever happens is a gift.

If your fitness routine is tied up in endless 21-day challenges or “must burn 600 calories” sessions, you will never appreciate the miracle movement is.

Which means that goal your chasing will always be out of reach. No one develops a practice from a place of self-hate.

Habits are made and formed when there is an immediate reward. I don’t want to piss in anyone’s Cheerios but anyone who has ever worked out knows that weight loss and strength gain does not happen overnight. It is a challenging process. If you are seeking out a pair of jeans to validate you, you are in for a rude awakening.

Falling in love with the process means just that . Fall in love with the process NOT the idea of the results.

If your fitness routine happens because you are in celebration of what your body can do, or in the least, in appreciation that you are able to move you will feel accomplished and validated every single time you finish a workout.

Every time you run twenty minutes. Every time you step off your yoga mat. Every time you re-rack the last dumbbell.

Expect nothing. Appreciate everything. Say thank to yourself every single time.

Stop chasing results and lean into the idea that the magic is in the doing, in the process, in showing up .

Thank yourself. Treat fitness as a gift (because it is) and watch the magic happen.

We don't do that anymore. Thoughts on Dieting....

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 15 Nov 2020 21:51:01 GMT

After another weekend of eating out, indulging, and treating myself to whatever I wanted had a familiar thought; I need to go on a diet.

Clean it up.

Cut out sweets.

Cut out gluten, cheese, and my daily handful (or three) of sour patch kids.

And that was exactly when I caught myself, yet again, deep in my bullshit.

A diet would be the actual worst thing for me to do.

So much so that since February I have committed to NOT going on a diet, cleaning up my diet or restricting any unnecessary item from myself ever again.

February may seem like a short amount of time, but if you’re a typical American woman you have thoughts of losing weight almost daily. It is somehow engrained in us that is what we are supposed to do.

Shrink.

According to the CDC at any given time 58% of American women are attempting to lose weight. Wild. It is no surprise the diet industry is booming. No surprise that is my, and most women’s, default line of thinking whenever we feel “off” in our bodies. "I need to go on a diet".

Never stopping to look at what is happening around us. What we have been neglecting or ignoring and what we have been giving our attention too.

Like a diet magically fixes everything. In truth, almost all the time, the diet is what is fucked us up...

The practice of journaling every morning has provided incredible insight into my patterns, and triggers.

I’ve noticed two things.

Anytime I have attempted to clean up my diet in an overly strict manner I fall on my face afterwards, ending up right into five slices of garlic pizza and half a pan of brownies.

That is really helpful… eyeroll.

And, that when a lot of things around me and outside of my control feel really shitty I tend to match that with how I eat, making myself feel shitty to align the energy around me.

Again, really helpful….

That is the current situation, and even though this is not the first or even second time I have found myself here this year it STILL catches me by surprise.

My gym is in a forced closure (again), with no end in sight (again), school is online (again) with no end in sight (again…). The gym is a macro stressor, something I have ZERO control over, yet it dictates my life (and income, and future) hugely.

Admittedly, remote schooling is micro. I can do it, it is a pain in the ass, not ideal, but it is OK. The stress comes from seeing my boys struggle to connect with what is being taught and seeing my seven year old becoming aware that he is having a hard time with it… it sucks. Add in the rest of 2020’s bullshit and BAM. I am eating to match the shitty energy.

The dumbest thing I could do. The dumbest thing anyone can do. Food is an INCREDIBLE source of comfort! And should be used. But abusing anything, food or alcohol as means to cope is never helping any situation. It is digging a bigger hole.

Trying to fix it by dieting or restricting would only make it worse.

Dieting is never the solution we are looking for. Ever.

Dieting is the start of a circular problem that becomes almost impossible to get out of. The idea that the solution to all your problems is somehow fixed by a number on the scale or a smaller size of jeans.

Dieting is disguised as so many things.

It is cutting out gluten or dairy when you have no reason (other then seeing some influencer saying it is bad for you) to do so. It is cutting out sweets completely without addressing WHY you are always turning to them. It is a “cleanse”. It is trying to control something around you when you feel very out of control…

Dieting is doing anything with your nutrition without asking WHY you are doing it and WHAT you are hoping to gain from it.

We run to a solution, that has never solved anything, in hopes to achieve a goal we have never thought about beyond a number.

We are scared to look deeper than that. Ask what FEELING we are after, and if we are even willing to do what it would take to get there; which is never dieting! It is working on our mindset, how we structure our day, what we allow in our space, what we believe and what we ignore.

The work is NEVER related to what goes into your mouth. It is how you SEE yourself, and how you VALUE yourself.

A diet never gave us what we were looking for. It is a temporary band aid that hurts like hell when you try to pull it off.

I know better. Deep down we ALL know better.

My thought, “I need to clean it up” isn’t about what I am eating at all.

It is what I am allowing in my space. What I am choosing to consume, mentally and physically.

Everything from time on Facebook to what I put in my mouth. Where I am letting my energy leak. What am I choosing to pay attention to?

What thoughts am I believing and putting to much weight into.

And really, it all boils down to one thing; I am not taking the best care of myself.

A diet isn’t going to fix that. It is going to make it worse. It is going to push me further into listening to outside ques and father away from listening to myself.

I need to go inwards. Ask myself WHAT I NEED to feel good again. To feel like I am honoring, loving, and nourishing myself.

I don’t need to give up anything. At all. I don’t need to stop eating my sour patch kids and take away cheese. In fact, I know that doing that would bring me into a worse position.

All I need to do is get back to MY* baseline. My foundation.

Veggies at Breakfast and lunch. Dinner can go to shit, but it is cool, I covered my bases.

Protein at every meal. (notice I didn’t say every time I eat. I used to, this was to strict and did not work for me. If I want a carb heavy snack, I am eating a carb heavy snack. Ruthless self-evaluation and bullshit calling have taught me many things).

AND – the most important things have nothing to do with food: Which stopping dieting FINALLY allowed me to figure out .

Mindless scrolling needs to stop. Setting limits on Social Media has been a pandemic game changer. Phone goes upstairs by 7 each night, if it doesn't I know I will not be feeling great within a few days.

I stop being on-call. Emails get answered twice a day, not the second they come in. Feeling like you always have to be "on" is a sure fire way to needlessly burning yourself out.

Lastly, setting 5 alarms on my phone. When they go off, I stop whatever I am doing, close my eyes and list off three things I am grateful for in that moment. GAME CHANGERRRR.

A diet never fixed me. It will never fix you either.

It isn’t a diet we need. It is self-evaluation. What isn’t working and where is energy leaking?? Understanding that even if the world going to shit around you is not an excuse to treat yourself like shit. It only makes things worse.

The food we eat is never what is wrong with us. It is why we are eating it OR why we think we need to avoid it.

I am not going on a diet ever again. Or a cleanse. Or a Whole30. Or a anything.

I am going to continue to ruthlessly call my bullshit. Eat what I want to eat AND stop often to make sure it is serving me.

I am going to continue to deepen my relationship with myself. Deepen my intuition by listening to my body, not forcing things on it, or ignoring its wants.

That is all I need to come back too; myself.

I don’t know if I will ever stop thinking about dieting completing, or fantasying what I would look like if I “just lost 5 pounds” … and I don’t if I want to. They are my red flags; I am willing to bet these thoughts are yours too. The check engine light that reminds me to stop and figure out what is happening.

Whenever I have them there is ALWAYS something else I need to be addressing that has NOTHING to do with my body. Or in the least, they are a reminder that I am not taking great care of myself, and I deserve better. We all deserve better.

I told my husband, in passing, and not serious but serious enough last night that “I am going on a diet tomorrow”.

He responded with exactly what I needed to hear; a manta I try to tell myself whenever negative thoughts arise: “you don’t do that anymore”.

He’s right. I don’t do that anymore. And I will remind myself that as often as needed….

(*highlighted and bolded because this is MINE. You find YOUR baseline, do not listen to strangers on the internet about what YOU need to do. This is hard work, and it does require help sometimes, if you are over dieting and want help establishing yours I got you, I am putting out the details for my January group soon! LOTS of self-evaluation. Lots of work. No dieting….)

Manifesting Magic

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 30 Oct 2020 17:21:35 GMT

We can manifest things into existence. If you believe you can have do or be something AND joyfully work for it anything is available to you.

These things must happen together. You can work your ass off for something but if you do not believe it is yours to have you will never keep it. (We see this happen all the time. This is the person always dieting, chasing some smaller tighter version of themselves and never appreciating the body they are in right now). Someone who has the “dream” home but never happy in it, always up in Target looking for another throw pillow. You know these people, maybe you are these people. The ones who on paper have it a lot going for them, so much to be thankful for, yet still unhappy and living on a low-level frequency. Bitching and complaining about everything.

Here is the wild thing; these folks are manifesting too … bitching and complaining is bringing IN more bullshit to their lives. You know the quote “be the energy you want to attract”? Ask yourself often, what are you attracting?

If our thoughts, our words, and our actions create our reality why can’t we use those things to create the reality WE CHOSE? I believe (largely) we can.

I do not consider myself an expert on the topic, I have made some cool shit happen in my life. Here is what I did- and what I believe whole heartedly makes dreams into reality.

Step One: Be Grateful NOW.

Stop chasing happiness. Do not fall for the trap that happiness is a goal weight or jean size. A new house or a bigger kitchen. A better job or an upgraded car. Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a state of being . If you can not tap into that energy NOW, you will never be happy with more. (you probably won’t get more either…)

Be obsessively grateful . Wherever you are right now stop reading this, put your phone down and look around. Look around at all the beauty around you. See your home, the place that gives you shelter, that keeps you and your family warm. Look at your children and see the miracles they are. Your job that supports you, the car that allows you to get to where you need to go, on and on. I don’t care how salty you are about your day currently, if you start looking for things to be grateful for you will find many. It is your job to do that.

Focusing on the negative only makes the negative bigger (read that again).

If you want any changes in your life start with being grateful for what you already have and where you are right now.

Step Two: Have some respect…

You are a divine being. You are literal star dust. I am not big into organized religion, but I know God is real, I see her/him/it every single day. Understand that God/The universe is in you and respect that.

This is how you eat, how you sleep, how you move and how you talk to yourself. This has NOTHING to do with how you look, it respects who and WHAT you are.

This is alignment.

You would never go to a house of worship, say a prayer, and then kick over the alter. Same exact concept.

You are connected with the same exact energy you are trying to tap into. Bigger than that, you ARE that energy. Respect it.

Anyone who has worked with my knows my love of this quote; a Sanskrit phrase I heard years back while attending Corning Community College in a 1 credit meditation class I needed to keep me full time. I had ZERO interest in meditation, but that became a tipping point in my life. (You are always exactly where you need to be. I hated myself back then, looking back now that girl was doing the best she could- and I am so grateful for her…)

Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo ; translating to; I bow to the Creative Wisdom. I bow to the Divine Teacher Within . I take that as: I bow before my highest self.

We are walking magic; we must respect that to tap into something bigger than ourselves. If you do not believe in a power bigger then what we are I truly am sorry for you (and I have no idea why you are reading this).

See yourself as whatever energy you are trying to tap into and treat yourself LIKE that energy. Take care of yourself, it is an extremely powerful form of alignment that (I believe) SCREAMS to the universe you mean business!!

(this is soooo important if you have any body related goals; and if you are curious about how to tap into that magic sign up for my January group….)

Step Three: Quit your bitching

2020 is on some real bullshit, I get it. I am not throwing stones from my glass house either, late March- alllll of April (and some of May, June and July, and still now! Very much a work in progress over here) saw me doing my share of bitching and complaining.

Why me. Why my gym. Why my kids getting no in school education. Why can’t I find toilet paper and ground turkey?

Bitching. Bitching with no purpose other than spewing more negativity into an already negative situation.

Bitching does nothing productive. Complaining breads more complaints.

If your focused on the negative that is exactly what you will see. Stop falling victim to that immediately. We NEED our collective energy to improve. You will never ever ever get something better by hating what you have. You get something better by acknowledging what you have (or where you are) and DOING something different.

IF you want change stop complaining. Stop bitching. Stop whining. Start appreciating . Look for opportunities. See the infinite number of good things you can still be thankful for in this moment and say thank you.

The universe doesn’t reward salty bitches…

Step Four: ASK

This seems obvious but it is easy to miss. This is a prayer. A conversation with God and/or the universe.

Women have some weird condition where we are scared to ask for what we want, and worse than that, we don’t even know what we want! We are scared to ask ourselves what our dreams are, what would fill us with joy, pride, and a sense of purpose. What lights our soul on fire!?

Ask YOURSELF what you want. Let yourself DREAM.

Sit down with a pen and paper and write. Do not judge what comes up. Let your soul speak through you.

Step Five: You better work.

If you think you are going to sit in your recliner and ask the universe to get you out of some jacked up situation without getting off of your ass and doing something about it too, you are all the way wrong.

Work and manifesting go hand and hand.

Maybe she is born with it, maybe its Maybelline. Same concept. Maybe you just worked your little butt off for that dream job, or maybe the universe conspired with you to always place you in the perfect situation that lead you right into that office chair.

Whatever you want; work for it. This shows the universe you mean business . You do not get a membership at the gym and expect to lose weight. You show up. Let the universe know you will show up!! Do that and she will make it easier for yo u OR (real cool!) give you even more then what you asked for cause she sees what a capable little bad ass bitch you are!

Step Six: Own it, Live it, BE IT

Manifesting is believing anything is available to you. You must believe what you are asking for is a possibility. I wouldn’t manifest sitting with the Queen of England and having Tea, I COULD- it isn’t wholly impossible, it would take an outlandish amount of work that I am not willing to do. BUT being interviewed by Oprah? That is arguably just as lofty a wish, however I am wiling to do whatever I need to do to make that happen. I am going to live my life as if is already planned. That means writing often, putting my heart into my work at that gym, putting all my energy into every group I run. Being the type of person Orpah would want to talk to which just so happens to be the type of person I want to be.

Act like are already contracted in the stars.

Act AS IF (if you have ever read any personal development book you have heard this phrase). Act as if whatever you are working for is already yours. Dress for the dream job. Clean your house like it is the Pinterest Castle of your Dreams. Show up to the gym with full confidence, eat like you are taking the absolute best care of yourself because you are a healthy person who respects her body.

Be who you want to be. From the moment you wake up until the second you go to bed. Be the energy you want to attract . It is not enough to ask. You must BE and believe it is yours.

Step Seven: Let it go

Drop attachment to a specific outcome. Do not fret about the end goal, that is the universes hands now. Simply do the work, act as if it is already yours or already contracted and its way!

Manifesting a dream car will not work. Manifest a situation that you provide you the MEANS to buy that dream car AND make sure it is in alignment with service.

Wanting to be skinny improves absolutely nothing around you. Wanting to be the best possible version of you improves EVERYTHING around you.

Wanting a bigger house doesn’t help the world heal, but it doesn’t mean you can’t still envision yourself there! However, stop putting your energy into that house and put it into what is would take to get you there. See the house AND do the behaviors that will get you in the door, be the absolute best at your job; be fully present and engaged to get yourself a fat raise. In doing that you help the people around you AND get your goals.

If you feel like you are manifesting and seeing nothing it is most likely because you are being selfish with your wants. The manifests (dreams!) that get heard and answered are the ones in alignment with service and for the greater good of everyone around you.

“Manifesting is not about attracting what you want. Manifesting is an awareness and understanding that you attract what YOU ARE” Wayne Dyer

Be the energy and attract some beautiful things….

motivation myth...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 17:57:14 GMT

I think motivation is the dirtiest word in the world.

Ok. Maybe that is a bit much. But I am not a fan.

Motivation is rude.

At best it is tease, showing up at the worst times with promises of glorious change.

Motivation struts in when you are three white claws deep watching The Real Housewives walk around in heels and bikinis and tells that you are going to start working out tomorrow. Motivation whispers in your ear during the Beach Body commercials and convinces you to order those DVD’s because your living room is totally going to be your new workout space.

I can’t find my motivation….

I haven’t been motivated since….

Motivation does nothing without action.

And CONSISTENT action is not motivation, it is dedication.

To harness motivation, we need to examine it, question that shit out of it and really ask it what we are hoping to achieve.

Do I really want to walk about in heels and a bikini? No. I want to be comfortable in my body.

Do I want to roll around on my living room floor? No. I want to establish a fitness routine and finally follow through.

Motivation is a foot in the door, but it will leave you stuck if you think it is going to show back up when the DVD’s arrive and the white claws are 15 feet away and you could just be watching The Real Housewives…

Make motivation work by making a plan. What is realistic for you? Do not think that going from 0 days a month to 5 days a week is going to happen. Establish SHOWING UP then add volume.

2-3 days a week. That done consistently for a few months beats 5 days a week for 1.5 weeks.

Plan it. Do not leave it to chance by simply saying “this week I will work out 2 times”. PLAN THAT SHIT. Write it down. Put it in your calendar. Pen it in your planner. When will you do it? Monday at 6am and Wednesday at noon. Its an appointment. Call in a friend, get them to show up to. Chances are she is sick of her shit as well, there is power in numbers.

Do not think you will be motivated in your living room. That is where you lay on the couch and eat chips.

Before you jump to the conclusion that because I am a gym owner I hate home workout programs; hear me out here.

There is science behind this. Lots of habit-based research. We do what we do where we do it. You do not walk into your bathroom and make soup. You do not go to the office to take a nap. Why does sex feel so exhilarating in the dinning room? Because it is not normally done there. Finding motivation to do pushups where you watch the evening news is HARD.

If you are committed to working out at home, make a space where you work out. Put your weights there, claim your territory, and stop watching Bravo there until your habit is WELL established.

Obviously, my vote is for the gym, magic happens there, people are there to help you (like real experts. People who can tell you that your pushup is going to hurt your lower back or your squat is going to jack up your knees, do not be intimidated by this! It is a good thing! We all know how to brush our teeth but we go to a dentist to fill our cavities, same principle ). Paying for a service means you are more likely to show up. You have placed value on it. You are saying ‘this is important to me’; that matters.

Then show up.

Show up over and over. Show up when you do not want to, that is when it matters the most. Fitness does not come easy to most. It is work. It is practice. It is dedication. It is understanding that change takes time and commitment and being DEDICATED to prioritizing your health.

We are in this weird Covid world, where folks stay home to avoid becoming ill, which is smart. But in doing so we have lost sight of ALL we can do to stay healthy.

Making excuses around our health has never been easier. We are home more and moving less. We started out in a food shortage, which made us all feel the need to hoard and get in extra calories, we need to show ourselves grace around that, we all did the best we could. Food is comfort. Lord knows we need(ed) it, again, grace. Carbs really did magical things for me back in March. God bless every calorie we all consumed; our mental health needed it.

But now here we are. Almost 7 months later still on our bullshit. We aren’t helping ourselves get through a crisis anymore. We are digging ourselves deeper into another one.

I get emails every day from people who have gained 10-20 pounds, feel like shit, and “can’t find the motivation” to get back at it.

They also do not want to wear a mask to workout or believe the gym isn’t safe….

So, what do we do? I don’t know. Truly. The feelings I have around this are to big to put here, and my frustration to deep to try and stay neutral.

All I know is it is truly heart breaking to watch people’s health slip out of their hands in a time when health should be the most important thing on our minds. In a quest to beat Covid I fear we have lost sight of the importance of movement, nutrition, sleep, and connection.

I hope January comes around and we all wake up to the control we have over our health and feel incredibly empowered by the opportunity to stack the deck in our favor. But I know that won’t happen if we don’t work on our dedication now. Start showing up for ourselves in little ways, look for opportunities to improve instead of bitch and complain about small inconveniences like wearing a mask.

Motivation isn’t showing up in 2020. Dedication may sound to harsh. What about PERSEVERANCE? Showing up for ourselves despite the difficulty…

20 for 2020

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 21:08:07 GMT

Showing up when you do not want to show up...

Tuesday afternoon, kinda spent, kinda bored, kinda over it. I would rather be looking at Facebook, which is pathetic because Facebook makes me want to rip my eyes out, but that is how lazy I am feeling right now.

But also.

This is important to me.

I want to be a writer. I tell myself every day I AM a writer. I do not stop there. I am a successful writer. People are drawn to my books. I help women live their best life. I am a giver of hope. I am queen bullshit caller, but I do it oh so nicely and empower ladies all over the world in doing so….

(note to self, write a post on affirmations and how they are the actual shit).

But why- if I am all those things, or rather, I wish to be all those things, would I rather be looking at Facebook then doing this??

Because it is uncomfortable. It is new. I have a long want to go. I do not feel I am good at it yet. This is forced and it is work. This time could be spent watching HGTV…

There are two ways to get over these feelings. Eat them, accept I am too lazy to put in the work and accept a life less then what I desire. Being an author is not in the cards because I am unwilling to work for it.

Or, show up, put in the reps until it becomes automatic.

I decided writing is important to me even though I hate it. Why? Who knows! Why do we want anything? Would any change make us happier, or is it the behaviors required to make those changes that bring us joy? For what it is worth I believe the ladder, the joy is in the doing, even when it does not feel like it YET.

(Yet is the best word. Yet. Think of all the things we have not done YET…)

I have been here before many times.

When I wanted to lose weight. Losing weight felt important to me. I had no idea what I was doing. I was hella uncomfortable. I would have rather shoved rusty forks into my eyes instead of workout or go to the gym BUT I was so sick of wanting something and doing nothing about it.

Getting stronger. Picking up a ten-pound dumbbell when everyone in class had at least double that SUCKED, but it would have sucked worse to never try.

Going back to school… sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself.

What am I hoping to gain? What is anyone hoping to gain by doing anything?

Time will pass either way, why not work towards something. Anything. Something to be proud of. Grow into.

Living in that disconnect of wanting better and doing the same is no way to live.

I am wise enough to know some goals will never be reached and bold enough to know that even still, anything anyone can dream is available to them if they are willing to work for it.

So here I am.

Putting in my reps.

I have asked very little of myself really, five twenty-minute session a week. That is it. That is nothing. An hour and twenty minutes out of 168 a week.

80 minutes is nothing, and it is everything.

It is finding a grove. It’s creating a habit. It is creation, it is change, it is growth. And sometimes it is staring at the fucking screen feeling like I am the biggest loser in the world because nothing is coming out, my fingers literally wont even type, but still; even those days, I showed up.

What in your life are you daydreaming about but not working towards?

We have this tendency to look at goals as far off places. We see the long road and it can feel impossible. We forget the road gets walked one step at a time. We can go slow as hell and still move forward. We can crawl. We can even lay down and take a long as break until we are so sick of our shit we recommit to walking a few steps a day… (raising hand).

Somehow in these twenty-minute sessions I’ve ended up with a lot of pages. Maybe it is pages of shit, who cares though. It’s something. Its more than I would have created otherwise. If nothing ever happens, I tried. That feels much better then "I was to scared or lazy to start".

Its wild that twenty minutes of work can do all of that. Accumulate change with almost no effort other then showing up.

What can you do in twenty minutes a few times a week?

Sometimes you must call your bullshit. I have been calling mine a lot lately.

Maybe you need the same?

I’m challenging myself to up my 20-minute commitment to seven days a week until 2021. I know I will hate myself for that a lot of days. And I know I will be proud of whatever gets made from showing up…

There are 80 days left in this weird year. I want to end them on my terms, feeling going about what I started in 2020.

20 a day… barely anything and so much opportunity at the same time.

If you have something sitting on your chest, I challenge you to do the same.

20 minutes of reading for growth! Think of all you can learn!

20 minutes of movement! Think of how much love you can show your body.

20 minutes to stretch.

20 minutes to ground.

20 minutes to meditate.

Waking up 20 minutes earlier to start your day in peace!

20 minutes to build your side hustle.

20 minutes to learn a new skill.

The cool thing is, it is only 20 minutes. The clock stops and your done. No pressure to continue. There is so much left to figure out, but I know this: starting is the hardest part. 20 minutes is a block of time ANYONE can handle.

It is nothing. And it could open the door to everything.

The Diet won't help you...

Sun, 06 Sep 2020 13:50:00 GMT

Trying to be "good" is what is causing you to be "bad"....

It is September, Labor Day weekend. Even in this weird pandemic shut down and shut in world, this means a return to routine. For better or for worse we are pushing forward; as if time would stand still and give us some choice anyway.

September is the New Year. Maybe not on a calendar, but in our bodies and minds. Since childhood September signaled the start of starting fresh, starting over and starting NEW. For adults September still has that hold on us. We are drawn back into the feeling of a clean slate, a second chance, and after a long (weird ass) summer; an opportunity to finally get our shit back together.

Which means, putting it bluntly, we want to go on a diet.

I get it. I’ve done it! It makes sense, any time a life shift happens we feel inclined to add in some good habits or attempt to drop the bad. All for that! Big shifts, like the one most of us will once again go through navigating work/school/homeschool/ hybrid school are PERFECT times to reevaluate what is and what is NOT working in our lives.

But I have an experiment for you. This year; don’t diet.

I have a belief, one I’ve seen proven over and over… everyone can diet, and almost no one can maintain it after. I believe the DIET , what we go to as our FIX, our cure. The shiny bright thing we will put in our life that will magically fix us and help us fit in our jeans is what is fucking us up in the first place. The diet is the problem.

Being “bad” isn’t your problem. It is trying to fix it with “being good”.

If you want to make a real change this September, stop dieting.

Here is the thing, knowing better CAN mean doing better. But it is rarely true with our health, nutrition and fitness.

(Everything I am saying here- literally everything- I’ve done too, not throwing shade out rather shining and big ass unapologetic spotlight on our collective bullshit).

We do the same thing, over and over and over and over and over and over. Expecting that THIS TIME will be the time that sticks. This time will be the time we STAY “skinny” after.

If I had 5 bucks for every time someone sat in my office and said “well every time I do keto/the 21 day fix/ low carb I lose at least 20 pounds, so I am going to do that again” I would be rich AF. If I had 5 bucks for everything I DID THAT I would be loaded! (well. Not keto or Beach body but y’all get the point).

Here is a universal truth: EVERY DIET WORKS.

All of them. Every single one. The stupid ones , the hard ones, the easy ones, the ones with little containers, the ones with points, the ones without bread, the ones with only bread. All of them. If you do them as instructed, which really is only reducing your calories, you will lose weight.

The after though??? That shit can be SCARY.

Cause wtf do you do after you haven’t had bread in 30 days??? You eat all the fucking bread. Or all the Carbs. Or all the cake. All the anything.

Dieting- by default is easy. Figuring out how to live after that and maintain it is HARD.

So what I am proposing is a pretty simple concept, and on paper it makes complete sense. If you do the same thing over and over and expect different results that is the definition of insanity, right? Lets knock that shit off together, collectively as women. Let's aim to stop trying to just diet ourselves into oblivion and instead work on habits that would add in MORE into our lives.

I am about to blow your mind: you can lose weight without “dieting”. (if you all could have seen how hard I just hit that period right there. It was aggressive)

On Monday, before we swear of carbs, sugar, bread, bananas cause everyone knows they have so much sugar (insert huge eye roll) and swear to stay in ketosis, only eating meat green vegetables and pre-measured almond packs; look yourself in the mirror and ask if that is REALLY what you want to do?

Do I really want to count calories and carbs? Is that going to make me feel proud and accomplished?? Is saying no to all forms of starch going to bring me joy? Ill call myself out here; I coach Whole30- and the last 1 maybe 2 rounds I did, I didn’t need. I know what to do to feel good. I do not need to remove all corn starch in order to get there…

Which brings me to my next point. Diets and protocols can teach us things. I would be flat out lying if I said counting calories for years doesn’t make me aware of how much of something I am consuming. BUT- and it is a big one. We also have these really cool things called PLATES. We can fill a third of them with veggies, another third or fourth with protein, do ALMOST ANYTHING on the rest and get killer results- without a food scale or app. Wild right?? Whole30; it taught me to cook more, to prioritize real food over protein bars, eat a ton of veggies… but again; doing it now isn’t going to serve me anymore. I learned what I needed to learn, it did its job, I don't to go back there. Thank you next.

We have to leave the past in the past, because; if they worked WE WOULDN'T TO DO IT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! …… (aggressively hit period).

Ask yourself, is what you are planning on doing something you have already done but feel the need to repeat again because you are back into old habits?? Then it’s a hard stop. You do not need a diet again. Time to look at your habits!

How can you get to where you want to be without dieting?? It is pretty simple. I won't call it easy, it takes more work than dieting, but it is simple.

Check in with yourself before every meal and throughout the day.

Ask yourself; do I really want this? Is this serving me? My highest good? Is it helping me show up as my best self?

The beautiful thing here- your body knows. We have SO MUCH WISDOM in our bones! We need to listen to it.

The other beautiful thing; sometimes the piece of cake, glass of wine with friends, chips and gauc ARE serving you! Sometimes saying NO to those things would only make you feel worse- leave you feeling deprived sending you right back into the overeating shame cycle (that is whole other post OR join my September group cause we will explore the shit out of this!). All foods can be part of “diet”. And; on the other end, sometimes it’s a no. That 3rd glass of wine isn’t doing anything but giving you a hangover, chips and dip sitting in front of your TV mindlessly eaten while watching Netflix are not elevating you in any form, and that cake has been sitting in your office fridge for 3 days… you do not want it.

Checking in with ourselves is a superpower we ALL have but rarely use. You do not need a diet. You need yourself.

Get in the habit of asking what you REALLY want, and honoring it. People automatically think that will lead them to a life of beige carbs, sugar and booze. Trust me, it won’t. Your body does not like to be treated like shit and if you ask it, it will tell you.

So can you lose 20 pounds in 20 days? YEP! Can you keep it off? Almost always- no. Is it healthy to do? Almost always, no.

Stop being REACTIVE with your health, chasing your tail by always trying to “diet” away your nutritional sins of the summer (or in a few months the holidays). Let yourself BE.

Find habits around your health that bring you joy and make you feel proud. Eating veggies for breakfast hits SO MUCH DIFFERENT when you are doing it out of love and respect for your body as opposed to trying to lose 10 pounds. Again. One of those habits will stay because it feels really good, and the other will fall off quick because it is coming from a place of self-hate and fear.

Respect yourself enough to ask YOU what you really want and need. And then honor yourself enough to listen.

This September, stop trying to undo. Start trying to listen. Learn to do that and you will never need to undo again.

(and if you have a coach/trainer/person telling you that they can help you lose 20 pounds in 20 days tell them you can do even better, you can lose 150 pounds in 15 seconds- and run away from them…)

For information on a very UN-diet program check out my September ReNew You group

Life Lessons (from a Pandemic...)

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 20:48:42 GMT

Worrying about the future robs you of the present.

I have spent so much of these last months thinking about what tomorrow will look like. When we will be “back to normal”. What school will look like, when I will be able to go on vacation, when will I be able to go to Target without a mask, when will the gym open and what will it look like. Where what when why and sometimes how….

Where is the line that divides planning and preparation from worry and anxiety? Am I spiritually bypassing by not reading some things or am I holding onto my sanity? It feels like all these last few months have brought is questions, at this point I’ve let go of ever receiving answers that bring closure.

I know this; worrying about tomorrow is robbing me of today.

As I type this I am sick thinking about what the gym will look like. We got some answers (in the form of an opening date) but those answers did little to bring me peace. I imagine teachers felt the same when they opened their guidelines, along with countless other professions… I somehow got caught up in the idea that knowing something would create calm. It didn’t happen. I am reminded (again- eye roll) that I am the only person who can create my peace . Anything outside of me is noise, some worth listening to and heading- a lot not.

Worrying about tomorrow never made today better . It never made tomorrow easier. It doesn’t solve any problems. Planning without become anxious is hard, but it’s doable by focusing on knowns and letting go of what you want to see happen.

What I can productively do is this: live in the present. Be adaptable, and ready to change without judgement or bitching- neither are helpful. Have plans in place and be willing to let them go and plan again.

Above all; check in with RIGHT NOW . Right now everything is fine. Right now is where I am, and that is where all my focus will be.

Opinions are like….

Everyone's an expert, everyone knows what Is right and everyone can tell you what you should be doing with your body/business/children.

Simple rule: who would you take advice from? Listen to them , take in their information and if you find it useful apply it to your life.

Be willing to learn, expand your views (and choice of news) beyond the little bubble you placed yourself in i.e.: if you only listen to Fox, turn on CNN, and don’t attack me- cause if you only listen to CNN turn on Fox.

NO ONE is 100% right, no side is without fault. Learn, be objective, and be open! Maybe some opinions (and voices!) are things you should be taking in more off.

It is like going to a buffet. You may not want the scallop potatoes, you may think they are the worst dumbest shittiest most horrible food ever. But, will it kill you to walk by them and glance at them? NOPE. You can simply not eat them, you don’t need to tell the whole world you are not eating them. And who knows, maybe they don’t look that bad after all so you try a little....and you like them, or in the least they don't kill ya...

Be willing to learn, be willing to listen, and be KIND . If you do not like something/someone/some view; don’t consume it. It really is that simple.

I'm not suggesting we simply toss out every voice that doesn’t align with your beliefs, that closed minded and shitty. We can listen learn and filter.

Can we all agree to start any posts/rants/comments with “it is my opinion that….” Maybe that will remind us that what we think is not in fact a FACT, it is an opinion…. And everyone has one...

You kill more flies with Honey

Be nice. It is for you, not them. People can be assholes, reacting on that level makes you one too.

Now more then ever I am so painfully aware that arguing my opinion (see above) is rarely helpful. Hear someone out, listen, nod your head, tell them you appreciate them taking the time to explain their stance to you, and keep it moving. Sometimes lack of response is the best response . Scrolling past is kindness to you and to them.

The longer this has carried on the more divisive some of us have become- we can't fight fire with fire. Let's stop trying.

You are allowed to change your opinion….it’s called growth.

You are allowed to walk away from what doesn’t serve you. (announcing your exit isn’t necessary- leave – remove your energy, that speaks by itself)

It is normal be wrong. It is normal to not know the right thing to do. It is normal to feel conflicted. Sometimes there is no clear right answer, go with what feels right in your core. Adjust if/when needed.

Apologize, even if you do not feel like you did something “wrong”. Again, this is for you- not them. We can never know someone else’s experience, how something felt or why they reacted in whatever way they did . If someone says you hurt/offended/wronged them; apologize sincerely. You would want the same.

Can we normalize this as well? (and save the bullshit “I'm sorry you feel this way…”. Simply say I am sorry, and listen). (some people fight this one- if you are some people and the idea of apologizing when you feel you did nothing wrong is that bothersome take some time to look at that. Two words cost you nothing and can give back a lot to someone. Be kind).

And lastly. Smile.

Smile when you are happy and smile when you do not want to. This goes back to the first lesson, live in the now. You may have just received awful news, you may be stressed beyond what you have ever experienced, you may be sad/mad/pissed/angry…. But there is still a reason to smile . Find it.

Many emotions can happen at one time, we have a human condition of focusing on the negative ones and letting them run wild. If there is anything to smile about (which there always is) find it and feel that to.

I believe deeply we are all doing the best we can in whatever situation we have been thrown into. We are all operating on whatever level of consciousness we are at . I write this from a place of personal exploration, as a person who is actively learning, trying, fucking up, and trying again; not as an expert, but as a human who wants to do better. And will keep trying (and undoubtedly messing up!) for years and years to come.

I am already totally dreading while simultaneously looking forward to learning many more lessons....

Its Fine.

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Sun, 16 Aug 2020 15:21:12 GMT

“You know I’m back like I never left…. I got a new attitude and a lease on life and some peace of mind” Macklemore (from “Glorious” which makes me happy AF whenever I listen to it…

I haven’t published a post here since January 28th.

March came and everything kind of stopped. Writing here really didn’t feel important, so I let it go.

I miss it, and the hundreds of ideas and notes I have been storing away in journals and in my notes app are starting to taunt me. In March and early April I felt this internal push to perform. To DO. To create and make use of that weird shut down never ending Sunday time. But I didn’t. Nothing came. When I tried it felt to forced and it just left me feeling frustrated. So I gave up. And it was fine.

Which seems to be a theme lately; and it was fine….

Seeing the quote “No Pain No Gain” gave me the idea for this. Is that true? No pain no gain? I think it is total bullshit, mainly because so often WE are the ones causing our pain.

Frist: If you walk into a gym and see this quote hanging on a wall- RUN. Leave immediately. They are idiots.

When it comes to Fitness/Exercise/Movement; no pain no gain is bullshit. The idea that you should be in pain during (or after) a workout is flawed and wrong for so many reasons. We need to revise this quote. It should say: No DISCOMFORT No Gain.

Walking into the Gym/Yoga Studio for the first time is scary, and uncomfortable. A little discomfort there can lead to a lot of gain later.

Doing a squat for the first time, a push up, looking around the room trying to figure out WTF the pigeon pose is, a 30 second sprint, picking up a dumbbell that is 5 pounds heavier…. Uncomfortable. A little discomfort can lead to big gains.

Getting COMFORTABLE practicing DISCOMFORT is a super power. No pain no gain is silly.

No Pain No Gain in life? Ehh, no thanks. These last couple months have felt painful in a lot of ways. They have sucked. Finally seeing the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel I am finding this “pain” has been useful. I see clearer, I know what is important and what is not. I know what (whose) opinions I value and what ones to discard (or throw in the dumpster without even reading…). I know how I react matters more then what happened… Pain can be useful when you know you are often in control of it . Getting comfortable with discomfort taught me that.

We have to separate pain from discomfort. Pain is something we avoid, we run from and we aim to stop as quickly as possible. Discomfort is different. Sit in it long enough and it goes away, it can even start to feel good.

I hate stretching- it is uncomfortable AF and I am built out of bricks not rubber, stretching is not natural to me, but I know if I hold it long enough the discomfort starts to fade and I start to feel really reeeeaaally good.

The same with lifting, I live for the moment I feel stuck under a weight, like it is not going to move… then with a little more effort it goes. It's amazing. Or that high after a full on sprint. Or or or or or… .on and on. There are hundreds of moments like that at the gym, I see them every day. You have to be comfortable enough with a little discomfort to get to them.

Life is different. Life can seem downright painful, when really most of the time it is simply uncomfortable. The problem is when you are in it, like physically in the shit and muck you can not see the “pain” for what it is. So we run from it instead of examining it.

Some things are pain. Death, illness, injury. I am not talking about those acts of God of which we have no control over, rather “human” acts, like those we have experienced since March; loss of routine, of purpose, of career/income… that shit is uncomfortable! But we do not need to make it painful . Our reactions make it painful. Our fixation on the WHY make it painful- most of the time we will never know. And if/when we do find out WHY does it help?? No . It pisses us off more.

There is a Buddhist quote that says "The important thing is to get rid of the arrow, not to enquire where it came from” . !!!! What good does the WHY do??? Nothing. Get rid of the arrow, take that shit out. Throw it far away.

You leave it in by asking who threw it, why they did it, what their intentions were and so on. T he “arrow” is not what is causing you harm. YOU leaving it there is . Every time we go back and ask why, or how, or who WE put the arrow back. We cause our own pain, which means we have the power to end it too.

We are adaptable by nature, resilient, we figure shit out- we have been doing it since man walked and gathered food for the first time. I think we forget that. (I forgot that). We are capable, adaptable, smart, resilient beings.

We forget (I forgot) that our track record is amazing. We have survived 100% of our bad days, of every cataclysmic event that happened to us. Discomfort didn’t ruin us, it MADE us . Shaped our being. Discomfort through that lens shouldn’t be ran from or numbed out, it should be embraced, or in the least examined without judgement. What can I learn? What can I shed? What can this teach me??

We need to stop asking why it happened, and start asking why it matters so much to us. If it is even worth our energy. We do not need to get hit with “the arrow” when we start dealing with things from that level, it simply can fall at our side – not worth our time (I am talking about every time I would get riled up about a stupid Facebook post, or what someone said, or what I thought someone said…). So many times we are responsible for what pains us. Let the arrows around you, not in you. Sometimes we willingly jump in front of them by looking at things we know will anger us. It is so dumb.

After feeling discomfort way to many times these last few months over (what I know now was) really silly stupid things I figured out I was causing my own pain . That was an uncomfortable conversation I had to have with myself, and totally worth it.

The gym being closed for months; hella uncomfortable. Painful at first. It sucked, and still continues to suck. Bitching about it every day didn’t help though. Byron Katie says it best, when you argue with reality you lose 100% of the time . That doesn’t mean you (I, anyone) sit back and relax and let life happen. It means you do not fight with what is while you work to change it. Fighting with reality is painful. Turns out I can make my daily calls and send my daily emails and not bitch about it, complain about it, and wallow in it. Who knew.

Letting go of the pain around it lets me see it clear, and without judgment. I am still mad, that hasn’t changed. But the anger isn’t the driver anymore. Love is. Love for what I do and who we serve. I like operating on this plane so much better.

Other things that have been not to comfortable lately but also totally fine: gaining some weight, canceling some trips, and homeschooling (which side note- that shit is NOT for me).

It is funny how when things happen they feel so large, daunting and impossible. Then you find yourself on the other side, its fine, and you really do not know what happened in between. That is what this weird time has taught me. Its fine . It has always been fine and will continue to be fine IF I allow it to be. If I stop trying to control things beyond my power, stop trying to understand things I can never understand, stop trying to please people I wouldn't take advice from, stop caring about who thinks what and says what, in short; let it go. Not because I don't care, but it because it doesn't matter.

Allowing things to be doesn't mean we all just roll over and die. It means we stop reacting from a place of defensiveness and fear. We stop reacting out of anger. Out of scarcity. Problems can't be solved like that, at least not effectively. I don't want a solution formed in anger, I want one formed in love and understanding. I don't want to run a business from a place of fear, I want to run it from a standpoint of abundance! I will fully admit this would have sounded like some real hippy shit to me last year, but even the most cynical person has to admit if we all started operating from a place of love the world would be a better place. And maybe we do it alone. Maybe it is just you, accepting and flowing while the people around you continue to fight and bitch and scream about the "right way" or right things.... I'd rather accept the discomfort and move on then complain and fight and sit in my self imposed shit waiting for the world to fix itself. Those folks are in pain, and they are gaining nothing from it.

Being uncomfortable is fine. It ends. We learn some things, we shed some things, and we move on. Almost all the time it is only as painful as we make it. 2020 taught me to focus on my reaction . That discomfort can suck but we can learn alot. It can be no pain and a lot of gain….

(really though; if you see a trainer posting that quote get away from them).

Judgments, blessings, and awareness.

Fri, 17 Jan 2020 20:15:50 GMT

Mom look, aren’t these pretty?

Ya. Who is it?

She is my age, goes to school with…

My first thought, after finding out the girl’s age; that’s weird, her displaying that....

She, the girl in the photos, is pregnant, I am guessing around 6 months. She, like me, will be having a child before her 19th birthday. She will be part of this weird club of teenage mothers.

It is amazing how quickly we make judgments. We scan someone and within seconds start forming opinions. Ten, twenty, who knows how many things almost instantly pop in our minds. We make assumptions, decisions, and conclusions before we have even had a chance to shake someone’s hand. (Or scroll onto the next post on our timeline).

I had so many thoughts in the few seconds after seeing those pictures. Judgments about what type of girl she is (what type of girl I was) , what her parents think (what my parents thought), what is being said about her (what was said about me), and what her life will turn out to be…

Judgment is a mirror.

I know that. It is funny how quickly I can forget....

Life is really our greatest teacher, I was reminded of a lot in that moment, mainly, when I am judging anyone all I am ever doing is judging myself. The flaws I see in another are the flaws I see in mirror. The assumptions I make about someone say more about who I AM, who I was, then they will ever say about the person I am assessing.

Lesson learned, again.

I become jealous of her. I still am. I always will be.

What a gift she is giving herself, capturing this moment. Celebrating it.

I didn’t do that. I have one photo of myself pregnant with Evalynn. One, during the whole nine months.

It was at my baby shower, I was wearing the only maternity shirt I ever bought, (from Kmart, it was blue polyester, and as awful as it sounds… hence why it remained the only maternity shirt ever purchased through two more pregnancies), I was sitting down, trying to cover my belly, trying to hide.

That is what I thought I needed to do. I was 18 and pregnant; we don’t celebrate those babies and those women…

Let me clear, my parents were (are) amazing. To say I was blessed is an understatement. In short, I told my parents about Evalynn (at the time, simply the baby) while my mom was out of town. My father was away also but that is a story for a different day. I waited until she was gone to tell her, I was terrified. I could barely get the words out of my mouth, somehow she knew. And she told me it was going to be fine, that a baby is a gift and we will be ok. She meant it. She told my father for me, who called later and echoed her sentiment. They loved me, we will be fine, and we were. That is something I know most teenage mothers do not receive, and I am thankful for my reality every day.

Unfortunately, their acceptance didn’t mean every else followed suit. I didn’t want people to know. I told a few close friends and family members, and like most juicy secrets, everyone knew shortly thereafter.

It is strange to think back at that time. I am a different person now. That girl, that pregnant 18 year old was terrified. Ashamed. Embarrassed. Felt like a loser, like a has-been, a washed up popular girl who would end up that small town cliché making nothing of her life. If I could have hidden those entire nine months I would have in a heartbeat. I didn’t want to be seen or heard or talked about. (f you know me now, that couldn't be farther from who I am).

Those pictures today made me morn for something I never knew I missed. That pregnancy.

It is crazy how our mind works, I don’t remember most of that time. I know that isn’t a coincidence, there is something in me blocking that time out. I was sad, I was lonely, I was depressed, I could put on a front when I needed too, but what I remember most; trying to hide.

I am so jealous of that girl for capturing this time in her life, and more than that, for embracing it.

Maybe that sounds crazy to you, me saying it is cool that a teenager is embracing her pregnancy, but what is the alternative? If Byron Katie taught me anything it is this; fighting WHAT IS the quickest way to unhappiness. I know that. I lived that.

Evalynn is one of the best things I have ever done. Like any child, she changed my life. People say all the time what gifts their children are, they are right; but Evalynn gave me more than a gift, she gave me everything. I can trace EVERY good thing that has happened to me in the last 18 years to her. All of it. I don’t know any other parent who can say that. I am, and will always be, the luckiest because she made me a mom.

But, I don’t remember those nine months. I wished them away, I would go to bed dreaming I would wake up in a different situation, never without her, I loved her when I heard her heartbeat, but I would dream of waking up far away from my town, my life, my friends, and being able to just start over. Where I wouldn’t be the loser who got pregnant before they finished college. Where I wouldn’t be the pregnant 18 year old collage drop out working at the local pizza shop. I have files of memories from Roman and Rocco’s pregnancy, and a few slipping moments with Eva, most not great until the moment I saw her face.

I am so happy for that girl, that she is brave enough to own her situation, and wise enough to create memories of it. I pray that her reality is different than mine was during that time. I hope she is hopeful, and excited, and feels prepared for this challenge. And mostly I hope she gets what I got; which was the best gift I never asked for.

She and I are members of a strange club. We are either sad cautionary tales of what good girls shouldn’t do. Or we are token stories, look at us, we beat the odds.

We will never be “normal” parents. We are the youngest mothers in the Pre-K drop off, meant with looks and accusations. People either commend us on what an amazing job we are doing, or they look down as us, children shouldn’t be able to raise another child. There is no in-between, which is crazy, because like all parents, there is a lot in-between.

Those pictures also reminded me about how our darkest and scariest times are often what define us the m ost. The things we want to crawl away from; things that terrify us; those are the things that shape us. That change us. Things we look back on later and are so incredible grateful they happened we wish we would have paid more attention.

All of this, within seconds of seeing those photos….

I am not writing here like I planned too. My priorities have shifted, I am not ready to talk about why yet, but it is all good. Actually; it is pretty exciting.

Evalynn taught me that too.

Lean into the unexpected things that happen, they can be the biggest blessing you will ever receive…

So what will happen to this? I will still write, but it will be reserved for times like this, when the story (post, whatever the hell this is) hits me, and I have to shake it out.

I don’t know what my point is with this. It is a thank you, first a foremost, for my blessings, even the ones that didn’t feel like it at the time. And a reminder. Judgment is shitty . Don’t do it. You are never judging that person, you are judging yourself. Always.

And wanting to be anywhere different from where you are RIGHT NOW is a waste of time, and worse than that, you may be missing your biggest blessings and not even know it…

New Year New Me

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 18:39:36 GMT

I love the New Year, the freshness of a clean slate, the possibilities 365 days brings. Resolutions filled with promise, potential.

The energy of 2020 feels bigger, like a new Century is packing a punch full of possible outcomes and endless possibilities. That also means more pressure.

How many resolutions have you kept? How many promises to yourself did you fulfill? How many are left undone, forgotten, pushed aside waiting for another new start; another New Year?

Chances are it’s a lot of them, speaking from experience, both personal and professional.

I don’t believe the problem is lofty goals; the problem is disconnect between our goals and our priorities. That and the fact almost of us have some sort of weight loss related goal…

I am not saying weight loss is inherently a bad goal, but the way we approach it and our WHY behind it usually is. Disconnect between the WHAT ( weight loss ) and the WHY ( lack of clarit y) is the first big roadblock, the second is not taking time to see how that goal, and the steps it would take to get there, will fit into our current lives, how it lines up with our priorities.

Think about it logically, it does not make sense to approach a lofty, habit changing, time consuming, possibly life changing goal without doing some research, some self evaluation , into WHY you are doing it. But we don’t. We jump in, like a few trips to the gym and Keto will figure it out for us. We jump in like our WEIGHT is the issue, and losing it will solve everything. It won’t, and it’s not.

Weight loss is never the real goal, deep down we know that. How you see your weight and your habits are the real issue . We are tricked into believing shedding weight fixes everything, it won’t. If it did the weight wouldn’t come back. Why that is never examined?

We don’t move without examining WHAT we need and why we need it, we don’t change jobs without looking into how it will fit into our current lives. We will look at cars for hours before we make a choice, but weight loss- wake up on January 1st and figure it out. Try to white knuckle our way through to a new life… it makes no sense.

Questioning our motives, examining what we REALLY want as our outcome because it is never a number on a scale, and looking specifically at what has held us back and what we need to do to move forward is something we need to do at any end of the spectrum. If you are going from 0 to 60, with no health or fitness related routine, feel like you need a complete rehaul, or on the other side, maybe you’re at a place where you are objectively doing pretty well but feel the need to drop 10 more pounds. If you have been fighting to lose the same or last 5-20 pounds for the last 3 years, it is time to examine that.

First off, Why? Why do you want to lose weight? Write out why, then keep writing . Let it come out. Keep asking over and over why until you get there. And trust me, when you get there, you will know. There is your WHY, there is your reason, and it is never the weight.

I couldn’t begin to know who should or shouldn’t have this goal; my instinct is to say NO ONE should have a goal of weight loss. Starting with that goal is the first wrong step, because weight loss really isn’t the goal. You may be tricked into believing your goal is a number on the scale or a pant size, I assure you, and it’s not. What you are after is a FEELING.

What are you hoping to feel? How do you think losing the weight will help you accomplish that? I am speaking both physically and mentally. This is where your starting point comes into play, and where things could be examined a lot of different ways.

Physically; are you hoping to move better and with more ease? Be able to walk your dog, play with your children, and relieve your back/knee pain... Make those the goals instead of the weight loss. What would change then? A lot of things; your approach to how you accomplish them, your way of measuring progress and the likelihood of your sticking with it.

The goal is never losing the weight; the goal is what you think losing the weight will bring. You cannot hate your body into a body you love and take care off. Reframe, it isn’t losing weight you are after, it is GAINING LIFE . Make your goal GAINING life, and accepting and loving yourself through the process. Trust me, hating yourself through gym sessions will last about 2 weeks, tops. I am guessing you spent enough time not being happy in your body to know that hating it isn’t helping you move forward. New Year- New Goal: Gaining life and loving yourself AS IS through the whole process.

Alternatively, for ladies fighting the same 2-20 pounds; and the range can be much bigger, my lowest weight was 115, the last time I weighed myself over a year ago I was 142, if I had to guess I am sitting around 150 now, not that it matters, but to give you perspective. I am up, give or take, 35 pounds. I say this because sometimes it is really hard to see the forest in the trees… When I got married I was convinced I needed to be 126 pounds, after I had Rocco I thought 132 pounds was my magic number. Where did these numbers come from? No idea! None . It is time to call your bullshit . Your goal isn’t weight loss, your goal is the feeling you think dropping those last 10 pounds will bring. Ask yourself, how would your PHYSICAL health improve if you lost that weight? Spoiler alert- it wouldn’t. Your mental health, seeing yourself as someone GOOD ENOUGH is the REAL goal… Instead of “fixing” your body, spend this year with a Goal of ACCEPTING your body . Trust me, a lot will change.

Wherever you are (or think you are) this question really matters, and will bring a lot of clarity to your Goal. Would your physical health improve? Yes or no, that question will bring you insight as to how TO or how NOT TO approach yourself this year.

Next, what habits to you currently have that are keeping you from your goal? Do you enjoy them?? It is OK if you do! This is where priorities come in to play, and again, your ability to be honest with yourself- to call your bullshit. What do you want to give up, start there. We all have habits that we know do not improve our life, for me its mindlessly scrolling while mindlessly eating… neither make me feel great, I want to stop both and they are definitely not getting me closer to my New Years goals.

Call your bullshit. What do you routinely do that is not adding to your life, and not moving you closer to where you would like to be? What can you do to stop that habit? What can you replace it with that you feel good about?

The goal is never losing weight; the goal is the dropping habits that don’t add joy to your life.

These are universal, no matter whom you are WHERE you are, in that they are not adding health or value to anyone’s life.

Staying up late and subsequently snoozing your alarm, turning your morning from a calm start to your day to a rushed, frantic, stressful time getting out of the door. Mindless eating, Stress eating. Drinking as a means of coping with a bad day. Using food or alcohol as a means of avoidance, ( you may not even know you are doing this…) . Inaction when you need action , because laziness, playing small, letting fear of failure keep you complacent are all bad habits we can change. The goal isn’t losing weight; the goal is stepping away from what doesn’t serve you, and stepping into your power.

On the other side, what do you think this new, smaller, lighter version of you is doing?? When you think about weight loss you don’t dream of numbers! You dream of THINGS, of actions! Very few get excited about a number, and if you find yourself getting excited over a number (I’ve been there!!) please, look at that, that is not healthy.

The goal isn’t weight loss. The goal is WHO you think you will be when you lose the weight. The goal is WHAT you think you will do…. Day dream about that, there is where you find your REAL goals.

I want to go to the gym 4 days a week so I can feel stronger and BETTER in my skin, I want to go to bed at 9 and wake up at 530 so I have time for myself in the morning, I want to feel confident, I want to be able to say Yes to things, I want to feel in control…. Fill in your blanks.

How can you add in habits that will ADD IN health, and joy to your life? Habits that bring you closer to that version of yourself you day dream about being; because the goal is never weight loss, the goal is being the best version of you.

Get specific, and get practical. Use the word Priority. What are your Priorities? It is easy to throw a goal away, saying you don’t have the time, the money… but it is rarely true. Some of the busiest, most budgeted people I know are the ones with their shit MOST together when it comes to their health. They figured out a secret, it isn’t time; it isn’t money- its priority.

List out your priorities for 2020. (Exp: my health….)

Your real goals will write themselves, it is NEVER WEIGHT LOSS, it is who you want to be, what you want to do.

I am not a fan of throwing a ton on your plate, sometimes that leads to total burn out, but there is a place for a push, maybe your push needs to happen in January. Just make sure it is a PUSH, not an open ended "I'm never eating carbs again for the rest of my life" goal, and make sure your not measuring it using a number, that doesn't work. Push, with a plan, and measure with a feeling.

Look at what you want to shed, those habits holding you back, look at what you want to ADD IN, habits that will help you grow, and look closely at what is reasonable. People get this idea that if they are coming to the gym it needs to be 5-6 days. IT DOESN’T! If you were coming 0 days and start coming 1 or 2 THAT IS A WIN.

Most of our shit is manifested in food, what we eat is how we treat ourselves . I am a broken record, but I can't say it enough, you take care of things you love. You can not take care of yourself without being kind to yourself . There are a lot of hard pills to swallow when it comes to looking at what goes on our plates, but you can start small there too, it’s ok. What can you ADD IN to your diet to make you feel better, bring you closer to where you want to be.

I love Whole30 as a means for habit change, I base my groups around that goal, (and not so shameless plug, you can still sign up, if this post struck a chord with you we would be a good match) . Anywho- I love Whole30, it is a big huge PUSH, and then it is done. It’s neat because it isn’t your whole year, your whole life; it is 30 days to start getting your shit together. To LEARN, to reset and reevaluate what is going into your body. Sometimes stepping away from things is the only way to get a clear picture, for example, is that nightly glass of wine really helping you relax or is it making your stress worse?, do you NEED a 3pm carb hit to get you through dinner or is that a habit holding you back. Taking time away shouldn't be a permanent thing, it should help you reset and help you grow.

Please, I beg you, when it comes to food d on’t go into something this year thinking it is permanent , go in with a plan, go in with inquisition looking at what works for you and HOW YOU FEEL doing it. (It is never weight, it is a feeling…)

However you approach your nutrition next year, do not look at it as a means to an end. No one REMAINS successful doing something once, doing something for 30 days, or even doing something for 100 days. Successful people DO all the time, they continue , what you do is not a means to an end. It is an ENDS to a MEANS. Whatever you do, learn from it this year. Take honest and ruthless inventory of it. Remember it is OK and encouraged to step away from something that isn’t serving you!

This year, wherever you are, drop weight loss as a goal. It didn’t work last year, it didn’t work the year before that, and it won’t work this year.

How do you want to FEEL? Answer that, and then make the ACTIONS it will take to get you there your goal.

Self love isn’t something reserved for skinny women with pretty hair, it’s a baseline, it’s a foundation. Wherever you are, start with that goal, to love yourself, accept yourself, and treat yourself kindly.

Make your goals habit based, using habits you can build upon and add too. Start where you are, do what you can, and do it with love. Let this year be different. Use the questions below to help guide you, and if you want help with your Whole30- you know where to find me.

XO- HM

'tis the season

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 19 Nov 2019 22:09:43 GMT

How to not be a dumpster fire on January 1st...

Tis the season to let everything go to shit...

Thanksgiving, Holiday Cheer, 13 Parties, families in town, children out of school, more drinking, more baking, less time to take care of ourselves. January is diet central for a reason. From now until the 1st we treat ourselves like shit. (and I will let you in on a little secret gym owners know… the shit continues through the first week or two of January, the first this year falls on a Wednesday and we all know great life transformations only start on Mondays….)

This week marks the start of wheels falling off. You’re too busy, you are spending money on other people and things; god forbid you spend a few dollars on your health, and YOLO! It’s the holidays! You will clean it up later.

But what if this year you don’t have too?

What if this year you keep your wheels securely on, wouldn’t that be wonderful? I think so.

I figured out it really isn’t that hard either. You simply have to make a few things a priority. Yes, eat your veggies, protein is your friend, SLEEP, make sleep your number one goal, move when you can and try to break a sweat a few times between now and then. All that jazz is really important, you 100% should commit to doing your best with all, but none of it matters until you reframe your thinking. I say this all with love, and I say it as a coach, I don’t want to be your cleanup crew.

There is this odd human behavior, and I am not throwing shade at it, I get it, I have done this more times than I would like to admit, but stepping back from it (learning better and doing better) I see how absolutely crazy it is: to jump off the cliff because you stepped onto the ledge AKA I ate one cookie might as well eat 28 more, a few pieces of pie and wash it down with a White Claw or 7.

This is the biggest trap we fall into to, and it makes NO SENSE. If you break your arm do you quickly run to break the other bones in your body? Make sense right? You broke one, you have that little nagging thing to deal with, might as well get them all cracked and reset them in the morning.

Or your car; if you get a flat tire do you immediately slash the other 3? If your kitchen is a mess do you let your kids go ham in the living room with some play dough, a few sets of Legos, a box of crayons and give them some Cheetos, popsicles and chocolate for good measure?

We don’t do any of these things, it isn’t logical.

Until it comes to food and all bets are off, logic doesn’t apply. One piece of fudge = 3 cookies + what is left of the taco dip and whatever randomness left in your kitchen you MIGHT AS WELL eat cause you already blew it and will start over in January…

First order of business, fix the way you treat yourself. Parents, this should be easy for you, if you are not a parent this still works really well. Think of someone you love, someone you are in charge of caring for now or maybe will be later. Imagine they ate a brownie, or maybe they at 5 brownies, and now feel like they are undone, off the rails. Would you instruct them to clean out the rest of the kitchen because furthering that somehow makes it better? If they told you they will have “more willpower” if they get it out of their system would you allow them to keep mindlessly eating?

No. You would call their bullshit, tell them to relax because it wasn’t a big deal, go lay down and watch some TV. Basically you would tell them to keep it moving.

This holiday season, when you eat something “bad” (which isn’t a thing) KEEP IT MOVING.

Which is the perfect transition into the next topic and point of contention: No food is good or bad .

(Not so shameless plug, If think foods are either good or bad you need to work with me and get your ass signed up for my January Whole30 group right now)

Before you come at me and say shit like “but Heather, you said McDonald’s is trash, make a burger at home” let me explain myself. In the past I am 100% sure I made statements saying some foods are/were bad, BUT- WHEN YA KNOW BETTER YOU DO BETTER (Growth y’all, it is a thing to be embraced). Now, I know with 100% certainty no foods are good or bad. I believe what is “good” for you may be awful (bad) for me. Broad example: Imagine I had Celiac Disease; in that case Gluten would not be GOOD for me. But John does NOT have Celiacs, he can eat bread and pasta with no. If bread is “bad” for me does that mean it should also be bad for John who can eat it without complication? NO. It is bread. What is good for me doesn’t matter and should have no bearing on what YOU put on your plate. We can also agree that there is a sliding scale, and we can all should aim to do as well as we can most (not all) of the time. AND THAT IS GOING TO LOOK VERY DIFFERENT FROM PERSON TO PERSON depending on time, income and location. I will never shame anyone for not buying organic, I don’t always buy organic, that shit is expensive. Let’s all agree everything is on a scale, and it is HIGHLY personal. I eat chocolate every day, that may send you into a binge tail spin making chocolate NOT WORTH IT to you, but it still does not mean it is bad. I also love and eat Swedish fish all the time, but you won’t ever catch me eating Doritos… Doritos are not worth it to me, Swedish fish ARE. Nothing is good or bad, there is worth it and not. I will write more about this soon, clearly I have a lot to say…

Back to the matter at hand. Good and Bad food. No food is good or bad. It is food. Maybe it is food with little to offer aside from sugar and empty calories but it still has its place and that place is IN YOUR BELLY DURING THE HOLIDAYS without guilt.

A CRAZY thing happens when we stop labeling our food. We are able to objectively look at them. For the longest time I allowed myself to be brainwashed into the idea that sugar cookies, fudge, and dinner rolls had no place in my life. That they were “bad” and I was bad for eating them. On strong days, when my willpower was on point I would be way to proud of the fact I didn’t eat something. Let me be clear, that is NOT normal. FOOD ISN’T BAD. To put it in perspective, imagine your four year daughter old NOT eating a brownie, would you tell her good job? We can all acknowledge that kind of praise could easily mess a kid up, have them thinking they are less than if they simply eat something … so why do we praise ourselves like that. (Side note: this is why I don’t tell people “good job” when the CHOOSE not to eat something during a Whole30. You are not a super women because you didn’t eat a brownie, that’s stupid, you’re a superwomen when you realize the brownie holds no power therefore you not eating it wasn’t a valiant effort, it was as easy as walking past a piece of broccoli). When I did eat the brownie I would beat myself up, thinking I ruined something, or did some damage . In reality the only damage I did was to my headspace when I allowed some sugar and flour to determine my worth.

When you stop judging food you take away its power. This is a huge deal. Foods that were once forbidden, therefore alluring and special become average at best. A cookie is the same as the burger you eat every day for lunch. You do not go off of the deep end with your everyday meals because they hold no power over you, you do not judge them. You go HAM when you deem something as bad or off limits.

Something else that appears to be a little known fact this time of year is that you can make pumpkin pie in April. You can make sugar cookies in May. You can make stuffing, rolls, and casseroles (if you’re into that sorta thing) in June.

My biggest take away from Food Freedom Forever (seriously, read it) is this: Very few things are as special as we make them, even those holiday foods can be purchased, made and recreated any time of year.

Lastly, and most importantly, be mindful and GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION to be present and enjoy. Permission to relax, permission to take 5 minutes away and check in, permission to eat the f*cking cookies. Willpower is not a finite resource, it gets drained quickly, if you think you are capable of white knuckling your way through the next 7 weeks I have bridge to sell you.

Don’t read that as permission to treat you like shit, I didn’t say that. I said permission to relax, and enjoy. No one enjoys feeling like a bloated cow after every party, no one enjoys feeling like a hung-over sea otter after every night out and no one enjoys eating limp celery and carrot sticks through every gathering.

How much better would this season be, your whole life be, if you made a habit of checking in with yourself. It really is that simple. Pause, breath, take a beat… what are you feeling, what do you REALLY want from this experience- then give yourself EXACTLY that. Sometimes it IS a second or third slice of peanut butter pie (raises hand) and sometimes it’s sitting around the table with your family, not another plat e of stuffing or glass of wine. Both are fine. Neither made you bad and neither makes you good.

I’m not going to be a total buzzkill but I would be seriously dropping the ball if I didn’t mention that adding alcohol to the equation is going to make it SERIOUSLY hard to listen to your body, both the night of and the days following. Alcohol is a depressant, and a myopic agent, which can be great at a fun party, and TOTAL SHIT for someone who is stressed, anxious (again, tis the season) sad, feeling crappy, feeling not great in their bodies or has any level of distress in their present environment or on their mind. Take with that what you will, and if you just seriously rolled your eyes at me saying Alcohol isn’t making things easy you should probably look at that.

This season, make it a habit to be present, to check in with yourself often. Make it a habit to have EXACTLY what you want, now and always, because a hungry person is never happy. W hen you are stopping and asking yourself what your body needs you will be surprised how well it will lead you, and how easy it can be to treat it kindly. (if you have no faith in your body, let me help you figure that out).

Learning to trust YOU over the Holidays may seem like the actual worst time, but I think it is the best. It gives you soooo many chances to learn! To figure out what is and what is NOT serving you. Look at this season like that, your little experiment in being kind to your body, checking in, not restricting it, simply asking it often what it needs and how it is feeling. (How revolutionary) Pause, listen, be kind... rinse and repeat. Not saying it will be easy at first, but it is a hell of a lot better then feeling like trash or eating the forgot about veggie tray...

Why you keep failing...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Fri, 15 Nov 2019 20:51:58 GMT

The most frustrating part of my job is dealing with quitters. I tried to think of a better way to write that sentence out, make it sound kinder, but I couldn’t find another word . People who relinquish their goals, going back to a life of comfortable discomfort. In the past, when I was so hard on myself, I couldn’t fathom the idea of extending myself some kindness; I had pretty strong views here. Things have changed a lot, both in how I deal with myself (my bullshit) and other peoples. Now getting those emails hurts, every time I see a women give up on herself part of me dies a little for her.

When did that shift happen? As children most of us were told that quitting wasn’t an option, if you start something, you finish it. As parents, many of us are echoing the same sentiment to our children; we want them to honor their commitments to their school work, their teammates, to THEMSELVES…

When did living in disconnect become ok?

Seeing people come and go over the last eight years opened my eyes to a few very strong patterns. As we come into a new year (a new century!) I know there will be a big push for women all over to lose the weight, change their habits, and be that women they imagine they will wake up as on that magical Monday morning when they finally get their shit together… I hope these will help you keep focus this time.

(If you are a past New York Sport and Fitness member, I am not talking about you, but if you think I am talking about you…)

Reasons you can’t stick with it;

You have destination paralysis. Weight loss isn’t a vacation, so why are you turning it into one?

“I will be happy when I lose 20 pounds!” Ok Susan, well what happens when you lose 19 pounds? You still miserable?

There is no end game with weight loss. There is no magic number. What you weighed in high school, when you got married, BEFORE BABIES are snapshots in time, NOT goal markers of where your life should be lived. I spilled enough of my guts to you last week about my past, I am trying to keep myself out of this one but I will say almost ALL of my horrible behaviors came from an idea that a number on a scale would set me free… how stupid is that.

Y’all; do you get pissed when you try on shoes? Does wearing a size 9 make you mad? Do you try to shove yourself into an 8 because smaller is better? NO. You accept that is your shoe size and you find the cutest (or if you’re me, most comfortable shoe) and move on!

Why is our weight and pant size so different?

Your weight is not a destination . It is not somewhere you go to be happy. You don’t plan a trip to Italy, be a miserable bitch until you step on that plane, live your best life for two weeks eating pasta and drinking wine- cause you finally got to Italy! And then board that plane back home, walk off of it into your new bloated reality even more salty and pissy then when you left because now you went to Italy, you know what is like but you can’t live there… so f*ck it. Might as well ruin your beautiful life here….

But that’s exactly what you do.

(No lie, sometimes my analogies are so good I pat myself on the back) (This is one of those times) BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS!!!

You kill yourself losing 20 pounds, (or 3, or 5, or 19….), you hit that weight, you are so happy that you finally did it, and two days later it is gone. You celebrated your weight with (gasp) some pizza and you woke up 2 pounds heavier. All that work down the toilet and your back to your old ways within three weeks.

Your weight is not a destination. You can’t go there and stay there. Your weight is a river. It is ever changing, affected by so many variables that you couldn’t possibly control and micro manage to stay there. Even if you step into that river HIGHLY committed to sticking with the current, staying with the exact water you stepped in, equipped with a life jacket, a boat, all the tools you think you need you STILL could not stay with that water you walked into.

Let your goal weight go. Let it float by. You have NO IDEA what your perfect weight is, if you are working with a trainer who is telling you what your goal weight is run away from them. A perfect weight does not exist, you will be defeated each time you reach it and then lose it and you will damage your metabolism in the process but that is a whole other post…

Reframe: I do not have a perfect weight. I love and accept myself at all sizes. My goal is to treat myself with extreme kindness, move because I honor my body (which is an actual gift from God so stop being lazy and use it!) and I will eat like I give a shit about my health and future.

Which brings me to the next reason people seem to fail, and subsequently quit over and over again; you are measuring your progress all wrong.

See above. If your main barometer to measure your progress is the scale you are shooting yourself in the foot.

The scale tells one side of a story that has 454168 sides (exact number). I am not saying you can’t use it, but I am saying that isn’t the only thing you should use. We could do a deep dive on why the scale is total shit, because you could simply take shit and lose weight, and I am fully aware there can be a pretty strong argument to use the scale, but I still believe it is a pointless piece of plastic that the vast majority of us do not need to use nearly as much as we are.

What you should be doing: start tracking your habits like you track your weight.

The scale is going to move. And then it will stay the same, and go down, and go back up, and go down again, and go up again forever and ever amen. Track your habits. You can control those, and in doing so can create some serious change.

Track your sleep, track your movement, track how often you are eating veggies, and track the weight you are using at the gym. Be consistent . Stop looking for a magic number and START looking for patterns. Where are you falling off? What can you do better? What can you ADD IN to ADD health to your life? Track that. Track anything you know would help move you towards your goal… but…

Don’t go ham.

You have a goal, you’re ready to go, 6 days a week, no carbs, 1200 calories a day, #ketoforlife,

Stop right now. There is a time and a place for a push, but the push shouldn’t kill you. It should TEACH you . No one learns from dieting and if you’re simply killing yourself with cardio your body will just get really good at cardio – so congratulations, you get to do more cardio…

When you push hard with no end game but a number on a scale you either burn out before you see that number OR you see the number and burn out because what you’re doing is not sustainable.

You learn from experimenting, you learn from treating your body kindly and listening closely to how it responds to what you put into it AND how you move it.

Go into anything with an open mind and NOT married to any one way. You may find a few weeks in that what you are doing is not for you at all, that is FINE! Learn and move on. What works for me may be your downfall. There is no right or wrong way, do not let their hammer be your nail!

Go into something as an experiment, never a diet. What will I learn if I cut out sugar for a few weeks? What will happen to my sleep if I stop eating after dinner? How will my body respond if I start strength training a few days a week?

And lastly, stop lying to yourself.

You are not that busy . You have a few extra dollars to pay for TOOLS to help improve your life. The truth is you are looking for progress in the wrong places and you are unwilling to hold yourself accountable.

Change is a commitment. It is a process, it has ups and downs and if you think you’re going to overhaul your life and the habits that brought you to this point in 3 months you’re insane. The main reason people aren’t seeing progress is because we have accepted that is ok to take an easy out, to quit.

We make ourselves feel better about it by talking about how busy we are, which I call bullshit on almost all the time. Some of the most successful people I see (in the gym) are the busiest. They don’t have time, THEY MAKE TIME. Hiding behind your kid’s soccer practice isn’t noble, it is a cop out and you deserve better.

No money? Really? Your Target receipt and those two for ones you had at Chili’s last week said different. It isn’t a lack of money in most cases; it is a lack of commitment to your goal. If I told everyone who quit over lack of money that I had a pill for them to take that would help them lose 20 pounds in 30 days I would be 100% would find the money.

Before you get pissy with me understand I don’t say that from a high horse, I say it because I lived it, and I know how completely shitty it feels to live in that disconnect. In the uncomfortable comfort of your bullshit that is allowing you to gently tip toe further and further away from your goals, from your health, from you living a life that you deserve to live .

It is easy to stand behind a “busy” schedule and a budget that has money for dinner and drinks but not for proactive health care, it is scary to admit you have some work to do and the idea of doing it seems overwhelming. That is why we circle back around, starting with a really simple goal; to treat yourself with kindness, to experiment with different forms of self love and simply see what happens if you don’t give up on YOU.

January is six weeks away, six weeks to plan on how you can make this year different. Six weeks to try on what would happen if you committed to putting aside your bullshit and stepping into the idea that progress can be measured in what is GAINED instead slaving to the notion your only successful in a loss.

Calling In... and don't take advice from a Skinny Girl

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 22:09:37 GMT

I have been forcing myself to write almost every day. Waking up before 5am to get in 20 minutes. Getting in my reps…

Nothing has been coming out. I am rewriting the same pages over and over and over…

Today is different, this is pouring out of me. These words are in my fingers and I can’t move on with my day until I shake them out.

My body is not your business. Not when it was larger, smaller, or now.

(Your body is none of my business)

Today some creep asked me if my boobs were real (they aren’t). This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten a creepy DM, but this is the first time it has bothered me, made me pause and question what I am doing, if I am showing too much, “asking” for attention.

My body is not your business… not before, not after.... but I allow it to be , I need it to be in order to help.

I have so many stories to tell. Scars I want to share. I have lived so many dark days feeling trapped inside a body that wasn’t mine. Feeling suffocated and paralyzed by layers I thought I needed to shed. I’ve hated this body into such darkness, done things to myself that fill me with so much shame, all in the name of trying to change it. Trying to free myself from myself. Living in the story that I was not good enough as I was, and in 10 pounds, 50 pounds, 5 pounds, 2 pounds I would be worthy.

Laxatives. Purging, which somehow sounds better than saying I would shove my fingers down my throat in hopes that everything I just ate would come back up. That I would be clear again, free of it. Free of my bullshit.

I haven’t shared those stories though, over a fear that I would make you feel bad reading them, or you would think I was being dramatic. Was I fat enough then to have made these wounds? Do I need to share a picture to justify that I was in pain; by showing myself bigger will I earn the right to share my truth…

I see that now all over the internet. Body positivity and body shaming.

If you are skinny and share something you are cocky. Full of yourself. Looking for attention. OR you are applauded! #GOALS! #fitmom! Babe! Inspiration!

If you are larger and share something you are brave. Bold. Courageous. OR you’re Gross. Your body doesn’t belong here. Put yourself away.

WHAT IS IT? Who gets to choose these things…

My body is not your business. Your body is not mine.

What I want to say: I get it. I know what it feels like to wake up in a home (body) that isn’t yours. To look in the mirror and wonder what the fuck happened. When did I get like this? Was I always like this? This is hopeless… I know what it feels like to lay in bed feeling the fat on your stomach spread across the mattress thinking you are the most disgusting thing in the world. Unworthy. Unlovable. In need of change.

But can I say that? I don’t know what I weighed then, I know it was under 200 pounds… do I have that right to tell that story?? Where is cut off? Did I earn the right to feel shameful at 180 pounds?

I know the glory of the opposite. Lying in bed feeling my hip bones, barely protected by the thinnest layer of skin… scared to go downstairs because there is food I can’t eat there… To be told how wonderful you look, what are you doing? You look so healthy! (… so healthy. Eating 1000-1200 calories a day, no carbs, cardio for an hour, binging and purging whenever I messed up…. ) SO HEALTHY! I was 117 pounds, is that small enough to tell that story?

My body is not your business…

All the self help books in the world, all the mantras, the crystals, the prayers, the journaling… I looked at myself today and thought I would look better if I lost a few pounds…

I’ve never been an addict, but I know it well, what is looks like, what it does to you, how easy it can pull you in…

So maybe I have been an addict. Because those voices are still there….

I can’t seem to get rid of them. The ones that look at my cellulite, or remember my stomach looked better when I was leaner. And the fucked up thing is, I am an excellent dieter. I am SO GOOD at it. I know that if I wanted to I could get myself down to LEAN quick… the discipline I can call in scares me , because I know it doesn’t last forever and I know what comes next. (Never take advice from a skinny girl with a six pack. She has no business telling you to use some restraint, she may be the unhealthiest person in the room, don’t let the internet fool you)

I eat candy bars now to remind myself I can. I have pizza on a Tuesday when I don’t even want it, when I would actually prefer a salad, because some days that voice is so loud I have to show it I am in control. That I am OK now, at this size, in this body…

I am overly confident, full of pride, not afraid to be seen.

And I am terrified. Worried I don’t have the right to be here, with this voice, this small platform with a strong desire to grow it as big as I can. To help and talk to all the women I can find… (Like the quote says, Who am I to be this brilliant… Who am I NOT too…)

I am the most confident insecure contradiction you will ever meet. And, I have figured out that smallness doesn’t benefit me, never will, nor will it help anyone. I need to shed that coat.

But was I big enough to be a victim of the thoughts I had? Was I justified?? Are you reading this thinking – get over yourself? Because that is the story I am telling myself, I am simply ( not easy, but simple , like a lot of things) choosing not to listen or play into that.

I’ve engineered smallness; never talking about how bad it was because back then we didn’t have phones to capture our darkest moments in the mirror to show the world later in a boastful before and after. And typing that out, I will fully admit my largest is a size was somewhere many women would love to be… so again… do I have the right to tell my story . The right to look you in the eyes and say “I get it”. (I can promise you, I get it.)

Our heads can be really fucked up places. Our eyes can see things that aren’t there. Imagine stories so clear and loud that we forget that we are the ones creating our reality , and what we are creating isn’t real UNTIL we make it real by believing those thoughts.

I don’t want to be anyone’s inspiration… I want to help women be their OWN inspiration. I want to tell the women avoiding the mirror, avoiding their naked body- her home, I want to tell her that it CAN get better.

There is a way out of those thoughts. I know (logically) that because I started that at 22, before I Phones could capture it all , that my voice here is still valid. I understand the years of hopelessness, the ups and downs that feel like mountains and absolute hell, mostly hell.

It’s ironic. I am aware I paint a pretty picture on Instagram, and its valid, life is good now . Like really, wonderfully, loudly good. But it has taken years, active and constant effort, and acceptance. A supreme trust that my body knows best . Letting it be, staying kind, consistent, and meeting it with love, trusting it will find its place. It has. It feels good, even on the days it doesn’t feel good.

So why this post? It’s a calling in, to me, a goal marker I am laying out as a promise to be open even when I don’t want to be. Ladies all over are struggling in their bodies and I can help them stop, help them find peace. I want to, I feel strongly called to do so, now more than ever.

It’s also reminder to you that nothing you see is really as it seems. I’ve been really struggling with sharing body positivity self love stuff because I know my past. It wasn’t always the rainbows it is now. It was ugly, what you see now is years of a dumpster fire, calorie counting, macro counting, cardio abusing self harming mess FOLLOWED BY years of learning to trust my body, RE-learning how to eat- what feels good and what doesn’t, messing up and stepping backwards over and over but also committing to moving forward, lifting ( like a lot of lifting ) and can’t forget botox, a few lip injections and a boob job (or two)…

Stay tuned. We are going to talk a lot more about how to like yourself most days… cause this is never easy all the time. It sucks some of the time. And it is wonderful a lot of the time…

(And again still- be very leery of advice from a skinny girl…)

Comparison or Inspiration? You pick.

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 09 Oct 2019 23:00:58 GMT

Comparison really is the thief of joy, but inspiration can unlock your potential.

Someone asked me today what my goal with writing is. I want to write a book. I didn’t want to type that, it seems bold, and what if I never do? Is that a failure? I don’t know, but I do, so there it is. That being said I don’t know what it will look like, where it will come from or how it will manifest.

I do know it would be filled with typos. I do know that while I am a pretty confident lady, it will not be anywhere near as good or as transformational as the work of my ideals like Eckhart Tolle, Wayne Dyer or Byron Katie…

Does that mean I shouldn’t do it?

If I compared myself to them I would never move forward. I cannot play on their field.

I have my own field now, one I made. I don’t look at them or any other writer and compare myself now… I did in the past.

I compared myself to everyone I encountered. This is painful to write, but it is my truth and I have to put it out there. I know through doing my own work that if I show up as anything less than 110% authentic I feel like total shit. Here is the thing, ANYTHING I say, I am saying to myself.

I know I have said this before but I have to make it really clear. I am a mess. I do not think I am better than anyone else. I do not think I am some guru who sits on a high horse dishing out advice. I am a Teenage mom, college dropout; eating disorder body dysmorphic recovered, drank too much, was way too salty and complained too much person….

But then one day I woke up and started to get my shit together. Because I didn’t like carrying around all these stories about what a mess I was, I wanted to be better, I knew I could be better , so I became better… and here I am.

Anyways.

Comparison.

I got my shit together, and on the outside I looked pretty great. Inside was still iffy, mainly because I was using everyone else to judge and gauge my progress.

That is no way to live, in the gym (where this occurs all the time) or in life.

In the gym; I was only strong if I was stronger than you. I hate to type that. hate it. But when I started that was all I could grasp to go off of. And was weak AF, so that left me in a pretty shitty position. I was new to lifting, but all the sudden thrust into an important role at the gym, so I put this huge amount of pressure on myself to be perfect there. And perfect in my mind was skinny as hell, and stronger than anyone there. How could I give advice if I wasn’t?

I realize NOW the HUGE flaw in that way of thinking, and thank god I learned better so I can do better, but I have to talk about it because it is something I still see all the time.

“She just started coming and can lift X and I have been here for 3 years and I’m still stuck at Y”

“I will never be as strong as X”

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I don’t know how many times back then I PR’ed (personal record) a lift, and someone would lift heavier and immediately I felt deflated.

That is SUCH a shitty way to live for two reasons.

It robbed me of my personal joy, and it robbed me of experiencing theirs with them!

I don’t know what shifted and when exactly it was, but I figured out I couldn’t keep measuring myself against other people. I was never going to be a good coach, and I was never going to live a happy life.

Does this mean I stopped looking at what you do? No. I look more than ever now.

I look to get inspired. And I have found SO MUCH inspiration all over that little gym.

Comparison is the thief of joy; I learned that lesson hard, OVER and OVER in the gym. But I also learned that inspiration can be found anywhere you feel the need to compare, and it is so amazing once you shift your thinking.

When I say I feel every victory I see, I mean it. It is amazing. I have seen women do things and lift things I couldn’t dream about, and I applaud the shit out of them. Before it would have harped on my insecurities, oh Shit, Andi did 19923 perfect pistols, I can’t do one if you put a gun to my head… I suck, she wins. Nope. Not anymore. I can feel her joy, which makes me feel amazing! I get the thrill of a victory without any labor! Win for me! And I can be inspired to keep trying and keep showing up!

A girl, I have no idea who, she is an Athlete from EC, was doing Rear Foot Elevated Squats with 70lbs dumbbells in each hand. Y’all, that is 140 pounds on one leg. That is amazing. And it inspired the HELL out of this 36 year old mother of three. So guess what I was happy to see in the workout today, Rear Foot Elevated. Did I get 70 pounds? No. But I was inspired and pushed harder there then I have in a looong time. And I got some great weight and I felt amazing.

Had I been comparing myself I wouldn’t feel any joy or pride from that. But because I saw it and was inspired I got to feel joy twice. First, when I saw that go down- because go her! What a badass! And again for me! Go me, I showed up, I did really well for myself. Win all around.

Here is the thing, it would have been crazy for me to compare myself to someone 15 years younger, with a solid athletic background and a genetic makeup I know nothing about. But that is what we ladies do all the time.

We look at a snap shot of someone and compare our whole reality against it.

An Instagram picture that is perfectly put together strokes feelings of jealousy in us, and makes us feel not as worthy. We don’t know anything about the groundwork behind that or the work she put in to get there. We can’t compare what we do not see, and we do it all the time.

It holds us back and it robs us of joy.

Joy for ourselves and joy for others.

Yes, girls support girls, yes we cheer for our friends, yes we want our circle to win or get a new circle and all the other stuff we post and say… but ask yourself truly, is that true? Do you need a new circle or do you need a new attitude. Guess what, YOU are your circle. You see what you want to see in it. Maybe your vision is the problem.

Here is the thing; I think if you’re one of those people who say “your circle should want to see you win…” “Not afraid to eat alone” you are probably talking to yourself. And I get it, but again, it is YOUR vision. It is how YOU are looking at it. If you really perceive your circle as not wanting to see you win, that is on YOU!! Not them!

You don’t need to announce your leaving the table y’all. That is bringing more negativity to the situation YOU are complaining is negative already. You see that flaw? (cause its major) You can just leave and go to a new table. You shouldn't be worried about who "doesn't" want to see you win, that is robbing you of your joy, and that is on you , no one else. You should want to see yourself win, which means you focus on doing what is right. “Your circle” will follow you, or they won’t, either is fine.

Hard truth- you will never EVER be ready to accept something you are not willing to give yourself. Looking for people who (you think) are not supporting you means your not looking at what really matters... yourself.

That was my HUGE lesson. I didn’t feel appreciated, or seen, or like I was ever getting ahead or making progress. It was because I was holding myself there. Stuck. I was looking around at everyone and everything outside of me to validate my “achievements”. I needed to validate myself.

That is comparison. It is wondering where your applause are. It is measuring your worth next to someone else’s. It is seeing the bad in someone before you see the good. It is seeing the FLAWS in YOU before you see the all your beauty! It is never finding your own ground to stand on because all you see in the steps other people made. You have to make your own. Get inspired by people, or don’t look at what they are doing. I don’t see a middle ground.

Here is my challenge to you, the next time you feel a tinge of jealousy, start comparing, or feelings of unworthiness around someone, change that narrative. What is there that can inspire you? If it’s nothing, leave the table, you don’t need to tell anyone.

The only quote I like around this whole thing is; “You will be too much for some people, those aren’t your people”… that’s fine. You are not for everyone, don't try. Keep it moving. Wasting one second trying to justify your departure is silly.

Your accomplishments are valid even if no one acknowledges them. Stand in your power, and in YOUR real self, if they fall off they aren’t your people. I assure you, the world is FULL of people cheering for you , and you will see them as soon as you start cheering for yourself.

The old saying is true; the grass is always greener where you water it . Does that mean you can’t look at someone else’s lawn? No! Look! Learn! Listen! Don’t compare. Look for inspiration, and if all you see is brown grass that isn’t for you to judge, chances are there are lots of flowers you are missing. Maybe you see lawn so green is looks fake, (maybe it is) , who knows, who cares, it’s not yours to judge either. Look for inspiration, if you don’t find any, look in the mirror. What seeds can you plant today?

Build your Foundation.

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Thu, 03 Oct 2019 13:10:33 GMT

A house, a building, a successful business, a solid and loving relationship… what do all of these things have in common? A strong foundation.

Foundations aren’t sexy. No one greats really excited to see concrete being poured. We want to see the details! The paint colors, the draw pulls, the countertops…

No one advertises all the times they fell down building it. We see success and just assume it’s the paint, the carpets, the flashy things that caused the success. It’s not. It is always a solid foundation that got them there; it is what will get you there.

We pay way to much attention to the small details, sometimes totally neglecting what we really need to focus on. (you guessed it) our foundation.

What do all diets have in common? A reliance on them. You need them to see success. You need to follow your macros, and the coach to tell you the when and how of it. You need to limit carbs, restrict your calories, and follow the program…

Do you know the truth? EVERY diet works if you do it right. All of them, even the awful ones. You can eat 1200 calories of McDonalds and lose weight. You can eat pop tarts post workout, stay “in your macros” and get a six pack, you can throw butter in your coffee while cursing potatoes and drop 20 pounds.

Everything works.

Until you stop doing it. Then what happens? It stops working, your results start fading, your back to where you started (or worse) and you’re looking for another solution.

I have an alternative method. What if this time you don’t seek out a new diet, what if you work on building your foundation?

This is why I love Whole30, it can build a strong, solid foundation. The program isn’t about removing foods; it is about rediscovering them after 30 days. It is building a new start, without a reliance on a program but rather a reliance on listening to your body, your hunger, and honoring it. How novel?

To be clear, I don’t think you need a Whole30 to do this, I think it helps immensely but anyone anywhere can start rebuilding their base.

Start with simplicity. What makes you feel good before, during and after you eat it? Think about that for a second? What meals do you really look forward to eating, enjoy WHILE you eat it, and most importantly STILL feel really good after they are finished? Yes, we all look forward to Thanksgiving, but the feeling of extreme fullness is something I can live without most days. I look forward to Gnocchi in Alfredo sauce, but again, the brick in my stomach after means it only happens a few times a month. I do not look forward to eating plain deli meat, questionable salads and an apple, so I plan lunches ahead so that doesn’t happen often.

I look forward to my breakfast every day, typically a burger of some sort, with a huge (like huge) salad and fruit. I enjoy the hell out of it and I feel great after. Full but not stuffed. Satisfied, not deprived, and I am good for a solid chunk of hours after eating it.

That is a big part of your foundation. What meals do you love, that love you back? Eat them frequently.

What boxes to you need to check most days to feel your best?

How many glasses of water do you need? This is like the easiest most over looked thing. Drink a big glass of room temperature water first thing every morning. That little tiny addition to your morning will make big change to your digestion, and your hydration. Drink enough water that your pee isn’t bright yellow. It always amazes me how many adults will tell me they don’t like drinking water…. Y’all, stop. Drink some water.

Sleep, how many hours do you need? I can’t believe how much this is overlooked. Sleep is everything. If we spent as much time worrying about the perfect amount of sleep as we did over finding the perfect amount of calories/points/carbs to eat in a day, we would all have a smaller waist line.

I don’t like to think of food in terms of serving sizes, for the sake of quantifying, how many servings of vegetables do you need to feel your best daily? I am not talking perfect scenarios here; I am talking what is your bottom line that you can hit every single day, including vacations? Mine is 4-5. I can accomplish this most of the time with a big ass salad, or two, I have no shame frequently will order two meals. Is it perfect if that is all I get for the day? No. But is good enough, and saves me that feeling of “I blew it today”. The rest of the day can go to carb hell in a handbasket, if I got in my veggies I will not feel like a total dumpster fire the next day.

How many times a week do you need to break a sweat? This isn’t finding your extremes or how far you can push it. This is knowing and honoring your bottom line MOST of time. Movement is different for everyone, I am not a fan of Zumba, but if YOU love it, then do it! Yoga, Spin, Lifting. Find your thing, and do it a few times a week.

Walk, walking is amazing. But we don’t do it. Wanna hear a funny story? People will walk into the GYM and complain to me that they couldn’t find a parking spot… and had to WALK a longer distance to get to the gym… to exercise… kinda crazy right? Walking is major, move your body, park further away (from the gym and target) it won’t kill you. LITTLE things matter just as much, maybe more, then the big things you do.

We get it WAY wrong here. We focus too much on what we want to see happen in a few weeks and forget what we can create over the course of a year. Don’t go hard, go smart .

Foundations need to be reinforced, they need to be sturdy and they need to be strong. But they do no good if you push to get it done in a month then completely abandon the project a few weeks later. Approach your goals differently, what small things can you do and maintain to create change. What would it look like if you did them for 52 weeks in row? I am guessing it would be pretty amazing.

Perception Change and Cardio

Sun, 22 Sep 2019 11:56:41 GMT

Deep thoughts from the Arc...

Change your perception, change your life.

Does that sound cheesy? Too bad. It is true.

I wrote gratitude journaling changed my life, and it did, but I left out something really important, it wasn’t just the journaling. That alone wasn’t enough. I didn’t see big changes at first. I had to actively practice it. Force myself to pause in almost every situation and find the good. And if I couldn’t find the good, get the f outta there.

Seriously. It woke me up to two major truths.

Almost everything that annoyed me was something, somewhere, or someone I loved or in the least was lucky to have. Little mundane things like bitching about waiting in line at Target. That is a problem!? Its not. I have money to go to Target. Blessing and grateful. Sitting in traffic; I have a car and somewhere to be. Blessing and Grateful. My children... talk about gut check. All these little or big things that used to bother me don’t anymore. They can’t. I changed my perception and it changed everything.

And- sometimes it was a legit drain or annoyance. So Bye! Talk about freedom, understanding I didn’t need something or someone or somewhere because it wasn’t serving me and being able to just walk away… huge blessing.

You choose it or you change it, and if you can’t change it, accept it and quit bitching. It is like complaining about the weather. Is rain the worst thing that happened to you all day? You’re doing fine. Or that person, stop talking shit about them and do something about it. If you think there is nothing you can do, then YOU are the problem , not them.

Anywho. Cardio.

My muse today.

Talk about something that has changed because of a change in my perception.

Cardio was my punishment. It was a means to an end. The hammer to my worn nail, abused, beaten nail.

I don’t recall ever really enjoying it, it was just something I did daily. I got pretty good at it. I would wake up, diligently; turn the TV onto VH1 and go. An hour almost every morning. Sometimes I would miss the mornings and would just wait until Oprah came on and do my daily penance then. I cried like a baby when she went off the air. Sobbed. Not because I love Oprah, I think is wonderful, I listen to Super Soul Sunday religiously, but it wasn’t morning the loss of her show, it was wondering how I was I going to survive my afternoon calorie burning session without her. Thank God for Ellen.

I was really fucked up in those days. It was compulsive, something I had to do, I had to earn my food, and when I messed up I had to burn it….and I messed up a lot.

Broken record here, I found New York Sport and Fitness, and strength training and it shifted. I started to understand what I was doing; the cycle I was keeping myself in and why it wasn’t working.

I wanted to get stronger, I had gained and lost the same 5-20 pounds 12093 times, something had to change and strength training was it. Like most little meat heads, I stopped steady state cardio.. It would kill my gains, right? No not really, I was just so sick of the elliptical that once I found another way to move I couldn’t go near it.

Listen I could go on for pages about all the wonderful things strength training taught me, and I am sure I will soon, but right now there is really only one important thing to know- it pushed me out of my own way. All these wonderful things happened like I started celebrating what my body could do, how much I could lift verses what I weighed… all the shit you read about strength training on Instagram, it’s all true. Its magic, it’s wonderful, it will change your life. And it got Heather Ann Maio of the Elliptical which was a huge big majestic miracle.

End of story, right?

Wrong.

Because truth be told up until about 2 years ago I still used cardio as a form of punishment. Extra miles before class to burn a 100 more calories, extra time on the Airdyne after training to earn some more food for later… you know the drill.

I threw out my scale at home a little over 2 years ago, that release also, for some reason unknown to me, released the pressure I had put on myself to burn calories. That and the gym started using MyZone heart rate monitors and I saw how crazy some of my workouts were. Going for an hour and thirty minutes a few times a week… that wasn’t good. It was too much, I knew it, and it slapped me in the face. Again- another break up with cardio happened. This time it was legit. We were done.

I knew better, seeing my workouts like that, and knowing everyone else could see them forced me to do better.

Cardio and I had a nice break again. I would do our Cardio training classes but that was it, no “extra” or bonus anymore. I made a promise to myself to never, ever again punish myself with cardio, and being a good upholder, I have followed through.

I knew what I was doing wasn’t healthy. I knew it was a form of restriction and binging, trying to clear myself of whatever happened the night or weekend before. I also know this is pretty normal gym behavior . You ate like shit, you want to burn it off. I just cannot get behind that anymore, I did it too much, and I see it too much. There is a HUGE difference between going in and having a powerful workout, and going in and repenting your nutritional sins or preparing to sin. I am not here to tell anyone what do to do with their bodies, but I know what I did to mine, and all those extra “little bits” were stupid, made no difference in the long run, and it kept me in a head space I was working really hard to get out of.

End of story? No. Still not done.

I feel in love with cardio again….

Full on, hard core, I daydream about it sometimes. That kind of love. Because my perception changed.

John brought an Arc home one day. There was she in our basement. Looking all cute, begging for me to use her, but I was scared. I didn’t want to open that box I worked so hard to close. Lucky for me I have read every self help book ever published ( not a lie ), so I am an expert at calling my own bullshit. I knew I was in a different place, so I gave her a whirl and we have been back together ever since.

Cardio is my dessert now. I savor it.

Lifting is and will always be the main course. It is where I meet every single one of my needs and almost all my wants, but every now and then, basically once every few weeks, my body begs for some good old fashion steady state cardio- so I indulge. And it’s amazing.

It is so much different now. It is transformative. It is prayer. It is a celebration. And sometimes it is a full on tantrum, and it is ALWAYS exactly what I need. And if its not, if for some reason I get on that day and it doesn't feel right, I get off! How simple! But I never did that before, it was always a grind just to burn. It is CRAZY what giving yourself permission to quit can do...but more on that some other day.

I have a playlist that is perfect, no aggressive music, it is stuff that hypes me and makes me smile, but really it doesn’t matter because 10 minutes in I am gone. It is like an out of body experience… total flow state. 20-50+ minutes pass in seconds.

It’s the most discounted I feel from my body, but at the same time the most connected I am. I am totally completely present, and I am also miles away in thought. I think there, I process any conflict, I find peace and resolution every single time. I throw fits there. Full on fits, a bad day will come and go by the time I am off of that time.

And I pray . I talk to God and I feel more connected to spirit there then I have in any formal setting. I am wide open and responsive. I am using my vessel, this body that is a HUGE blessing, that I have put through absolute hell at times yet it still shows up for me, and I am seeing what it is capable off. My greatest victories will never happen while I am doing cardio, but I win there every time. Because I can push like hell, push until I can’t, and almost always when I think I am done something snaps and I am still going. I am miles away but I am right there.

I wish I could describe it. I was I could bottle it up and give it away. It breathes life into me, it takes everything I don’t need out of me, and it lets me breathe- deeply.

I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a lov e affair. I get chills just thinking about how great I feel during and after one of those sessions.

I can’t imagine punishing myself through one now. I don’t think I could if I tried.

My lens has changed. My perception has changed. I did so much work and labor to get here and now I get to reap the benefits of it. The fruit is sweet is so sweet.

What is the point of all this? I really don’t know. My love letter to the Arc I guess. How one man’s hammer (cardio) can be another man’s nail. How WHY you do something is ALWAYS the most important, and if you don’t know why, ask, even at the gym. More than ever at the gym.

Ladies, we do some awful things to our bodies, and we don’t even know it have the time. It is really hard to see the forest through the trees when your lens in weight loss and physical appetence. Why, why why why, ask yourself WHY over and over until you really know. It almost never really is about losing weight, it is about being good too and feeling good IN our bodies , and knowing that really changes the way you will treat it.

This is also about following through, that is one of the most important things lifting taught me. Follow through. Accept everything as a win because you showed up, and you will keep getting closer to your goal. Right now that is hitting publish post on this. Getting my reps in...

I have a day dream about writing a book someday, or speaking to a larger stage… Dreams don’t work unless you do.

Maybe that is the whole take away from this. Keep showing up. With gratitude. With your goals. With your dreams. And most importantly with the knowledge of WHY it is some important to you, because knowing that changes everything and HOW you do everything. From cardio to happiness.

Dear Cardio, you were the worst, until you weren't. You can steal all my gains now, it is fine, just keep giving me moments of peace and we will be good forever and ever. Amen.

This isn't easy...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Wed, 18 Sep 2019 19:26:41 GMT

I hate talking weight loss. Full on dislike it.

I am over it. You probably are too.

But, it is the nature of the beast for me, and fighting that was only causing me more stress. I have to meet a person where they are, and most people have been lied to. I want to help you, but first I want you to understand one really basic thing.

This isn’t easy.

It is simple.

But it is not easy.

There are a few lies you have been told holding you back, and that is number one; It is easy!

Y’all, YOU ARE NOT DUMB. You raise children, you run households, you work, you plan, and you take care of business. So why are you so stupid when it comes to advertising! Susan, do you really think that taking that pill is going to melt all your belly fat? Sharron if that shake your friend is selling is so freaking magical and works so well why is SHE selling it?? If that shit really worked you think Sally in the minivan on Facebook would be the one selling it?! NO. It would come from a pharmacist . You know why is doesn’t? Because drugs can’t make claims that aren’t true! But you know you can; Cheryl and her magical keto creamer…

There is NO easy way, there is no quick fix. None. (Are there surgeries you can get, yes, but I would argue the money spent and recovery time isn’t really quick or easy)

I saw an advertisement the other day that made me want to scream, and also made me want to cry for the poor souls dumb enough to believe it. It was a gym selling a trial/bootcamp type membership, they used the words blast fat, rapid weight loss, long and lean muscles, get toned… first off- if you want long and lean muscles you better be a long and lean person. If you are 5’1 that is not in the cards for you, don’t get mad at me about it, your Mom should have found a taller partner… and toned! Really! We still say that?? No one is blasting fat. No one is rapidly losing fat… if you see the scale drop down 10 pounds in a week IT AINT FAT. It is mostly water and shit. Congratulations, you could have bought a laxative and sat in a sauna and saved yourself some money…

You know what else you could do to lose weight quickly? You could take drugs! You probably won’t find a dealer on Facebook, or maybe you can I am out of the loop; anyways you could just pick up a nice drug habit and lose weight! Easy peasy! Maybe you could swallow a tapeworm! Yum! So simple! Don’t have to worry about calories now!

(Does that sound crazy to you?)

An easy way doesn’t exist. Can you find a group of skinny ladies who swear by a certain shake, keto powder, creamer, wrap, whatever stupid shit we are selling now on Facebook that TELL you it is easy? YES! Of course you can! They are also at the top of their pyramid (literally).

Here is a HARD rule; it isn’t easy. If you want to spend money on things you don’t need you are better off going to Target and buying more throw pillows and candles, at least you will burn some calories walking around…

Lie number two: You need a scale.

Oh boy. This one gets me really feisty.

What is a scale going to tell you that you don’t already know?

Really. What can it tell you that you do not already FEEL?

Feeling fat today? Guess what, you do not need a scale to tell you that you are up a pound.

Feeling like a slim trim beautiful bag of skin? Cool! Do you really need a scale to tell you that you are down a pound?

No. You don’t. You know what you get from a scale? Validation you should be giving yourself! (I’m yelling)

If you are feeling like you gained weight why do you need the numbers to confirm it? If you feel like you lost weight, why do you need the numbers to confirm it? Why are our feelings not enough? Do you have eyes, do you wear pants, and do you have any sort of relationship with your body? If you answered yes to any of those things, you do not need a scale. The scale is messing y’all up. BAD.

Do yourself a favor; get off the thing, for good. And get in touch with your body and how you feel about it that is FAR more powerful than a 20 dollar piece of plastic.

Using a scale is holding you back. It is stopping you from learning to FEEL and listen to your body. You will never learn how to eat when you let three numbers tell you what to do every day. You will never learn to honor your body through exercise when you let three numbers dictate your routine. Put it away, stop getting excited about losing weight, you don’t know what you are losing. You could have lost 3 pounds of muscle which means your worse off.

Feel your body, toss the scale.

Now. Like really, go and throw it out. I’ll wait.

Lie number three: It is quick.

We already touched on this in the first one, but it needs repeating. Don’t come into my gym and think you can work out for 3 weeks and magically turn yourself into Cindy Crawford and your done. That doesn’t happen.

This is a lifetime commitment. Do you know one of the most painful things I deal with? Cancellations.

They break my heart. Every single one of them I want to write back a full on dissertation.

Why are you giving up on yourself? Why is your health not important? Why can’t you find the time to take care of yourself?? Don’t you know that if you neglect your health EVERYTHING in your life will suffer! Don’t you know that you can find freedom here! You can learn your power, you safely test your limits, and you can overcome fears, jump hurdles, get beyond yourself and GROW! You don’t have the money? Didn’t I see you at Chilli’s last week? Do you know how expensive being SICK is?? Oh, It isn’t working?? Are YOU working??

This is a commitment. This isn’t something you do to get in shape. This is something you do to live your best possible life. This isn’t to look good in a swimsuit, that’s an amazing perk , but that isn’t the goal. The goal is being 80 years old and being able to stand back up when you fall, the goal is being able to play with your kids without being out of breath, the goal is being able to say YES to life as it comes because you are in good enough shape that you can handle most anything that comes your way.

The older I get, the more these matters, and I am only 36.

Here is a hard truth; some of y’all are missing out on life because you are not comfortable enough in your body to fully take part in it. This is where you get comfortable. And it doesn’t happen in 3 weeks, it happens over the course of years.

There are so many more, but these are the big three I keep hearing and seeing.

It is simple . But it takes work.

If you are not willing to show up don’t expect to see changes.

Can you white knuckle your way through a 1200 calorie no carb diet running 2 hours a day and lose a ton of weight? Shit yes you can. Talk to me in a year and tell me how you are doing …

There is one more lie, that you will magically feel better or fixed when you lose weight .

This one is a big fat maybe and it depends. It depends how you did it. It depends how you treated yourself during it. It depends if you can maintain it.

1200 calorie lady aint happy. She may put up a good front, but she isn’t. She is terrified to gain back a pound. She is scared to eat and enjoy food. She thinks if she missed one gym session, or doesn’t burn 600 calories in that hour that everything will fall apart. (I know… I’ve been her…) so she is always looking for the next shake, pill, and powder to help her cheat herself a little more. It is shitty way to live.

Then there are the people who find the holy grail of fitness and weight loss. The magic trick and secret so powerful on some dare try it. The love themselves through it .

They stop obsessing over numbers, because they know they really don’t matter and will they change. Guess when you stop gaining and losing a few pounds every day… when you die. Getting upset that you went up two pounds is pretty freaking stupid, you ate a big dinner and need to take a shit, settle down and be happy you had food to eat.

They start eating like they actually like themselves. That means full meals that don’t make them sad to look at because it is a fiber one bar and a piece of lettuce. It also means they aren’t eating an entire box of Oreos too, cause that doesn’t feel hot either. They eat. They aren’t scared of food, they understand some choices are better than the others and if they get it right most of the time they are fine.

They move. Not only to burn calories or chase a higher ass, but because it really is medicine, and once you get a love of fitness in your body you cannot get rid of it if you tried. (But guess what, you will NEVER love it when you only use it as a means to lose 20 pounds and get rid of your fupa {googleit})

You have to do it because it is your actual god given responsibility. Be grateful you have a body that can move , that is something we take for granted and abuse the hell out of. Treat your body as such, and you will fall in love with the process, and that is the only way to see results that stick.

Per usual, I wanted to keep this short and 23 pages later I am still typing.

This started as a rant, I am so sick of telling Susan that yes I have heard of that drink and I think it is total shit so save your money. Maybe move your ass a few times a week, eat like you give a shit about yourself. But that is too harsh… I am the bad guy for telling you to spend your money in the grocery store, and calling out the fact that you do, in fact, have the time and money to get to the gym, you’re just being lazy and looking for excuses not solutions.

I’ll leave you with this. I love what I do. I love where I do it, and I love who I do it with. I am honored to work with every person who comes into the gym. And because of that I promise to always tell you the truth. It’s not easy, it takes time, you have to work at it, and it’s pretty damn simple if you get out of your own way…

Gratitude Journaling

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Tue, 10 Sep 2019 20:32:33 GMT

..finding the extraordinary in the ordinary

Extraordinary Ordinary. I was this close to naming my blog this. The Extraordinary Ordinary. I am obsessed with those two words, and their meaning when put together. They became a little game I would play, challenging myself to find moments of extraordinary in a very ordinary life.

I journal religiously. Sometimes I write pages and pages, other times I write three words. The time spent writing isn’t relevant, but the habit of writing is, and it changed me. It has created an extraordinary existence in a pretty ordinary life.

Gratitude journaling isn’t a new concept. I am far from the first person to suggest it. But I will shove it in your face until you do it because I believe it to be that powerful. Fitness is important, nutrition is important, but gratitude is IT. It is the foundation you can build EVERYTHING upon.

I, like most of the people I know have a pretty average life. Average in that we are doing OK most of the time. I can go to the grocery store and provide the people I love with food. I have a home, I have transportation, the people I love are generally healthy, I have friendships, family, a bed, clothes… my needs are meant. But even typing that out I see that’s not average. That is pretty incredible. I have a home. A family I love. Means to provide myself and my people with what they need. Why was I not appreciating that?

I read all the books. Like. All the books. I know (and knew then) every self help trick and tool there was. But I wasn’t living them . It is one thing to know better, it is an entirely different thing to do better.

I needed to do better.

Gratitude journaling was my experiment, I saw its benefits almost instantly, I haven’t looked back since and I am now an annoying toddler asking for a snack with it. I’m gonna keep saying it until you do it.

First, what tell hell is it?

It is painfully simple and can look different each day or as you progress. To start simply list three things you are grateful for. Preferably do this in the morning and again at night. That’s it.

I hear people say they don’t know what you write. That bullshit. You don’t have three things you are grateful for? You woke up. You have sight. You put your feet on the ground. BAM. Seriously, if you’re that far stuck in your negative self, you need this.

I’ve been told they don’t have time to write… in a DM... while they were on Instagram…

This can take as little as 30 seconds. Do not over complicate it. Make it a habit by adding it on to something you always do… like going to bed… put a journal and a pen right there. Simple. Drink coffee every day? Throw your journal there.

Don’t make excuses here, look for ways to make it happen.

And write.

Look, some days I am extra salty. I write down HOUSE CAR KIDS. You know what happens RIGHT AFTER THAT?? My mood changes, almost instantly. I have a house, I have a car, I have three beautiful children who may be assholes that don’t want to brush their nasty teeth or go to bed… but they are my assholes. And in that moment of frustration I needed that break to realize that.

That is the first superpower of Gratitude journaling. It forces reflections. It forces a moment of pause to sit and focus ONLY on the things that bring you joy . It makes you realize all the little blessings in your life. The extraordinary moments in the ordinary days.

It didn’t take long to notice a shift in my mood. I started appreciating (noticing) all I had to be grateful for. Look I know this is gonna sound outlandish and you’re going to want to roll your eyes, but doing the laundry, putting away dishes, cleaning the kitchen… all those daily chores that used to piss me off to no end- they started to make my smile. They started to bring me joy.

Superpower number two; you become a smiling idiot. Ok not really, but it can feel like that sometimes. When you remind yourself daily how much you love the people in your life, how happy they make you, how lucky you are to have them alive and healthy, cleaning up their dishes becomes a lot less annoying. You know the whole “I get to” verses “I have to”. It is that. I get to take care of my family . That brings me more joy then I anything I do. I express my love for them by keeping our space clean, so they can function their best, that isn’t a chore anymore. It is a choice I am making; I get to do that; I get to show them love that way. It is wonderful realizing that difference, and it feels really great not bitching about dishes in the sink every 9 seconds.

(does this mean I am like June Cleaver and a full on 50’s housewife? No. It is saying I acknowledge that I am the one who needs a clean house. My kids don’t care if there are toys on the floor in the morning, it isn’t ruining their day. My husband will happily leave dishes in the sink for 5 hours and feel fine, that drives my ODC bonkers… I acknowledge NOW that I clean for ME. Not them. I also acknowledge how grateful I am that I have them to care for… all of this put together make our household a lot less stressful.)

Superpower number three; It changed the way I viewed and treated my body . It is no secret I have a pretty messed up past with food and body image. Gratitude played a major roll in fixing that. I started this practice shortly before my first Whole30, and at the time I NEVER listed myself as something I was grateful for. Kind of weird right? I am the central part to all of my blessings, yet I wasn’t acknowledging myself in any of them. I think that is a very feminine trait. We have a hard time patting ourselves on the back, and an even harder time being thankful for ourselves. We pick our flaws apart, we look at all the areas we could do better in, we examine every spot of cellulite. But when was the last time you looked in the mirror at something you loved? When is the last time you thanked your body for carrying you through all of this? A few weeks into my round I started really thinking about my body, and for the first time in my adult life it was positive. I was grateful for my health. I was grateful I had a desire to change and stop behaviors that didn’t serve me. I was grateful I kept showing up for myself, even when it didn’t feel fun.

THAT gratefulness was what finally clicked for me. I could never accept a body I was constantly picking apart . I would never find happiness in something I was always striving to change. I had to be grateful, and practicing that changed everything.

It changed how I ate. It changed how I moved. It changed how I showed up for myself and other people. Being grateful for myself gave me permission to be myself… and do shit like this . Things that scare me but I know could make me better, and hopefully (ideally) help YOU feel better. Because that is what gratefulness taught me; If you stay grateful, EVERYTHING you touch is better for it.

Fast forward to today, many many months after I started this extraordinary ordinary gratefulness game with myself, I found myself smiling so big folding my sons’ socks.

It was one of those moment I am blessed to have a lot now. Moments of extraordinary joy, even during the most mundane things. I see them now, more importantly I FEEL them. This wasn’t just folding socks, it would have been 2 years ago, but today it is so much bigger. I see so many things I am grateful for in a few pairs of socks.

I see my baby, who I love more than I could put on paper, and I GET to provide him with clothing, and so much more. I get to do that freely. I could walk into Target and didn’t need to worry about buying these. There was a time in my life I couldn’t do that. EVERY purchase was planned. GRATEFUL I can do this now. Grateful for the life I have that allows me to do this.

Then I walked into my office at my gym and saw this little guy(photo above). No idea who put him this way, but it made me smile. And that smile reminded me how in this office I get to live out my dream, literally my dream. Helping people with their fitness and health, I prayed for this . (And I manifested John right into my life but that’s a story for a different day).

These are just two example a few minutes apart of the power Gratefulness journaling has. On days like today where I feel emotionally heavy and off, I need these moments. Before I would have just “had a bad day”, but I can’t anymore, I can’t when I see all the things I have going right everywhere I look. And it is all because I started taking five minutes to be grateful…

Gratitude above and before everything. I swear to you, it will change the way you see your life, and that changes everything.

Woo and Weight loss...

heather@nysaf.com (Heather Maio) — Mon, 26 Aug 2019 20:48:02 GMT

You will never become more by trying to become less.

What if working your ass off to lose weight is the reason you can’t lose weight.

What if your focus on losing the last ten pounds is the reason you are miserable.

What if all your behaviors to get you to your goal weight is what is keeping you stuck, or worse, got you there but then you gained it all back and now your losing it again. (and again, and again and again).

I think your focus on weight loss and changing your body is the reason you’re not moving forward.

I will say this until I am blue in the face: You will never become more by trying to become less.

There is a lot of nuance here, weight loss is such a tricky and highly personal matter. For this context I am going to assume that we are seeking weight loss for one of two reasons, to look better and/or to feel better. I think it is Important to note before we dive in here, you can not judge a person’s health by the size of their body. I know, and have been, a very skinny, lean healthy looking person(s) who had some horrible, gross, unhealthy habits. I also know many people who wouldn’t be hired for an Instagram gym exercise video that are healthy, strong, and generally killing it. Health can not be seen. Measuring health on a scale is asinine.

Back to the matter at hand. Woo and weight loss.

Where are you vibrating? Are you waking up each day and hoping on the scale to see how good or bad you are doing? Are you using that information to help plan your meals and exercise? If so, you’re vibrating low. Even on the good days your worth is tied up in a number, a number that will change, and when it does change (as soon as you eat something or take a shit) you are going to feel better or worse. Does that make sense? If that number goes down because you have been restricting yourself is that good? If it goes up because you gained muscle, or -god forbid- had ice cream, does that make you bad?

Attaching anything to that number is pointless. Good or bad. Because it is always going to change. I t is like saying you are only happy when it is 73 degrees out. Your fucked. Stop attaching yourself to a number, or be OK with only being happy -3% of the time…

I am trying to lose weight. I will be happy when I lose weight. I am someone who will be happy when I am in my pre-baby jeans. I need to lose 20 pounds. I need to lose 100 pounds. I need to lose 3 pounds. I am someone who will be happy when I don’t have love handles, cellulite or arms that move. What does all that translate too? I am not good enough right now.

On the other side, maybe you hit that goal; what are you doing to keep it? Is it behaviors you are proud of? Would you tell your daughter to do the same things? Do you post them happily on Facebook for the world to see? Or are you embarrassed by some of the means you chose? Seriously… ask yourself here. Is what you are doing to hold onto that number or look something you are proud of? Would you tell your loved ones to do the same? If the answer is no, it is time to address that.

What are our behaviors like when we think we are not good enough or when our worth is tied up in the mirror? Do we take care of ourselves? Trick question, the answer is no.

Things that lead to weight loss, all of which I have done so I get it : Cardio, not eating, only eating 1200 calories, juice cleanses, not eating carbs, focusing on calorie content over quality of food, excess cardio, cardio to earn and to burn food, taking water pills, not having something I really wanted because it was *bad* (which always turns into eating something else and that’s a whole other post…) tracking everything that went in my mouth, eating products like bars/shakes/ weird ass bread over real food because it was lower in calories, taking laxatives, purging…

All these things lead to weight loss. Are they good? Are they healthy? Are they something I wanted to continue to maintain? Are they something YOU want to maintain?

What you think about you become. Thinking about weight loss is really thinking you are not good enough or worthy right now. You cannot become more by trying to become less.

You are telling the universe, or if you don’t believe in that, in the least you are telling YOURSELF over and over I am not good enough. I am not worthy right now and will only be worthy when... When what? I am sure you have heard you can not hate yourself healthy, and that is so true, but you can hate yourself skinny…

But you won’t stay there. Your identity is completely wrapped up in the story that you are not enough. That doesn’t change when you hit X pounds. You worked SO HARD telling yourself you are not worthy- without even knowing it. You think you will suddenly accept yourself? HELL NO! Your subconscious has no idea how to love yourself, all it knows is what you told it, you are not enough. What do you attract to yourself when that is your energy? Nothing great. And where is your body and head comfortable? In the story you have been telling it- I am a person trying to lose weight. Yo Yo dieting isn't because of lack of willpower, it is natural reaction to the information we have been feeding ourselves.

The good thing is you can do the opposite, right now.

You can change your narrative. Start with how you talk to yourself.

I am a healthy person with healthy habits. I am healthy. I am strong. I take amazing care of myself. I honor myself. I respect, trust and am grateful for my body. I am worthy. I am enough.

What changes when this is the focus? Everything.

Sleep becomes important. Sleep doesn’t matter when the focusing is on weight loss, waking up at 4am to burn calories does #nodaysoff…

Quality matters. Calories become secondary or forgotten. Side note: I can make you a big huge bowl for 300 calories that is filled with chemicals, lacks fiber or any redeemable nutrition, but I could call it “good” because it is high in protein #gains, low in carbs but you still get to eat bread I’ll just throw some 100 calorie English muffin in there, don’t worry about what it in it, has fake, stringy, plastic-y low fat cheese (because pooping is overrated just take a laxative!) and BAM- its good. Low Cal, weight loss goals… something we will get to later is the myth that weight loss is as simple as calories in and calories out. It isn’t. Food is information. What is the food you are eating telling your body?

Movement is a gift. Exercise is a gift, but it can be a curse. You know what sucks about cardio? Your body gets used to it. So, you have to keep doing more and more and more to keep or see results. Lifting? Wonderful! But lift all you want, if you aren’t sleeping and eating it isn’t going to make a difference and could put you further back. Exercise is a gift, treating it as such changes everything.

What energy do you expect to get when you go to the gym, or out for a run and the focus is burning?? Losing? Punishing your body for what it is not while hoping you can make it into something different? What energy do you think you will get if you say to yourself first, “I am so grateful I can do this! Whatever happens during this I am grateful for it”. Who is having a better workout? What type of energy are you bringing into your space now?

If your goal is weight loss focused, your vibration is low. You are telling yourself you are not good enough right now. You will never be at a place of acceptance if it’s contingent upon a 20 pound weight loss. Regardless of the goal, if it is weight or visual, there will always be something you can improve. Chasing happiness doesn’t work. Telling yourself you will love yourself WHEN is dumb. Whatever feeling you are waiting to have, you can have right now, by changing your focus.

Want to feel comfortable in your skin; start practicing it. I am confident, say it to yourself. Think that sounds crazy? I used to. Until I realized it was insane to stay stuck in a pattern of negative self talk… Changes mean changes; if you’re like most women you have done some pretty stupid shit in the name of weight loss. If you’re not willing to write a few I AM statements in a journal or say them in the mirror I cannot help you… find a blog that sells shakeology or something…

Want to feel good in your body? Starting BEING good to your body. That doesn’t mean 1200 calories a day and an hour of cardio, no ones, literally NO ONE’S body enjoys that. Move in a way that honors yourself, and eat like you give a shit about yourself… watch what changes.

Cultivate your happiness now, don't expect to find it later. Start appreciating and being thankful for what you have. I f you are crazy enough to believe you will be happier X pounds lighter, you should also be crazy enough to believe you can feel that happiness now. Tell yourself, over and over and over, I am a healthy person. I take care of myself. I love myself and treat myself kindly.

What did years of looking in the mirror in disdain give you? Humor me and try the opposite.

Changing your goal changes your focus which changes your vibration.

You cannot hate your body into a better version of yourself. But some WILD SHIT starts happening when you are crazy enough to love it.

Here we go!

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 04:00:00 GMT

Here we go! (What the hell am I doing...)

I really don’t know what my main goal is with this blog. This is probably the 97th “first post” I have written.

I have been toying with the idea of writing for years, but in typical Heather fashion, I didn’t let that idea grow. I sat with it for a long time, until it started to physically hurt to carry its weight around. Have you ever had a feeling like that? An urge to do something, create something, turn yourself into something- but you were too scared to take that leap? It gets old.

So back to the blog, this being my first post and all, I want to lay out what you should expect, that way you know really early on if this is going to be for you.

If you are someone easily offended by swear words, if you roll your eyes at bad grammar, if typos make you crazy or you are someone who points out misspellings, stop reading now. I am not your girl.

I do not consider myself an expert in anything. I have a lot of opinions, some really strong, and you are welcome to disagree with them all.

For what I lack in formal education (which is a lot), I make up for in experience. I used to say things like “I am not a (you fill in the fancy title)”. I don’t anymore. That was me playing small, and that wasn’t serving me.

As far as content, you’re gonna get it all here...Diet. YEP. I believe (strongly) that everything is our life is effected by what we eat. But don’t misinterpret that statement. That is not me saying “eat clean”. It is me saying FEEL good about what you put into your body, and that is gonna look hella different for everyone. (So many things to talk about here!!!!!!) (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Fitness, or as I like to refer to it, Movement. Another STRONG belief; we are made to move. (This is backed by science so I am not just blowing smoke here). We are animals. Physical beings. We are basically cavemen with cell phones, and cavemen didn’t just chill at a desk all day, then go back to their cave and chill on the couch. They moved. And 10,000 years later, they evolved, and still moved. It wasn’t until the very recent past that we got straight up lazy and stopped using our bodies. Now people reward themselves for taking X amount of steps every day. And while that is great, you should be walking, NO ONE high fives themselves every time they brush their teeth....

We are made to move. I believe an actual human responsibility. If you stop moving bad shit starts happening (I won’t even go all WOO on you and explain to you the absolute MIRACLE you are, and the fact that you CAN move is a SUPERPOWER and abusing that right is basically telling your creator you don’t appreciate the gift they gave you....) but I digress. Just like what you put into your body, (and more importantly, how you feel about it), moving is something you simply must give a shit about. Preferably, 2 or 3 shits. I have yet to encounter one person who is killing it in most parts of their lives who doesn’t have some form of movement practice. Walk, run, dance, lift, do yoga, ride a bike, lift, lift, lift... I don’t care, just move. And move with no intention of changing your body, there is where the magic is, and we can chat all about that too!

(You also should know I get easily distracted and run off on tangents like above...)

Anywho...

Your relationship with yourself, because it is the most important one you have. Queen Maya Angelo said she did not trust people who say I love you, but do not love themselves. I agree. Having not loved myself for some time, I can clearly see (now) I did not fully love the souls around me. Here is a shot to the gut a lot of women need to see: if you are not taking care of yourself, you do a sub-par job of taking care of your family. If you are not making time for yourself, to honor yourself (and that ain't a trip to target), you are not giving your people what they deserve. If you do not love yourself fully, and accept every inch of who are you, you don’t love them unconditionally either. Ladies, stop being a martyr. No one gives a shit that you drive your kids to practice 8 days a week... We have to start with us, clean up our shit, take care of our bodies, do the things that bring us joy before we can even begin to care for the ones around us.

Basically, I want to help people be the best versions of themselves. I refer to it as my highest self. Who I am when I am just killing it. I want to be that person all the time. Not just on vacation, not on a special occasion, I want to be that girl all the time. I want that for too. How AMAZING would it be to be surrounded by all these people living at their potential! (!!!!) I don’t want a “kinda” life; I don’t want to be surrounded by people who are OK. I want every day to be amazing, and I want everyone I come in contact with to be vibing so high I can’t help but smile even bigger when I see them.

And this is where the blog idea really came in. I read self help books like a crazy lady. I want all the secrets. I want all the tips. I want to know what every little happy badass did and I want to do it myself. In my quest for knowledge, I noticed one theme; every one left.

All of these gurus left. They moved. They traveled the world. They packed their sad self help, and left. I don’t like that.

I don’t believe happiness is something you chase. I think you grow it. You plant a seed right in your back yard and you TAKE CARE OF IT.

You don’t throw it as far away from where you are as you can, and hope that meeting it will somehow bring joy to your life. Beyond that, most of us can’t just GO. We are here. In a small town, the one we grew up in. And we aren’t 22 without roots. We have families, jobs, bills... all the fun things that tie us to an area. I don’t view that as a bad thing. I think it is the ultimate blessing.

Look around at everything holding you here. Isn’t it all pretty beautiful?

Maybe you think it’s not. Maybe you feel like your life/body/job/marriage/friendships are a mess you are desperate to fix...

SO FIX IT.

Last topic: Get out of your way. Almost all of the time, YOU are the biggest problem you have. Sucks to hear, I know. I remember figuring that out being pretty pissed I couldn’t keep blaming everyone and everything else. But, there is also a lot of power there too. You know what happens when you take responsibility for the bad? You get to claim the good. I am my own hero now.

I like the sound of that...

I am Heather Maio. Mom of three skin bags of walking magic, wife to one stud. Self-help is my thing, because I was, and at times, still am, a messy little mess of self destruction. Anything I say, I am saying to myself. Any “wisdom” I have is from my own mistakes. I am not an expert. I am a girl with a lot to say and a desire to grow.I really hope you join me.

XO- HM

nysportandfitness

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Part 1....

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Fitness Upgrade: Expect nothing

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We don't do that anymore. Thoughts on Dieting....

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I think motivation is the dirtiest word in the world.

20 for 2020

Showing up when you do not want to show up...

The Diet won't help you...

Trying to be "good" is what is causing you to be "bad"....

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Its Fine.

“You know I’m back like I never left…. I got a new attitude and a lease on life and some peace of mind” Macklemore (from “Glorious” which makes me happy AF whenever I listen to it…

Can you accept yourself fully and still desire to change?

Short answer: You bet your ass you can.

Long answer: keep reading…

I am not an anti-weight loss. I am anti-diet.
There is a huge difference.

Distractions can be the best thing ever.
And the worst...